| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/23/2006 2:42:53 PM | | I don't know if you want to see me in my underwear, But what the hell...Okay.. As long as you go first. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/23/2006 6:10:53 PM | Don't forget to add to your post that you bathe monthly and brush your teeth on holidays.
This is a real turn on... | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/24/2006 8:49:57 AM | If I see this one more time I'll spit ~ but of course I will.
Make sure that your profile says: "I'm just an average guy".
Huh??? Must be Mr. Right. I've been looking for the average guy my whole life.  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/24/2006 9:29:53 AM | I have been reading all the new fish messages; I am still fairly new to all this, but is this what it is really like? "OH MY GOSH" Why do men & women insist on playing games? I thought this site was ....I don't know this may sound naive, but I thought this was 1 site that was I don't know pretty decent? I don't know maybe I'm wrong? | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/24/2006 9:39:07 AM | In my opinion the site is very decent, just some of these profiles are funny. Oh and thanks for the reminder......lol..... please remember this is intended to be funny as well as suggestive.
If you have not had a chance yet read this entire thread and enjoy the chuckle
#406
I'm a decent male/female. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/24/2006 10:06:38 AM | Please always remember to post pictures of you in a messy environment.
Forget the crop tool we all have... for we all get very excited knowing that we will have to clean your clutter or be lost in it.  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/24/2006 10:09:00 AM | | Thank you all you men in informing us that "You like sex". It is such a rare attribute in a man...LOL | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 12:12:03 AM | All those "seeking TRUE love" need to explain that a bit in their profile, as I assume it will degenerate into a game of "truth or dare" somewhere along the line. So let us know exactly when and how you determine whether love is true - or Memorex.
Also please let us know if you will accept those offering love in the additional following categories:
A) Fake
B) Fleeting
C) Temporary but longer than fleeting
D) Passionate
E) Real imitation
F) Generic
G) I thought it was love but it was only my hormones
H) Platonic
I) Lust that develops into more with time
J) Desperate
K) Possessive
L) Obsessive
M) I'll stalk you for 3 months if you smile at me in a grocery store
N) Public display
O) Secret torrid affair
P) Sweaty nasty monkey love
Q) Muskrat love
R) Complacent, ho-hum married type love
Or any combination of the above.
We are sorry that some of us are so challenged that we cannot always offer TRUE love no matter how much we intend to; so please let us know when you are ready to settle for whatever semblance of it will rock your world just as well. (Hint - most people show they're ready by posting "I give up, everybody sucks" threads).
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 12:33:33 AM | | Do tell everyone you have a 'wicked sense of humour' - otherwise we might not notice. And that highly original, 'I don't bite' joke is sure to have us laughing all day. And guys, please include a groin shot of you in your y fronts. That's sure to get us girlies going. Also, feel free to add a few inches to your height. We won't notice if we meet, honest, even if you do only come up to our knee caps.... To both sexes, 'average' can mean from a few extra pounds to clinically obese. Oh and finally, if you are honestly not sure how many children you have spawned by different partners, just tick the 'prefer not to say', box. In fact, 'prefer not to say' is by far the safest option all round (just so long as you realise it means that I prefer not to contact you....) | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:01:36 AM | | dont forget the line that I can cum at least 5/6 times a night.....you might be a gem of a cum giver and thats just what i want to be full of before i have had morning coffee lol Hey does any male know if they can really come 5/6 times in one evening or is this a line that i need to know about or are you on viagria also do you have a heart problem that i need to know about, i really dont want to have to push you off myself after the fact???lol | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:20:26 AM | Thank you for this Thread!!! I'm new here, and I'm about to compose the ideal profile.... with all your help, it will be wonderful, i know!!!
SO FUNNY!!! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:43:19 AM | Are you able to do the all important female picture
When you find you smallest bikini,
Sit on a chair laying back a bit,
Press your chest together so it looks bigger,
And don't forget to spread the legs
Then you have the ultimate
I want a man that is interested in my mind photo | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 5:01:19 AM | ^^^ I hate those kind of pics!!! I always avoid them
If your looking for "the one" "Mr right" etc please provide a few more details of what that means so we can edit our profiles!! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 2:48:39 PM | Be sure to tell people that you 'know when to be spontaneous' (usually 2.30pm on a Tuesday, right?).
And don't forget to mention that you've 'been hurt in the past but are learning to trust again'. This will mark you out as a unique, strong but sensitive soul with absolutely no baggage.
Do use as much 'text speak' as possible. People will be impressed by your brain power.
Finally, reference to a 'dvd and a bottle of wine' will really make you stand out in a crowd....
IMPORTANT TIP FOR THAT FIRST KISS Make sure you are chewing gum and leave it in your mouth. Passing soggy chewed up gum backwards and forwards makes it an unforgettable experience (but make sure it's a flavour she enjoys) | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 4:15:20 PM | Be sure to have your primary photo that looks good like this one... guarantees lots of mail. And from personalities you didn't know existed.
<<<<<<<<____________ | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/25/2006 10:19:54 PM | | and yes ladies always make sure when you take that sexy picture of yourself you make sure you croup out the dildo sitting on top if your computer. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/26/2006 5:11:29 AM | Oh I do like this thread! Make your introductory message general. On no account refer to the profile. In fact, better not read the profile in case you slip up and mention something. That way, you can send the same message to lots of different people and save your valuable time.
Think of the family dog and describe yourself in the same terms - ie loyal, faithful, true.. Women love this stuff and believe it absolutely (best leave out the bit about lying on your back and having your tummy tickled though). | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/26/2006 12:58:00 PM | Don't forget to add your phone number to your profile.
That will definitely cut down the time it takes to send an interesting email saying...
"My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX call me"
If you do forget to add your number, make sure you NEVER sign your name,
when sending an email like that.
We like going through our old baby names books to try and figure it out.
"Hello Aaron?" ...Sorry wrong number
"Is Bob there" ... Sorry wrong number
"Hi Wayne"... Sorry wrong number
Honestly I get this one a lot.
I can't help but wonder, if they are truly waiting for my call lol
Can you tell.... I love this thread? lol  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/26/2006 1:29:14 PM | #407 Be sure your pic's show you hugging a member of the opposite sex
#408 Or better yet, you taking a pic of yourself in the mirror, camera and all 
This is the best thread I've found yet!! Too funny! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/26/2006 10:03:49 PM | If a girl mentions sex in her profile, assume she wants to talk about it at great length with you. Ignore all her other interests and focus exclusively on that...because its so very rare when two people who are interested in sex meet in cyber space, after all.
Don't worry about distance or the fact the two of you will likely never actually have sex. Just because she lists "dating" on her profile doen't mean she actually wants a date with a real live man. She surely has unlimited time to feed the fantasies of random strangers hundreds of miles away, so consider it her duty as a member of POF to feed yours.
Automatically assume she will drop everything and talk dirty to you until you are satisfied, before any friendship or rapport is established. Especially assume this if you have absolutely nothing else in common, as sex is the only thing you really need to talk about. In fact, tell her you have a lot in common, and when she asks what, tell her sex! It always works! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/29/2006 2:22:47 PM | I LOVE this thread!
When sending a message to someone telling them "if you stood in front of a mirror with 11 roses, you would be looking at the 12 most beautiful things in the world" (yes, honest, I got it), make sure that when the person doesn't send you a reply, you follow up with a message telling her (in this case) that she is a total bitc h who isn't all that. Say WHAT?
I'm confused......was that just a line? | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/29/2006 2:48:44 PM | I wanna play...
Ladies, guys are always interested in what your friends have to say about you so adding the following line to your profile is sure to get our attention:
"My friends say I'm intelligant and that I have a good sence of hummer."
Guys like women who are thrifty, so leaving out the shift key, punctuation and 3/4 of the letters makes it clear you won't be wasteful IRL.
"i cant w8 2 c u"
We also love it when your profile talks about the last guy that dumped you. It shows loyalty that men appreciate.
"So Gary, if you're reading this, I'm sorry!" | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/29/2006 4:51:09 PM | | Calculate your weight by what you might weigh on the moon... | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/29/2006 5:19:59 PM | ^lol
Oo, oo, I almost forgot. If you REALLY want to impress the man of your dreams and you think that perhaps he's not sure if you could be the one, one way of convincing him is to post a picture of you giving the webcam the finger. Nothing says "Where have you been all my life ?!?!" like telling us to **** off before we've even spoken. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:00:18 PM | I must be from another planet.. With all these suggestions I would need at least 20 pages on my profile.I gues I will have to settle being who I am.
Rick | |
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