cusack
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Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 126 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:13:36 AM | Well since I was the one who started this looooooong post that I can't believe people are still responding to this and I must say I really appreciate all or shall I say "most" of the advice on here. Anyways, I wanted to post an update on this. Since several months had passed that we haven't spoke to one another I had moved on with my life. A few weeks ago I bumped into her while I was out of town on business and was in the town where she lives. Make a long story short we are talking again and things are VERY different now. Turns out the other guy she was ****ing screwed her over really bad and really broke her heart so as far as I am concerned she got what she deserved. We are sort of speaking again but it is much different than before. I'm not letting her use me and she has been doing everything she can to try to gain my attention and I flat told her that "I'll be your friend, but I have NO interest in anything more than friendship with you and don't think you are going to try to take advantage of my friendship". I had really thought about using her this time around and really break her heart and mess with her mind like she did mine but I'm a better person than that and am letting by gones be by gones. In fact, I actually do feel sorry for her but she brought it on herself. I'm just getting a big kick out of so hard she is trying to gain my attention and affection now and I'm not giving in one bit because there is no way I'm going to put up with someone who wants to just use me as a play toy.
It is sad too because I really did love this girl VERY much but because of everything that happened I couldn't and can't just forgive her for all of the torment that she did put me through enough to actually have a relationship with her but yet I guess I can forgive her enough to try and be the friend that she wants now without getting used or hurt in the process. | |
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zesss
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Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 127 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/1/2006 11:46:39 AM | | The song by kanye west comes into mind here golddigger which means she knows you have special feelings cuz you told her and now she can play you like a fiddle when ever she sees fit too just resist the power of the **** dude and youll be ok i promise ive gone through the same things in my life get up brush yourself off get out there and get someone that loves you as much as you love them it aint an easy quest but it can be done peace | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/1/2006 1:11:25 PM | Good to hear there was an update on this. You did the right thing by putting down your foot and letting her know its only going to be friends. Dont fall for her trying to get your attention.
I could see this coming back on the first page of this thread. She liked you because you are the nice guy that she can rely on. She gets all the emotional support and favors from you. Mean while, down the road is her bad boy. She gets the excitement of being with him and the challenge. The thing is she was acting towards him like you were acting towards her. You would drop everything to be there for her and she would do that for this guy. What sort of guy was she seeing? He lived with his ex-wife? So they had to meet on dirt roads for sex? Sounds like he was cheating on the wife. Seems pretty cheap to only have sex in a car. Couldnt they go to her place? couldnt he at least have the decency to get a cheap hotel? He just used her because she let him and really didnt respect herself. She had you to be there for the day to day emotional support. Basically she had 2 boyfriends. He got the sex and you got the rest of it.
Dont fall back into the same trap with her. Since she is single she will try to do everything she can to get you back as her number 2. She might go so far as telling you she wants you to be number one but as soon as the next bad boy walks by she will be going after him. She will then give you a story about how you two are better as friends and she will hope you will still be there for the support. I will bet that unless she finds a bf very soon she will use sex to get you back. She had you wrapped around her finger for over a year with just one night so she will use that to get you back. Just remember she wont be doing it because she loves you are likes you as a bf. She is doing it because she knows that it will renew her spell on you.
I had a similar experience in my early 20s. so I do understand. You can remain friends but you have to just keep it as a loose friendship. You will want to help her out at times but you have to just accept that she isnt your gf and its her bf that should be stepping up. Just remember when she does try to use her sex appeal on you it is an insult to you and not a compliment.
Stay strong! You deserve better and you will find it.  | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:18:40 PM | | Well, I had a similar experience recently with a girl that I had been friends with for several years. I saw her one night in the bar after not seeing her for a few years. We had a few drinks and I asked her if she was going out with anybody. She said no so I asked her out on a date. She said yes, so we went out a couple of times and I started spending all of my free time with her. I helped her through a rough time and after she got through it she started going out and hitting on other guys. She said "Ihave a lot of male friends." Well, I had fallen in love with her, and she never returned my love. After I told her how I felt about her she still wanted me around so I thought maybe things would work out, but she lust wanted to use me because I did everything for her. It took me awhile to see the light, but I made a clean break and now I don't see her or speak to her at all. I guess I'm trying to say don't even try to be her friend anymore you'll just get hurt again. She's not going to change. She just knows that she can have you be there for her with no commitment on her part. My advice is say goodbye and never see her again. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:50:14 PM | This just happened to me as well, but it wasn't as long as a few months. Not sure what you've done to change this but what I did was change my attitude towards it and kept my emotions in check. I knew I liked her, had no problem letting her know but always kept my head on the fact that she doesn't want me. Way I see it, she had her chance. And then I just started to workout like crazy. You'd be amazed how much better it makes you feel, plus you start getting a kick ass body she'd wish she could touch.  | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/2/2006 10:01:50 AM | here is what agrevates me about this story.
ok i agree women do like a challenge.
but yet alot of women complain that there are no good guys out there, that all men are as*holes yada yada yada. but when a good man comes along, they either walk all over us or just ignore us completely. so to get the girl to see you, you have to actually be an ass.....can anyone say oxymoron? | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/2/2006 10:11:28 AM | You can not be friends with someone you are in love with, that's for sure.
And to the OP: Karma always gets people like that in the end. What comes around, goes around. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:46:18 AM | Cusack: I'm not letting her use me
Not only are you a man, but you are also an adult at the age of thirty... and playing the victim? Here's a thought. Maybe you should not allow yourself to be used.
Cusack: : and she has been doing everything she can to try to gain my attention
Does this sound at all familiar? Remember how when she was unattainable... how much you thought about her? And... remember how the other guy that was not 'available' was reaping the benefits? Now that you are not as available, you are seeing first hand that this girl is clearly after the 'chase'. Though it sounds like you two deserve each other, I'd avoid this situation.
Cusack: I had really thought about using her this time around and really break her heart and mess with her mind like she did mine but I'm a better person than that and am letting by gones be by gones.
I read your original posting and you sound like you've come along way, but if you still feel any need to be friends or get even, then it it's clear that she's still the Alpha.
Cusack: In fact, I actually do feel sorry for her but she brought it on herself. I'm just getting a big kick out of so hard she is trying to gain my attention and affection now and I'm not giving in one bit because there is no way I'm going to put up with someone who wants to just use me as a play toy.
Are you really thirty?
Cusack: It is sad too because I really did love this girl VERY much but because of everything that happened I couldn't and can't just forgive her for all of the torment that she did put me through
You are a thirty year old man who has a marital status of "Prefer Not To Say". I noticed your profession, which can be an honorable one I might add, but sounds like you are trying to sell others as well as yourself the Brooklyn bridge. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 1:43:57 AM | Cusack, good to see that your story sorta ended on a good note. I mean at least you guys are friends yet she knows her boundaries. Even though women *no offence* like to say alota oh you're so good looking , you're so sweet, you'll find another woman and blahblahblah.....but you're not good enough for me and I just wana be friends. Trust me people love to put restrictions and protocols on themselves. Yet they go for things they cant have. I am glad you see the light though and hope you learn from this experience. Go out there and look for the right one. This one aint but keep the frienship. It doesnt hurt to have friends. Good luck pal...I am out fishing hehehe ciao  | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 2:54:16 AM | OMG- I feel so sad for you. You really need to get rid of her. She is using you. she is trying to have the best of both worlds. She wants you because she knows you love her. She wants to be wanted by you but play you. I know my ex had this problem with another woman. Same difference. You know what----she will never date you or ever have sex with you but she needs to give you enough string to hang yourself over her.......like you are.....can't move on and can't get out.
Here is your TEST for her.....a test of love and jealousy. ((((Tell her you found this real hot chick online and you and her have been chatting up a storm and she told you to sleep over at her house and your nervous.)))) ALSO.....cut back on chatting with her and emailing her. Send one liners to her like your TOOO busy for her and spending time with this other new chick. SEE WHAT HAPPENS? I BET-----she will suddenly have this BAD THING happen to her and want you come down to see her. But you know what---DONT. she doesnt want you to move on or to get a life and you will know she is no good! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 12:04:40 PM | Had to reply here.
It seems quite comical that women react better to men who have a women with them. So the single guy who is looking for a mate needs to do so with a woman? This is absurd!
Why should a man have to have a woman at his side to meet a another woman- it is ridiculous.
Women who want the guy with a woman are out to lunch and are looking to cause trouble.
If a man is by himself then women should talk to him, why would you want to talk to him if he's got a girl at his side? These are tactics for the player, and make single guys want to puke.
Need a woman to get a woman? -what a joke! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 4:47:52 PM | I stay away from any man that has a woman by his side. I do not want to cause anyone any unnecessary heartache or pain as a result of my behaviour. I prefer men that are single and that are not dating a string of women.....I prefer to date one at a time only! ie if I even date....lol....which is so rare and far inbetween....
...the point is I find those that cheat and use people, male or female revolting. I think everyone deserves honesty and to be treated with respect. There is no excuse to start something without finishing another.
OP.....you are absolutely adorable and you deserve so much more!! Good luck to you!! :) | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 6:17:01 PM | Jaze your on top of this.
To our dear friend with the "problem girl friend" . And all guys in general with the same issue.
The facts are facts as I see it. Have you ever heard of this concept. Drown out the negative by adding positive. The negative will never go away it is in your head to stay. SO add positive to kill out your thoughts of the negative. I once had a "friend" like this. Now looking back on it she did things like this to a lot of people. It is always easy to realize it outside of the box ( no pun intended :) ). Brother what you need to is Drop her and get the FU#% out of her live. Say hi to every chick you run into hot or not. Hey we are all people different shapes and sizes but we all have something to offer the world. This will get you back on track emotionally. Once your head is straight again your attitude will get out of the slump and you will feel good about your self and be more confident. When people see your confidence you will be more desireable. Very important. Look at it from an animal point of view. Females seek strong mates and Males seek superior breeding qualities in females. The only difference her is that humans are thinkers and not instinct based. Give it a try and tell your self your better then her. There are to many GREAT woman out there to worry about one bad apple.
Regards | |
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cusack
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Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 140 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:20:15 PM | KITSGUY4U:
I must say this is some of the best advice or comments that any of you have posted. Everything you said is 100% correct. I know she played me like a fiddle and I was too stupid to actually see it at the time and I was blinded by love or maybe I bumped my head really bad. Her sex appeal isn't even working on me anymore because she already tried that little trick on me a couple of weeks ago after I was there the first night we started talking again and I acted like I wasn't interested and I told her that I wasn't staying long because I had other things to do, well next thing I know she was giving me a blowjob and even offered to have sex with me but I turned her down, this girl is really hot and has a lot of sex appeal but I'm not going to sink to that level and use her like this other guy did and I also turned down sex with her because it actually disgusted me thinking about how she was having sex with this guy on the dirt road.
I do still care for her very much but things are so very different now and after that little incident I flat have told her "you had your chance to be with me", which pissed her off and she started crying saying "I made a huge mistake" and yadda yadda but I'm not giving in. I know there is no way I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone like this and even though we get along so great and "click" so well together and I'll always care about her very much even though she hurt and used me so much but I'm not in love with her anymore, but I learned a valuable lesson from all of this and that is not to let a woman take advantage of me ever again. If she wants to remain friends then that is fine but I'm not bending over backwards for her. In fact she thinks I am actually seeing someone now and ever since I told her that the other day, she has been trying even harder by wanting me to come see her and come talk to her everyday but I haven't given in, instead I just tell her that "I have other plans or I'm going on with this imaginary girl who I made up".
I guess I have a soft spot because I should just walk away and not even put up with that either but I can't quite figure this girl out....I don't think I ever will. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:27:43 PM | | Eek..im biting my tongue but...if she has no feelings for you...cry, hang out with your buddies, and move on...it hurts like hell but, there's nothing you can do...you are self flagelating and that's not healthy mang...just trying to help. | |
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cusack
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Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 142 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:31:27 PM | kissmamie: Thanks but don't feel sad for me. I brought the situation on myself and should have walked away from it a long time ago but you are right I am playing the card now that I am seeing someone else and it is driving her insane because she is wanting me to call her every day or come see her which I'm not and I'm really not giving her much time of the day. I do know that I can do a lot better and the right one will come along one day.
Also, I know most everyone on here says I should just walk away from this girl and leave her the hell alone and part of me knows that is what I should do but if I can keep my emotions in check, like they are and I'm not getting hurt in the process then is anything wrong with that and trying to be just her friend without any emotional attachment? I do actually have alot of fun hanging out with her and talking to her and even more so now because I'm not letting her use me anymore or get to me in that way. I do think she cares about me in some weird way because even in the past there was a many times where she would go out of her way to do things for me like cook me dinner and other little things that she didn't have to do. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:43:49 PM | You're kidding yourself and us too...don't even bother...been there, done that, it doesn't work, you will be hurt in the end..face it sooner rather than later, that's my advice...I'm a big boy and I can cry over a woman, but knowing when to call it quits, is a self-preservation tool you need to learn...men don't deal with their emotions as well as women do as a rule, so we seem to ache and hurt, sooooooo much more...women are used to venting in healthy ways, whereas, we are not...I'm not trying to hurt you, just tell you the way it is...if she did feel for you to some degree at least, I'd be the first to say stick around..but alas...tis not the case.
Email me if ya like and I'll help ya out man. | |
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cusack
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Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 144 | |
| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:00:22 PM | I have to disagree with you here. I think she hurt me soooooooooooo bad that there is no possible way that she could hurt me anymore. I already know that I don't want to have a relationship with her and there is no way that I could even if I wanted to because I would never be able to just forget how much pain she did cause me even if I did start falling in love with her all over again, now because of all that pain and heartache she caused yes I should be smart and walk away but we do get along very well so I'm either damned if I do or damned if I don't. I really just want to be her friend and am perfectly happy with JUST being her friend now.
She told me this the other day when she got all upset and started crying because I told her that I could never have a relationship with her now because of everything that happened but she was saying that "she really wanted me all along and she never had a "connection" before with anyone in her whole life as much as the one that we have and that she was scared to start a relationship and go any further past friendship because every guy she has ever loved has hurt her and left her and she thought that if she kept things between us as friends, then friends are forever and I would always be in her life and also said something about how if we had started a relationship and things didn't work out then I would have just left her to and then I wouldn't be a part of her life anymore". The only reply I had back to her was "I'm sorry but it just won't work between us now because of everything that happened and we can remain friends but I'm not going to be the one who is always there for you and always bend over backwards for you". | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:07:57 PM | My advice, get out now and stop kidding yourself. My ex and I were constantly breaking up because he wanted to be just friends. Then we would get back together because he really liked the sex aspect. I finally had to end things for my own sanity and I am NOT still friends with him no matter how much he tries to call me. In my opinion it is just to hard to be in love with someone, see them all the time, and know that they probably don't (and won't ever) feel the same. Why torture yourself? And you have one thing that makes it even easier... distance.
Good luck with whatever you decide. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:23:14 PM | The benefit of experience in these matters seems to speak volumes it seems...it seems that on the one side, she really wants you and on the other, she told you that she didn't, and wanted someone else. What do you make of that? Hmm...if a woman can say she has NO feelings for me, then I will not stick around..period. If she does, then I am prepared to be patient. We all move at a different pace.
However, she has significantly backed the truck up on you, and I think that she may just be wanting to have you in her life, and not lose you by giving you hope...and THAT isn't fair...how she really feels, only she can say, I suggest you explore it with her, by discussing it with her.
If a woman told me she didn't have feelings towards me, and it will never happen, then, I don't walk, I RUN! Before heartache becomes intollerable.
Oh and btw..who are you kidding here? If she said she wanted you and wanted to be with you in everyway possible, imaginable..you'd be there, like white on rice! Just tellin ya how it really is man.
Somtimes you have to be cruel, to be kind...to YOURSELF! Trust me on this. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/4/2006 5:41:53 PM | | jaze hey man you were awsome i had a problam to kida like that but no t as bad and heart breaking you your words hit me like a train man thanks i don't know wat to say but it seems my life is better some how | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/5/2006 9:44:37 PM | Love is a wonderful thing.
Even though it doesn't work out, you know you two had something once.
Cherish that moment and remember it as you move on in life.
Forget the bad things... and just move on...
And as you find another girl... just don't tell her about this relationship...
Hope for the best and cheer up. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:26:46 AM | | So to reiterate; when a gal says she just wants to be friends that's generally them saying "we don't work, I won't go out with you and I don't want to directly hurt your feelings"? Sad thing is the "just friends" thing is worse than saying the above. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:48:15 AM | I've been going through this sort of thing and even had to hatch things out with my friend last night. I've known this girl for a while and at some point I managed to fall in love. She says she hasn't and it was always just about being friends. She does find me attractive, I know that, but apparently not in that animal instinct way that drives her into a relationship. To be honest, I wasn't attracted to her like that at first either. For me, it was the great friendship that turned me on. And I personally think that she WILL realise that we'd be perfect for eachother, but over the past year and continuing to this day, she's going through a stage of change in her life. She's been hurt and used by the sexual-based, dive-right-in relationships too many times and she hasn't quite realised it yet. I'm confident that one day she'll realise that the best relationship will be formed out of a great friendship. Whether it's too late when that day comes, I don't know.
I was tempted to take the usual advice that people give and get up and run. Get her out of my life. By all rights, she should have already pushed ME out of her life, the way I've been persistent in trying to win her love... but she hasn't. It's simply not in me to ruin this friendship. The effort into accepting that she doesn't feel the same way, no matter how confusing and hurtful that fact is, is well worth the friendship I have built with her. And besides, you never know. | |
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