step1
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Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 426 | |
| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 9/29/2006 2:38:01 PM | Just make your profile and your time at POF as inconsistent as possible.
For example: Make your profile resembling a Jack$ss movie. Say you did that, done that on your profile of certain scenes whatever that is. Then put down you want no drama etc.
As we ask ourselves “Is there a time in a relationship to watch a “Jackass” movie together?”
After a few short messages, ask the other person for marriage. See how they run.
In the first few messages or first meeting, tell that you want the other person to support you and the “speedball” habits of your adult son who lives far, far away. Not counseling mind you but the additions. Make sure you demand for them to answer all of your 21 questions. Make it feel you need counseling and the other person needs to solve all of lives problems. Yes ask them for five years of tax returns. You’re entitled. Make it fun for them. It’s only the first meeting but make sure it’s worth it. Bring your children. Get totally drunk. Ask, “Why don’t you love me?” Make out with your child’s boyfriend. Having fun yet?
Make sure all of your pictures (if you have any) are in no relation to you, your relatives, or anything closely related to what you do at any age of your life. Then go into a crowed place and act surprise that the other has no clue what you look like. But make sure you demand pictures of everyone else you met on the site.
You are a drama queen/king. Question the other person if they are actually talking with others in your introduction e-mail then act surprised, even shocked that they are. There are other people on this site that the other person might be interested in?
Put down that you are a devote Christian or whatever, and then have pictures of devil worshiping. Oh then the forums.
  
E-mail spam anyone? Do it every day to the same people?
Have a picture of you thumbing a tree. Hot? Webcam it?
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swf40
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Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 427 | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:29:19 PM | Geez ... who knew this was all so complicated ...
Sure glad I found this thread ... now I can figure out the rest of the details! But, I still do not get why it is not good to "love to laugh"? Hmmmm ... I will continue to read and hopefully learn the RULES!
MMUUAAHHH to everyone who's posted! Thanks mucho mas! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:24:22 PM | | hahaha luv it.....i get where youre coming from...by the way is that really u in that pic because damnnnnn | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:57:35 PM | HA! heywood14 - yea right! or the one who asks you for your picture and when u e mail it to them all of a sudden, they have found their fish!!!! and a couple days later .. when you look at who viewed you... that same person has viewed you... hmmmmmm what's up with that !!! This is hilarious to me. LOLOLOLOL   | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/12/2008 11:06:41 PM | LOL phrannymoo - oh and by the way if they are actually fortunate enough to get you out on a date, they should be sure to completely dominate the conversation, then when you have something to say, they should have this slightly annoyed look on their face, like they can't wait for you to shut up so they can begin talking again ... whew!!! did i say that all in one breath!!!    | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:03:03 AM | | but above all else be able to identify the folks b/s ing you as they are on every corner.Also if you are unable to make your own decisions then go directly to the shallow end of the pond with the other followers.....Pls do not let yourself be bullied into anything like the kind of pics you put up on ur profile.Do take the time to write a profile pls and do take the time to read others profiles before contacting them.If at all possible when contacting someone pls try to say more then hi ok.Also if you get a email saying hi how r u?do not consider this stupid as it is in format for typing but if u view these letters to only be for texting on a phone then pls keep this opinion to urself as it tends to make u look extremely controlling and old. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:25:18 AM | | Even though this entire post had me hystrical just one more very important thing.... just be your self .....ooooppps never mind that doesnt work either | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:26:37 AM | | And ladies, dont forget to mention how you are a really nice old fashioned gal who is not into cheap relationships or one night stands, and then post photos of your cleavage hanging half out while on the bed in a provacative pose. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:30:55 AM | Just lie.
LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING!
The old fish figured it out - us, chicks, dig nothing but LIES!
If you smoke like a chimney, put "no" to smoking in your profile.
If you don't have a job, put "self-employed" in your profile.
If you are 37, state that you are 32 (at the most).
If you are 5'6", impress us with your 5'9" relationship with a stool.
If you had a fight with your g/f, wifie and you are looking for some fun times before running back to her, make sure you specify "looking for long term".
If you like your booze, check no in "Do you drink".
You think I just made it up?
It's 1/10 of my experience. Want to meet me and get to know the rest?
Well, you have to learn how TO LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING first! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:35:52 AM | Coffee
I think this is the best ever, that Ive seen.
I think its all covered and Im laughing to much
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:37:53 AM | I love this thread hillarious
The one about the wedding dress and box of condoms slays me. Imagine for a moment opening your IM and there HE is just sitting there wearing the wedding dress holding a box of condoms!!
Sometimes this place just feels too much like Jerry Springer | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:04:14 AM | | Put up a pic of yourself on your page that you took in the mirror of your bathroom and in the reflection show the camera or shot of you in your car! Must have! lol | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:36:27 AM | Quite a thread! I wonder if the OP is even still here.
I'm probably guilty of at least a couple of these, but it's a good learning experience.
Two favorites of mine:
1> Your profile mentions you have "a few extra pounds." This is definitely the time to stretch the meaning of the word "few" for all it's worth because we will always see your pic in the best possible light.
2> U injoy using text shorthand so much that u use it on ur profile and dont bother using punkshashun or checking ur speeling. This guarantees that you will be seen as an intellectual, educated, sophisticated person that is well worth pursuing.  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:57:25 AM | Coffeeencreme,
Acutally you are a little late with your OP observations ... I think Brad Paisely pretty much covered it in his song titled "online" ...
I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace
'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I've ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
[ Online lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
When you got my kind of stats
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login
Online
I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Yeah, I'll see ya online
Enjoy life!
Gary | |
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| friends list
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:36:23 AM | | i sure would like to hear from a special lady i added to my friends list....mike | |
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| friends list
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:54:05 PM | If you do get a date make sure you finish the date with "I'll call you" and then don't.
Change your profile when you are talking to someone on IM and have met them (usually at the 3 week+ stage), nothing says i am really getting to like you,like a newly freshened up profile!!
Use txt spk at every opportuntity (especially if over 40) to show just how cool u r!
When you e-mail someone a simple "Hi!" and nothing else is a real conversation starter. Even better keep it going for as long as you can. E-mail every other week with nothing more than "Hi". Use it as an initiative test to see if the guy/girl can drag some conversation out of you. If they succeed ask them on a date but still restrict yourself to one word answers!!applause: 
It's also a real attention grabber when posting on a thread to ignore the actual discussion and start a b**chfest with someone. Everyone else loves watching you thrash it out between yourselves especially when it degenerates into insults and name calling. It helps us to weed out the controlling pshyco's who can't stand anyone else having an opinion
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| friends list
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:03:29 PM | And a few more:
NEVER,EVER do a thread search. If you want to start a thread with the same theme as 2 million others ,you go ahead. We love that!
And a little bit of dating advice:
The first phone call is always a good time to admit you shaved 3 years off your age.
The first date is a good time to admit it was actually 6.
4th date is the time to admit you lied about the fact you smoke when your profile says you don't.
Date 6 is the time to suggest a spliff even though your profile says you don't do drugs and your date's profile says must not do drugs
If your profile says you don't drink texting cr*p in the small hours and then admitting the next day it was because you were pi**ed tends to be a bit of a giveaway.
If that first date is going really well, feel free to take out your box of pictures and show the person pictures of your erect member painted gold and ask her what she thinks
If you follow the above you should have many years of happy unforgettable dates. | |
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| friends list
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:52:19 PM | ^^^^^^^
ROFLMAO
Really?
Painted?
Gold?
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| friends list
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:03:59 PM | Oh so thats what I'm doing wrong silver isn't as good as gold no wounder some women are called gold diggers.   | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:21:31 AM | i have spent a few hours reading this thread this has got you be the funniest thing i've read
#br549 to make sure you keep your fish hooked talk marriage after 4 days and tell them how you "only have phone sex with someone special"
#br550 always remember to check and see if your fish has been on-line that day and mention that you cant understand why they are still on the site after all now that
we talked twice we are happy and committed (everyone one loves to be stalked they just wont tell you that )
good luck every one | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:33:23 AM | not read this all the way through so sorry if it's been said
Why is it i have "no alcoholics" and "i'll never date anyone that drinks more than a couple of pints a week" on my profile and i get messages from blokes with pics of them peed as a fart?
And then they tell me "i don't drink often, just a few times a week i'll have 6 pints or so"
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:46:26 AM | Remember, once you have made contact to talk about yourself, all the time, and make sure you have absolutley nothing in common with the other persons interests,
dont listen to anything they say, and if you actually read their profile in the first place make sure you mention how much you dislike all the things they love....... Make it clear you are only interested in the way they look ..........
Oh and dont forget to go on and on about your x | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:53:32 AM | My absolute favourite is when the person tell you how attractive and good looking they are
and that their friends and family think they are great guys, etc......
NEXT | |
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