| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:06:53 PM | When it's time to provide information about yourself... Saying you don't know what to say, is just as good as actually saying something.
Also...
Girls from third-world countries... Be sure to mention how much you like to do housework. We men like the thought of saving money by firing the maid - even if it means we have to teach you about electicity and how to use appliances. We're not quite sure why you like housework so much, but we secretly suspect it has something to do with finding loose change in the couch cushions. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:17:37 PM | Don't forget the oldie but goodie...
"I'm just checkin' this out because my friend told me about it" or the other very believable one of.."my friend made this profile out for me"
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:20:23 PM | Put up pictures of yourself half naked and write in your profile that you're not good at describing yourself and that it would be better to just contact you at your email or aim. Or better yet, leave your full name, address, and phone number so you can have a stalker who will call you at all hours of the night and sit outside your house just so they can catch a glimpse of how sexy and interesting you are. And for your first date, just say that it would have to be someplace fun, because God knows that we all want to be bored on our first date....that's a big turn-on for me.  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:27:04 PM | | Most importantly, don't use internet dating sites... you're only going to get disappointed | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:31:59 PM | First date: Men don't notice excess weight, so wear something tight and stringy - we don't mind if you look like a pork roast.
Men, if you can get your belt on, it doesn't matter how low your pants are. She's not likely to notice something the size of a small porpoise hanging over your belt. If she says something, explain that you forgot to do your sit-ups today. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/10/2006 10:21:49 PM | Wait my friends who placed my information on this free dating site did not tell me that I have to read about the rules of new fish; Do I really have to tell my real age, and that I do work or is that I dont work? I just want to get as many e-mails so I can brag about it at work, wait am I working, dame cant remember, is my age ahhmm let me look at my profile...oh yea Im old enough to be here cuz my friends who put me on this site told me that I am lol or am I too old to be considered a new fish lol Hey my name is Lippi so what can I say lol   this thread is the greatest  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/10/2006 10:54:17 PM | | Here's another must it seems for profiles. "Not looking for one night stand". How many people are, they come in pairs. If you just have one next to the bed it just looks strange. We have seven bedrooms so I can guarantee you will have at least 14 night stands. And I won't break up a set for anyone! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 10:01:46 AM | Don't forget to put that age restriction up so anyone wanting to have friendly email with you can't contact you. And those that have a birthday earily in the year can't contact you either.
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:12:03 AM | Ya know once they send you an email you can always contact them even with the restrictions. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:17:59 AM | After reading thru this thread I have come to the conclusion that we should all just leave our profiles blank1  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:25:02 AM | 31. Tell her you will show her the best of times by taking her to a female mud wrestliing contest, tractor and/or truck pull, hollering contest and a pro wrestling match all in one weekend. If she is still interested in you at this point and still wants to meet you, then surprise her when you do meet by wearing a tux and wisking her off to New York in your private jet to have that $1000 dinner at the the Ritz. Point being: hide your wealth!  | |
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Valen
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 337 | |
| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:25:53 AM | Did you mention to lie about your age?
Set your age to at lease 10 years younger that you are LOL. ( )
This is great stuff!!! | |
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Valen
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 338 | |
| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:29:15 AM | Oh another one!!!
Set your Country Restrictions to a diffferent country than you live in! That way no one can contact you.
Or set your postal/zip code to something random so you dont show up on any local searches.
I have seen a few of these. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 12:12:17 PM | # 678 "I am a GREAT communicator and seek same" then don't send emails for 3 days and when you do send a copy of your pet poodles profile from Lappa 4 Luv
#679 "Have you been on any dates?" No,I like to live vocariously thru others,it stimulates my G spot
#680 "Wanna meet for a coffee" -Grande?Tall? Short?-Whip out your tape measure
#690 " Non smoker"-what is that cloud?
#691 "Social Drinker"-yea,I only drink on weekends,weeknights after 6, during breakfast around 8am, with my cats, while I am writing my thesis on the effects of alcohol and internet dating | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 12:21:55 PM | | Dang Valen I think you finally answered the question we all had about where the whiny why no emails for me forums came from. Setting your email for the wrong country, gotta love that. I about fell of my chair. | |
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| Honesty
Posted: 2/11/2006 12:34:22 PM | | I am married looking for an honest and discreet relationship,you know one where there are no games,secrets...meet me on Wed at noon in the coffee shop. I'll be wearing the Voodoo mask & my wedding ring | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 4:17:45 PM | Ya know once they send you an email you can always contact them even with the restrictions.
People with restrictions that don't send email to someone that can't get past their restrictions.. *pout*, *hint* | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/11/2006 8:13:26 PM | | Ask and you shall recieve, hope you don't regret it. lol | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:50:32 AM | #92001 (or whatever # this is at now): Start wondering about women that are attracted to jerks, while nice guys are lonely. Then go to the forums and start a new thread regarding that subject, because surely nobody's ever started a thread on that topic yet.
#92002: Be sure to mention in your profile how you have a great sense of humor. Then after reading a forum thread, make an angry post venting about what the OP was suggesting, while completely failing to realise that the thread was in the "humor" section, therefore meaning it was probably a joke. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/12/2006 10:08:44 AM | I suspect we may have covered them all, but:
#92003: Include a photo of you at a nightclub with several gay men. Most straight guys find it necessary to save you from this lifestyle. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/12/2006 2:41:35 PM | | No...Missed #835. By all means hide where you live, but tell them where you work. As we all know, no one ever shows up at your place of employement with a suitcase from another state and tells your boss...I'm his new girlfriend and I'll be moving in with him. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/12/2006 4:50:22 PM | LMAO: I do think most of them were hit...But some needed repeating...
It took me a long time to read all of the posts...I was laughing so hard at some points, I had tears.....
#? (does anyone really know what number it is? does anyone really care?"
Kudos to the "self employed" men..This turns me on when I find out that they are on:A) disability B) unemployment C) paper route D)couch potato and living with parents...I guess I never really knew the meaning of self-employed...and now I want to marry/date you and I look forward to supporting you........can we say "good catch"? ...lol | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/13/2006 7:20:40 AM | Also, spend a good amount of time creating the perfect FORM email to send out to potential new catches. Make it long and provoking. Throw in some humor and make it detailed on what you are looking for.
Then, send it to every new person that catches your eye. You may want to change a word or two to make it appear to apply to them only.
Once they respond to your email telling you about themselves and asking you questions, make sure that all subsequent replies from you are quite short and say absolutely nothing new. Heck, you've spent so much time tweaking the introductory email, you don't have time to come up with anything interesting/new for further conversations. And, who has time to answer questions when you've got more emails to send to new people? | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/13/2006 9:24:57 AM | this was soo much fun i need another go around....
#a after setting up a date dont forget to bring your mom or buddy...they are the real reason we wanted to meet you in the first place...
#b after only a few chats dont forget to tell us you can see yourself falling in love with us and you think we should be together forever...everyone loves a phsyco...
#c dont forget to invite someone on a date and not show up...after all we didnt have anything better to do with our day.... | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 2/13/2006 11:15:25 AM |
Another good thing to do is to post pictures of yourself with one or more friends, and do not indicate which person you are in the picture. Keeps 'em guessing. If you have pictures of yourself posing with strippers, beer girls, ring girls, or just cute chicks at a bar, it's a good idea to post them too, so everyone will know you have had hot chicks before, and who are you to settle? lol too funny! make sure you post LOTS of group photos so we can stare long and hard at poor resolution pics trying to find a common face. Either that or post, "im a swinger so you'll be ****in all the folks in my picture including the dog" on your "about me" section.
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