Opium
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Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 2:57:13 AM | it's a slippery slope that you'll be embarking on if you give her the password. Why not just get a couples profile? That way both of you can use it and have a common password.  Just like a joint bank/checking account, no? | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:18:52 AM | There was only one reason she wanted that password and that was to snoop on you
I would have grave concerns at any one who cant respect any privacy . Whats next, she wants to look through your phone and open your mail? She either trusts you or she doesnt
Word of warning, if she is obviously that insecure and paranoid about you she will try to crack your password without your knowledge. This has serious hangups written all over it. 
The issue of whether or not you should be on this dating site when in a relationship is a totally different issue as I see it and should be discussed between the two of you, alone. Spying on you is not the answer to that question. | |
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7times
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Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 5:28:01 AM | | I figure since you both have a profile on here, like the one guy said get her password also.. Hell I'll mail you and she will think guys are hitting on you | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 6:03:53 AM | | Don't do it darlin'........there's no reason for her to have it. If she would like to see who's sending you emails, log with her and show her. BUT, unless you've done something to give her reason to not trust you...she has no right to it. I think it might be an age thing since you are only 21. She is just feeling insecure, and hopefully, she'll get over it. But people in committed relationships are still allowed to have privacy, don't let anyone tell you different! My boyfriend is on this site as well....although he doesn't 'do' the forums so he's not around much since we started dating...but I would NEVER dream of asking for his password. I trust him totally, and you know what....(and she needs to realize this) IF someone is going to cheat, they will do it with or without you having a password. It's silly. Either she trusts you, or she doesn't. Simple. Being able to monitor you here will only be the start if you give in. She needs to accept that you are allowed your own space and it's not a reflection of your feelings for her. Best of luck to you. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 6:37:14 AM | Cara2005:
You made so many great points, but I wanted to focus in on one in particular.
" She needs to understand that respecting someones privacy is as important as having her privacy respected"
This is a big issue. I have chosen to be faithful and have nothing to hide so I feel like I don't need to be watched. Here is an analogy. Let's say that you have nothing illegal in your house (in other words you have nothing to hide). Even if this was the case, would you want the police rummaging through all of your personal belongings? It is definitely a privacy issue as well. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:06:50 AM | It's a matter of trust and principle. I would NOT give anyone my password on this basis. If she couldn't accept that, then she would be history. Has she offered to give you hers, BTW? Even so, I would not accept hers nor give mine, no matter that I have nothing to hide.
That said, my SO knows all my accounts and passwords in case of an emergency, but has never used them without asking me first or at my request. I have hers, as well, and don't snoop on her or abuse the privilege. I should note that the trust developed over time as we learned about each other and learned that the trust was fully justified. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:14:38 AM | I have a friend that had her boyfriends passwords to almost everything. They broke up and she checked them. It's one thing for her to ask you to remove your profile or mention that you are dating someone and not looking for anyone in your profile (if you haven't then this might be an alternative that will satisfy her). I don't think under any circumstance (unless you share the account) should she have your passwords to anything. Too much hassle in the end to change everything. No offence but if a guy asked it would creep me out.
Let us know what you decide to do. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:35:59 AM |
Another general consensus is that if I do give her the Plenty of Fish Password, it is just the beginning!
yup, pretty much. when my first major ex was cheating on me i cracked his passwords and abused the ones i had because i was bound and determined to catch him out. it did me no good, cuz he continued to cheat... i have friends who have done the same. it was only out of mistrust. they went through the guys things and searched for hidden meanings in everything, despite me saying there was nothing to worry about... i watched this and felt so ashamed and embarassed for their insecurity and behaviour i decided i'd never do it again. its degrading and demonstrates a weak relationship. you can discuss the issue without providing the password. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:38:20 AM | She could be insecure..and perhaps for valid reasons...maybe she has been burnt in the past..and even if she hasnt....this is a dating site after all...perhaps shes just worried a little....its not like this is something any man/woman had to deal with 20 years ago. There are many people out there that say they are just on here for the forums etc....but in reality are talking to other people and "playing" the field. She may just want reassurance, despite what your profile says...that you are what you say you are. You could after all be saying that in your profile but still be flirting with other women. Sure in a perfect world, she should trust you enough and know you well enough it shouldnt be an issue...but some people just take longer to trust then others, based on their past experiences.
Everyone on here, including the OP, has to remember the age of this couple too. The OP is fairly young, and I am assuming his girlfriend is too. I remember when I was that age, I was a little insecure too....I wasnt a pyscho, or nosy etc etc...just young and inexperienced on how best to handle a situation. Making proper judgement calls as to what is appropriate and what is not, comes with age and experience.
So, personally, I think the best way to handle it...is compromise...say "Look, I understand your concern...(even if you dont)....and Ive thought about...I will let you look thru everything....but I am not giving you my password" This shows to her that you have nothing to hide..let her go thru freely...(one time only..if she wants more than that...she is pushing it)...and if it was just reassurance she was after...then that should be the end of it. There is no need to give your password...and she shouldnt expect it. You do have a right after all to your privacy.
If she pushes the issue after looking thru...or will only settle for the password route period...then I would start to question her. She may in fact have issues in which case from there....you need to talk to her and get to the bottom of them now...or things could get messy later. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:15:35 AM | There was a question in one of the threads somewhere. What is the #1 cause of divorce. As society changes marriage councellors have regular meetings to discuss the common denominator and try and find solutions to a prevelant problem. Apparently the internet is the #1 biggy. According to them the internet is the twentieth century mistress. Speaking for myself the internet played a large part in my desicion to end my last relationship. How sad that something that should and could be so useful be at the same time so destructive.
Temptation is so easily swallowed & unless both partners are on the same page at the same time it can be dangerous to the relationship. I've lost count of the number of people I know who have left their spouses because of meeting someone in the "chat room" not having any intention of it going down that road in the beginning. Humans have their weaknessess and Bill Gates just made it that more easier. | |
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Dell
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Joined: 1/21/2004
Msg: 39 | |
| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:16:13 AM | Guess i'm running inthe minority here. I'd give it to her... or in the very least, log in and let her see that you've been up to nothing. Privacy issue aside, if you weren't hiding anything it wouldn't be that big a deal. You can always change the password after, right?
i just recently gave someone my password for a couple of accounts. It's worth losing a little privacy in the spirit of building trust. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:31:12 AM | | You know what Dell, I think I'm with you on this one. Lets for a sec say it's MY problem. I would in a loving kind and caring way (even tho thats not how I necessarily feel) open it up one day and "together" go through it. If that is not satifactory then the privacy issue needs to be addressed in a calm (keyword here) manner and let him know beyond a shadow of a doubt that relationships do have boundries and that trusting and being trusted is the mortar that holds the relationship together. If it becomes a full fedged fight, then she has some issues that need to be examined and corrected. Maybe even she doesnt know what they are and because you love her the two of you can work on them together. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:33:43 AM | A couple of things:
It's not cool that she asked you for you password that is a step over the line as far as trust goes as far as invading your partner's personal space she def. put you in a awkward position and crossed the line of trust. I'm sure it gives you a weird message.
however:
Why are so many people in relationships on a dating site with active profiles? It doesn't matter that you are here for the forums or that the profile says "in a relationship" your profiles still show up in a general search on the dating site, therefore you are still technically on the market. Me personally I would HIDE my profile while in a relationship and till hang out for the forums, let's face it if I am off the market there is no excuse to have an active profile on a dating site. I would not want to leave any room for doubt in my relationship. And I would expect the same from my partner.
That is how I see it and it would have to be a mutual agreement or else it does not work. She can have all the trust in the world for you but I think you shouldn't be leaving yourself open to other women to contact you. It's innocuous enough until the temptation turns into deceit so even if things are great between the two of you now, I can kind of see where she is coming from too.. sorry it may not be what you want to hear. ;-) | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 12:47:40 PM | I actually agree with sexyandbrainy on this one. You don't have to have an active profile to be here for the forums. There are so many profiles here of people just interested in the forums yet they have a full profile and pics, sometimes sexy pics in the case of women.
Why tempt fate? The possibility of someone mailing you who catches your fancy exists. And the internet, chat rooms, dating sites, they all are notorious for getting people into trouble in their relationships. Its an addiction for alot of folks.
Your girl has no right to ask for your password and yes, it shows trust issues. But then again, I think most of us would be a bit insecure if our mate was hanging around in a dating site. Personally I don't like it but your profile does state your situation.
Somehow I don't think this relationship of yours is gonna last anyways. | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:10:40 PM | I agree and I am still trying to figure out why people who are NOT single, are on a dating site?
It seems to me, she has a right to ask, if you are not single, why are you on a dating site??
There is no reason you need to keep meeting people of the opposite sex on a dating site if you are already in a relationship, there are other types of sites and places you can go to find friends, however a DATING site is NOT one of them!  | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:18:36 PM | ^^^
His girlfriend has an account on POF too, so what does that say? Not necessarily anything.
You're entitled to your opinion about who should be on here, but apparently there are MANY people who disagree with you. There aren't restrictions on who can participate. When you own the site, you can set any restrictions you like, and good luck enforcing them!  | |
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| Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:28:57 PM | I have a boyfreind in here who has a membership and i would never think of asking him for his password.That is his personal thing and i trust him or i wouldnt be with him..so ya need to talk i think..... | |
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