| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 4:44:02 AM | OP- I think it's simple. If a man asks you out on a date, he pays. If he asks you out as a friend, you go dutch. If you ask him out on a date, you pay. Equality and all.
I totally get the single parent thing. My mum has been a single parent since I was 3. The majority of the time she worked three jobs to give us a comfortable lifestyle to live in to avoid all the rumours of single parentdom. It is a really tough job being a mum....even more so when you are doing it on your own. I respect ya though! And all single mum's who do their best. | |
|
7times
|
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 27 | |
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:52:42 AM | | Call it "old fashioned" if ya want, but I only date real gentlemen (yes, I expect my door to be opened, my chair to be pulled out and to be helped with my coat). Definitely a gentleman should pay if he asks you out. If we decide to continue seeing each other and getting to know each other better, I would invite him to dinner at my place, or we can cook it together at his place. I may eventually offer to maybe pay for parking or leave the tip or get the popcorn, etc. I have been known to call up certain very extra special gentlemen and ask if I could take him to lunch or dinner, and it would be on me (they are surprised and flattered by such an invitation!). Even then, they always offer to pay or just go ahead and do so. | |
|
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 7:24:54 AM | Two thoughts, if you are the type of person who expects a man to pay for the first date, or every date (as some people in this thread have stated) do you adjust your selection of restaurant to the mans income?
Secondly, for the woman who argued that paying for a date is like making a down payment, that it shows high interest. Well given that every coin has two sides, if the woman does not offer to pay, what if any down payment is she making to the man to communicate her interest in him. NOTE: This is not some sexual innuendo or anything of that nature. I am merely flipping the analogy around on the poster of the argument.
My opinion is this, be fair to each other, and honest. I a person is in a financial situation that allows him or her to pay then so be it. If both people are somewhat equal in terms of finances than both can contribute to the dates and times enjoyed together. I know that my fiancé and I both contribute to the relationship financially in terms of our dating. | |
|
Opium
|
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 8:04:34 AM | It depends on each person's ethics. And ethics is subjective, so people shouldn't judge one another so quickly. 
I would treat sometimes if the other party was a struggling musician or student, and definitely i'd go dutch if there were no romantic feelings involved. As you're a single parent, any guy who wanted to date you, should have the consideration to foot the bill, but then i'm no judge judy. frankly though, a date is not that expensive,.. so i don't see why males should quibble when their outlay over clothes, accessories, make-up, the total package, doesn't come close to ours. The bill for our 1 pair of nice shoes would probably be enough to cover the total cost for 3 decent couple dates. | |
|
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 8:51:13 AM | I like equality, this should extend to our dating lives as well. Personally I'm all for going dutch. Or if we are actually seeing each other regularly then take turns for paying. There are exceptions to every rule and if one person is much better off financially then no problem if they pay more. Sometimes a persons contribution need not be monetary. If I earn more than him I have no objection to paying more often.
I just don't get why men should always pay especially on a first meet. If you can't afford extravagance then pick cheap dates. They are often the most fun anyway. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
kyleW
|
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| |
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 12:53:13 PM | So... essentially the guy is paying for you?
If I were to go downtown and pay for a prostitute would that not be showing the same "high interest" in her? I also put a lot of money into my car... does that mean I have a "high interest" in it? In reality I'm just fed up with having to maintain it all the time.
The same can go for a girl. Why is she so afraid of paying for her half of the date? Doesn't she make enough money? Is she just a gold digger?
But that's just arguing a point... on first dates I always do something inexpensive for several reasons.
First, normally the cheaper the event the more time you can spend actually getting to know the person and the less uncomfortable it is. For example at an expensive restaraunt etiquette is everything and often makes conversation awkward and adds to the feeling of being "judged"
Second, I figure that me paying for something like coffee or movie tickets is no big deal. I would have seen the movie anyway or it would have been just a night out.
In short... money shouldn't be an issue on first dates because first dates shouldn't involve anything substantial. For guys it suggests they're just "paying for the girl" no different than hiring a hooker, and for women, it suggests that they're just "taking advantage" of the guy.
That's my view | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/4/2005 12:25:03 AM | Personally, I don't think who does the asking should matter -- first date should always be dutch. If we go dutch on the first date and she agrees to go on a second date, I'll definitely pay for the second one. The concern for paying for the first one is that the girl is just using the man for the free night out... the perpetual first-dater. If she pays her half then no-harm, no-foul if she declines date #2.
I've had a few dates in the past 2 months where I picked up an $80-$100 dinner bill on dates where I fully expected to have a 2nd date, only to have her start dating someone else in-between or not even return my calls afterwards. I'm left feeling very used. Had she paid her half, I would have only thought "that's too bad, but that's life". | |
|
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/4/2005 9:04:27 AM | | When I date I like it to be fifty fifty....that's just me. I mean if he really wants to pay after I have offered my split then I don't argue but that's just not my preference. If it's something like a movie and he pays I like to buy the next thing or make it be known that it's my turn next then. I appreciate it totally I just think it's an independance thing. Too each his own though! | |
|
Tom3
|
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/4/2005 5:43:28 PM | | When I first meet someone, I meet for coffee so I won't feel guilty if he has to pay for a dinner and we didn't click. After that, if we go out again, I'll be completely honest here, I've dated many men, and only a couple of men have ever asked for my money and only one actually accepted when I offered. And I don't feel I owe anything to the man. And I think a true gentleman will always pay and truly try to win a woman over that he is interested in. | |
|
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/4/2005 6:15:44 PM | I don't think it should be expected either eway. Be that he pays, you pay, or you both pay. Seriously, most of the time men are forced to do all the intiating in a first date, they are often expected to ask a woman out on a date since its rare (very rare in my experiences and understanding) that a woman will ask out a guy. Therefore, instant free meal ticket every time for every date? A bit unfair. Also, to say that all men make more money then you? Not all men are making the big bucks, some of us are in the same boat as you are, doing what we can to pay the bills and have a life on the side. I have a list of words I like to focus on when it comes to relationships from beginning to well, happily ever after. Today's key word?
Communication:
Don't expect anything. A man shouldn't except anything from a woman, i.e. something physical and a woman shouldn't be expecting the man to pay.
Communication resolves all of this, just talk about it before hand. If it's a concern, mention it before the first date. That way, from the first step you're already opening the boundaries of communication, talking about aspects that may concern you or is on your mind. Trust me, my best dating experience we were very open about all of this. Sure, it didn't develope into a relationship, but not once did either of us feel awkward, uncomfortable, or unhappy no matter what happened.
So, as long as you don't expect things and talk about such concerns before hand, you won't have a guy feeling like women are using him for a free meal and women won't feel like a guy is being a perverted jerk for wanting a kiss on the first date (or more). You'll have it all such concerns out of the way and you won't have anything to worry about, only the freedom to enjoy the date! | |
|
| |
| if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/18/2005 1:42:19 PM | " Wouldn't someone pay for their mom's meal if they took them out?"
Equating going on a date to buying ones Mother a meal is beyond ludicrous. For 1, I don't date my Mother and 2, She fed me more than I could ever repay. Not to mention all the other self-less things She did. Just because you might be a woman and a mother, you aren't mine and that doesn't quite justify the reasoning to expect a free meal.. Actually I fail to see any reasoning behind that answer.
To the ones that said if the guy asks the girl out then he should pay. Not to be concerned that I'd ever ask you out to start. I'm not into narrow minded women or those without the means to be independant. This day and time women and minorities have as good or better chance to flourish as I.
I applaud those women that have the consideration to at least think it's not out of the question for a woman to pay. Taking turns is the fair way to settle that. I have been asked out on more than one occasion. I generally end up with the bill and have no problem with that. And for a chosen few women ,the same few that have no problem asking a guy out, I wouldn't have it any other way. For the rest, who pays or doesn't is like putting the wagon in front of the horse. | |
|
Home
login 
