| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 7/29/2006 3:23:20 PM | My son's father has had 1/2 of one foot amputated and has 4 toes on the other foot. He has Buerger's disease. He did not have any of this when we were together, he was "whole" and well, he was....well for reasons known to me I never told him I was pregnant...until recently, for fear I'd get thrown out a window. My son is 8.
I heard through the grapevine of all his surgeries, finally ran into him, talked to him, I was expecting him to go off on me like the guy I knew, but he has completely changed and he admits it's because of his disease and his new found disability. He now wants to step up and take care of his son and be in his life..something I honestly don't think he would ever want if it wasn't for this. In fact, I just wanted to know what was wrong with him and if my son could be at risk because of genetics. I wasn't expecting anything else of him and it turns out I was wrong.
Anyway, we've been talking a lot, he's going to meet his son tomorrow, we've been talking about maybe trying to make things work between us. I will consider it. If I don't do it it wont' be because of his disability, it will be because of things I can't get past from 8-9 years ago. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 7/29/2006 4:00:02 PM | Yes, I would date someone who is disabled...I hate that word though. Someone who has challenges each and every day. Yes, I would want to know someone who was also willing to date me. I have challenges also, sometimes I have to walk with a cane. I had to have 2 knee replacements and they still get very painful at times. I think when people discriminate against disabled people they are saying they are somehow better than the ones they look down upon. It really does hurt to see it happen over and over. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:00:16 PM | hello i just had to post a reply after i read about you..i have noticed also that i haven't gotten any messages from any1 since i changed my profile 2 days ago..i also have m.s like you and i always wonder if any1 would ever date me again and it don't look like i have a chance...i thought i'd put the m.s. thing in my profile cause it be found out anyway and it just shows how shallow some people are...i walk with a limp so its noticeable when i meet some1 so i might as well tell 'em up front i was happy to read about you wonderin the same thing anyways if you like please get back to me | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:09:58 AM | I dated a girl in college who, while born with normal sized and shaped arms, was completely unable to move them or her fingers. She had a paid assistant who helped her with a few things, like getting dressed and the like, but she could write, put on make up, eat, even type to a degree with her toes.
Among other things. | |
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Jlizzy
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 83 | |
| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:08:19 PM | Hi Blackwolf.
First of all fair play to you!
Question-you're referring to multiple sclerosis right? Forgive my ignorance but I'm suprised someone with MS could have enough up and go to be out on the dating scene? Just seeking some clarity. In any case-how unfair of your wife to just leave you! As you said yourself -so much for the vows!! "In sickness and in health, til death do us part".
I myself, okay much much different thing to MS but talking about disabilities, am hard of hearing. Luckily, whilst friends, family and partners alike can have their frustrations at times with my disability (as I do) I never seem to have lacked any chance with the men as a result of it -at least not that I'm aware of.
(I do believe however I was victim to discrimination on the grounds of my hearing at my last job but it's very hard to prove/know).
Personally I would have no problems of course dating someone with a hearing problem. Someone in a wheelchair-I feel so horribly selfish and wrong to say it but for some reason this one would put me off I think. On the other hand there is a guy at my work who takes the same bus as me. I actually in my own mind felt a bit annoyed with him first time I saw him as he kept letting his umbrella hit my shoulder! He looks a bit different and walkds a bit different too. Over time however I'm getting to know him and it turns out he;s nearly blind. As the time wears on I'm gaining an increasing admiration for 1-his hearing lol -he can hear buses from way way away! 2-his character in general 3- he actually has a cute smile. Yes i have a boyfriend but just on the topic..were I single I don;t think I'd rule someone like this out despite his handicap.
At the end of the day there's no doubt that the most lasting and profound impact someone can have on you is their character, charisma, integrity and their smile so if these things are right then the rest really shouldn't matter.
In a world were people are hung up on simple things as how a person looks eg shape of face, hair length, colour, colour of eyes and so on are we really suprised that there are people who will be hung up on disabilities wrong as it may be? Plus there's a natural instinct within us all to seek out a partner that will bear us strong children and can also protect and care for our children.
Blackwolf -I wish you all the best and I hope you will find someone, that special someone who will appreciate you as it certainly sounds to be like you deserve the best of the fish out there! | |
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Jlizzy
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 84 | |
| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:28:49 PM | Sctrrdr6-You hit it nail on the head that we all have some kind of handicap or issue be it mental or physical we all have something we're trying to cope with!
There's no doubt in my mind that a disability, growing up in various places as opposed to one and/or rough experiences in life make you more open to others and softer in your approach and thoughts for the better. Personally I believe that being stuck between worlds -that of the hearing and the deaf has left me with a much greater interest in psychology and thus with a greater tolerance of others.
Mrcnybachelor -I tried to email you but can't due to your specifications. I would love to chat to you as myself whilst I could have gone to a school for the deaf I have actually pretty much never been exposed to the deaf or hard of hearing community at all! This has meant that I have been left to figure stuff out for myself and I've reached a point where I'd like to get more in touch with people with a similar disability simply to exchange experiences and talk to someone who's living "in a similar world" | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:44:25 PM | I was going to say sure I would, then realized I have already. Back before I had disabilities. I just forgot because I didn't think of them as disabled. Yeah, the one guy was totally deaf, but he was a great dancer, very cute, and took me to a lot of movies.
My only problem is with people who have disabilities, especially emotional ones, and refuse to see it or do anything about it. Sad...
But yup, if I like someone, I don't much care if they can tap dance, or need meds to keep on track. Besides, they will probably be more understanding of me when I have problems. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:18:26 AM | | jlizzy: not every1 who has m.s is in a wheelchair some of us with a limp or a cane and quite comfortable on the dating seen so don't put all m.s in the same category...different levels of it.so don't be surprised we are here too....take montel williams for instance.... | |
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Jlizzy
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 87 | |
| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 1:24:25 PM | Hey twofortheshow!
Thanks for that! I hope it doesn't come across as ignorant on my part!
See my mum had a friend who I think had MS...does the condition not cause deterioration over time of the muscles? Interested to know. I guess I should do some googling huh? ;)
In any case fair play to ya! Can't be easy.  | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:37:57 PM | | hi i'm glad you got back to me...it can get worse over time but by time its real bad there will be something wrong with everybody else anyway...lol...so i wouldn't stand out so much...but i know a lady who is 65 or so and she has m.s she uses a cane but so do a lot of her friends at that age...lol...all different cases of it that's why i live like i was dying and i take in everything in my life and the people i meet the peole i know....anyways laurie here or twofortheshow | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:05:34 PM | | I do not know where love will come from or what direction it will come, I did not coment on part 1 athough I did read most of the posts,There is a site called Lovebyrd, for people who are disabled and others are welcome as well. I have a profile on this site and like this one it is free, Im not dissabled in a physical sence, my dissability is not being able to find a WIFE, Because people who are lonely like my self are just dragging along in life with little purpose. So yes I would concider datting some one with a dissability, if it were with in my capeability. And we all are handicaped in some way, Final word, though, I would not date some one who lied about this or anything else. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:04:07 PM | It is more acceptable to this thread to date someone with a physical disability than a mental disability. I read the attacks on the mental disabilities. Guess that is open game. It's only right to be polite when a disability is visable to the eye. This thread saddens me.
OP I wish you the best of luck. I don't know what happens to people with MS.
I applaud you that you will not quit your post. You know, everyone has a story, and every story should be heard. That is something that is passed down generation after generation. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:34:34 PM | wildflowerkitten:
You stated that you have a problem with people who have emotional disabilities, you stated that they refuse to see it or do anything about it.
The people with emotional disablities are so shamed that they hide it. Haven't you read the earlier posts where people laugh about the nuts with mental disabilities?
People suggest a disability can be controlled if it is not physical. Meaning if they don't see a cane or a wheel chair then it is mental and this means (to them) that the disability doesn't exist. If the person appears to have a mental impairment then they are not trying to help themself unless they PROVE they are helping themself. I know your not talking about Downs Symdrome. Your talking about other problems that are less understood.
I'm not attacking you. I'm just adding my point of view. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:58:16 AM | No, I said I had a problem with people with emotional disabilities WHO REFUSE to see or do anything about it. I personally don't want to date any more guys like that. I have emotional disabilities, they are caused by a lack of a chemical in my body, just like diabetes. I take meds to stabilize them and I am not ashamed of this problem, and don't want to date someone who would be ashamed of being with me because I have this condition.
I certainly understand not wanting to admit it. I even understand cracks about nuts, because I consider someone who will not take their meds when they can be helped by them (not all can) to me is choosing to be "nuts". I feel sorry for a lot of them, and worse for the ones that can't find the right meds. Also, some conditions cause the person to not want to take meds. I'm sorry for them, but I won't date them. They are hazardous to me. And I'm only speaking for myself here.
This is also why my profile reads looking for friends. Because before it moved into something more, the guy would have to know this, and some other things about me.
We are in heated agreement, bratalyn. If I didn't make that clear enough in my first post, I'm glad you brought it up. Thanks. | |
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DEB58
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Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 95 | |
| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:00:59 AM | hi blackwolf. I am a woman with some physical disabilities. I was stabbed when I was young and have a permanently paralysed arm. As a resault of tyhe assault I developed psoriasis and consequently psoriatifc arthritis. I worked for 23 years following the assault,ut the effects of the arthritis meant that I was medically retired 6 months ago.
I haven't dated for a while but i know that i have just as much, if not more, to offer as anyone else. As a consequence of these limitations, i have evolved as a patient, loyal, appreciative person who doesn't judge by appearances.
I tend to shy away from men on this system who want someone to join then bushwalking, or anything physically strenuous as I simply wouldn't be able to participate. That's the only drawback I can see.
By the way, I have seen some crippling disabilities displayed by some men - self interest, the inability to communicate, lying and generally being untrue to themselves as uman beings.
These malfunctions are treatable!!
Good luck with your search.
i'm a hopeful romantic
Debera | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 3/8/2007 2:25:42 AM | I finally got through all 4 pages of the comments. I know I have too much time on my hands but this is an interesting and touchy subject. There are a lot of supportive people out thier and I enjoy that. To answer the question. Yes, I would date someone with a disability whether it be physical or mental disability if i got to know the person. alot of people on this tread were talking about physical disabilities and about 17 touched a subject on mental disabilities. I would like to hear some more comments about mental disabilities. The reason for this is because I have a female friend that is Bi-polar and I myself suffer from depression.
Would anyone date a person with a mental disability?
bi-polar, paranoid, depression, schizophrenia, down syndrome or tuerrets. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 3/8/2007 3:04:41 AM | Thought I'd get in on this action. In 1995 I wacked my left arm off almost at the shoulder. I decided the 1st week in hospital when I woke seen how devistated my mother was that taking a light hearted view about my "disability" was the only way to go. Why cry over spilt milk. I just woke up pulled my pants on with one arm instead of two. Unfortunatly if there was anything that changed for me it was and is dating. I chalk it up to a challenge. My personality has won over the two ladies in my life. But dating now has become extremley frustrating compared to before the accident. For the record "dating" is the only thing that has seemed to dramaticly change. Everything else has just stayed the same just minus the arm. But at 33 and single for two years now I will admitt the only time I wish I had my arm back is when dating. Please dont get me wrong I do not feel sorry for myself hell 4 more minutes and they said i would have hemridged so Im pretty god damn lucky. But dating and everthing that comes with it has been a piss off.
So I realize there is no point im making just thought i'd state my thoughts I guess.
cheers all
How do you get me out of a tree?.......................... wave!!!!
and thanks to the girls who are able to look past the phyiscal things and take the time to just have a simple and sincier conversation. taking time to get to know some one ... your a rare breed. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 3/8/2007 3:36:13 AM | most people on here have been rude to me and some have blocked me because i have a learning disablity and they have soon noticed this because I speak differently or i pronouce something different like a word or phrase. its nothing to worrying about i don't think its far that people with learning difficulties should be treating this way. its like saying to someone u can't go to school because your black and that is discrimination and thats what I'm trying to get across.
I would date someone with a disability as i have mild learning difficulties because I would find it easier to talk to them and start a conversation. I have dated a girl off this last year and we got on just fine.
You mustn't worry about this just don't let them get to know people like that deserve a clip around the ear. there are idiots out there i'm afraid who pick on somebody just ignore it and keep trying find someone who will love you and not someone who will hurt you. don't go for anyone go for someone you like and you think you will have a chance with. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 3/9/2007 10:58:59 AM | | like.. as a physically 'disabled' person i would feel it may be a little awkward to date someone like me, but as an 'able bodied' person it didn't bother me. i haven't always been like i am, and still think in entirely the same way. ya see.. i had brain surgery, got a blood clot in my cerebellum, had a stroke, and was in a coma. for the past 5 years about i've been in a wheelchair. it's a balance and coordination issue, not a thinking issue obv. so it may depend on the disability.. of course tho, some ppl assume that you have a mental disability if you have a physical disability. that's not to say that everyone is that naive, but it happens. i find that a lot of guys on here that get to know you first, don't mind as much, but ppl you meet in person may be afraid to approach you. | |
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| WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 12/13/2007 12:20:39 PM | have a disability that causes no feeling and lil mobility of my whole right side, so I have a limp also and could be stabbed and not realize it but ohh well. I've never dated anyone with a disability yet, no one knows who they will fall in love with and what mental or physical things they have, if any or both. and let me actually say this about some of the comments posted. there might be alot of disabilities but actually there is only 2 types; the type that uses it to their advantage by getting their way and making people feel bad for them. and then there is the type that tries to be looked at like equals and works hard for what they accomplish and achieve. and when you think about it, everyone disabled or not fits into these two categories.  | |
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