| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2005 5:19:18 PM | Afraid so...but turned out for my liberation..not a nice person, but you all know the evil other half story......Looking for the good half of my life story now lol.
The problem is that you try to do the best that you can for this person, and be the best that you can also....if that is abused, it doesnt make you stupid, it makes the other person rotten and a user full stop.
Dont feel ashamed for being tue ok....its a signal for the other like you to hear and respond to ok....and this one is UK | |
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| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2005 11:08:54 PM | Honestly, Reading your post made me think about consulting with a counselor again. I thought I had the understanding of my situation under control from one day to the next, but lately I cannot stop thinking about why my ex husband of 20 years changed so drastically. I think 1) he was never true to himself so could not be true to others 2) thought he needed someone to replace his warped mother[-figure and that didn't work out for obvious reasons
3) he simply "stopped" loving me (if he ever really did, for any of the above reasons).
Would you mind letting me know if you think I should talk to someone? or just forget about it all and get on with my life... though it is hard to go a day without thinking about him.
There was only the occasional self abuse (him) during this relationship.
I am planning what I hope will be a wonderful two weeks into the southern hemisphere, Australia/NZ!! Maybe that will go a long way to take my mind off the changed man. I myself do not want to change any more than necessary, learning from having been in this relationship.
Your future e-mail buddy? Denise | |
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| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2005 11:24:07 PM | | yeah, i went home with a girl I met at a bar awhile back and woke up with three kids, a mortgage, a truck payment, and the inability to think for myself. How the hell did that happen? | |
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| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2005 11:46:13 PM | One can only hope that there is change with relationships, just like one should hope there is change outside of relationships. Without change there is no growth and life for the most part is one continous change, constant growth.
So, I guess that leaves this idea of for the good or for the bad. How about looking at what you have learned, how you have grown, then no matter what the circumstance, the change is always improvement. It is improvement because it has in some way helped us identify something about ourselves. Whether it is recognizing something we want to modify or not....is not relevant as much as the recognition of a part of ourselves is.
A peice of ourselves is the greatest gift anyone can give us.....so....lets hope that every relationship....from the nightmare to the dream has given us that!! | |
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| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:29:41 PM | Hello Talk2me2day
I don't think a relationship can change you....but you can change yourself if you have a reason to and sometimes you meet a person that will not accept your issues, but you fall head over heels in love and do change. The best thing that can happen is that both people in a relationship help support each others growth as individuals. This can change you in radical ways, but make you a much better rounded person and the relationship prospers.... You need to decide which it is... | |
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| Ever been dramatically changed in a relationship?
Posted: 3/8/2008 10:17:46 PM | My first inclination was to laugh, but I'll take OP's question seriously. I was in a 15 year relationship with a man and eventually the father of my daughters. He had me on a pedestal when I met him and then for 13 years he tried to knock me off that pedestal. He succeeded.
I'd put myself through university, owned my own home and 107 acres of land, when I met him. I was a hard worker with goals. We had two children together. I consider myself a wonderful mother. I started a seasonal business while we were together which to date is successful.
However at the end of our 15 years together I was a hollow memory of what I had been when I met him. He was abusive. He managed to convince me that I was a lousy mother, did nothing worthwhile, couldn't manage money, people couldn't "stand" me, I was unattractive and that I was lucky that he stayed with me. I don't to this day understand how he was able to do that. He was uneducated and shiftless.
He left me for another woman and told me that someday I would thank him for leaving me. It took a lot of repairing but I now fantasize about sending him a "Thank you" card.
Yes, it can happen to the best of us where we lose who we are because of loving a destructive person. | |
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