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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 10:15:08 AM | Staying on topic of the thread, I would love to find a single father who would be loving/accepting to my child, and I to his. The only problem I have found on this site is all the dateable single dads live too far away | |
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Nibua
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Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 202 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 10:41:59 AM | | I don't mind dating single fathers. In fact I prefer dating a man that has an active part in his child's/children's life. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:53:22 AM |
chubbylicious
I didn't mean to take it out on you, you were just caught in the cross fire. This is a thread asking people "Do women mind single dads with kids?" I was merely giving my opinion. I didn't intend for you to take it so personal. "we" did not refer to "you" and "I". Why does everything have to revolve around "you"?
It doesn't revolve around me, I never said that nor have I portrayed that.
salfe you have taken too much of what I wrote in that little post out of context, you don't know me, infact you know nothing about me.
Type can be read in many ways and you read what I said way wrong. Has nothing to do with "I" or "ME" infact I am the most unselfish person you would ever meet. But because you have read my post wrong, and you had an off day, and you continue to assume things about me... you now make me look bad, like a selfish person.
I was on topic, I stated how I feel, if that is selfish then so be it. I thought that is what this thread was for, opinions on "do women mind single dads with kids".. I am a woman, so therefore I answered with what I like. I stated mine for me, not mine for "us". That was not for you to pick apart my post and say I am a selfish person. If you had stayed on topic, none of this would of gone so far.
It appears that you need a man, more than a man with kids
best of luck c_licious
How do you know what I need? I love kids, I love men with kids. I don't need a man, nor do I need one with kids. I WANT a man, and if he has kids that is wonderful. There is a difference in needing and wanting.
This is just stupid. Thank you for publicly slandering me and running me down with your assumptions of the type of person I am. I do feel personally attacked and that is NOT allowed in these forums.
I take offense. | |
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salfe
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Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 204 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 12:11:45 PM | I humbly apologize for offending you. You're right I'm not here to "dismiss" anyone and value everyone's thoughts. Again, Good Luck | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 4:23:32 PM | i agree with a few of the other men who have posted here.....
i have heard a lot of women mothers and without kids saying things such as ......
single fathers are reliable, dependable, they understand what it means tohave kids i.e. cancelling at last minute, kids being sick etc..
but i too have had very little luck finding a women who actuly wants that is is as perviously said jsut gving the "nice guy" comments... i am a single father and have been for 6 years
try to kepp in shape but i find it difficult to find a woman who understands what it means to be a single father | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 4:27:34 PM | Thank you salfe, appology accepted, and good luck to you as well. 
It probably means the same thing being a single father as it does being a single mother, wouldn't you think? I understand completely. | |
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salfe
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Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 207 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 7:49:13 PM | There is no need for the gratitude, I was already "dismissed" by you as previously posted, remember!
It was an enlighting and an enriching experience.
good luck with your endeavours c_licious (my apology still stands)
I prefer "single parents" It is a much more neutral term. At least we share something in common. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:13:12 PM | | I am a single mother and if it meant i found a guy i could love and he had kids i wouldn't care, the more the merrier i say. Even if i was just dating. | |
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syllie
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Joined: 1/6/2005
Msg: 210 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/8/2005 7:33:14 AM | | I welcome a single dad with kids. I have all the respect in the world for them, to take on raising the children. After all, most women our age have children, and we all come as a package deal. As you say, the more the merrier. | |
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dino12
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Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 211 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/8/2005 8:11:03 AM | Looking back through the last page or so of this thread I run across Surf. She says her problem is that the ones she is looking for are too far away..... My only response to that is there are more around there than you would think.
I said it in other threads, and I think I even said it in this one. It is hard enough being single, much less being single and a parent too, but finding what one is looking for is only as hard as you make it.
Doc | |
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aynie
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Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 212 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:19:36 AM | | I've been in 2 relationships that "he" had children. I have children too. In both cases, I tried to treat all the kids the same, reguardless. HE, on the other hand, spoiled his children, and let them get away with things, where mine would get into trouble. In my opinion, when in a relationship that involves children, treating them the same is very important, otherwise BAD feelings will arise, and who ends up getting hurt, are the children. | |
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dino12
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Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 213 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:37:57 AM | Aynie, you are so right. It is hard to be equal to both sides. We don't always see that we aren't.
Treating them the same is absolutely the important part. You can't do for one without doing for all.
Of course I spoil everyones kids though....hehehe. I sent oreos to a buddies kid not so long ago for his 2cd birthday. My buddy was mad, but the kid was tickled, bouncing off the walls, covered in black cookie, and as I understand it shouting something about "Unka Dave!" and laughing....
I wish I had pics.....lol
Doc | |
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salfe
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Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 214 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/8/2005 7:38:00 PM | ride the waves, surf,
I have the same problem, (except that I'm looking for a single mom who feels the same way) I'm glad to see you on board though. Thanks, for pointing out I was a going astray. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/9/2005 1:27:03 AM | | I feel that if I meet a man with children then I know he knows the true meaning of family. Should we fall in love, I am only blessed with his kids by having more people to love. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/9/2005 5:51:49 AM | I don't get this whole deal regarding "I always put my kids ahead of myself".
This statement tells me a few things that I definitely question. For one, have you ever seen baby ducklings leading the mother? No, they stay behind the mother, for safety sake...they follow her lead by watching her example.
The reality is that if you forego your own healthy needs, your children will pay a price as well. There is no such thing as a parent who has no gas in their love tank who can fill their children's. I believe we are here to guide them and nothing we teach them has as much value as them watching what we do. Children learn by imitation.
I think far too many people out there put their children ahead of everyone , including themselves and I think that is a big part of why children are growing up to be so selfish nowadays. Just like we have to learn our place in society, children do as well and this whole "putting the kids ahead of everything" is giving them far too much power. They will have a time to discover their truths when they grow into adulthood and that, hopefully is with a parent who valued their own needs AS WELL as their children's. Children don't always have a healthy grasp on what they need. A thriving child has nothing to do with whether a parent put them ahead of themselves , but rather they are a product of the influences of their environment and their own personality, which may just need to rebel against the mom or dad who claimed to put themselves behind them.
My children are an extension of my life and of my own being but they are NOT my being...they are people too. If I put my children ahead of myself, I am giving them the message that they are more important than myself which is a misnomer. We are ALL important, the important thing is compromise...that's what relationships are all about.
Then we wonder why they grow up thinking the world owes them something because mom or dad didn't let themselves have a life besides their children.
Personally, I could not date a man for long who puts his entire life on hold for his kids. They will follow his lead quite well on their own, there is no need for him to give up healthy life experiences in order for them to become self-actualized human beings. Keep in mind I said healthy...not selfish ambitions that impede his ability to guide them in the way he thinks is best for them.
I watch single moms put their lives on hold all the time for their kids...staying home every weekend because they think it is irresponsible or bad for them to go out with friends and have some adult interraction for themselves. Meanwhile, their kids RUN their lives and their chances of succeeding in ANY relationship are slim at best. I see it every day. Half of them sit on their butts feeling discouraged and on anti-depressants and they wonder why? It is NOT healthy to make your children your life. They are not your identity and that is a lot of pressure to put on a child.
If you have a good sitter who is reliable and dependable and good with the children, there is nothing wrong with spending some time away from the home to get your needs met, in whatever category that may be. You might find the kids actually enjoyed the sitter and letting them have healthy relationships with others who can nurture them shows them that their whole world does NOT revolved only around mom or dad but they learn how to get their needs met by their society as a whole. They can bring those positive experiences back to their relationship with their parents and I think that is what developing a mind, heart and soul of your own entails. Few will thrive in the shadow of an overdoting parent who places their whole self-worth on their parenting skills but a happy parent usually ends up with happy children.
After infancy, teaching a child that they are the center of the universe is a huge mistake. The real world (which they will spend more time in in the long run) is NOT like that and they will end up horribly disappointed that they AREN'T the center of the universe when they leave home. They will then search for that one person who will make them the center of the universe just like mom or dad did and I feel sorry for the soul that they pressure to do so. It's just not reality...no one can be the center of anyone's universe...we all have to learn to function together...we are part of the whole...NOT the whole itself... | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/9/2005 11:59:08 AM | Very well said blastkist, and the same as I was trying to say, but couldn't get it across. That is perfect and so right.  Thank you.  | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:37:58 AM | | hey man i have the same problem . so you are not the only one out there . i think we need to start up a club or something for the single fathers you know. i never could find one they are there for the single mothers but not the fathers . 24 single daddy of three kids and women my age they dont want or like kids at this time . there lose its great i injoy it 100% . | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 12:48:59 PM | | Thank -you !!! Reading this forum has given me re-newed hope for what's out there. Was getting a little discouraged being a single dad and having the girls run when they found out how involved I am with my boys. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 1:26:08 PM | well i am a single dad 0f 4 kids, 9,10,11,13 and love them to pieces.i wish i could find a single woman who knows what she wants,i live in nova scotia canada and love the place.i live in country but it is hard to find a good woman who is not into drugs of drinks like a fish.i love to even find a single mom for she would know what loving kids are but i think my 4 kids make them run.summer coming and wish i had someone to go camping with me and the kids BUT | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 2:48:48 PM | | Dating is tough for us single dads, yes. I am trying to look at it this way: if getting dates again meant not having my kids, then it would not be worth it. I do wish my kids had a female figure around though and it does get lonely. I think it's the same for all of us, from Nova Scotia to central Florida. | |
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| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 5:50:56 PM | | You hAVEN'T TALKED TO MANY SINGLE MOMS LATELY......... i'M ONE WHO HAS THE SAME PROBLEM......... GUYS THING YOUR GREAT TILL THEY FIND OUT YOU HAVE A KID THEN YOU DON'T HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN............ THAT SEEMS TO BE WHAT I'M RUNNING UP AGAINST... US SINGLE PARENTS NEED TO STICK TOGETHER...... i LOVE KIDS AND I DON'T MIND THAT A GUY HAS KIDS OF HIS OWN.......... AT LEAST WE KNOW WE HAVE THAT MUCH IN COMMON......... WISH GUYS FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT SINGLE MOTHERS...HARD TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THAT WE COME AS A PACKAGE DEAL........ | |
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salfe
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Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 225 | |
| Do women mind single dads with kids
Posted: 6/10/2005 10:02:11 PM | I have recently offered my opinion on this subject, but they are a select group who are introverted deficient self-professed psychology experts and want to offer their narrow-minded Freudian ideology school of thought. They want to portray those who do put their child's needs before their own, to have a disturbed personality. They were also trying to make a comparison between our complex human brains to those of a simple duck's brain. Let us face it; the purpose of a duck's being is different from our own. We as humans have the ability to achieve self-actualization, on the contrary, a duck for reasons of physiology, will never comprehend.
I find it is too easy for a woman who can simply say that they do not mind single dads with kids. In addition, at the same token, I am a single dad who does not mind single moms with kids. However, it is up to me as single dad with a child to choose which partner best reflects my own philosophy on life. If given the choice between choosing a partner who is all about "me" or a partner, who is willing to recognize there is more to us than just ourselves, and truly accepts and realizes the needs of our child(ren), I choose the later.
In addition, to the other person who chooses to be a duckling, and follows the mother for safety's sake
"I would be me. With the right person, "me" would be wonderful." sound familiar
It is true; there is a difference between wants and needs. It is up to us, as parents, to decide what is the difference of what is a 'want' and what is a "need". Give in to every child's "wants", I agree, a child may be considered "spoiled." However, give in to every "need" of a child and they may eventually build the self-confidence and self-esteem necessary to realize that there is more to life then just themselves. A person who sees the "whole picture" will connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential.
Although they are very capable babysitters' out their, given the choice a child would rather prefer to stay with their parents than a babysitter. To a child who simply does not comprehend the pressures of complex adult society, often feel abandoned and neglected. It is not the child's fault that they do not understand, its just they have not reach that mental ability.
The most important need, as a child, is to feel safe and secure. Once they are confident that the world is safe and secure, it is then, and only then, will they develop the confidence needed to explore. Children also do not understand that their parents have needs, since they have their own agenda. They only develop that awareness once they grow up and become parents themselves.
So are we here to help our children grow, or are we here to look after our own needs, and risk our child to be forever stagnant in they are still waiting for a safe and secure world?
A child has to develop normally at certain stages in their lives, or risk being shunned by other members of society. We as responsible parents are here to guide our children to ensure that they lead a life of contempt and happiness.
A parent, who is also mature enough, should not regret putting their life on hold for their child, because they should realize that they are helping their child reach self-fulfillment. Once a parent realizes that they are helping their child reach their potential, there is no need to be depressed.
To the psychology student who is about to hand in her final paper this year, you will probably have to rewrite your thesis after reading this post. In addition, if you do not change your ideology, and insist in opening up your own practice, may I offer a suggestion, on what sign you should hang on your door. "How we cheat them, and how". | |
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