| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 6:30:03 AM | I wouldn't even imagine having a threesome with someone I was seriously involved with.
But in saying that, I have had threesomes before, and have one planned again! Woot!
I've never had them with a boyfriend, more like a FB or a friend. The next one is with a guy who's been an on-again off-again FB for the last two years!
Jealousy can drive you mad. All of us have experienced the green-eyed monster in one form or another at some stage... imagine seeing your significant other making love to another woman, in your bed. Not nice. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 6:44:42 AM | Jealousy is a negative energy emotion. It hurts the person feeling it, and does nothing to strengthen bonds with the person that it's directed towards, unless that person is looking for emotional validation and is too sick to seek it from the jealous one... they have to spurn to feel wanted?
I had read some statistics on this at some point, and if I recall correctly, it was something like a 90% failure rate.
90% of MONOGAMOUS marraiges involve infidelity. 75% of marraiges end in divorce, so at least 15% of people, it works for.
I agree, the bond must be strong between the primary couple to engage intimately with others. This is true for friendships, also, especially friendships with exes. Threesomes can be GOOD for a relationship, if each person is strong enough to feel joy at the other's pleasure. It's certainly not for everyone, just try it if you want to. We're all going to die young (120 is pretty young in the grand scheme of things), might as well make mistakes!
Oh, and if your partner is asking for a threesome, your partner will probably cheat on you if you don't go for it. Statistically speaking that is. But that doesn't mean go for it, if you don't want to. It means seek help for your relationship, or try to find common ground. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 7:47:57 AM | I think it inevitably will. But some people dont have that deep "loyalty" that I do.. I would beat myself up, feeling horrible, afterward, and I would feel uncomfortbale all through it, and like a bad person for not being faithful. Would make me not want to do it at all... if it was MY relationship..
Now, I have been the third more than a few times, and that I can do, it is not ME being unloyal, so i dont feel guilty.... I think 3 somes are for casual things, not serious things.. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:00:41 AM | LK is very much on the right path. I know have friends who are polygamous, but before they ever even though of taking on another partner there were years of discussions before hand.
The dynamic of BOTH partners wanting it is necessary for not just a threesome, but for any type of relationship. If you can not talk to your partner openly and honestly then your relationship is most likely doomed to fail.
I wish you all the best in your decision. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:08:51 AM | squid said it the best. If you search my posts, I have posted on this several times before. communication, trust and rules are the only way to fly.
We have had an open relationship for 5 yrs now and we do not have any issues. There have been some bumps in the road due to mis-communication.
If you would like to know more email me, as I have been warned before about posting true life issues. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:37:22 AM | I think with the right people that no it wouldn't ruin a relationship.
My best gf and I had one with a guy friend of hers, I t was awesome...he and I ended up together for 9 yrs after.
But his constant asking if I would have another one, talking about people I knew while we were bumping fuzzies, him pointing out girls, or asking if I would fcuk so and so helped to ruin our relationship.
I understood it was a real fantasy for him, just wasn't for me. It made me feel I wasn't good enough.
I recommend them for FB or friends. Not in a serious relationship | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:38:35 AM | I think IF anyone were to follow though with it, it would have to be with a complete stranger from another STATE. And I think both parties have to talk about WHY they need a threesome.
Personally, I'm not into the whole idea, but 15-20 years from now... Who knows, right? | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:48:30 AM | Bound only to cause conflict if u are in a relationship .. that 's why u do it when u are single ! Mind ya I too old now for such things ...  | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:15:41 AM | lovevampy,
Your are only as old as you feel! That's why I'm still 21! I would go to 18, but I dont wanna have to go back to sneaking drinks    | |
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K_Dub1
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Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 11:20:18 AM | It's totally a personal thing. Although I have been the lucky third wheel in another couple's "activities", I don't think I would ever invite a 3rd wheel into my relationship because I don't know how I would react and wouldnt want to risk an eveantual break up due to uncontrollable feelings that "may" stem from that situation. On the other hand, the couple with whom I have joined the fun....seem to thrive and grow closer from those kinds of experiences.
An open and honest discussion with your partner should answer this question for you. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 11:33:19 AM | | I've been the 'third' before and in that relationship, yes, my presence did ruin things. It got to be that they each wanted to spend time with me without their spouse and it all just got way too confusing. They ended up ending their relationship due to trust issues. :P | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2007 12:31:21 PM | | I must say that I have been in a threesome situation with a g/f of mine joining me and my hubby. It was always kept at a fun level and we always had a fantastic time. We even shared our kingsized bed together. If he wasn't in the mood, it left us girls to do our own thing. We did eventually develop a love for each other that wasn't tied to just sex. Sadly, It ended when she had to return to her hometown to take care of her mother after she had a heart attack. She still visits us every once in awhile and we enjoy each others company just as if she never left. Sometimes it is not just a sex thing. But, rather a heart felt love for each other. There really is room in a persons heart for more than one person. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:23:31 PM | No issues like that for me as of YET..lol
I have had g/f's who want me to sleep with their b/f and Im not into that so I have moved on............
but no issues with my true love .. my hubby | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:33:25 PM | Trust is mandatory here...
It depends on the strength of your relatioship.. after all if you both decide to do this then there should not be any problem... knowing that both of you are just spicing things up .....threesomes are not about love but about exploration in a committed trusting relationship.... bottom line ... at the end of the day... you are still a couple...
p.s would u rather your partner goes behind your back or would u rather join in??
I"M IN!!! | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:10:19 PM | yes, because it ususally involves a man and two women and it was the man's idea. Often one of the women is hetero and after she does the threesome she beomes bi. Next time she is lonely or doesn't want to put up with the guy, she has another option , her girls.One of her girls might a full fledged lesbian who poisons her mind towards men and fears losing her. She might not come back to men, so men lose by promoting threesomes.
Another reason is the man is saying, I want to cheat on us with your permission. Why would you want him when there is another man who might be happy with being exclusive to you. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/4/2007 10:29:18 PM | | If you bring a third person into your relationship, you invite disaster. If you know you have no future together...why not? Go for broke! Have fun. Enjoy while you can. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/5/2007 12:27:15 PM | well I would have to say that if you have one or more posessive people, or insecure in a relationship then yes they unequivically would ruin the relationship. you should ONLY have a 3-some if you arent fully emotionally involved with the other person(s) OR you have a good grasp and handle on your own relationship.
its good to experiment just not al of the time. and to those that have partners that ask for it all of the time....do it a lot and see how often he(she) asks for it in the future, we all want the forbidden fruit so to speak but take it from me, when you have enough of it, you only WANT it once in a while...ergo the saying too much of a good thing isnt so good after all. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/5/2007 5:37:50 PM | I've found that those with a very strong relationship and excellent open communication are more likely to have a successful three+way.
Strong relationship.
Good communication.
Key points.
Setting some rules helps too.
If they come together well its a lot of fun :) | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/5/2007 8:41:22 PM | Ah yes... the vaunted threesome...
No, they don't ruin relationships... the people involved do.
It's quite simple really; most people can not cope with such a situation in a long-term loving relationship. There are a few out there, but they are very few and far between. Eventually things break down.
I'm sure there are people here who claim to have had it work, but I'd say it's worse odds than Russian Roulette.
Now, if you are in a fairly loose and free and no real true commitment relationship... go nuts.
I won't, but you can.
Yeah... I can just see it now... Gee golly... look at how nicely that dudes fist fits into my wife's vagina... this sure is fun.
the giggleparts - Star crusher | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2007 6:21:06 AM | 3-sums can be really fun! keep jelousy out of the picture.fullfill each others fanticies.keep sum spice into the relationship.indulge in each others sexual desires.have fun,explore and indulge.we enjoy a 3-sum with a male or female.i`m bi and he`s straight.we just kick back and have fun.it`s not goin` to ruin ours either,only makes are bond stronger.be out to make sure everyone is plzed.hope to hear from you soon. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2007 6:33:55 AM | Depends on the relationship and depends on the mindset of the couple involved.
If one partner is only doing it to please the other partner, then yes, it can ruin a relationship. Then again, in those cases, the relationship was probably going downhill anyway. | |
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| threesomes: do they ruin relationships?
Posted: 12/10/2007 5:02:28 AM |
Jealousy is a negative energy emotion. It hurts the person feeling it, and does nothing to strengthen bonds with the person that it's directed towards, unless that person is looking for emotional validation and is too sick to seek it from the jealous one... they have to spurn to feel wanted?
Though everyone will feel it to varying degrees, jealousy in a natural human emotion. Perhaps a secondary one but still natural. It just depends how you deal with it. There are many reasons why we feel it, not just psychological ones. There is a difference between feeling threatened by someone trying to steal your partner away as supposed to freaking out when him/her even talks (in a platonic manner) to the opposite sex. Many people cannot help but feel jealous even at the thought of their loved one being with someone else. It doesn't ALWAYS mean they are insecure. I think jealousy CAN actually be good for a relationship. Because it has the potential to motivate. Perhaps one has been 'slacking' in giving their relationship what it needs. They see their partner getting attention from others, get jealous (which hopefully they don't react badly to, which would definitely show low self esteem), and realize that they could very well lose them. Which leads to them thinking 'Ok I really care about them so I should work more on this so I don't lose them.'
90% of MONOGAMOUS marraiges involve infidelity. 75% of marraiges end in divorce, so at least 15% of people, it works for.
Actually it's 'roughly' 80 percent and that is ONLY a guess. And only about half of that percentage are known to have been unfaithful. But whatever...
[Threesomes can be GOOD for a relationship, if each person is strong enough to feel joy at the other's pleasure. "
I don't think it's necessarily strength cause as I said it isn't always about insecurity. It's more of a separation and many people can't do that. To me sex is very personal and intimate. And when you're in love and making love it's almost like a trance state when nothing, and no one, in the world exists but the two of you. My energy just could not be focused on anyone else. I am a very strong willed person and confident in myself but cannot help (nor would I want to) the way I feel about certain things.
Oh, and if your partner is asking for a threesome, your partner will probably cheat on you if you don't go for it. Statistically speaking that is. But that doesn't mean go for it, if you don't want to. It means seek help for your relationship, or try to find common ground.
It's pretty much a permission to fool around with someone else. A get out of jail free card... And he/she doesn't have to feel 'guilty' cause you let him/her screw her/him. But I also don't think there is common ground, at least not for me. If a guy REALLY wants it (usually those who never experienced it before) and is not happy just keeping it a fantasy then I'm done. I want someone who shares my beliefs in such matters, and I'm not going to hold him back from his. If he wants to try one, he can do so elsewhere, after I've given him the boot. I think if people are really interested in certain things they should explore them in casual (but safe) settings. Then decide if they like them or not. Don't put one who loves you in a such a difficult and compromising state. Unless you know for sure they'd be into it. I think there are things that should be discussed early enough on before love comes into play so it doesn't cause heartache down the road. | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 50 | |
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