| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/9/2006 6:53:45 PM | | wouldn't he just create a new profile then? Closing a profile on POF isn't the end of the POF experience. It takes 5 minutes to make another. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:06:48 PM | @lookerseeker: you misunderstood what I said. I got your back on this one.
However I would NEVER log on to my gf's computer and snoop around because I didn't trust her internet behavior. If I knew my gf had an account on a dating website like this, and I thought she was flirting with dudes when we had an agreement to have a monogamous relationship, I still wouldn't violate her privacy. I'd ask her to log on and show me her e-mails. If she wouldn't do this for me, that would be essentially an admission of guilt. Then I'd give her the space she didn't have the courage to ask me for. What you suspected was true, that's unfortunate. Snooping is wrong no matter who is doing it. How would you have felt if you "accidentally" clicked a few buttons and found nothing wrong? Probably foolish.
There is so much interesting stuff here on PoF, as an intelligent and curious person myself I wouldn't deny that curiousity from my partner. But if we were monogamous, of course it's wrong to be flirting with others of the opposite sex, attempting to meet them unbeknownst to our partner. Not everyone is comfortable with behavioral curiosity as I am.
I never said I was wrong for you to ask your boyfriend to be truthful about his flirting and to stop hitting on other women.
It's really tough when you don't trust the fidelity of your partner. If you ask your partner to be forthright and they resist, you have the right to end your relationship. It seems you moved into his house after just getting to know him. IMO he has a right to his privacy in his home, even though it seems all the writing was on the wall and he was lieing to you. If he can't log on without giving away his password, you have every reason to mistrust his internet behavior. But that doesn't give you the right to violate his privacy. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:25:41 PM | Personally......I wouldnt ask for a guy's password.....might say..what is your password?...hehe.....if he told me.....well......I would be impressed...if he didnt....well I would get suspicious..lol
Next......in my opinion.....I wouldnt give her the password ONLY because she could be vindictive...and well post unflattering things about you in your profile..if she gets mad at you....
BUT...you should not have a problem(AT ALL)...with her reading anything that goes in or comes out of your mailbox......if you two are monogamous...
had a husband that followed me around sometimes...when I did home health nursing....
would catch him....and just smile....(he loves me)..lolol....didnt feel threatened or anything....I never cheated....and didnt mind at all
after all....I had nothing to hide.....now....I had a boyfriend that kept checking on me....and we were not serious yet....and well...I was guilty of flirting at times....shamelessly....no intimacy or anything....and I got so mad when he checked on me.......tongue in cheek...
if you are not doing anything wrong....and you have given your word to be monogamous to the is one person......there should be NO secrets....NONE...NADA..... | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/9/2006 9:28:32 PM | I SAY DONT GIVE HER THE PASS WORD SHE HAS TO LEARN TO TRUST YOU,NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE WILL BE FOLLOWING YOU DOWN THE STREET, AND AS WHAT YOU SAID YOUR PROFILE SAYS THAT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,TELL HER TO COOK YOUR LUNCH AND MAKE HERSELF USEFUL ONLY JOKING  | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/9/2006 9:45:28 PM | Hmmmm I have read all the postings about this subject & see one common theme missing. This is a dating site where people come to meet others. Now if one is involved in a serious relationship why do they need to be here?
If i was seeing someone who came here regularily I would wonder too.
Just food for thought. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/10/2006 4:01:20 AM | mho
but if the girl starting being vindictive for some reason and started butchering my profile I could (a) delete it and start a new one later, (b) remove/change the photo and no one would know who she was talking about, (c) leave it alone, start a new one and let her think she's having her fun, while I'm on #2 continuing where I left off.
Bottom line: there'd be issues to resolve though. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:47:00 AM | bike man: you also misunderstood me, I wasn't on there snooping, & it was an accidental click, one which I will always regret. I'm not that computer smart.
I just wanted to see if he removed me off the fav. list again, & since my oops took me to his box, I just thought well I'm here, no use me logging in I can check fav lists there, that's all , nothing more. I did believe everything he told me, it was a total shock to find things there.:( P.S. I wasn't living at his house & for the record, he started leaving his things at my house first. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/10/2006 6:39:33 AM | hi lookerseeker it's easy to misinterpret words. i misjudged you. you can only read this PoF stuff sometimes without thinking everyone is just spontaneously dropping their drawers and doing the nasty at a moment's notice. you said he threw you out of his house; i assume you only get thrown out if you move in, that goes to show that you never ASS U ME.
what the hell is he removing you off the favorites list? that makes NO SENSE. what in the blue hell is the rationale for that?
i still say two wrongs do not a right make. but you're all right in my book lookerseeker. hugs to you.  | |
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raine7
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Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 259 | |
| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/10/2006 6:52:20 AM | | I am just wondering why would you be on this site if you have a girlfriend? If you didn't give her the password then you have something to hide, you say you don't then give her your password and let her see..... | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:17:58 AM | Simply put dude: She doesn't trust you.
I had a G/f that was like this once. NEVER AGAIN! She turned out to be an egocentric, self-serving bytch! When she cheated on me, she accused me of cheating on her. This was to throw the blame elsewhere 'cause I would be so busy defending my loyalty, I'd be too busy to catch her cheating.
One of my bigger questions... If you got a solid G/F why do you need POF anyway? Don't give me that 'for friends' or 'for the forums' B.S.. There are plenty of other forums to become a member of on web. I suggest one that doesn't have dating connotations. You can meet friends anywhere. when you are on a dating site though, you look as if you are seeking a replacement no matter how pure the intent. Honestly, you're asking for trouble if you appear to be seeking others when you got one for yourself already.
Here's the play:
Give her the password then change it. When she attempts to log in to your account and can't she'll call you up saying it's the wrong password and you don't trust her. Just tell her, "I trusted you enough to give it to you and not use it. Something told me you would...I guess I can't trust you now can I." Then dump her.
A nosy person is an insecure one. Nobody needs that. There is no future with a person you can't trust. Good luck!  | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:19:44 AM | Holy cannoli people, there's still people on here telling him not to give her his password - wakey wakey, he posted many pages back that she'd broken up with him.
A few things stood out when reading his post and the responses. For those who automatically accused her of being jealous/insecure/having trust issues/possesive, etc...........um, hello? - did it ever occur to you that she has a legitimate reason that she's requested his password? We've only ever heard from the OP that she requested it but he never did explain her reason for requesting it. Maybe she's got good reason to think/suspect he's been up to no good on here? It IS a known fact that there's many people on here (men and women) who are involved but here horsing around and being dishonest.
Secondly, did anyone else find it odd that if she also comes to this site, that she didn't pipe in here and give her side of things? - so perhaps she doesn't have profile/post here at all and he made that part up.
Doesn't anyone find it very odd, too, that he's now gone when she dumped him and he'd have no reason to leave?
He made the comment that men don't ask women for their passwords - untrue. I once dated a guy who was fairly new to the internet and wasn't familiar with forums. I'd belonged to several for some years before him and had a lot of long time "friends" from these forums (no, nothing even remotely inappropriate) - they were general forums where all topics were discussed (relationships, politics, religion, current events, sex/love, health/nutrition, computer stuff, etc). He thought it was weird that I'd spend time at such places and communicating with all these people. He asked me for my passwords and I gladly gave them to him - why? Because i had nothing to hide and if this new world was so foreign to him and my sharing my password made him feel better, why not? However - had I found he'd been logging in to snoop and read my mail, that would have been a different story. I just wanted him to see what it was all about. It was never a problem for him afterward, he appreciated me being so open and honest.
When you love someone, you sometimes do things to let them know that they can trust you - but there is a fine line that can be crossed, you just have to both know where that line is.
I also don't see why a couple needs to have profiles here - let's face it, this is a huge meat market. Oh sure, so many people are "here for the forums" but come on, forums on a dating site? There's a zillion forums on the WWW for general and relationship discussion - why continue on a site designed for those looking for someone to date/hangout with/screw? | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:27:19 AM | | I think Bucsgirl already explained that to you, Sienna, yesterday on another Forum. Bottom line is you don't care what reason people have, you just like to keep saying that and getting reactions out of people. I understand your viewpoint, but everyone isn't going to agree with it. We all have our reasons for being here that aren't limited to what's inside your scope of reasoning. You don't have to believe Bucs, or me or others that have explained why attached people come here to answer forums. Doesn't matter, your objections are duly noted, now back to the forum postings. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:39:01 AM | | Uh, let's see JackyFrost - of all that i wrote, that's the one bit you had to focus on? People can explain it to me all they like, doesn't mean it makes sense to me. In fact, all these people who have spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends, children - who are on here posting up a storm - life is short. We're not guaranteed tomorrow. Your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/child could pass away tomorrow and then you'd only wish you'd spent the time you did on here goofing around, with them. Of all the time you spend here goofing off and whatever you do, that could be time well spent with your loved ones - trying a new activity with your spouse or children, doing something to strengthen your relationships, etc. Some married/involved people practically live here - how can that be good for their relationship? Oh well, whatever - to each their own. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/11/2006 3:42:43 AM | exactly...to each their own. We don't know everyone's individual situations. We don't know all the facts. Therefore until all the facts are known, all judgements and pre-suppositions about "why people are doing whatever" should be kept to ourselves. I agree. Good point 
There's all sorts of reasons and it doesn't always coincide with a time one can spend with the kids or a spouse. There's nothing wrong with killing a little time here in the evening or morning when everyone's sleeping or doing their own thing or when you got nothing else to do. Being married doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip. It is okay to do separate things once in awhile. Some people don't have a lot of friends and this is it for them. Others are with their kids 24/7 homeschooling/babysitting and figure a little break is probbly ok.
Point being... there's a zillion reasons and we can't just assume it because someone its always one or two of those reasons. I always withhold judgement until I get more information. Its waaay to easy to make a guess without knowing what your talking about.
I don't have a problem with anyone being on here talking. Their personal life and marital issues and status are none of my concern nor have any impact on my personal life. Being on here is your business alone and that of your partner. Outside of that...who cares. If you can hold up a conversation, then fantastic, thats why I'm here.
Have a good one.. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/11/2006 4:05:51 AM | i wouldnt give my password for anything away!!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!
If you have nothing to hide log in and let her see who's talking to you. If thats all she wants then just let her see, but dont give away your password. Ive herd too many stories of fights, and password changes, and tampering, to know that only you should get on there on a whim. no one else! | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 270 | |
| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:50:35 PM | Unless you have something to hide...why not just give it to her?
Then she'll see that you're not a cheating jerkwad...and love you long time! | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/24/2006 1:48:06 AM | don't listen to the nothing to hide crap, you should have nothing to prove, she should trust you, it's not a matter of not wanting her to see what's on it it's a matter of why she would want to see it in the first place
If she does have one on here, your profile says you have a g/f and you haven't cheated on her before, then why all of a sudden does she need to see it
Mabey you should ask to see her's first, before the great act of deleting secret messages first of course but other then that no she shouldn't be asking in the first place
When did it become okay to mistrust the person you're in a relationship with just because you've had bad experiences? Trust until proven wrong, especially if you've already comitted to them. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:45:24 AM | no one needs a password to see what your doing on POF anyway. The only reason you need it is for the ability to use the email system and post to forums. Otherwise its easy to see what forums he's been to without the password.
I wouldn't do it for someone I wasn't married to. If they got trust issues, then its thier problem, not mine. They are free to leave or find a way to get over their own insecurities. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:51:53 AM | How does she even know the guy used pof? Did he use it while she visitied his apartment or did they live together? I'm curious how she knows (maybe I miss this).
Future advice: Don't use the computer or access your chatting places while your SO is around or where they can see it (like on a favorites list)
And then until your married to her: password protect your PC so that no one but you can boot it up. Your computer and its contents are yours and yours alone legally. | |
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