| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:30:10 PM | I just think it takes 2 special people. They need to be emotionally detached from each other, self serving and incapable of taking it to the next step.
If you are a romantic, no way can you exist in a FWB (sheesh...I didn't even know there was already an accronym for this) relationship....as soon as you start caring, game over.
But its a great ride while it lasts.....no?
Bana-dito | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:32:02 PM | @ Arri
ok - maybe i phrased it incorrectly. Yes there is emotion, but not the sort of emotion that means we would want to give a "proper relationship" a go.
I have posted on another thread about this man, but can't remember which one it is. (which thread not which man)
We did start out by having a couple of dates, then decided it wouldn't work, but we liked each other enough to do the FWB thing. Netiher of us want the other as a "beloved" but whilst we were looking for somebody we were quite content to meet up occasionally for the benefits.
We currently stay in touch by text. And sometimes it can be weeks between talking. Then we will have a long conversation. In the same way as you might ring a pal you haven't spoken to for a while and spend an hour or two on the phone. We just do it by text. | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:41:35 PM | 3 or 4 times a day...? what...? ahhhhh....e-mailing....phewwww....
For a minute I thought that Mr. Friends with benefits was taking Viagra and Cialis....at the same time.... | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/5/2005 3:47:15 PM | I have a FWB- we've been chatting everyday, but don't really see each other everytime.. mostly every 2 weeks or so. He calls once in a while.. but chat is everyday.
I guess i will have to agree with the previous post that it depends on the context of the convo...
If you think that he is falling for you and you're not ready- get out now before it gets complicated. Be careful. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 55 | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/6/2005 1:00:11 AM | | You are correct in quoting me. You see I was initially interested in dating this guy. He was the one that said he did not want more. I agreed because I liked the sex. As soon as I meet a guy that I would like to date, I will end this other arrangement. I was just getting concerned that I might hurt my "friend" in the process. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 57 | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/6/2005 10:02:41 AM | We all know FWB relationships will end once you meet someomne you are interested in. The same is true for him...you both have accepted that going into this relationship. Therefore, one of you will end up more sad than the other, its all fair and nothing to feel guilty about.
Enjoy it while it lasts, and if your feelings of guilt make it difficult to maintain this friendship...end it now...simple as that.
Bana-dito | |
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tikiy
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Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/8/2005 2:24:07 PM | i have to say the f/b thing works for me. the reason is i am going to be dating alot because i haven't found "the one" yet. i am certainly not going to be sleeping with them all, so i have (my name) "boy toy". we decide right up front that it is what it is. when feelings start to enter its time to have the rules talk again. if it cant be a mutual agreement of what the next phase is (ie:f/b or ltr )then all bets are off. a person has to have a strong self esteem to enter in this kind of relationship,bc it can be very hurtful if you do let your emotions drive,got to keep them out of it.
the sum of all that gibberish is this you have got to have the rules talk again. you need to figure out exactly what you want first and hold your ground. i know it is bad to hurt someones feelings but what? you cannot be with someone just bc you might hurt them if you are not. i read in another post of yours about the second date you were dropped. hey it happens would you want someone to stay around bc they didnt want to hurt your feelings? i wouldn't, so it hurts,
means you still feel if you still feel you can still love and that is a great thing. | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/8/2005 3:19:12 PM | | Yes, you will hurt your friend in the process, which is why it would have been better to stay friends. Besides, if he is a good friend, and you like intimacy with him, I really dont get why there would be no relationship anyway. Just my opinion. | |
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bailey
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Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 61 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/8/2005 4:55:20 PM | I do not understand why you would want to have such an arrangement with a man who has basically told you that you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to date. And if you are looking to seek a romantic relationship with another man why on earth would you want to jeopardize this before it starts? I mean how do you explain..."well yes I'd love to date you but I have to dump this guy that i am sleeping with first?". I would think that any self-respecting man would run screaming in the other direction.
I would think that the fwb arrangement is more suited for one who is not currently seeking a committed relationship...no? | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 62 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/8/2005 7:37:37 PM | I do not understand why you would want to have such an arrangement with a man who has basically told you that you are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to date.
If your ego perceives this as a rejection and becomes polarized because of it then you have a problem.
I think tikiy put it best when she said:
a person has to have a strong self esteem to enter in this kind of relationship
if you are looking for a committed relationship it is possible to enter into this kind of arrangement and satisfy your sexual needs until you find one as long as you have a strong sense of self and can remain reasonably emotionally detached. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 63 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/8/2005 8:01:41 PM | | you don't have to be totally detached emotionally. That cheapens the whole thing and makes the experience not fun. Just step back if you feel too attached ... | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/11/2005 11:36:27 PM | | I think we are headed for trouble. Now I am wanting to contact him more. He still has not said he wants the arrangement to change and I am not sure I want it to change. | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/11/2005 11:42:23 PM | Oh no.
Really.
ARE YOU DAFT!?
Should I tell her? No, no, let her figure it out. I'm sure she'll figure it out... ya.
Oh, sorry, did I type that? | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 12:17:07 AM | jimb77
Excellent response. I couldn't agree with you more. FWB, is like mama always said, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free and vice-versa. If you have once FWB, how many can you have........doesn't it make it a little dangerous.........that would be like being a prostitute but doing it for free.......... | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 1:12:56 PM | Interesting perspective though. Is there a rule about how many Friends with Benefits you can have going at one time. Can the other person have the same? I don't know, we had a name for people like this way back when, but I'm sure the world has changed since then.
Man, I have got to get with the times, sometime soon. Can't people just find someone to like, then love and then have relations? It just seems to cheapen the whole experience when everyone is just doing whatever they feel at the moment without much regard to how they will feel in the future or how it affects others.
Looking at this again, I also realize that the world is made up of many, many different kinds of people and to each his/her own. I'm not judging, I just don't know how you move on from a relationship that isn't working to find happiness elsewhere, when you keep wearing the old relationship. Where's closure? When do you move on, when the other person has found someone? Where does that leave the other person. Right back at square one, trying to get over the relationship, that's where. I really don't see how this can be a win/win. Someone's going to be hurt. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 1:16:13 PM | Apparently .. if a man is not ready to share closet space and let women do his laundry, he is a friend with benefits .. or all he wants is sex.
In the old days. we used to call it seeing, dating or going together.  | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 71 | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 72 | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 1:44:24 PM | I just got asked a few days ago by the lady living next door , for this type friendship. I have to admit its very different from any I've ever been involved with.
This agreement was made with a particular time limit ( a certain month ) and then its NOTHING.
Since a lot of women won't date a man who is still legally married , but definitely has a court date for signing the "freedom papers" , I agreed. And I like it , even though its kinda weird to me . What the heck , might as well. enjoy life.
Then when this certain date is here , I'll be legally single , and try to get back on the market.
After 24 years of marrige , I have to admit , I'm a little apprehensive as to what I'll find.  | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 1:52:10 PM | | Kinda think the dont be so good at the sex thing is hillarious.. Its possibly because she is good at it, that said guy is calling her 24/7.. As far as getting rid of him either explain ur feelings of not wanting to have him as a bf or see it u might really want him as one.. the best t hing people can do is develop a friendship u sure cant be rabbits all day.. ok i am not a sexpert either lol! good luck!! | |
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| My first friends with benefits experience
Posted: 12/12/2005 2:43:46 PM | | OK, Tami, here is the thing. If you are both friends and having sex, yet neither of you is having sex with anyone else, that is a committed relationship. I have no trouble with that arrangement. But to call it anything other than what it is....That is just silly. I dont know why there is always so much grey area with people. Its like you want to call it friends with bennies, just so you can avoid calling it what it truly is. A committed relationship. Tami, we are scared of commitment arent we?? See, thats what the whole thing always boils down to. Again, shit or get off the pot. Ride or get off the horse. Bite, or give me the steak....LOL Tami and whoeverhisnameis sitting in a tree....You know the rest Tami, so go for that. It is time to end this silly facade and admit to falling in love......Its so cute!!!!!LOL.......I believe that in most cases I urge caution. But you are already past that so throw caution to the wind!!! Have fun.....lets hope he is a good guy for you. | |
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