| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 7:50:53 AM | FG, That’s an interesting way to put it, but a parent/child relationship is fundamentally different than any other kind of relationship. And the reason why can be summed up in one word - blood. That’s a bond that just can’t be matched or duplicated.
What I know about the last time I was an “us” is that when “us” became “me” again - I had no idea who in the hell I was. Making one isolated compromise doesn’t seem like much. Then you compromise on something else, and you do it again, and again and again ... after a while, you’re not you - you’re us and you have no idea where “me” went or even who the hell that person is any more. I’m sure in some instances or to some people, that is good. Just not to me. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 7:55:57 AM | I guess it depends on what we feel defines who we are.
Becoming 'US' wouldn't take away from who I am...it would add to it.
Changing little quirks wouldn't change who I am either....
I had to learn to sleep with the blankets tucked under the mattress instead
of my feet but it never made me feel like I lost a part of myself.
Someone asking me to change quirky behaviours isn't asking me to change who I am...
...its an easy adjustment to habit. Trying to get me to change my basic beliefs
or values could take away from who I am but it would be damn tough to get
me to change those.
You may be able to get someone to 'pretend' to go along with your beliefs
but in their heart, they remain the same if that person has solid
convictions on what they stand for. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:01:44 AM | So, blood makes things different? Blood didn't make a damn to my sons father.
Or anyone else in my family.
Funny how that works...
Love is love is love. Are you one that would only love that child because he is your blood?
Think a bit more, sweets. I'll try to gather my thoughts, too. This damn emergency alert siren is messing with my head at the moment!
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:05:07 AM | | Peace of mind. Knowing you don't have to waste your time going out on dates trying to figure someone else out. Knowing that you matter to the girl and she shows it with her actions and words. Having fun doing nothing or going out. Not having to think......ofcourse, that didn't work out........so here I am ! lol | |
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YX32
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Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 56 | |
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7times
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Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 57 | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:13:28 AM | I think I'll sum it up with saying that had you really had a strong sense of yourself, you wouldn't have gotten lost in the "us". It'd be impossible. You have to have that first to be able to have anything substantial and lasting to offer to another. Once you do, you are able to give yourself and not feel that you've lost something in doing so.
I haven't lost anything by loving. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:21:20 AM | Love is love is love.
Not true. At least, not in my opinion. For instance, let’s say I lost my mind and remarried and she had her own children. I’d never feel the same about them as I do my son. My dad has raised four of us, and only two are his biological children. My dad, as great a man as he is, loves my brother and oldest sister, but I have always been able to tell a difference in how he has treated my youngest sister and I as opposed to the other two. It’s nothing bad or wrong - I think it’s somewhat natural.
So, yes, IMO, blood is important. It may not be so important to everyone, but it is to me.
edit: FG ... but how does one become an “us?” Compromise is one of the major factors. It is inherint that when you compromise, you make changes - giving up a little part of yourself. Did I ever compromise my core values? No. But I did compromise what I was able to experience in life.. Was it worth it? Believe it or not, yes, but for only one good reason - the compromises led to producing my son. But that would be worth being put through hell on earth. As my experience has shown me that compromise and becoming an “us” produced only one benefit - albeit a substantial one - I no longer view it as something that is positive. Just my opinion. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:45:32 AM | Well Yam, if you can only love "blood", I guess you'll always love only your son. Which would mean that you'd have to lose your mind to ever love a woman with kids.
How to become an "us"? That is something only those involved in the "us" can determine. It's that individual.
I would never expect a man to love my children as I do. I'd want him to care about them, respect them, befriend them. No one can love them as I do. Any future relationship I'd choose to invest in would ultimately be about my partner and I. Children are part of us, part of our relationship. But the relationship would be primarily "ours". | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 8:59:19 AM | | ... and so is the life I choose, FG. Like I said, I don’t expect much of anyone to agree with me, but becoming an “us” is not at all attractive to me. It doesn’t mean I’m right, by any means. Maybe it’s the narcissism talking, but I love me and have no incentive to change anything about me. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 9:15:11 AM | Yam,
It's not about "changing" YOU. And I would hope you love YOU.
I'm not trying to change you, I could care less. I'm merely addressing the comments you've made, questions you've asked, and the topic in general.
It's not as if this is the first time we've disagreed. We disagree on everything. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 9:28:13 AM |
I'm not trying to change you, I could care less. I'm merely addressing the comments you've made, questions you've asked, and the topic in general.
I know .... I didn't think it was anything personal. Just trying to explain my original statement a little better.
It's not as if this is the first time we've disagreed. We disagree on everything.
Ain't that the truth | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 9:47:23 AM | honesty and trust in every aspect of heart felt communication. respecting each other and allowing each other space.Allowing each other to have friends.growing in love with respect and dignity. Treating each other gently and with kindness.  | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 9:51:18 AM | You can't distill any one quality of a relationship and say that it's more important than another thing.
If someone says Love--well, how many damn other qualities does it take in a relationship before you fall in love. Passion?--passion ain't simple. It's not just about looks. It can be conversation; it can be just about anything that triggers passion.
This is a silly question. | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 10:29:33 AM |
but I love me and have no incentive to change anything about me.
I think that's the key Yam because in my mind, the other person has to be the incentive that makes me want to change parts of myself.
If the person is important to me...he's worth me changing and adjusting to. No-one should expect me to change myself.....but they can expect that in time and by my own accord, I will make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going.
I love my children too and you know that no other person can make you lose yourself more than your children. Most of us do this so quickly and willingly that we don't realize it but the truth is, the better part of my life revolves around them. I'm ok with that and I wouldn't have it any other way. Some parents however, do walk away from their children because they don't feel they are worth the compromise.
I'm also willing to change some parts of me to blend into a relationship because a relationship is important to me...but for those like yourself Yam, who find that the benefits aren't worth the effort then that's ok too and I think it takes a lot of fortitude on your part to admit that.  | |
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| What is the most important part of a relationship to you?
Posted: 12/6/2005 11:20:34 AM | Well said, Deborah. June Cleaver wrapped in Jennifer Garner’s body wouldn’t be enough incentive for me. But the good thing is, I realize that, am cognizant of it and am happy with my life as is and where it will go.
We all find happiness in our own way. | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 72 | |
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