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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:43:32 AM |
the older single people get, the less picky people get about looks, height, male pattern baldness, etc. They figure, "Well, my 'adonis' is not going to come, I guess...time to start being more realistic, and "settle" on the guy who does not have washboard abs, or date the 5'9" guy.
With all due respect, I'm gonna call BS on this comment.
Many older single people have been married and are now divorced or widowed, or they've previously been in at least one very serious exclusive relationship. They don't CARE about "adonis"( or 'venus",),being "realistic", or "settling" for someone who is short or chunky or broke and lazy. They are looking for the quality of the connection and the character of the person.
The only way a mature single woman is going to "settle", is because she's one of those scaredycat women who think they have no validity unless they "belong" to a man, a woman who can't support herself financially, or a woman who has to rely on others to give meaning to her life.
Otherwise, to suggest that older people are "less picky" because they think they MUST BE WITH SOMEONE! ANYONE ! even if they can barely tolerate that somebody, is just absurd. And we aren't looking for "handsome, we are looking for "handsome is as handsome does!"
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:56:39 AM | ^^^I agree with Cindy on this one...the older I get the MORE picky I get, and the less I care if I find what I want vs. just staying alone because the more being alone is cool for me. I'm more than happy embracing my single life permanently if what I'm really into doesn't appear. So be it. I don't know if other women are like this, but more often than not I see other women saying the same thing.
For example: I used to go for men I was attracted to, but now they have to be hot PLUS a number of other things, because I know looks alone doesn't cut it (even tho they must be part of the package). | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:24:49 AM | I'm with Cindy O and DJ.
When I was young, I put up with a lot of crap from men. I was willing to be the responsible person and put more effort into the relationship. I enjoyed cooking for him, doing the housekeeping, etc. I was a serve-your-man kind of girl.
Now I expect the man to be a partner, sharing responsibility, chores and finances. I don't need him to support and look after me, but I don't want to have to be his mommy either.
Nutt | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:17:55 AM |
^^^I agree with Cindy on this one...the older I get the MORE picky I get, and the less I care if I find what I want vs. just staying alone because the more being alone is cool for me. I'm more than happy embracing my single life permanently if what I'm really into doesn't appear. So be it. I don't know if other women are like this, but more often than not I see other women saying the same thing.
For example: I used to go for men I was attracted to, but now they have to be hot PLUS a number of other things, because I know looks alone doesn't cut it (even tho they must be part of the package).
Picky as far as what? If you're willing to date, for example, a man shorter than 6 feet tall (That is if that hgt is a MUST) here....would you say, "WEll, I better start dating that 5'9" guy that asked me out!
There's reason on that. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:11:01 PM |
That one short paragraph at the top of my profile in bold black letters. That's all. All that paragraph does is let the women who read my profile know that i am a gentleman and i treat women like ladies and i answer all messages sent to me whether i am interested or not. I treat women like they want to be treated. With respect.
You know the irony of that....I had that kind of paragraph in my profile (sometimes I send it in an email) Saying, "I am a true gentleman who knows how to treat a woman like a lady" similar to what you wrote basically.
Had some people take a look at it, and they thought that was the worst idea to do that, because it's bad move to tell women what they WANT to hear, and they hear it all the time, and it can be a turn off, saying, "Yeah, right, a true gentleman, I've heard that one before!"
What's even more funny, they claimed by having THAT In my ad, was the reason I wasn't getting responses...so I left it off. So there's no real pleasing anyone all the time.
I take it you do alot of LONG distance dating with your location, correct, Eddie? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:17:52 PM | 94 pages...wow.
I figure it'll go to a million until a mod shuts it down.
I'm not going to sit here and try to analyze who's getting things better in the online dating realm or even in the dating realm period. I hear to death from men how loads of women seem to keep holding out for someone who will never come, and then women saying to death how many men just can't even cut it in the basics department and/or how many more men just lie their brains off to get dates.
As far as I'm concerned:
1) If online dating isn't working for you, then get off the sites. Why waste time and possibly money to just get rejected?
2) If everywhere else is also not working for you, then it's time to find a good friend of the opposite sex, and then ask him/her point blank no holds barred be critical what it is about you that drives away the opposite sex. Women who can't seem to find any men who only seem to find liars ask their male friends what they do wrong. Men who can't seem to score a date period need to ask their female friends what they are doing wrong.
I also think if you're having such a hard time finding decent mates or a mate at all...then it's time not to make dating a priority. If you feel like you've self-improved yourself to death and the opposite sex still seems to think you're not "worthy", then either walk away from dating entirely or look to long distance.
Bear in mind that before I met my current girlfriend (which was out of the blue) I had looked at dating now as something that wasn't important to my life, despite how many worry and ask if I'll ever get married. I live in Chicago, full of women who seemingly reject me left and right for bad men, and yet the women who were now catching my eyes (and I caught their eyes) lived in places like Canada, Pennsylvania, and California. Some say I gave up on Chicago women, but I figured if I had women in other places interested when my own locals were not...then why take pass it up?
Even if I had not met my GF, I would still be happy in life. I'd have my career, my hobbies, my health, my family and friends, and my personal happiness. One of the biggest problems out there is too many make such a big priority out of "finding someone" that they forget to work on making themselves happy in life alone.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:42:02 PM |
then either walk away from dating entirely or look to long distance.
Bear in mind that before I met my current girlfriend (which was out of the blue) I had looked at dating now as something that wasn't important to my life, despite how many worry and ask if I'll ever get married. I live in Chicago, full of women who seemingly reject me left and right for bad men, and yet the women who were now catching my eyes (and I caught their eyes) lived in places like Canada, Pennsylvania, and California. Some say I gave up on Chicago women, but I figured if I had women in other places interested when my own locals were not...then why take pass it up?
I apologize in advance if I'm making an incorrect conclusion here, but your comments about long distance and not having any success with the women in the city where you live,but exchanging emails, IMs and phone calls is NOT a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm not disputing that genuine LDRs exist, but these people HAVE met IN PERSON and connected. Your post is unclear whether you've ever actually met your GF in real time.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life.
That I agree with you on. And right now I have a little more faith in real life meetings than I do in dating sites. I'm mostly here to drink a beer and watch the fights.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:47:00 PM |
Picky as far as what? If you're willing to date, for example, a man shorter than 6 feet tall (That is if that hgt is a MUST) here....would you say, "WEll, I better start dating that 5'9" guy that asked me out!
There's reason on that.
My point was, I wouldn't say that - I like what I like, and the older I get the more picky I get...not less based on whatever...the whole "time's running out" thing doesn't apply to me tho, so that's why.
5'9" is a minimun height for me...but if he's really scorching hot, I might overlook an inch or two.
A mate is an ADDED BONUS to life...not a necessity to life.
I second this. If someone comes along that I like and want to date, then it's an addition to an already happy life, meaning if they don't then it's not something that's missing. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:50:02 PM | It is deplorable that in the year 2008 somebody would still write this:
Saying, "I am a true gentleman who knows how to treat a woman like a lady" ...
That attitude sounds like something from the past, like a story by Jane Austen or a play by William Shakespeare.
In our time a female human being is NOT a "lady"; she is a woman.
A male human being is not a "gentleman," he is a man.
Those old fashioned words refer to roles, not to people. A modern person is the equal of every other person, and does not think in terms of social distinctions. The concept of "treating" a woman "like a lady" belongs to the age when inferiors groveled to their social superiors.
A "lady" might be delicate, holding a fan and relying on her smelling salts to revive her if she becomes faint, then the butler brings tea served on the lawn. The "gentleman" gallantly escorts her to her carriage where the servant opens the door for her.
A modern woman drives up in her Prius and offers a ride to a man. They are equals. She is fully able to support herself and take care of herself, not passive and dependent and meek. He does not patronize her; he respects her - and she insists on it.
I relate to every person as equal to me in dignity and worthy of respect. That leaves no room for acting out those old fashioned roles. In my experience modern women appreciate being treated as equals and they treat me as their equal. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:23:32 PM | Fra59e
I have to disagree with you. In my opinion, "lady" and "gentleman" are states of mind, not roles, and the core value is that they treat ALL people with respect and kindness, unless a person shows themselves to be undeserving of respect.
It has nothing to do with income, clothing or position in life. I've seen poverty level gentlemen and six figure knaves,and the same goes for women.
And yes, ladies and gentlemen can and do treat each other as equals.
Often a man will use the statement of being a gentleman and knowing how to treat a lady simply to convey that he is not going to arm wrestle her for the check at the restaurant, and that he's not going to paw her or make whiny suggestions that she "owes" him sex. Unfortunately, although I've not experienced a lot of this behavior myself, there is apparently quite a group of men who think that a woman with a profile on a dating site is likely to be an easy source of quick and relatively inexpensive sexual gratification. That he is NOT one of those men, is generally what a man is trying to convey when he makes reference to being a "gentleman" and knowing how to treat a lady. Fans, smelling salts, butlers and carriages have nothing to do with it.
Cindy O | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:07:07 PM |
I take it you do a lot of LONG distance dating with your location, correct, Eddie?
No, I don't do a lot of LONG distance dating. There are bigger towns around me. Within 20 to 50 miles.
My cut off point for the most part is 1oo miles of me. I have dated women as close to me as 20 miles and as far as 125. If you have the mentality that you will find what you are looking for at your back door you will be disappointed. The last one was 125 miles from me. I saw her off and on for almost a year. It didn't work out. But not because of distance. There were some other circumstances.  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:14:32 AM |
although I've not experienced a lot of this behavior myself, there is apparently quite a group of men who think that a woman with a profile on a dating site is likely to be an easy source of quick and relatively inexpensive sexual gratification. That he is NOT one of those men, is generally what a man is trying to convey when he makes reference to being a "gentleman" and knowing how to treat a lady.
Well, if you haven't had the experience, why the need to expectorate on anyone? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:41:33 AM | If this medium doesn't work, man or woman...move to a big city. If that doesn't work and/or you already live in one...get some social skills.
F.
Ta da! We have a winner. Quite simply, if you don't know how to break the ice with people socially or how to have patience when meeting people, or how to be content with yourself and not take dating so freaking seriously, you WILL have frustration in this area. Them's the breaks. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:44:06 AM | It's different because of one word "opportunity".
why do profiles that say looking for "nice, honest, trustworthy down to earth guy"always end up being about looks and money.
All a guy wants is a woman to be HONEST. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:13:34 AM |
Ta da! We have a winner. Quite simply, if you don't know how to break the ice with people socially or how to have patience when meeting people, or how to be content with yourself and not take dating so freaking seriously, you WILL have frustration in this area. Them's the breaks.
If it were easy to relocate, I would (my job keeps me here). And I have no problem talking to people. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:34:54 AM |
i answer all messages sent to me whether i am interested or not
I'm the same way pretty much. I reply back to a lot of messages from guys, and most of the time I don't even have any interests. It's mostly out of boredom. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:29:37 AM | " In real life I get a lot of looks and attention, and I am good looking, honestly, but online I feel like a nobody because I just get ignored all the time. Its like women have no interest in me whatsoever online."
No offence, but if that's the case - what the **** are you doing on an online dating service? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:51:04 AM |
I apologize in advance if I'm making an incorrect conclusion here, but your comments about long distance and not having any success with the women in the city where you live,but exchanging emails, IMs and phone calls is NOT a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm not disputing that genuine LDRs exist, but these people HAVE met IN PERSON and connected. Your post is unclear whether you've ever actually met your GF in real time.
I agree with you. I never fully got into a long distance RL with someone, but more or less toyed with the idea, visited one another, but with many we decided that while the attraction, chemistry, and feelings were there, the distance was too much of an obstacle, especially since my career was so embedded here in Chicago...so I couldn't just up and leave in a few years.
I have met these long distance women in person, and I guess my conclusion was more standing on the idea that women like the ones I've met seemingly reject me and guys like me here in search of a "Mr Big" while these women in other states more or less were contemplating and even some were willing to embrace me and guys like me.
In the end though, I did meet a woman who lives locally, although she's from Europe. I don't want to get into an "American Women Suck" debate, but my observations have been that too many Chicago girls are trying to live a Sex and the City/Men are Disposable lifestyle that too many decent guys can't cut their high standards. So I can't blame guys for looking beyond the city limits or state borders.
Still, if I had not met my current I would have definitely tried LDR. Maybe it's easy for me because I never really needed someone there all the time. In the end, I also think people shouldn't limit the idea of love to just their local vicinity. Pandora's box was opened with the net...so why limit yourself when the perfect person for you might be living somewhere else? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:08:18 PM | I'm going to have to back up grkboy in part, there is something 'unique' about the chicago dating experience that doesn't compute. I have also seen the difference between how women who live elsewhere react towards me and how local women react towards me. All I can do is confirm that something is different here. I've lived here all my life so I don't know anything else, but I've been elsewhere enough and known enough people from around the world to know something isn't right.
The things I've been rejected for online and off were such that women I know who live elsewhere have told me that there must be something wrong with chicago women. Maybe they were being nice, maybe not. All I do know is that the experience isn't unique to me, nor is it all Chicago women. Maybe some day I'll run into an exception that will take liking to me.
I don't know grkboy's idea of why is correct or not. I'm not interested in knowing as I have no intention of transforming myself or pretending to be what it is they want or go for. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:40:07 PM | | Interesting take on Chicago dating. I've wondered if Denver dating is like that, but I haven't experienced enough dating outside of Denver to know (or any dating outside of Denver really). Denver has been rated as the "best city for dating" multiple times, but it seems to me the "dating scene" is really a bunch of men and women playing each other, I've gotten the impression that it carries over to online too. A friend of mine who was originally from out of state said that how the game is played where he is from (New Mexico) was much different and you are much more likely to see a man and a woman from different ends of the scale together then you are in Denver. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:14:56 AM | Dusttop ....Xeotide
I have a friend that lives in the South, and he said he used to live in Boston....he said there's a major diff indating up there than down whre he is. Where he is, women look at you asif you had two heads if you decide to approach them in public....if you try to approach them, they give you this, "Why is this person I don't know, trying to talk to me??!!" look on their face. It doesn't compute that you're trying to make friends or something.
In Boston, he tells me women sometimes do the approaching or are VERY open to being approached, very friendly as well. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:07:46 AM | | I have lived in the South all of my life, and have been told numerous times that I do not act like a typical southern woman. I am open to being approached, sometimes do the approaching and tend to be very friendly. I also rarely seem to date men who are originally from the South. | |
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