| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 10:17:43 AM | #70 If you're a guy don't forget to mention that you're "easy going."
#71 Be sure to state that you have a good sense of humor, but never demonstrate it anywhere, anytime.
#72 Be sure to put "prefer not to say" in the field about whether you have kids, whether you do drugs, your marital status, and whether you drink. And don't forget, smoking a half pack of ciggies a day is considered only "occasionally."
#73 And for Gawd sake, don't bother using proper speeling or grammir!!! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 10:30:01 AM | Be sure to mention several times that you like sex - its sure to make you stand out of the crowd! In fact, make it a dating interest so people will know you seriously want sex and aren't just pulling their leg. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 10:32:57 AM | | #75) This is so important; especially to men! Make sure to post a pic of you and your ex, with your ex's face scratched out of the picture. This way we know you've actually been able to "get" a woman at some point. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 10:49:11 AM | 76) Persistance persistance persistance. Just because someone doesn't respond to your ad, that doesn't mean they're not interested. They probably think you're too good to be true.
77) Profess your love of God and insist that everybody else is a moron if they don't share your views. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 12:08:33 PM | I know this has been mentioned, but it bears repeating: I especially like when they state they're good looking and either don't post a pic or do! Like we can't make that evaluation? Never hurts to help convince us, I guess.
Oh and be sure to state the obvious like that you like cuddling, kissing, sex, laughter, etc. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 12:10:38 PM | Step # ?? If you plan to hook up with 10 to 15 different people telling each one that they are 'THE ONE' make sure they can't confirm your 'juggling' with each other. 
Step # ?? Remember to be pushy when contacting people....
insist that they disclose personal information or meet up with
you after just one e-mail.
....people love the controlling type.
Step # ?? If you choose to post a picture of yourself....make sure it's 15 years old.
...they won't notice when they meet you.
Step # ?? Lie about your age, height, weight etc.
...they'll never find out. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 12:37:31 PM | OMG please hand me a tissue, this is by far THE best thread I have read on this site....thanks all for the laughs
I can't think of anything that hasnt been said... | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 12:58:19 PM | # your guess is as good as mine...
a perfect introduction email goes something like "I'd really like to experience you sometime, what do you think?" Though it might work better if you actually mention your name too....NOT!
# next...now when you finally convince a woman to meet you, get her to completely rearrange her schedule to accommodate and after you stand her up turn the tables and blame her ....example
hmmmm how about accuse her of chatting with your brother the one she never knew you had and if you don't have one....even better
or how about tell her you waited a half hour and when she insists that she was infact there, out and out call her a liar, hang up and giggle your @$$ off. Then sit by the phone and wait for her to call back begging for forgiveness....lmao | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 1:22:06 PM | #69: Guys, pay close attention to this one: Always email women based solely on what their picture looks like. Do NOT read her profile before making contact.
#69: WHEN POSTING IN THE FORUMS, TYPE IN ALL CAPS. SOME PEOPLE MAY BE HARD OF HEARING. SO IT'S IMPORTANT TO SPEAK UP. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 2:26:27 PM | (70) make sure they know from the start your not looking to ever get married again but would like a long term relationship without boundries
71 and don't forget who you e-mail that can't return your e-mail because in all your great wisdom you have your preferances set so they can't get back to you and you sit and wounder why no one wants you | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 2:38:47 PM | That never occured to me Tenbears but a really good point.  ...also
Step #20 million
Select the long term category as what you are hoping to find then immediately start discussing sex as soon as you contact someone.
Step #20 million and one
For men.....start a thread whining about women not wanting nice guys like yourself.
Step #20 million and two
For men under 25....contact all the women over 40 asking for sex because they are desperate for it and only you can fulfill all their fantasies. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 3:20:22 PM | Thanx for all the tipps, I'm tryin ta put all this goodd stuf inta my profil, but im runnin outta room
i cant wate til my inbox starts fillin up!!  | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 3:44:08 PM | | halfblond, if you follow the wise advice in this profile, you'll be sure to become a 'here for the forums only' guy very soon. lol (Meaning you won't get any dates, so don't really do any of this stuff). | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 4:09:59 PM | Hay SimmahdahnNah
nice piture of the babey lopster. have u got more babey lopsters?? | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 5:25:09 PM | | LOL no I don't have any more baby lopsters, and I'm pretty sure that one's a goner by now. Sorry - he was doing some awsome dives off the dock though, a circus lopster! | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 6:02:50 PM | Step #20 million and 3
Make sure you say what a wonderful person and great catch all your friends think you are. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 6:58:37 PM | Coffeencreme, this is an AWESOME thread. The man is a diabolical GENIUS!!!
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radar2
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Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 94 | |
| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 7:17:52 PM | | You are being just plain negligent if you fail to disclose that you look young for your age with a pic so blurry you cant tell if it is animal or vegetable | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 9:18:22 PM | go ahead shoot me for this one but women who are like
"I'm a strong independant woman, but Im getting older and need a man in my life now"
... independant.. NEED a man?..
OR the classic
"I'm a mother of (x) and they are my life. They do not need a baby's daddy as they have one"
(much appreciated for clarifying this tho)
=) | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 9:22:26 PM | and another one I just read somewhere ...
the "mystery" profile... you know what I'm talking about...
the profile "your friend" made for "you" and they'll "kill you" for doing this? | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 9:47:55 PM | Step # infinity
Mention that your children are great kids and well behaved.....most parents readily admit that their children are little monsters so this is always taken literally.
Step # I give up trying to keep track
Write extensively in your profile about how your spouse never understood you so you had to beat them up. Remember to note how unfair it was that you were the one who had to go to jail for it when it was them who asked for it by not doing what you ordered them to do. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/8/2005 11:23:54 PM | Guys, we are dying to have you tell us you "work hard, play hard."
Be sure to specify you want a woman who looks good in jeans or dressed up to go out on the town - hardly any women can pull that off.
If you are cheating on your wife, and wish to be discreet, misspell it as "discrete." | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/9/2005 12:00:23 AM | | Make sure you use the word "chill" liberally and to tYpE YoUR SenTenCEs lIkE ThiS, EsPEciAlLy iF yOu R oVeR 45. Oh and to use the handle "baby gurl" or something to that effect. | |
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| New Fish, Please Read
Posted: 12/9/2005 12:34:00 AM |
33) Stress how intellegent you are.
lol. exactly. And how many people here aren't going to get that joke? | |
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