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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:15:35 PM | | The unfortunate thing is that it takes some time to assess character and integrity and quite often an individual is rejected based soley on looks before the other attributes can be shown. I have chatted with some wonderful women on this site who would possibly have immediately rejected me on the street or in the gym because I failed to meet a physical criteria that they required? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:24:46 PM |
thanks sweetgemgirl! and what happened to our good vs bad forum? I cant find it! I have mentioned this on another post but studies have concluded that the body build most prefered by women is 5ft11-6ft2 155-160lbs but I suspect this mainly applies to the early 20s females as the study is from a university. the older gals 35-45 seem to not mind the muscles? Heavyiron I am not sure about that thread, could have been deleted, darn and I was having so much fun too!!   Chaps and Levi's mmmmmmm.. thanks for the imagery El Mariachi!! I am inclined to think that this little study has many flaws, would love to know it's test field. Anyway, the bottom line is what is attractive to someone is completely unique to that person. I do not share the same taste in men as my friends do, so what. Although we do have the same preference in a persons character and no matter how pretty the package, if the box is filled with crap it's going to stink.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:32:38 PM | I don't know if it's seven seconds, but I can determine attraction or not fairly quickly...what's beyond that doesn't matter, because it's based on visual/physical. Lack of attraction is immediate of course, all else falls on its own level...
The rest only matters if you either:
Want to make a new platonic friend; or
Have an actual attraction to them.
The visual/physical attraction always matters. It doesn't matter where in the equation it shows up...it's still part of the equation.
For the men who want to be known for other things...it's possible online to connect on other levels...but all it does is postpone the inevitable if there's no attraction, and I am sure you guys have dealt with it. Many people here have connected here on lifestyles, interests, and all that but met face to face and the attraction wasn't there for one or both. It's still a no go when that happens, regardless of how much you've found out about them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:35:09 PM | | Global! LMAO. That's a hoot!! And I know exactly how that feels. lol I spent half of this nite chatting with some whacked out woman who contacted ME first, and who kept attacking for things I never said or did, accusing me of having appearance and sex on the brain, when I hadn't gotten to the point where I had even asked for a picture, even in word form, suggested that we meet, or said anything remotely connected to sex (although she brought it up more than once). Somehow, I found myself in the middle of a mine field, with no idea how I got there. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:37:21 PM | You know, I'm beginning to think MEN have issues. And here, I always thought it was we women.
Excuse me, but men are much quicker to judge a book by its cover than women. At least we take seven seconds. You guys do it in about 2, if that!
Look if you all write the same relatively few "hot", sexy, attractive women and leave the majority of ordinary, average women out - those who may be plain, overweight, curvy, whatever - what do you expect? You're all chasing the same "limited group", so, of course, your odds of a reply are less. Do the math!
Look, I'm not saying women aren't superficial and some aren't out for the next free meal. But, just maybe, you should look at yourselves and who you choose to write to first! | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 9/10/2008 12:18:08 AM | [One other question...why do guys put pictures of their dogs and motorcycles on their postings ? Is that supposed to show us some insight into their personalities ? It just shows me how immature or materialistic they are as far as "looky here what I got...I's got me a Harley-Davidson...I'm one bad-a**).... ]
Obviously, you are not into Harleys or motorcycle riders. For those of us who are, it is not a status symbol for most. Its just one their interests, just like a picture of you with your pets, in your garden or anything you are into. And yes it is an insight into their personalities, that they have a little edge to them or that they like the freedom their bike gives them. And maybe it is a good idea for them to post their pictures with their Harly-Davidsons, it weeds out people like you that don't like bikes. As for me, I like all motorcycles, especially the Harleys. And I like the profiles that show them, cause it shows an interest we have. Remember that when you post something on this site, it is to encourage communication. Interests whether written or pictures does that.
By the way, don't be such a snob. All Harley riders are hoodlums and Hells Angels. There are some very nice, very Christain people (go to www.heavenssaints.com) that ride them too; and some very patriotic ones too. Google Patriot Guard Riders and you might learn something. | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:11:32 AM | Opps, I just posted a response to skepticallady who posted way back 12/2907 and quit the site 1/3/08. But what I saids still stands true. People come to this site looking for something, post a non-specific profile and don't really state what they want or don't want. Then when they get the responses, they look down their noses (as she did) and complain that there are no nice people on this site; that the entire other gender is unresponsive, users, scammers, etc. There are those type people here, they are everywhere. These social dating sites contain a cross-section of society and if they are out in the real world they are here where they can reinvent themselves into anything. I know I've kissed a few frogs, but I have met some nice people. I'm still looking for someone special, maybe it will tomorrow, next week or maybe I've met him already. I don't know. I do know if I give up, I'll never find him. It's a cliche, but time will only tell.
As for being unresponsive to emails, I am guilty of that. To anyone I've done this to, I am humbly sorry. Too little time, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, don't know what to say, don't want to be rude but don't know how to say "thanks, but not interested", and so on. There are so many excuses and I've only named a few. It doesn't help when your old messages are dumped and when you have the time they are gone. You just can't judge anyone or this site by unknowns, like skepticallady who was prejudiced against Harley riders. | |
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| Internet dating: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:39:39 AM | [/I will say this (not referring to the above referenced quote).....part of the problem with internet dating (for BOTH genders) is that when you first join any site, it can be like feeding time at the shark tank....FRESH MEAT!! That initial wave of emails COULD lead a person of either gender to feel they will continue to have more choices and thus to reject or ignore anyone they may feel they are completely or marginally incompatible with. When I put my profile up here and on other sites, I experienced this phenomenon. Yes....at first I WAS getting 15-20 new emails a day. Now I might get one every couple of weeks, and that's fine. The emails I DO get now are mostly form men who have actually taken the time to read my profile and determine we might have a thing or 2 in common. I'd much prefer that.]
This is such an interesting forum. Browsing through it certainly passes the time, since I work the vampire shift (11pm-7am). And yes, my employer knows what I am doing and what site I am on and does not care.
The above quote is from blueeyedgirl42 way back in message 1548. To her, I say hallalula. This is exactly what happened to me. I've been on this site for a short 3 1/2 months, but I learned very quickly to block those profiles I've viewed. Its a matter of self-preservation. I am a victim of Yahoo Personals and there I learned to only initiate contact with someone who intriqued me or shared my interests. I'm old enough to know what I like and what I don't like. I've been married and divorced before to a man who did not share my interests. I won't do that again. If that is picky, great, cause I am. I think everyone should be a little picky, and those who say they are not are liars. Its human nature to be a little picky. Be picky and enjoy life, you only have one. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:03:33 AM | Well, "Imalive2" ... I was married to a Russian woman, and she used to comment often on how American women were lazy, did not care about themselves or how they looked, that they were snobby, and expected everything handed to them. The women in Europe are gorgeous, and their attitudes are something very rare her in states. But, many are not up front or honest, or 'that' dedicated.
I'd agree with her on many of her comments. In Russia you would NEVER see a woman leave her home wearing flip-flops and sweats. Women in European countries get "dressed" to leave their homes. When I was overseas I would wear a polo, or button-up, jeans or slacks, and tennis or dress shoes. When I wore jeans/tennis shoes you could tell people looked at you differently, like a single rotten grape in a freshly picked bunch. The pride themselves on how they present themselves.
But of course, once she lived here her attitude changed. Not on how she dressed, but her overall internal attitude. One day she just says "I don't love you and want a divorce". I laughed because I thought it was a joke, we had the perfect family (so it seemed). SHE became the snobby want it all woman she so despised before she lived here in the states. I can say she's not in a better situation now than what she had with me, and it has been tough on her kids. SO, A RUSSIAN WOMAN IS NOT THE ANSWER. (and mine was NOT a mail-order, etc bride)
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BUT, before I went off on that tangent I wanted to say the ONLINE dating is nothing similar to past situations, and for the most part is is still very new. Think about how not so many years ago the "Personal" ads were just that small 3 line blocked sections, and usually NO photo in your local newspaper.
Now, we look for partners like we shop for groceries or MP3 players (and I'm sorry it sounds so harsh and unfeeling). We work long hours, maybe two jobs, and we work in cubicles or in jobs with limited face-to-face interaction. We go into POF, or MySpace, or one of the dozens of other sites and we SHOP. We look at pictures (most are not of good quality ... some intentionally), and if the picture or the heading strikes our attention we read the profile. We like it we add it, and maybe will send a message usually waiting to see a similar interest from whom we just added). Call that "virtual eye contact".
Not ONE of us in here, male or female can say that we do not fly through the profiles as fast as shuffling a deck of cards. On the "rate photos" section I bet any one of you can go through dozens of images in mere minutes.
What this means is a blunt lack of interaction. It is harder to trust without face-to-face, and even harder to understand various comments in chats, e-mails, or forums. All of you that have been online for a while have at one time or another had to explain themselves better after making a comment.
This DOES NOT mean a woman or a man sees themselves as Gold or Too Perfect. What it means is that now they are presented with too many options. Ya know what they say, too many options and no one can every decide. Henry Ford used to say about the color of his cars, "you can have any color you want, as long as it is black". This prevented too many options, and indecision, and created more sales. Another would be the "bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" adage. Does it still fit, when you can click to the next page and see 12+ more possibilities?
You have to just be HONEST, and very picky because of the amount of profiles in here. Plus, those of us that have been married before (one or more times) probably have a mental list of what I call "Red Flags". Some makes a comment, a statement, a behavior, or just about anything that we did not like about our last partner ... ZiiiiP, up goes the Red Flag and that person just lost credo.
If you're not getting traffic, post a "clearer" or "NEWER" or just a better pic of yourself (leave Photoshop turned off). Also, learn how to WRITE. Most women (and men) prefer a woman who knows how to SPELL (or at least how to use a spell check utility). Women know what men want, but they still don't want it bluntly thrown at them, and the same goes for Men. A pet peeve of mine is the 20-20 pics (20 years ago and 20 pounds lighter) that are NOT representative of "now". YES, men are 1st visual, and there is no need to make an excuse or say "It is not about the pictures, I just read the articles!". Be honest, but don't be an ass. Some of the screen names SCREAM that the person is an ass or high maintenance.
But don't blame a woman's ego, or the only thing you'll be cuddling up with and fondling through each and every night will be that autographed football you bought from the NFL store.
~~ Sam | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:10:57 AM | Eddie???
All women here in pof are not all damaged good, arent we having fun in the forum? Like other women and men we DO HAVE OUR own preference in looking for a person to have a friends first and maybe lead to a relationship. Men and women always write on their profile who they want to meet, but whats wrong with that? Not necessarily they will be able to get that, but at least we all do try to find one that suits our personality , looks and heights and weight.Some men prefers BBW, so be it, look for them on this site, nothing wrong with that. Race, color of skin, attitudes, personality, most important good heart and generous to people in needs are attractive to anyone who are looking for a mate. You all have a good day and dont be so negative on what other pof write on this forum. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 4:31:43 AM |
imalive2: I agree! some of these women on here think they are made of GOLD!!! their ego is completely out of there range! I'm no "so called STUD looking guy" but some of these women are FAT and as out of shape as any of us guys will ever be!!!!!! I say lets all go to Russia for some good looking women--- they take care of themselves and are very dedicated to a man who appreciates a good woman for who they are!!!!! PISS ON THESE EGO AMERICAN WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!
A Russian woman isn't always the answer. If you meet one and you hit it off, fine. On the other hand, a lot of scamming originates from Russia. Be very wary if someone starts off by sending you supermodel quality pics and telling you "she" (could really be a "he" who's sending those letters) loves you. And then you'd have to understand Russian culture. It's more collective than individual, and that's one reason why communism lasted as long as it did there. Also, with the repression of the Orthodox Church by the state, many Russians nowadays are atheists, and that's important for a guy to know if he's a Christian wanting a Christian wife or something like that. True, a lot of Russian men may drink vodka, but Russian women are known to be smokers as well. I think that if you want to meet a good quality Russian lady, you'd have to get out of the big cities like Moscow and St. Petersburg. Then again, that would be good advice for any guy looking for any lady around the world, even here in North America. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 4:46:10 AM | Internet dating sucks for women too....PERIOD
I never get any dates..If I suggest meeting someone who has contacted me, they freak out and think you asked them to marry you..
One of the first things these internet TARDS always want to know is , Do you have a webcam??
**** NO! I dont have a web cam, if I did you would be required to give me your credit card # first.
And MY last ****, why do men think they can ask you over the net things they would NEVER have the nerve or hopefully common decency to ask in person. who asks your sexual preferences when you meet???? first date...."excuse me? do you like anal...CMON!!!"
So there's a female perspective....INTERNET DATING SUCKS AND IS COMPLETELY RETARDED | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 4:51:44 AM | | right on brother,i couldnt agree with you more!!!! let me give you my brief experience.i was in professional baseball for 9 years,dated many beautiful women in those days,married a beautiful woman and stayed married for 18 years.recently divorced.currently,i have an exceptional career with the sheriffs dept i am well established,home owner etc.etc. and i cant get a date on here...(a quality one)tell me whats wrong?ill tell you whats wrong,just what this young man explains,he couldnt be more right!!!these woman are full of themselves.i do much better in person.....im a 900 lb tuna and these ignorant woman dont even know it!!!! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:03:14 AM | Sam says:
Not ONE of us in here, male or female can say that we do not fly through the profiles as fast as shuffling a deck of cards.
Not so. I let the PoF computer do the shuffling for me. I set the PoF distance filter for five miles. That's what matters to me. I don't care what ethnicity, age, or standard of beauty applies. I am interested in people who live close by since I flatly refuse to travel far from home to meet anybody. I want to commune with neighbors, not worship remote goddesses.
Another filtering mechanism is this: I compiled a profile of humongous length. This automatically filters out the responders who are illiterate or who suffer from attention deficit disorder. I enjoy the company of people with brains.
Physical appearance is not really such a big thing. I think any woman becomes beautiful when she is loved. Beauty that is just painted on by a cosmetician isn't likely to mean much when you wake up alongside her in the morning. But when she wakes up with the glow of a well-loved woman and smiles at you she can make your day.
As to beauty, few women could boast of bedding two emperors, yet Cleopatra fascinated both Julius and Antony. She was not physically beautiful although she took good care of her appearance. What she did have was the ability to engage them in meaningful conversation about what mattered to them and it wasn't just football, it was civilizations and empires. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:07:03 AM | Look if you all write the same relatively few "hot", sexy, attractive women and leave the majority of ordinary, average women out - those who may be plain, overweight, curvy, whatever - what do you expect? You're all chasing the same "limited group", so, of course, your odds of a reply are less. Do the math!
There are a segment of women who claim that men don't get many responses because they only go after the hot women. That is NOT always true. An average looking man could email many average looking women and still get very few responses. Sometimes the average looking women can be just as picky as the attractive women. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:49:14 AM |
Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Or how about this...
(Reading)Internet dating (forums): good for women (some who diligently keep a "I'd rather poke my eyes out with a fork" list which just grew by a mile after reading some of the posts on here), sucks for guys (on that list). 
Seriously though...I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who continuously spews their hatred of the opposite sex on post after post and on thread after thread and then whines that they're not having any luck and that Internet dating sucks.
Are you kiddin' me?
No, my sympathy lies for the rest of us who have to be submitted to their hateful diatribes day after day because they refuse (IMO) to look in the mirror to see why things are the way they are for them.
Internet dating is what it is. Take me for example....I'm old, I have no sexy pics...I smoke...in fact I have many "undesirable" attributes that are plainly laid out for the world to see right there on my profile, and I still manage to meet and talk to all kinds of interesting people. Both men AND women.
In my opinion, Internet dating, like most things in life, is exactly what YOU make of it. Period.
And there's another thing that always strikes me as funny every time I see this topic coming up. How can Internet dating suck for men but be good for women when it's obvious to me that for every successful date, both a man AND a woman were most likely involved?
Wouldn't that strongly suggest that the end results from Internet Dating are EXACTLY the same for both men and women?
In other words...doesn't 1 + 1 = 2 ...or at least almost always anyway? Or did I miss a math lesson somewhere?
JMO
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:54:09 AM | | Oh god i love this place.......93 pages of the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over dna revo dna revo dna revo over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo dna revo over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over . | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:29:31 AM |
And there's another thing that always strikes me as funny every time I see this topic coming up. How can Internet dating suck for men but be good for women when it's obvious to me that for every successful date, both a man AND a woman were most likely involved?
Wouldn't that strongly suggest that the end results from Internet Dating are EXACTLY the same for both men and women?
Not necessary because men usually outnumber women on dating sites. In my geographic area and age group, men outnumber women by about a 5 to 2 ratio. Suppose I was at a bar or some social event. There were 250 men and 100 women present. Even if every woman there found a date, there would be still be 150 men ( 60% ) without a date. Mathematically it is possible for women to generally have greater success than men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:40:43 AM | ^ What I meant is...if you go the testimonials section for example...isn't there an equal amount of men and women who found themselves in a "couple-ship"?
I'm not talking about those who are "left behind" for whatever reason - whether it's geographic or because of a poor man/woman ratio in their area or the poor attitude of one or the other or *whatever*.
I'm talking about the end results ONLY. So it's only fair for me to assume that for every heterosexual date generated from an Internet dating site, there is one woman and one man involved...no?
Unless of course you want to talk about the very few men and women who may have 20 - 40 dates to our one (or zero).
But somehow, I just don't think that those people represent a very high percentage of the people on here. That's what I think anyway...but to each his or her own.
JMO
Edit: \/ That's funny coming from someone who's coming to the "defense" of a guy who doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of 1 + 1 = 2 . Too bad I can't access the very much needed :roll on the floor: emoticon in edit mode;) | |
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j417
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Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 2246 | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:57:53 AM |
Not necessary because men usually outnumber women on dating sites. In my geographic area and age group, men outnumber women by about a 5 to 2 ratio. Suppose I was at a bar or some social event. There were 250 men and 100 women present. Even if every woman there found a date, there would be still be 150 men ( 60% ) without a date. Mathematically it is possible for women to generally have greater success than men.
I can't quite visualize that...you got a flow chart or a powerpoint I can look at? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:43:15 AM | I'm not talking about those who are "left behind" for whatever reason - whether it's geographic or because of a poor man/woman ratio in their area or the poor attitude of one or the other or *whatever*.
The people that are left behind should be included in order to determine the success rate of a certain group. I'm not saying internet dating is great for women. But my broader point is the ratio on internet dating sites does give women an advantage. You don't need to be a math wizard to figure that out. | |
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