| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/19/2006 12:56:40 AM | Hey Cusak:::
Would you believe as I was writing this someone messaged me and said she was interested in someone else, and gave me the classic "we can still be friends, because he may not work out"she ACTUALLY SAID THAT)
GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK!!
another one blocked. Im not a shortwave radio......I don't have a standby switch! flat out pissed me off.
"just friends" is pure crap man. It's an open invitation to be strung along for the duration. it's also a left-handed way of saying, "your not quite good enough for me" having played that game for three years, and never again. It's damn near given me a complex. I now have the view, if im not good enough to love in her eyes, then she can take a hike period! when it comes to the friends thing, I AM NOT a nice guy! either she is the one im looking for, or she is not. I have no desire of taking women out who rate me as "second class" nor will I acccept second class treatment.
loneliness sometimes makes us do stupid things. I'm certainly no exception to that. but i'll be dammed if I will change who I am, just because i've met a few buttheads. and ill tell you, the one I seek will come along, sooner or later. And the person who will take advantage of loneliness, is lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.
My profile is often frowned at because of my view on friends. freinds are very important and have their place, I have (and need)friends myself. But that has no place on a dating site.
These so called "friends" can just move on ! I refuse to be sidetracked . Im simply looking for a long term relationship. thats my goal. This is not to say that I am not willing to wait, and take one day at a time nor do I expect a relationship to be instant.
I know this sounds rather narrow minded and crass, but in reality it's not. In my experience, one you are religated to "friend" status...you're there for the duration. Given a "potental relationship" things must be kept in context. but once the "friend" card is played, the context changes, and for me a line is crossed. A person whom is unsure of what/who they want is a time waster for me.
My View anyway
POF is NOT plenty of friends!
TombstoneTom(Andy) | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/19/2006 5:57:01 AM | cusak: it is very hard to listen,when your emotions are in a turmoil. The western culture leads people on to be dishonest and to desire "love" and attention. Take some time to concentrate on work and yourself. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:04:57 AM | LOL I am the eternal "Guy Friend" of the women I know. Seems like every woman I meet just wants to be friends, and no matter if I would love to go further in the relationship, she just wants to stay friends.
One I met here on POF informed me that we should just be friends, and she doesn't have sex with friends so don't expect to get any from her. Oh sure, she kind of hinted that if I stuck around long enough, maybe, and I emphasize the word, MAYBE, we might have more of a relationship... sometime in a year or more. Right...I am gonna sit here and wait? Oh I will stay her friend, but that is all... So, I am going to keep looking for a woman who is willing to be more than just friends. Unfortunately, have yet to find one.
I have lots of women that I met here on POF or another dating site, but they all live across the country, and I hate to pack up and move and then find out that the relationship is going no where...
Sometimes I think life sucks.
My advice to you OP, is to just move on and forget the woman. I doubt you will ever change her mind and all you are doing is wasting your time.
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cusack
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Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 254 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:26:14 PM | Well I can tell you from experience that it is not possible in no way way whatsoever to even be friends with a woman if either of these apply 1) If you have ever had sex with your "friend", then what will happen is you will always want more and then will get pissed when she starts turning you down for sex 2) You are even the least bit sexually attracted to her because then your always going to want to have sex with her.
Now a lot of what I just said plays into the past experience that I just went through with this girl who played me like a violin but I tried so very hard to be just her friend but as stated so many different times before when I would not act interested in her then she would do everything in her power to make me divert my attention back to her.
I don't think life sucks....I think most women just love to play head games with guys or treat them like a toy. Sorry ladies but it's true. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:42:52 PM | To each his own I suppose, but the only games I have ever played with anyone is cribbage, poker, spades, etc - You get my point I am sure! Not every woman is the same - and any man who thinks that is a fool, just like any woman who allows bad experiences ruin her life is a fool as well. I have had PLENTY of bad experiences with men - some players, some psychos, but I also realise there are just as many good guys out there as bad... the glass is actually half full too you know?
She is being played by a man she has feelings for - and you clearly see how retarded that whole situation is...and yet????? You are smack dab in the same position.. when you are pining after her and she loves someone else. Break it off and move on! It basically boils down to this...self respect and self love. If you know it's bad for you and it is hurting you...then seriously...why keep doing it to yourself? Time to move on to better things and find someone "real" to have in your life....there are some of us still left out there lol. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:28:33 PM | I am going to have to read some responces from women, because a similar thing happened to me.
I met this girl online,I drove 250 miles from where I live to meet her, I liked her, got home, and for a few days we talked on the phone everyday and IM every night. Then all of a sudden, I'm just a good friend. Then she tells me that she doesn't want a relationship. Then one night she let it slip that maybe some day a man will come along and steal her heart. She was the first woman that I had felt feelings for in 2 years, so my wall went back up again. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:35:04 PM | | I haven't been on here very long, but so far I have not talked to a woman on here except to give me advice about my profile. I'm on a paid site that I get new mail from everyday, several, so I don't know what is wrong with me on this site. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:38:16 PM | | I'm not the last boyfriend that you had that beat the hell out of you everyday. So why are you on a singles site if you want to stay single. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:20:02 AM | | Dude. Been there, done that. I fell for a girl. I was always the guy she came crying for when he mistreated her and hurt her and yet I would have done anything for her. I also got the same bullsh*t rhetoric about you're such a nice guy and so cute and sweet blaa blaa. In the end, most (not all) are full of crap and just want a bad boy who they think they can change. The nice guys are the ones they go to for those couple of weeks between baddasses. I've become somewhat jaded with dating and relationships so thats just my opinion. And thats not the only one. It's happened more times than I can count. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:35:11 AM | | I honestly believe that most women enjoy messing with our heads. They play you till the know that you think there could be something then the pull the "just want to be friends" crap. I just wish I could stop falling for women. It hurts every time.... | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:14:01 AM | All this still sounds like alot of work to me... why don't you just be honest, tell her that you have feelings for her but your not going to stand around and be used anymore. If she just wants to be friends tell her that right now for you it's just not possible for you. It sounds like an ultimadum but after all the things that you have done for her I think you deserve that... Lets face it she is going to choose the married guy... there are certian women who always will. But you sound like a great guy and one day when your long gone and she finally realizes that this married guy is going nowhere (they never do) she will reget her decision. And hopefully you will be with someone who derserves you and all you have to offer.
As for now you have to cut your losses and move on... I would delete her from your yahoo and stop accepting her calls at least until your over her.
I know how you feel, I have been there.. I dated a guy who I was crazy about and he just didn't give me anything in return. The whole realtionship was about him and his needs and all I did was cater to them. Was I dumb absolutly!!. Now that I am out of that situation. I see that I was trying to buy his love, not with material things but with my time and energy, I wanted him to love me. And now I realize that I could have went to the moon and back and it would never have been enough.. those people are takers and there is no limit to what they will accept. But let me tell you something.. that won't happen to me again and hopefully you won't let it happen to you either. In any relationship I will give 110% but if I don't get back at least 50% I eliminate them, it has worked for me up untill now.
I know the right girl is out there.. I wish you all the luck in the world | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:14:51 PM | | hi , dont worry i had the same thing happen to me , i saw this amazing girl she kept looking at me so i went and talked to her for a bit , that night then i left and gave her my number and email , that week she emailed me and asked me if she would to meet her again i said yeah sure , so again we talked for about 2 hours or so , then she wanted to go out on another date so i said yes . that week she never called or emailed me at all , then finaly on friday she sent me a email saying that she went back to her ex bf and there where going to work things out , but then she said if it dont work out with him she was going to defiently call me . i dont want to be rebound guy . i know how u feel | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:48:31 PM | | Your suggestion is called M A N I P U L A T I O N and ultimately does not work. When someone treats you bad and blames it on you, because "you allowed it", it may say something about you, but it says more about them. They should be in control of how they treat others and take responsibility for their own actions. There are many people I could have taken advantage of, but my character and integrity doesn't allow me to do it. Obviously, there are those who lack integrity and maturity which allows them to blame instead of grow up. At any rate, we who understand that love isn't about manipulation and blame are much better off without those who practice it. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:57:14 PM | | WOW Tiger! I'm impressed by your comment "ulterior motives" most "rescuers" have ulterior motives. They just don't realize that it ultimately leads to abuse and victimhood, aka the "deadly triangle". | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:36:31 AM | i set boundaries when it comes to friends....no sexual contact what so ever.
allowing someone to walk over us...we allow manipulation.
think with the head on the shoulder not in your pants...your in control of you...not her.
temptation is every where...its up to you whether you act upon it.
settling for something cause of loneliness ...will only last for a short time.
love yourself an you will love others...that goes as well with respect..trust an etc.
be happy within yourself....without this you wont be happy with what you get.
no one completes us...they compliment us. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/23/2006 2:39:59 PM | | Talk about a rock and a hard spot , but on damage control you really should think about cutting your ties with her . Its a good sign too that you had sex on the first date and she never followed up by falling in love with you . Look at how she uses you and how she walks all over you and muster some dislike for her . She sounds like a younger women and probally has some control issues as well I would bet . I can just say get away from her and forget about her and try to focus on something new . If you choose to stay in contact do nothing for her , absolutly nothing . See if she wants to be friends so bad then . She dosn't know what she wants and if you get into a relationship with her anyways I would bet again that your hearts going to go throgh even worse pain . | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:37:43 AM | | Why do men and women have to treat each other like this? Whats so difficult about laying out your intentions and what you feel or where things may be headed? | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:09:00 PM | I have the same story except when I stay away from her for a week or so and don't call
we'll bump into one another and voila, we end up in the sack. We'll hang for a few days and then she'll go off and sleep with the guy who's just using her. I have to work for it but he just snaps his fingers. I think it says a lot about us. I'm an idiot, she's a **** and he has a
ten inch**** | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/25/2006 5:28:33 AM |
The idea of a soulmate is a myth. Its all about the confidence that you exude and if you don't have it you are fresh out of luck. You become the friend. When I was a kid in Jr. High I was burnt by the "Let's just be friends" or as I also call it, the "I don't think of you that way scenario" and swore off the idea of dating completely. Now I'm someone verging on the 40 year old Virgin territory.
I agree with the comic Chirs Rock when you are never going to find the right person for you. For example, I'm never going to find a woman who hates romantic comedies staring Freddie Prince Junior as much as I do, or is willing to snuggle up on the couch with me and watch both Goodfellas and Bambi, all on the same night.
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/26/2006 2:12:53 PM | Ah yes the ol "lets be freinds" statement after the girl leads you on to believing there is more to the relationship... I have had that played on me a few times myself. I have been around too long to be played for a fool. As an old aquantance once told me to say, "if I want a friend I will go to the SPCA". I wouldn't be a brutal in my response as that but I would tell her that I am not in this relationship to just be friends and move on with your life.
Will | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 7/26/2006 2:24:30 PM | keep it simple
If the woman is persuing a man that is with his x wife, she it not wanting to commit and if you continue to persue this woman you are just like her (commitment) for what ever reasons.
simple .. if you fear commitment then stay with her...if you are not find someone who is willing.
peace | |
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