| |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 9:41:34 AM | F*uck buddies can be fun stuff but it relies on maintaining a non-emotional connection based on physical satisfaction and a genuine pleasure from being with each other.
It is possible that he just really enjoys your company and hearing your thoughts. It breaks up his day nicely and perhaps he is just bored. You would be able to tell from his voice, his eyes, if the relationship was going farther in his heart than yours.
Unless its annoying to you, I wouldn't worry about it.
Bana-dito | |
|
Rake
|
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 10:15:01 AM | Just follow the Seinfeld rules and all should be fine:
But first have this conversation with him:
"Why shouldn't we be able to do that once in a while if we want to? I mean, really, what is the big deal? We go in there (Point to the bedroom) We're in there for a while. We come right back out here. It's not complicated. It's almost stupid if we didn't. The idea is combine this (point to you and him indicating friendship) and that (point to the bedroom). But this cannot be disturbed by that"
Then lay out the following rules
1) Spending the night is optional: Say to him "When we see each other now, we retire to our separate quarters. But sometimes, when people get involved with that (point to the bedroom), they feel pressure to sleep over. When that is not really sleep. Sleep is separate from that. And I don't see why sleep got all tied up and connected with that."
2) No call the day after that: "I call you whenever I'm inclined and vice versa. But if we did that (point to the bedroom), we might feel a certain obligation to call. But why should that be?"
3) Goodnight kiss: optional | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 10:55:21 AM | | Fact...whenever a friendship boundary is crossed with a friend when it comes to sex is like igniting dinamite in the back of a moving car....it becomes very dangerous. It becomes an emotional rollercoaster once you got a taste and want more. You become an addict and want more. Until on a subconscious level you start to scheme to try to keep it for yourself. And it only goes down hill from there. This is as bad as lending a good friend money what happens when they dont pay it back. Stick to one night stands so that no one gets hurt. My question to everyone is if that car with explosive is about to go off would you eject out of itif you had that option. Dont wait till things blow up in your face .Cut it off now before things get worse if they havent already....chow | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:04:10 AM | | I could be wrong on this point, but isn't the reason they are seeing each other till the real one comes along is that they can't get one night stands? Or is that they feel this is safer? Or it's sort of o.k., because at least they kind of like the other person? I guess I'm not completely sure of why soeone would have a friend with benefits if they were able to go out and find a "sure" date, no problem... | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:07:29 AM | me and my friend kat used to go drinking and dancing at Woodys Pub in Coquitlam and get "frisky" on the dancefloor. We had some "friends with benefeits" encounters, and it was all good!! We're still great friends. That was a fun night she spent over though
the first time we went out together, she had a few too many rye and cokes, (cuz she felt comfortable and safe around me), and I had to damn near CARRY her to the skytrain station to get home.
We've been friends since we were 4 | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:19:02 AM | I tried the "friends with benefits" deal, but it didn't work for me. I got all caught up with the mind-blowing sex and the wonderful friendship and eventually wanted to take it to the next level. I mean, it seemed natural to do so. But he wasn't into it, so we parted ways. Of course he was into a 'relationship' after we were said and done and had time to reflect, but it was too late for me by then. What can I say? Perhaps next time, he'll be wiser and recognize a good opportunity ... and delve into it. I'm not going to force anyone to commit to me. I figure they should be clever enough to do so by their own merits.
They think they are getting the best of both worlds, sex with no committment. But I think they are being deprived of truly having the complete experience of love with lust and committment. How much are you willing to unveil, knowing there is someone else they are still looking for and you are just a make shift substitute until the real deal comes along? I don't know about you, but to be uninhibited, I can't think someone else is coming in, as I'm going out. I'm not saying it's wrong for everyone, but it sure is for me. I'll be patient until the real deal comes along for me.
Catch a star! A big AMEN there. I wholeheartedly concur! | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:38:30 AM | based on physical satisfaction and a genuine pleasure from being with each other.
Genuine pleasure without any emotional connection ot attachment?
hhmmm.
It is possible that he just really enjoys your company and hearing your thoughts. It breaks up his day nicely and perhaps he is just bored. You would be able to tell from his voice, his eyes, if the relationship was going farther in his heart than yours.
SMART!!! THIS is a NEW insight into this trend that MANY should listen to...BIGTIME!!
They think they are getting the best of both worlds, sex with no committment. But I think they are being deprived of truly having the complete experience of love with lust and committment. How much are you willing to unveil, knowing there is someone else they are still looking for and you are just a make shift substitute until the real deal comes along? I don't know about you, but to be uninhibited, I can't think someone else is coming in, as I'm going out. I'm not saying it's wrong for everyone, but it sure is for me. I'll be patient until the real deal comes along for me.
Same.
Fwb is worse than a one night stand, because.....at least aone night stand includes some passion and ral heat and fire..desire n such. FWB is like masturbating with another persons parts it seems.
I'm all for a life partner..a wife..a best friend....the other half.
It seems that women seem to want me for a fwb type thing. I wonder how much one should charge. | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:44:52 AM |
Benefits? Are we talking Health benefits here? I can get a friend to pay my doctor bill? This is great! Why wasn't I told sooner?
lmao!!! toooo funny.  | |
|
Dell
|
Joined: 1/21/2004
Msg: 35 | |
| |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 11:56:53 AM | Old topic, new insight!
It doesn't seem like he just wanting a FWB status, he wants more. If you're into it, do it! If not, it loooks like one of you is gonna get hurt. | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 12:01:02 PM | Yeah...the guy is falling for you...
Latintango, instead, would take the benefits and not write to you or phone you...ever...honest...promise...cross my heart.... | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:42:26 PM | | Regardless of your relationship, there is no reason for anyone to cal you 3 or 4 times a day. Sounds like the definition of obsessive, insecure, or controling (wanting to know where you are and what you're doing all the time). Be careful, girl. | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:49:31 PM | I had an experience with this once. After a three year relationship, me and my girlfriend decided to break up for the last time. I mentioned that if she ever wanted to spend the night just call and to my surprise she did. About once a week, and always for a physical night on the springs. That was it. That's how fwb should be. After three or four months she said she met a guy, and that was that. I haven't spoken to her since, and she hasn't called (actually, she called my old home... apparently she's divorced now).
3-4 times a day, the guy is clinging. It's odd that he had the nerve to ask to be fwb, but not to ask you out. He may be crazy  I would heed Miss Music's warning.
(btw, nice profile miss music!) | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 2:38:04 PM | A female friend of mine told me she prefers a FWB that is married. She said they are less risk, are discrete, and aren't as apt to fall in love and want to get married. She said she can have all the passion and closeness without worrying about him getting the wrong signals.
I'm sure a lot of people will have a problem with that, but we're splitting hairs. Sex outside of marriage, sex with a married man, cheating on your taxes, what's the difference? | |
|
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 2:57:14 PM | Well i have had a FWB and sometimes we text each other about 50 times a day. Then it can be weeks. Neither of us wants more, in fact we text coz we are bored and we know that the other person will reply, have a bit of fun via text, and no emotion is involved.
It does depend on the content of the messages you receive, and at what point the FWB relationship is. | |
|
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:06:04 PM | Don't give me that .. there are always emotions involved and emotions need to be managed properly.
The decision to become friends with benefits almost always are made after both parties agree that possibility for long term is not there .. but .. there is chemistry and attraction. | |
|
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:15:46 PM | What is a 'friend with benefits'?
Think of how that sounds! The perfect setup for the uncommitted. LOL.
If you put a man and woman 'together' even at a distance and there is any spark of attraction AT ALL you have more than a friendship, I have found. There is usually one party who would like it to be more.
'Friend With Benefits'. You learn something new every day.
Pauline X | |
|
| |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:18:59 PM | I just read the previous posts in greater detail and you know what? FWB is exactly what I thought it was in the first place!
But such a friendship is easier to imagine than to realise.
I could see myself agreeing to Orlando Bloom's 'sex without commitment' suggestion - LIKE A SHOT - but in the real world it seldom works out and usually causes great pain AND the loss of the original friendship. If that's all it was.
P. X | |
|
| |
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| |
| |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:26:30 PM | | well tamisage it looks to me like he's looking for more than just friendship. 3 to 4 times a day seems to be a little out of the ordinary for just wanting to be friends. | |
|
Home
login 
