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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 1/25/2006 2:09:39 PM | Mightydog, first of all we are talking about a spiritual experience and peoples percseptions, and in this area i think i would know about err lets say, a million times more about it then u would. Im thinking that u probably experienced your first time when u were very young so what the hell would u know about experiencing it or even thinking of experiencing it late rin your life,
Exactly, u dontttttttttttttttttttt
so may i ask why did u even comment?
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 1/25/2006 9:01:30 PM | | What a disgusting post. Some 55 year old guy excited bout popping the cherry of a deeply religous woman who know doubt values her virginity greatly so that he can have a "notch on his gun". Oh, and joy behold us he is going to report back to us and tell us all the details as if we care.. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/16/2006 10:10:42 AM |
Seduce her! Roses, wine...all that good stuff, then give her a proper kiss. Take it slow and it will just sort itself out. My BF was a virgin when we started dating, and I found the best way to sexual intimacy was taking it slow. Enjoy the sensuality of deep conversation and simple flirtation.
How refreshing. It seem most people can't hurry fast enough. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:31:58 PM | Listen this is a HUGE problem with the old school mentality of waiting till wedding night to have sex. You and the person in question have NO IDEA if you can live together or will be compatible in the bedroom. It's kind of like going to buy a car and saying nah I dont care what kind of gas mileage it gets or if it fits in the garage and no i dont need to test drive it or how much maintenance it may require. It is a VERY big gamble and chances are very good that you or they will be disappointed.
So far as your question goes. I have a suggestion or two that may help you here.
First get to know her more let become more comfortable with you 2.5 months is really nothing in the scheme of things. COMFORT is the issue you need to be concered about she has to trust you to even talk about these things. She will not be like an american "virgin" (who often talk about and or engage in sexual practices such as hand jobs bjs masturabate and the like and still call themselves "virgins" only because no penis has entered their flower. This is a "real" virgin she has never even been kissed. This makes the issue a WHOLE lot more complex. Compund this with language barrier and a foreign culture and wow can turn into a mess. My idea is this and it will require a good bit of setup on your part to pull it off correctly.
Go to a good book store get a bunch of books on rasing children, travel, any other subject you would like to talk about that you may have concerns on if you were to get married. Also pick up a good copy of the kama sutra if you can find one in chinese even better. take her somewhere she will feel comfortable talking with you in private if she is not comfortable going to your house alone. Tell her you are starting to take a deeper interest in her and you would like to see if she is interested in discussing some things to see what her opinion is on them. Start with the easy stuff and make her feel comfortable talk about babies right before you talk about sex. That way she dont get the wrong idea and think your only goal is to get in her pants. Tell her if you feel uncomfortable at anytime and dont wish to talk about something right now to let you know. then break out the kama sutra go through before hand and mark off a couple pages in some way that you can find the pages you need speedily without her catching on too easy. Open up to a few of the positions you have in mind and ask her what are your feelings on this? just like you need to do with all of the subjects be VERY attentive and be very easy mannered and calm so she dont get nervous. Your body language will be very important. She must feel at ease or it will get strange quick. Let her speak her mind fully before moving on. If she is VERY interested in the book let her take it with her and read it. The kama sutra is a good book for anyone to read and it comes for asian culture and religions something that wont seem as foreign as if you put on a porn and asked her.
Good luck hope that helps ya out. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:50:11 PM | | Well both my parents were virgins when they married and oops they are still married 42 years later. When people say u have to test drive the car they really cant grasp that sex doesnt begin in the body but in the SOULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. This is why people these days cant find satisfaction with one sexual partner. they keep hopping from one bed to another wishing they would become content and satisfied but they will never be. Most people these days have lost the ability to truely experience romantic love, maybe they are just doing too much test driving loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:51:03 PM | I've got a saying "if something seems strange, it's usually because it is" - it's a good first asumption at least.
So if MajMike feels awkwardness in discussing things like oral sex with this Chinese lady it is probably because she feels awkward discussing sex. From what I have heard that is not unusual.
Perhaps, contrary to all western customs, you should find a go-between - preferably Chinese who can translate culture between you. You've told her what you expect in a wife, do you know what she expects?
As you are considering this lady as a future partner, perhaps you should just wait a bit longer than 2.5 months before asking for her intentions and chill for a while. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:58:10 PM | ----------"Well both my parents were virgins when they married and oops they are still married 42 years later. When people say u have to test drive the car they really cant grasp that sex doesnt begin in the body but in the SOULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. This is why people these days cant find satisfaction with one sexual partner. they keep hopping from one bed to another wishing they would become content and satisfied but they will never be. Most people these days have lost the ability to truely experience romantic love, maybe they are just doing too much test driving loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool "-------------
People have been having multiple partners since the begining of time. contrary to popular belief there are only like a VERY few mammals that do monogamy. The duck billed platapus (actually has eggs outside the body) and some spieces of whales thats it. No other mammals including humans are "true" monog. This said there are some spieces including some primates that may "act" like they are with one partner to their "Society" but, in the bushes they "cheat" just like humans. What am I getting at? Maybe it is genetically beneficial for mammals not to put all their eggs in one basket. I never said people cant get lucky and or tough it out even if they do not have a great relationship. Plenty of old school people lived together miserably for 50 years or more. My grandparents were a great example and plenty of them had sex before the wedding night too. I was just saying that this particular old school mentality is not very effective for someone like the OP in his particular situation he broke off his last relationship due to sexual incompatability. Do you not think this is important? It is obviously to him. You talk about all this soul in sex stuff yet, you have never had sex so you really dont know what you are preaching about. One day you may get lucky, get some and you may even change your views some on this. Then again maybe you will die a virgin {I hope not!}(life is short) I learned that the hard way in a car accident in which I was gone until medics came to revive me. I had a long road to recovery and from this process I learned to lighten up and look at things in life A LOT different. I hope you learn to lighten up a much easier way and dont have to suffer to learn how to enjoy it to its fullest. | |
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ramsay
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Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:07:05 AM | Just few days back, by accident I hit this site. In my career first time participate in this type of forum. exiting. what is going on. Either miss or enjoy.
i am 35. i live north america but could see now these sites. then think of girls. intimatcy only on marriage. culture even today prevails whereever they are. talk, see, read is highly censored. once ok for ever. trust, honest, under warranty. not like drinking a coffee. boys and girls same. no difference.
try ur luck. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 12:39:25 AM | | This is why there is a 65% divorce rate in california and over 50% for the rest of america. My parents are happier than 95% of couples and have laster for 42 years. I think the new generation has lost most of teh values that kept marriages happy and long lasting. The innocence and magic of sex is gone. Thank god im avirgin, and after reading most of these posts have even more resolve to stay one | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 1:16:46 AM | | Is it not human nature.. i mean we all know how to do it .. i dont think she needs tips .. and shes had ahwile to think about it lol ... virgins arnt people locked indoors and giant cubes lol ... Their people too | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:09:21 AM | sorry to rain on ur parade... but i agree with soulasylum dude..
after the hassles of ur first marriage, and the reasons it was ruined for u..
ur even contemplating this??????????????????????
im sure she will provide for u in bed, maybe in more ways u can imagine, as they are more biddable in nature and they want to please their husbands (chinese culture) ...
but geez dont u want passionate, out of control sexual encounter with an open minded female that isn't afraid to tell u what she wants, when she wants it?
we all make mistakes.. key is to learn from them... so we dont make them again.. are u making the same mistake again? | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:24:40 AM | | Attacks on virgins are uncalled for. There is nothing wrong with having a little sexual experience prior to marriage just as there is nothing wrong with choosing to remain a virgin. Both are reasonable choices and if one is not right for you then fine. However, don't disparage those that make another choice. To do so is a clear sign of hatefulness and immaturity, and is flat out wrong. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 5:44:10 AM | I fail to see why you think that she would know what "sex" is. Afterall, we are all human beings and at one time or another we have come across sexual stimulus in our daily lives. Remember sexual behaviour is partly instinctive (genetic driving forces within) and partly learned. When the biological clock starts ticking down, she will let you know then.
In the mean time, take the advice of others and take it slow with her.
Patience
As for virgins, like myself, I could give a flying F what anyone says about my behaviour. If everyone had a slight percentage of the self-discipline that we virgins have, the world would be a better place.
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 12:21:50 PM | | strange how this thread went from one giving advice on how to approach a girl from another culture that is virgin about sex to an argument about vriginity. I dont care if people wish to never have sex.(none of my business really) I do care when virgins come on and say anyone who has sex before marriage knows nothing about souls etc. This is brainwashing fear tactics making people often have an unhealthy outlook on sex. I have met many people who need therapy for a long time to overcome such brainwashing. I have spoken to some people who are in their 40s still virgins and often not for very nice reasons. (fear, paranoia etc.) I dont not hate on virgins I say if you are not ready you are not ready. At the same time there is a cult mentality that is often taught to young people that I find to be unhealthy. You can teach your child to wait till the proper time without making them have an unhealthy attitude about sex. This however requires that you teach them something and talk to them about sex and not hide it like it is dirty and bad. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 5:47:55 PM | I have to agree with you Kabiosile. I think our society, no doubt passed down from the puritan times, has made us bear a heavy guilt about sexual pleasure. Ever notice how sex in media always carries with it negative connotations. I too am still a virgin at 38. I'm not proud of that fact, and wish my life had turned out differently. I feel I missed out on the most basic pleasures in life. I think being a virgin one can still be very sexual and open minded. I applaud those who have lots of sexual experiences.
James | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 11:47:28 PM | MMNicky of course we want that and just because a marriage is an old fashioned marriage doesnt mean the man dominates. My dad and mom got married in lebanon in the 60's. An old fashioned marriage, but in that marriage both people treat each other as equals and respect and admire and love one another. 42 years of an awesome marriage, while it wasnt perfect it was a very good one.the number one focus these days in Marriage is purely sex and everything else is second. We have become desensitized to the fact that sex shouldnt be first but should be the icing on the cake. Now u guys can make every excuse in the book when saying u gotta test out the car and all that boloney but in the end lets look at the facts
65% divorce rate means alot of unhappy people going from one partner to another. Maybe its because we have become very selfish in our wants and needs
and maybe we need some unselfishness and some humility in our lives. I never intended to mean that non virgins dont know about teh soul, but u can tarnish the soul and in every religion the more selfish the soul becomes teh more tarnished and darkened it becomes. I dont get along with my parents culture much because of the vanity in it. Picture westernization to the 100000000000% extreme and u will get my point. | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 11:49:15 PM | | James, i cant believe u just said that. Our society is one of the most open( to put it mildly) about sex anywhere. Almost as much as it is in france and italy. I mean look all around people, where do u think that everyone in america thinks as most do on these message boards? By watching donald duck cartoons??????????????? | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 11:52:05 PM | donwilliams, its cool man:), like i said before i respect kabiosile and others who have the guts and honesty to voice their opinions. We need more of that kind of honesty these days when most people are keeping things inside them. I just dont happen to agree with some of the stuff he has said but tahst what makes america great, the ability to have an open debate like this, even though we still cant find those dang wmd's | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/24/2006 11:53:56 PM | | MNNNICKY id rather have a woman thats secured enough to know that sexuality comes from teh imagination first and also a woman that understands that sex doesnt form teh first core of any relationship. Sex without depth is like supporting a dictator then invading him and ruining a country oops | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/25/2006 1:29:56 AM | -------------" id rather have a woman thats secured enough to know that sexuality comes from teh imagination first and also a woman that understands that sex doesnt form teh first core of any relationship. Sex without depth is like supporting a dictator then invading him and ruining a country oops "--------------------
I agree with you for once but, how do you measure the depth of it? Is it even your place to make such a judgement? Or is it the job of the two consenting adults to make the call as to how much depth they want or can handle? Supporting a dictator and invading and tearing up a perfectly good country of very good people like iraq is definately ludicris! I would hardly equate this to any kind of sex however ever the worst sex I ever had was absolutely wonderful!!!
What is going on in iraq is a shame and a crime against humanity! these two things should hardly be in the same paragraph really. Having even the most base animalistic sex is no where near as damaging as what is going on over there. At least on some level sex is pleasurable there should be no pleasure in war. (I know some sickos get off on it sad as that is.) | |
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| How to discuss sex with a virgin . . . ladies help please!
Posted: 2/25/2006 1:44:52 AM | ---------------"I have to agree with you Kabiosile. I think our society, no doubt passed down from the puritan times, has made us bear a heavy guilt about sexual pleasure. Ever notice how sex in media always carries with it negative connotations. I too am still a virgin at 38. I'm not proud of that fact, and wish my life had turned out differently. I feel I missed out on the most basic pleasures in life. I think being a virgin one can still be very sexual and open minded. I applaud those who have lots of sexual experiences."----------------
Yeah puritains got the boot from europe and came over here and screwed up everything! If I had a time machine one of the first things I would change is this. I would go back and tell the natives what these people really wanted to do and I would help off them all and make canoes out of their wretched skins and I am FAR from a violent guy. Look cool thing about your situation is life is not over you are 38 and a Virgin np go get a nice open minded lady that dont mind changing this for you and you still got time to enjoy plenty of your brith right to good loving my friend!
---------------"James, i cant believe u just said that. Our society is one of the most open( to put it mildly) about sex anywhere. Almost as much as it is in france and italy. I mean look all around people, where do u think that everyone in america thinks as most do on these message boards? By watching donald duck cartoons??????????????? "-------------------
You must be from a VERY repressed country to think that America is so liberal! Have you ever been outside of this country?? Or are you going on what you heard? I have traveled a good bit and this is one of the most backwards countries out there. We have come a long way since the 50s but, we are still quite repressed sexually most peoples parents are afraid to even bring the subject up with their kids. Nudity is punished as a crime! even breasts are censored on tv in this country LOL breasts!! ROFL.. Go to Brazil, Spain, France, SweDEN, AUSTRALIA,thailand, cuba, italy, many many countries in africa (even some of the muslim ones in africa are more libral than we are here LOL!!!) Puritains screwed america up bad and we are just starting to come out of it alittle. The 60s were a BIG help but, there is still much more work to do in this area for sure! People should not feel ashamed of their nature. It is our birth right to have great sex and enjoy it to its fullest. However we wish to do this. There is NOTHING dirty or bad about it. I am starting to think you are from a highly repressed middle eastern country to say something like america is so liberal. Not many other people in the world would say this. I respect your opinion however and like that you too are not afraid to express it however strange and or naive I may think it is. | |
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