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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:31:30 PM | | Bipolar/manic depression is treated with Lithium....As far as dating someone with a mental illness, I'm sure we all have..........and will continue to do so. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 12:17:24 PM | I visited her psychiatrist weekly with her and learned tons about mental illness. I left 6 times and kept going back thinking I could do something to help. I was wrong !
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I stayed in a marriage with a mentally ill woman for 12 years thinking it was going to get better with treatment and such.I wish I had those 12 years back. | |
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LMAO
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 78 | |
| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:27:50 PM | Yes,
I have, and would again
One thing, sometimes they can be the deepest most honest people in the world
but very confussing,
the one I had the great pleasure of seeing for a short time,,
we seen each other for a short period,,,very short,,,then traggity struck, he lost a person that was his "rock", and there is no one in this world that can replace that person.
then he started to have doubts,so he pushed me away,which lead me to doubts, as everyone he cared for left him,,is what he told me,,and ,,this is what I got out of it anyway
think it hurts worse to be on the side where they wil not allow you to be there for them,,that is what I found the worst part of it all
he is a great person,,attractive,,very,,very upfront,,very honest,,very deep emotionally, manly,,but yet he lacks the self esteem in which he needs. He just does not see himself this way at all!! (but the impression I got he loves to be told these things,,THEN,,,thinks you are bullshitting him,,ahh have no clue about that one)
I just found it confussing at times,,but we were capable of remaining friends, would never run if he needed help, is not in me.
Just hope he finds someday what he is looking for
So ,,not all are the same,,but is alwasy nice if they can tell you ,,so it helps you understand,,what they are feeling,,or what even triggers it sometimes. | |
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trey65
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:46:01 PM | | My sister has had Bipolar/depression all her life, I have dealt with the issue ever since I was young and as far as dating someone with this condition I have no problems with it, but it also just could be because to me I have seen it as far back as I can remember and understand it. I won't tell you what I think you should do, but know that there are more risks involved with this type of person and if you do go into this more, make sure your eyes are open and the what if's that are there with this relationship. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:18:11 PM | I swore I wasn't going to do this but here I go again. Let the chips fall where they may.
I am 49 years old. In 1998 I was diagnosed with a BiPolar II Disorder (Manic Depressive). The Roman numeral two stands for a particular sub-type in the 'DSM-V' (a psychiatrist's classification and diagnostic manual).
After a one month hospitalization I was given medication and a good prognosis. Looking back over my lifetime and some of the things I did, I agree with the doctor who diagnosed me that there were a number of indications of having the disorder throughout my lifetime. But I slipped under the radar because I held jobs, got an education, got married, had children etc.
I am one of the fortunate ones because I am so in tune with my body that, up until last summer, I would go to the doctor and tell HIM that I was getting sick. I could just tell. And sure enough, with no questions asked he would test my blood and I would be right. We'd make a plan to either deal with the stressful situations in my life or to get more rest even if it meant adding an additional type of medication.
But last summer was one that, while everyone has problems, I would challenge anyone "normal" to handle it without -- at the very least -- breaking down somewhere along the line.
A death in the family; the fourth return of a long lost son who, albeit living in a homeless shelter for crack addicts, has now found the Lord and wants to visit AGAIN; still recovering from an operation and hospital stay over the Easter weekend; and on and on the list of unsavory items goes.
I suppose it would have all started out a little better if the doctor who signed me out on Easter Monday had really thought things through before writing me a prescription. My chart and the warning bracelet I'm wearing said I was highly allergic to codene (also cocaine, morphine etc.) and I had spent the entire weekend with nothing more for a pain killer than regular tylenol.
So 'percs' were not a good idea. BiPolar people are on medication because they have incredible highs where they stay awake for days at a time and lows where they are in fact damn near (and often actively) suicidal.
So taking 3 of those puppies a day and getting plenty of bed rest didn't work out very well. I went grocery shopping at about 6 stores all day long.
Anyway...when things just got too unbearable, and there was absolutely no one there to help me and I just couldn't stand dealing with the realities around me, I chose to deliberately go off my pills. I just wanted out and I didn't care where I went.
Sure, I made a total a$$hole of myself -- I spammed some poor guy on here constantly who had contacted me about six weeks prior to me making myself sick. I wrote utter nonsense on my profile and kept updating it. But I also apologized to him later. (I tried to explain myself in my profile but it just made things worse...and I wasn't very far into recovery then either.)
I just really thought, when I was legally sane, that he was the one I'd been waiting for all my life. There was something in his eyes. (In his pictures...we never met.) And there was also something very beautiful in the words in his profile. And he did keep contacting me and writing me back so...whatever...the situation was totally f*cked up.
It's been six months and I have managed to restore my health, move, deal with all the family crap and whatever.
So my best advice to you is to talk to the guy you are interested in about how he experiences being BiPolar. Try asking things like:
How many times has he been in the hospital?
Does he know when he's getting sick?
Has he ever attended any educational or self-help workshops to help him cope better?
Does he attend a support group? (There are many for couples because as you say, it can be very hard on one's partner and the partner who doesn't have the disorder needs a safe place to vent their frustrations and seek advice too. So sometimes the couples each attend their own meeting and there's coffee or whatever after.)
What type of BiPolar disorder does he have? (the cyclic is the hardest)
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL...DOES HE TAKE HIS PILLS? HAS HE EVER STOPPED TAKING HIS PILLS? IF SO, WHY?
Let's hope I am still 'seeing' someone after this grand disclosure. Let's hope so. But if not...then better to find that out now...although I'm sure most people wouldn't exactly appreciate being told this way.
Kinda like bringing him on Jerry Springer! | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:25:05 PM | Sigh...
I was married to someone who was mentally ill, although early in our relationship it wasn't as apparent as it was later on. The OCD was there from the beginning, and I just basically lived with it, even though having someone come home and rewash the dishes I'd just washed, and "tidy up" the perfectly tidy living room did get annoying after awhile. The Bi-polar thing (she has been diagnosed Bi-polar by a mental health professional) was harder to deal with because I never knew what to expect when I arrived home from work. But I still tolerated it. But when she got into affairs and other weird things, it was too much and I pulled the plug on the marriage.
You would think I would have learned. I briefly dated someone who was manic-depressive, and was totally frustrated by the whole experience. When things were good they were great, and when things were bad, they were a nightmare...
So I would be very careful. Probably the best advice is avoid the relationship, it may end up being more than you bargained for... | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:59:07 PM | So I would be very careful. Probably the best advice is avoid the relationship, it may end up being more than you bargained for...
True. That is why I know it will only be someone who loves me for me and trusts that I won't go off my pills again that I could ever enter into a truly forever relationship with.
But it works both ways. If he's about my age then there are many illnesses facing people who are entering the second 50 years of their life that may come about.
Since I raised a disabled son as a single mother and if nothing else, have ample people to speak on my behalf as to what a wonderful advocate I was for my son, then that special someone would be receiving someone to love them in all conditions too.
My grandmother who raised me died of cancer by the time I was twelve. And even though I was a little kid, I would wash her back in the bathtub after she had had a double mastectomy and a colostomy. (Not a pretty sight if you haven't any personal experience with this one.)
But I loved her with all my heart and all I saw was the beauty in her. She tought me how to love deeply and forever.
And hopefully, the next time my soul begins to sing the lyrics "I saw your face in a crowded place but I'll never be with you" I will not become distracted by the beauty and the angels etc. and refrain from responding with a never say never approach. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 3/31/2006 10:08:48 PM | If the illness is under treatment, he is aware of it and doing the best he can, of course I would. I have a relative who has Bipolar who successfully ran his own business and is now retired. He's smart, funny, and a good man. I am very proud of him and his successes despite his illness.
It is sad that there is such a stigma attached to mental illness because many of the mental illnesses can be treated with medications and therapy. Watching my uncle succeed like that--wow! I did not realize that President Lincoln also had Bipolar--makes me admire him all the more.
Good health to all
DW | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 5:38:50 AM | | I dated a compulsive obsessive- he had this thing about checking the car to make sure it was locked two or three times. On the way to dinner..he stopped at a gas station to check the tire pressure..then when we got there checked his wallet to make sure it was there ..a few times during dinner..picked at his plate but ate MY DINNER because it looked better than his...it was like I was on Candid Camera..where's the camera? | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:48:52 AM | | Been there, done that. And I'd be extremely cautious doing so again, frankly. It depends on the individual, the specifics of their illness, how effectively it is treated, etc. Even so, there can be complications, stress, medications that become less effective over time, decreased libido from same, etc. There are some wonderful people, though, so I wouldn't dismiss someone out of hand on this basis, but I would learn a great deal about their situation if I otherwise was attracted, and before getting too deeply involved. My health and well-being would be directly affected by theirs, so it is not a simple decision. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:00:25 AM | I'm even not going to read the other responses.
I AM BIPOLAR
I call it "Gods Gift". I didn't ask to have this, but I have it. You know something else? I want to love and be loved just like the rest of you. For me, it is much more difficult because my feelings are so much stronger. It takes me forever to find someone and when I do the illness usually ruins the beginning of the relationship because... well love just feels that much "better" for me.
Before any of you tell someone not to date someone who is bipolar, how would you like to be in my shoes? People like you, they are attracted to you. If you like them like they like you the illness ruins it before it begins. Could you imagine how painfull that can be? Could you imagine how devastating that would be on your self esteem? Especially since you are an extra sensitive person?
I've read threads here where people have been very mean in their perspective of the illness. Telling people not just to walk away but to run. If any of you have that perspective, I strongly suggest you take a good look in the mirror. This illness is far more prevailent than you may think. We are all going to the same place, we are all here for a short time and we all want to be loved.
There is a saying "every man is responsible for every other man". I believe that. Now that doesn't mean someone is responsible for paying my bills, but as common man we owe it to eachother to help eachother through this brief life. This short span of time that we spend walking the Earth.
This illness. It is "God's gift" to me. I was created differently. I see things others don't see. If you look at this "illness" in a negative light, I strongly suggest you do a Google search and look up all of histories influencial people who were bipolar. You might be very surprised and perhaps even embarrassed that you've thought of someone like me in a negative light.
My advice to the original poster, date the person but do guard yourself from his falls. Love is a very strong and very powerful energy that brings out the best in people. Love is something EVERYBODY needs.
Have a good day all. | |
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LMAO
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 88 | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:55:23 AM | | i have dated a guy who was bi polar. my mom is mentally ill and my sister in law was diagnosed as a depressive, psychotic, paranoid. true, these people don't want to be ill but thats the cards they were dealt. growing up with all of this was extremely taxing on my mental health which in turn wore me out physically.even on the meds,its not all reasurring, for it is a yo yo game. i only speak for myself.. i would not date a mentally ill person.life is tough enough with a " normal" person. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:53:44 PM | One in every Five of us will suffer from some form of mental illness or clinical depression during our life span!
The range and acuteness and time frame of illnesses can vary from person to person. You can suffer from several disorders at one time.
Think of yourself in a maze and finding your way out. Many former patients after recovery expain it this way.
A lot of disorders are caused by simple things like stress, your job or loss of, financial state, long term abuse, long term substance abuse to name a few.
A lot can be cured from propper counselling, a strong support system by friends colleagues and peers and medication. The patient must plan and organize and set realistic goals that are attainable and achieveable. Positive thoughts and environment are key.
Unfortunately, many relapse again and again. The difference with relapse is many know it and seek help from the onset.
Some never accept the fact they will never be cured!
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:13:11 PM | ^^^^
Hi DW!
It makes me wonder how many of us on POF ever felt really down or even openly admit being depressed for a short period of time when we broke up with a significant other in our lives!
Things that make you go... Hmmmm!!! | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:32:40 PM | Call me shallow but no I wouldn't. I have a son to worry about so I don't need to have to worry about someone else like this.
I wouldn't call you shallow and you are certainly within your rights to choose who you want to date based on any criteria you wish.
But each individual with a mental illness is different and some, like myself, have a good prognosis.
I too have a son. Two of them in fact. One is disabled and 17-soon-to-be-18 years old. The other is almost 30.
And as I said earlier in this thread, I raised the youngest as a single mom and I'm damn proud of it.
No one had to take care of me. In fact, people find it hard to bring themselves to offer help since I'm very independent and I don't believe there's any such thing as a free lunch.
The only reason I went off my pills is because I felt I had lost and/or was losing everything.
I count the fact my eldest decided to drag the youngest -- who like many teenage boys was itching for some fast paced excitement -- off to Ottawa with him and not tell me.
As if squandering the $21,000 trust fund I helped set up for him when he turned 21 or all the Survivor's Benefits (mine included -- I signed them over for him to go to college) from his late father's Canada Pension Plan were not enough damage done considering he -- being mental illness free -- decided to become a crack cocaine user.
I'll say it again...I challenge any normal person to cope, without breaking down, with the summer from Hell I just experienced on what was supposed to have been my big celebration of having lived 40 years in Toronto.
The bottom line: my youngest son didn't suffer because of what I did. He suffered because he left town. And then I said "f*ck maintaining this reality -- it sucks and I'd rather be insane". | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:25:18 PM | | DW , you may be right with your numbers, but when I consider my son's and my own welfare then 20% is a rather small number that I can live with. Besides I am going to do what makes me happy as I had my turn with someone with a mental illness as she is an alcoholic. No thanks, I am not going down that road again. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:28:12 PM | Hi Crane Man,
Everyone has their own preferences for their own reasons. Like you I have my own preferences. I would rather avoid guys who are divorced with kids. You want to avoid someone who is mentally ill.
If we all wanted the same kind of person we'd never meet one another  and then where would we be?????
Good fishing, Crane Man. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:12:16 PM | I did. I married her and raised her three daughters. Her issues were present the entire 14 years we were together, and I attribute 90% of her condition to have directly caused our demise.
I won't do it again. I know of no one that has been on the extreme side of this issue that would. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:50:30 PM | Hi Britney, everybody's crazy on some level. The question is whether their kind of crazy is a good fit for your kind of crazy. If it is, and you're nice to each other, go for it! | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/8/2006 6:22:34 PM | I have dated someone with bipolar. She had a breakdown before I met her, finally got on the right medication and in therapy, and turned her life around. I wouldn't have missed out on the experience for anything. She is a wonderful person who I'm still friends with years later.
The key to dating someone with an illness is that they take responsibility for it and understand what they need to do to control the symptoms. They'll slip up every once and a while, but if they know how to get back on track, it should be o.k. | |
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| Would you date someone with a mental illness?
Posted: 4/8/2006 6:51:42 PM | I was married to a drug addict/alcoholic who became manic depressive and schizophenic after becoming "clean and sober" .....He caused h**ll to me and my child for many years.....
Date someone who can become violent and any given moment because they decide to take a med vacation ..or someone who refuses to seek help ?
Yeah sure you're right
and the poster that said everyone is on something these days ..ain't that the truth | |
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