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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > When the girl wants to be "JUST FRIENDS"      Home login  
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 my1poeticmind
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 451
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDSPage 19 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
My main problem is how do I stop loving her and be just the friend she wants without her using me? Is that even possible? We get along great and she has such a wonderful personality unlike anyone I have ever met and part of me wants to be her friend and the other part of me hates her for how she has just used me all this time. It's a no win situation.

In answer to this I would ask you why do you even want to be friends with her? If that is how she trets her friends then I would not want to be her enemy. Son, you need to cut off all communication with her. You need to not allow her to manipulate you in any way. She can not be friends with you because she sees you as a meal ticket or a "sugar daddy" of sorts. You need to have more self respect and move on. If you remain "friends" with her, you are the only one to blame when she really hurts you or abuses your feelings. Be a man and walk away. No more communication at all. That is the very best thing that you can do right now.
 my1poeticmind
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 452
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/14/2008 6:27:05 PM
My main problem is how do I stop loving her and be just the friend she wants without her using me? Is that even possible? We get along great and she has such a wonderful personality unlike anyone I have ever met and part of me wants to be her friend and the other part of me hates her for how she has just used me all this time. It's a no win situation.

In answer to this I would ask you why do you even want to be friends with her? If that is how she treats her friends then I would not want to be her enemy. Son, you need to cut off all communication with her. You need to not allow her to manipulate you in any way. She can not be friends with you because she sees you as a meal ticket or a "sugar daddy" of sorts. You need to have more self respect and move on. If you remain "friends" with her, you are the only one to blame when she really hurts you or abuses your feelings. Be a man and walk away. No more communication at all. That is the very best thing that you can do right now.
 l bo
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 453
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:42:52 PM
My first post here, joined just to read and respond to this thread. I agree what the majority of people have said; if one half of the couple is interested in something the other half isn't then the incompatability will drive one nuts. I have 1 female friend, no sexual interest in her whatsoever. We hang out, get along, share some hobbies and have a good time. That's it, I like it like that.

I am responding though to ask a few questions about someone I recently met. Typically, when someone says "just friends" and I want something else I walk away to avoid any hardships that WILL arise. However this girl I met hit me, Cupid left his bow and arrow home and took me out like Rambo. Haven't felt like that about someone on first contact in well maybe ever. Very powerful draw.... I am 37 years old BTW and have met many females. Now what makes this girl different, and why I am ignoring the "Just Friends" line is because she is European.... from Belarus specifically. She has lived here for 6 years now. She works about 60 hours a week, goes to school too and has one day off a week. This day off she normally does school work.

Anyway I got up the nerve and asked her out, she agreed. We meet up at a little museum for an hour or so. The next time we go out, she brings her friend. (BIG red flag right?) We still had fun, lot of fun, walked the boardwalk and played some games. Then we don't talk for about 3 weeks, out of the blue she contacts me and we go to the beach for the day for some fishing and hanging out.... again with her friend. This was planed a while back, she wanted to see if we were still on. I tell her can't be "just friends" with her after this day. She knows how I feel and she was a little taken back by it..... she begged for something she could do to change my mind. I gave it more thought for a couple days and told her "sure" OK, never really did this before but willing to try and see how it works out. Granted she has plenty of friends and it seemed important to her. We went out to dinner one night, just us, and had great convo and laughter. Lots of laughter. I felt if it was anyone else I would have made a little move.... I felt it with her... but didn't do anything.

I have been told the "just friends" isn't always what it means for a EU girl, by other EU girls. We have A LOT of EU girls here during the summer, they are all over the place. Anyway we always have fun together, I make her laugh and she busts my balls about stuff all the time with her dry humor. What I found strange is that ignoring her for 3 weeks worked. Also find it odd she finds it important to tell me her plans or schedule when she is going out of town, her upcoming school and work schedules, etc. She is currently gone for 3 weeks, just left. I happened to visit the place her friend works (Dunkin Donuts) and said hi while getting my coffee. This girl I like calls the next day but I missed it. I called her back that night missed her. She called again the next and asked me why I went to see her friend. I explained I didn't go to see her friend, rather to get some coffee. She tells me she called but didn't answer, I told her I called her back but she didn't get it or see a missed call. I could tell she was a little testy, didn't like me seeing her friend at work I am guessing.

Now I am thinking these actions aren't typical of someone who wants "just friends" is it? The friends thing was only brought up before we ever went out and once again...... I never mentioned it anymore since I tod her I can't be just friends and neither has she.

Am I reading more into then should be there? Are girls from the EU a little different? Could her dedication to education and work be reasons why she isn't trying to get into a relationship. (Her last boyfriend was 2 years or more ago). Is the JF line a defense mechanism to weed out others? Or do you think she wants JF even though she has pleny of other friends.... many many friends?

Trying to figure this one out.
 toxsin
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 454
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:49:51 PM
Lame as this may sound. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this situation. In alot of ways I can relate to the situation with your girl. Only, my "Just wanna be friends girl" is dating a friend of mine who is now fighting in Iraq.

Anywho.

For me, The concept of being just friends with her is actually better off for me. I really think it's in how you wish to accept, and respect the situation. If you really love her as you say you do. Just having her as a friend should be acceptable enough. Don't turn it into a cheesy soap opera game. You can love a woman and just be friends.

Advice : Cherish and respect your friendship. Live your life. If you want a girlfriend. Keep looking. There are crap tons of wemon out there. She's in your life for a reason, and as a love interest isn't that reason. All that talking you do online and on phone. What's it about? You gotta be getting some insite and intellect from it.

Think about it. High school's over. It's time to play with the big boys & girls. If you honestly love her. Take her companionship in what ever form it's to be had. She just wants to be friends. Great. Good for you. You have a friend. Not that hard to understand, or grasp. I did it. You can too.
 sarah555555555
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 455
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:37:45 PM
I am a girl that just wants to be friends for right now.........u wanna know why? Because like many other women out there I have been hurt to the point of heartbroken, and have to somehow "build" trust again. Two men in past two yrs told me they were in it for the "long haul", I didnt even ask them that, or imply it, it was just said over and over. We laughed, we made love, we acted silly, we bonded, and they left- for women younger. Now I feel it would be better to get to know someone on a friend level first and go slow and see where it goes. "Friends first".......................
 starry_night
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 456
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:59:21 PM
Unequal attraction is something nearly everyone has to face. People have different reasons for wanting to remain friends. Some male/female friendships will always have a certain edge to them even if nothing will ever come of it. I DO have male friends where there is no question that it will ever be anything but platonic and we BOTH like it that way. I believe in keeping the friendships that are working and letting the others go, whether male or female. I wouldn't consider a relationship to go further with any man that wasn't first proven to be my friend.
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 457
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:43:01 PM
This sounds like a powderkeg waiting to explode. Even if the feelings are strong, I'd walk away. First of all, if you WERE so good to her, and this is your reward, I'd think you deserve better. Second, her flighty behavior is typically a pattern with most people.

Take her cat and make a sweater....
You got nothin left to weather.....

I'm dying to mess up that Kieth Urban song for karaoke....

Poor kitty.
 ujstgt2sml
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 458
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/23/2008 8:02:22 PM
OMG! I can relate to this soooooo much!! I met a guy on this site who lives 60+ miles away from me. I only agreed to meet him for dinner because his profile stated that he was looking for a long term relationship, which is exactly what I am looking for. We have been seeing each other at least 4 times a week for about a month and a half. clicked from the very beginning and I developed very strong feelings for him very quickly, which was pretty scary for me, but he is the type of guy I have been looking for my entire life or so I thought. He shared in the strong feelings and constantly told me just that. Then a week ago I asked him if he was dating other people so I could get a better idea of where I stood. Wasn't asking for a commitment, but would have liked to at least had a small one, considering my heart was already deeply involved. Well, should have kept my mouth shut because after that conversation he became very distant. Said nothing was wrong, but I felt it. He quit telling me how much he missed me ect., So, I finally caught him on IM the other day and asked what was wrong and he said, "It's that obvious?" I responded Uh yeah! So, he proceeded to tell me that he was not going to commit to me at this time, but wanted to continue seeing me while he dated other women. That doesn't work for me, I'm sorry, but especially this day an age. So I asked him if the shoe was on the other foot would he be OK with me seeing other men. He responded very quickly, NO! Tell me what the heck is it these days!? Anyways...Sorry for throwing it all out there, but wanted to tell my story. I'm sorry that happened to you, that really sucks! I can sympathise completely. Tired of my heart getting broken! It hurts so bad doesn't it. May God Bless you and feel free to contact me if you would like to talk. Smile! I'm trying to! Good Luck!
 iluv2create
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 459
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/26/2008 2:51:32 PM
When a woman whats you as friend, that means "You be there for me, do all the work, pay all the my bills"... oops I almost forgot, you have to worship them too and no sex either...
 shrekalike
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 460
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:15:30 PM
Bloody hell it sounds like my Sharon. I'm glad I found out now before I packed my job in and moved closer to her!!!!!!

Dump her mate she aint worth it
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 461
When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:20:28 AM
Wow. I am a year late here in posting. When a woman says she wants to be just friends, then she likes hanging out with you but sex isn't part of the equation.

At least she was honest enough to tell you that up front.

It could also mean that there is someone else that she is physically interested in. The bottom line is that she isn't interested in you as a physical partner.

A long time ago I heard a joke that a woman needs three men in her life: One to pay her bills; one to meet her physical needs; and a gay man to provide for her emotional needs.

I am not insinuating by any stretch of the imagination that OP is gay, but if she just wants to be friends, she is definitely not wanting to have her physical needs met there and wants to explore elsewhere. The sizzle is just not there for her.

I do not have three men in my life per se, but I have a lot of close male friends (they are good for heavy lifting and fixing stuff!). What is cool about that is that I have an endless lot of big brothers.

I hope by now OP has moved way on, but I also hope my words help the next person.
 Shirls
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 462
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When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:16:02 AM
Like a lot of the ladies on here, my status is friends only for good reason.

Initially it was because I had my heart broken and therefore was just looking for friends at that time (its amazing how many people just dont read your profile properly and dont get beyond the photos!)

I have met some great friends on POF and for that I am very happy! There was one particular guy who I arranged to meet for coffee, Just as friends, but when we met, the electricity was so powerful between us that the sparks could have caused a fire!

We are together now, so POF worked for me even though I was not looking for a relationship at the time!! Funny how things pan out!

My status remains at friends only because why shouldnt I leave it like that? We both still like to make new friends, male or female and I dont see anything wrong with that.
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