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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/2/2006 8:29:28 PM | yes, she met him on POF may2005, just got the divorce finalized from her previous relationship..
desperation.. yea, that's a good word to describe her..
and definately a taker, not a giver..
i give it, 2-4years at the most.. know that sounds cruel.. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/2/2006 8:51:09 PM | | love doesnt suk...just she is on a different page then you are in your journey...make sure you are observant. Example..if a guy says to me hes lookin for friends only..i keep walkin...reality..i am lookin for long term..i have my true friends in life..i aint lookin for booty buddy...chat friends or anything else other then long term...period. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 6:38:32 AM | | I agree with you Mr.LEGOMAN2...My situation was like yours when i was 26 years old..She end up worried about the small stuff about me(Wear glasses,Thin..etc...)But would be more than happy to have relationships with losers(EX-CONS,DRUNKS,NO-DRIVERS LICENCE/CAR)She is the same age as me right now...39..And all her life she has been with loser after loser....It is all for the best,Because you see they usually become like that too..A LOSER....Do not do like i did..Put yourself through a guilt trip..Believe me it is not you...These types of women love drama...That is why you see them jump from one relationship to another..These types will never respect a nice guy...Because down deep they want losers..They would not have it any other way....But the sad part about it is these women will have kids with these pieces of shit...NOW WHO PAYS PRICE THEN!!! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 7:25:58 AM | Hoo boy!
Have you got that right.
I knew one woman with three kids from three different fathers.
ALL losers.
What are women like her thinking? | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 81 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 8:19:05 AM | most women are very complicated , they love misery , yes I am generalizing, that is the way I see it . Ihave 20 female friends , some I fell in love with , like women here my friends say < i am a very great guy and love is around the corner , that is a load of crap unless I play the bad guy card then things work for me but I cannot keep that facade very long .
unless they get beat up in life and are like 100 years old then they learn thier lesson and want a guy like the OP.
Grow some big nuts , do not give a crap about women , beleive in yourself , you come first , be selfish , women in general respond and love a selfish guy , they see the confidence , the confidence of a rooster , do nbot treat women above you , treat them a little beneath you , that attitude will get you places and will get you a long way , tooo bad I cannot keep thatfacade very long , I become a Wussy like you very quickly , that is the way i am , soft , loving and considerate , all the traits women see a so gay and very undesireable . | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:09:44 AM | | SO SO SO!!! TRUE ^^^^^^^^I can write a book on this...This is why i gave up years ago..Best decision i made....Now i heer from women you can be to nice..WE LIVE IN A SAD WORLD!!!!!! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 10:17:20 AM | Wow, Dude....
Grow some big nuts , do not give a crap about women , beleive in yourself , you come first , be selfish , women in general respond and love a selfish guy , they see the confidence , the confidence of a rooster , do nbot treat women above you , treat them a little beneath you , that attitude will get you places and will get you a long way , tooo bad I cannot keep thatfacade very long , I become a Wussy like you very quickly , that is the way i am , soft , loving and considerate , all the traits women see a so gay and very undesireable .
What sort of woman are you gonna catch if she'll let you treat her like she's crap? There's got to be a happy medium somewhere.... If she wants to be "just friends" ... and there's never been love (or sex) in the deal ... nothing wrong with a gal pal.
Steve | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 10:29:21 AM | | I do not know...Why don't you ask some of the jerks that question^^^^^^^^Because there is no short of women for jerks(ABUSERS,DRUNKS,LOSERS) | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 85 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 1:58:40 PM |
SO SO SO!!! TRUE ^^^^^^^^I can write a book on this...This is why i gave up years ago..Best decision i made....Now i heer from women you can be to nice..
Like the idea of a book, you could call it... "she's just not that in to you..." :o)
Actually I reckon there's probably a very funny and satirical view of relationships by making a farce of the "she's just not that in to you..." book. But then it'd would probably be seen as "sour grapes" by most women. Which it probably is, as well as being truthful as to their whimsical and deluded desires in relationships. Mind you, can't generalise, that's not all girls and I've said before and will say again, guys are at fault too.
One other thing I supose to think about is the current state of animalistic attraction, in nature animals have always opted for the most suitable partner for the time and environment, and we are all animals, still governed by deep rooted instincts. Females are a prime example of this, being in general more greatly affected by environmental conditions, emotions, stress and impulse factors (such as stress, body language, pitch of sound and vibration - that's not written to be rude).
If the general population of women are going for losers, maybe that's what we need. A new generation of losers, that are never gonna get college educations, good jobs and be put in positions of power so that they can mess up the economy/country/world. - Just a thought.
Or perhaps most relationships between women and men are really good, and what we have experienced is at extreme ends of the scale, maybe we're wrong and these girls that we've encountered are right, just not right with us.
Can't really demonize the girls if you haven't heard and understood their side of the story. That'll be like sentencing somebody before you've really seen all the evidence.
Mind you, the old addage does work...
"Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen" | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 86 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 4:16:35 PM | I thought I'd better add the following:
I've had a few incidents where I've slept with girls that I have been friends with first; relationships with them between 6 months and 4 years; and then had the lets be friends line. But that perhaps doesn't quite fit this topic. My relationships had developed to more than just infrequent sex, though the end was the same "you're perfect, too good for me, I still want you in my life as your my best friend" etc. But in all the endings I believed there was a message of Karma.
I'd slept with a girl a few times from work, she was an 19 year old ex-nurse that had a crush on me, beautiful body, but just didn't do it for me any other way. I liked her but couldn't relate to her and she was too keen to have kids, almost devious. So to end the relationship I said to her that we couldn't go on. I don't remember saying "lets just be friends" but I may as well, have, the reasons for ending it I believe were the same, and being a "nice guy" whatever I would have said would have resulted in my ending it with a "you deserve somebody better" result. I'm pretty sure that I have also not dated girls and not slept with them by saying, "you know I really like you as friend, and if we had a relationship it could ruin all that". Even though I don't just sleep with girls and leave them, the end result is the same. I'm pretty sure as blokes we've all caused upset to girls looking for love in us, refusing a dance to a girl, or not accepting a girls gestures of attraction, ignoring them. I suppose to summarise it, even though some girls hurt us, we've all hurt somebody along the way, even if at the time we didn't mean to or know it. It's a negative and dangerous set of emotions if we continue to blame them for our failings in being stronger, for our wanting too much and for giving too much when it probably wasn't what was good at the time. Really, it's a selfish thing we've done, we've given to receive. If hadn't, we wouldn't have felt so bad, hurt so much when we didn't receive. That's based on thinking that true love of mankind and brotherly love is unconditional.
But I suppose the love of eros is not unconditional, it requires sacrifice and pain.
I also believe that finding a partner that just loves you and you love shouldn't cause deep rooted pain, it just be balance of unconditional love and the love of eros. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:45:33 PM | | What in the Hell are you talking about...If a women tells me she wants to be with me because of moral values...Then 30 days later she is with a EX-con...You are telling me she is the victim..I think you ought to rethink what you just siad...And Obvously you sure have not been with the women i been with...If you did you would have a different attitude....As far as hillbilly man you came in here to start a argument with me....I will not go there...Sorry you do not know me from ADAM...So what you have to say about my life has no merit.........If i respect a woman and treat her good as a human being..then she turns around and puts a knife in my heart...Sorry i will never accept responsibity for that...HAVE YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD THE WORD TRUST AND RESPECT???? | |
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| Following
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:49:40 PM | | What your friggin problem???I saw in one of my post you are trying to flame me...If you do not like my opinion on something..That is fine..But to sit ther and insult me after everthing i write...Then that is on you...If you keep it up.,I will tell moderators...Oh...By the way i am glad you know all about me and my life experiences in women...GOSH YOUR GOOD!!!! | |
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| Following
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:50:27 PM | | What your friggin problem???I saw in one of my post you are trying to flame me...If you do not like my opinion on something..That is fine..But to sit ther and insult me after everthing i write...Then that is on you...If you keep it up.,I will tell moderators...Oh...By the way i am glad you know all about me and my life experiences in women...GOSH YOUR GOOD!!!! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/3/2006 11:44:42 PM | Let me tell you a little story about a man named... Anthony... I have a doozy for you when it comes to the let's just be friends line.
I met a girl in March of 2002. Immediate attraction on my part and from the way she responded from her as well. Fast forward nearly 1 year and girl and I are getting married in Feb of '03. Married for 2 years and yes we had our ups and downs like every marriage. Then Oct of this year she tells me that she loves me but isn't in love with me. That now after 2 kids and nearly 3 years of marriage she's realized that she was never in love with me and loved me more as a friend and she wants a divorce. Well no amount of talking, pleading, and even begging on my part could convice her otherwise and on the 15th of this month our marriage was ended.
Now here's the kicker. After we seperated in Oct, she starts seeing this guy she met "online" and now he's moving half way across the country next month to be with her.
So trust me I know how bad it hurts. I still love her. I want to be her friend, but right now it's the hardest thing in the world to do. I have to try though because we do have 2 kids that will connect us for the rest of our lives. So what do you do in a situation like this? | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/4/2006 4:08:54 AM | | been reading abit here, a few thing's you could do hear is 1 your hurting throw it all away move on never talk to her again, 2 dont do every think for her coz when you meet some one else she'll feel lost that you ant there then you'll feel bad n start doing thing's for her again n it will mess up your new relationship, if you love her and get on greet then be like a brother to her and be best friend's wiv her it dont make you gay n that way you wont dwell on it good luck | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 93 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/4/2006 6:54:38 AM | I'm sorry tarheelman if I've caused any upset, I was just trying to look at the thing holistically, some girls will consistently go with losers because it's psychologically defined in them, perhaps from upbringing/previous experiences as are we. I used to consistently be with lovely girls that thought I was wonderful and stayed away from the dangerous types, and it has always been the lovely girls that have caused hurt to me, yet I was always drawn to them.
There's the current thinking that people in abused relationships tend to go to abuseive relationships because it's what they feel psychologically comfortable with, it could be true for girls that want the perfect/nice guy; it's what they say they want, but they may feel more comfortable being de-valued/mis-treated and that's something that we should be able to spot and avoid. But maybe, we mis-interpret the signals as being that we can genuinely help them, save them from bad guys, give them everything they want. Nah.
You're right about it being different for all of us, and we have all had bad experiences with different girls. Have a think, when you met the girl, did you know that she had some problems that you could help her with. You know, be her knight in shining armour, the perfect guy. We all do, that's why we're nice guys and that's what the girls see in us, but it's just a fantasy, it's all it ever will be, we set ourselves up without even realising it, because that knight rescues the girl and rides on in the stories, he's like the lonesome hero cowboy, kills the baddies kisses the girl and moves on, there is no "happy ever after" because every body wants a normal life and probably couldn't cope with a life that was perfect. I really am sorry if I've upset you, I didn't mean to, just talking about my experiences and what I think, I really hope that the pain eases for you.
Tell you what though, if the girls you've met like losers, then you really are better off without them, or else they'd just bring you down, wear down your soul.
And Gaibreal, that is exactly what I got from my fiance. Except, we never got to the married stage or have kids (which is lucky for me I've been told), I still wanted to be with her and got the exact same line "she tells me that she loves me but isn't in love with me", hell that brings back memories! Do they learn these lines at school?? :o) I'm not cut up about it anymore, but then it has been 3 years (or 4?). As for what do you do? You've got kids, that's tough. You're gonna have to keep contact with her if you want to keep the kids.
You know, I'm being totally serious about this, if it was me in your situations, I'd proabaly book myself into some counselling sessions to help me get through it, and to also re-iterate the counselling would be to help you through a difficult emotional time, so that the children would not be affected my emotional stress. This would look good on your part when you wanted to see the kids etc. And it probably help you through it quicker. And if you get a cute female therapist that's into you, bonus! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:22:20 AM | | Thank you MR.JAZE....Sorry for the misunderstanding....You know you really help me put some thought in it...And you are right...The lat post was intended for MR.HILLBILLY....I can honestly say i have been on this board for a while now and i have been trying to find answers,Yours make a hell of alot of sense....Thank you!!! | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 95 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/4/2006 9:18:48 AM | no worries "tarheelman" we've all been through tough times, if we can help each other then that's good, 'cos nobody else seems to give a damn. But to be honest, I don't know if what I think or have found will work for anybody else, the general thoughts I have seem to be the smae as many others that have posted on here, so maybe we're on the right track, and well they've helped me out. But we are all different, we heal differently. You just try things out, and if works then keep at it. If things are woking out, then maybe time for change.
You know I keep on thinking back to when I was a teenager and well a 20 year old and we used to stay away from girls that dated losers or had problems, "didn't need the bagagge", trouble is, a lot people these days not only have bagagge, they have emigration cargo!
I reckon, there's still some out there that don't have a problem with meeting a great guy and being happy with them, I've found a lot, and do you know what? They're the ones that I used to say to "let's just be friends". Strange world that I have created for myself...
Hey! Isn't there a movie due out called "just friends"? I think that strap line is... "the words that a guy never wants to hear"
Shit, I bet the women willl love that, they'll suddenly become experts on great guys and how to handle them and blah, blah, blah, blah....
Well if anything it should be fishing season again, can you imagine the girls that would want to date "great guys" after that's released! Trying to date girls would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Or maybe we should just go fishing and shoot the girls in the barrel???
Heh heh.
Sorry.
Bit cruel. | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 96 | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:55:11 PM | | Rule number one... dont love someone who does not love you back. If she told you she is in love with someone else and you want more its time to move on and find someone who can care about you the way you care about them. You are wasting your time with the friendship thing. There are so many people out there life is to short to stay in something that is not working for you. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/5/2006 9:05:07 AM | | You know what. I dont have an anwser for you. Seems like woman want to be your friend and when you try to give them some advise they blow up at you. I've done the same thing. BUT, when you have deep feelings for someone that doesnt feel the same way your advise is only going to piss them off because they think that you want them. Its true if you think about it. So, I think if you want to be her friend, be her friend. If you want more your in trouble. Friends want you to be there for them. If you have other intentions forget about it. Im learning this first hand. I want to be her friend, but I dont know how to anymore. The feelings wont go away. Dont know if I should stop being her friend, I cant stop, I feel so much love for her, but I also want the best for her and if thats not me, I guess its not me. Im not going to tell you give it time. Im not going to tell you she will come around. Im going to tell you if you want her in your life, your going to have to be her FRIEND and nothing more. If not good luck. Trust me, I should take my own advise. I cant do it, because love does SUCK and LOVE is forever. If anyone thinks any different there full of s h i t. So move on, thats what eveyone going to tell you. Im going to tell you, hang on to the love man. Try to let go of the pain. Not easy to do I know. | |
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Jaze
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 100 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 1/10/2006 4:17:25 AM | Im going to tell you, hang on to the love man. Try to let go of the pain. Not easy to do I know.
Sometimes I wish I had the strength to do that, I always wondered that if I'd stuck by her, would she have come around to loving me again, the way she used to. And who knows she may have, but the way she was pushing me away was just too much of heartache. I mean yeah she wanted me around as a friend, but just when she needed support. There wasn't the calling me up for coffee or just hanging out, I think she felt bad and guilty because of the situation. For me, I always had in my mind "if you love somebody, then let them go". She'll never know that, or that's what I was thinking, but if her life is better, great. Mine's getting better. Perhaps it might have been better still if I'd stuck around, but I always figured, what if it never gets right, I gave it a damn good effort at trying to make it work, if that ain't enough, what is? Cos she was adamant that there was no love left, even though the passion and attraction was there. The other thing that always stuck in my mind was, if stayed around and just supported her and was there for her, would she really see me as an equal, or as a strong partner for her? Or would I be seen as something less in her eyes, the "nice guy", the one that's dependable, always there, where she could go and do her thing and still find me to come back to. I don't treat people like and I certainly didn't want to be treated like that. I suppose my relationship had it's own problems that are different.
Yeah, I still thing what would've happened if I'd stuck it out and got together like we'd originally planned, I personally think we would have got divorced at some point. I still love her, more platonic now, and I'm sure she still has fondness for me, but after all this time apart, I'm pretty certain we could meet each other again and be good friends, nothing more.
Whereas if we'd stuck together, I'd could see arguments, hurt, bitterness, jealousy.
It was the right thing for me to do. That's my story.
Good luck to you "lost michigan", we could all do with a little bit of good fortune. And you're a braver man than me. | |
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