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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/29/2006 7:03:55 AM | | You are so very wrong, You have to be friends and get to know each other to mean any thing else, You can't just jump in to a relastionship before knowing each other attentions and being truefull. none is ugly its just guys like you that think that way. I have friends that are very pretty friends that married guys as they feel unatratived of them self. read my profile,, you night see what I mean, Looks dont matter its whats in the heart and when u truly get to know that person you really could fall in love with the person on the inside that makes people look good on the out side, | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/29/2006 7:08:48 AM | Save your self until you know it's the right girl for you and the best way is to really truly get to know each other, some old fashions would say get married then the love makeing would come wish i had not made the mistike at a young ages and waited,, hang in there she will come and you to will really know it, | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:05:38 PM | I've had this happen twice, so I've gained some clarity in deciding when I should be just friends with girls:
-When they're honest and sincere with their actions and their intentions
-When they're feelings regarding me don't change every day
-Not when I'm hoping to do them at some point in the near future
-Not when they share details of their attraction/intimacy with other partner(s) when I wish they felt/did the same with me
Best wishes to everyone that's been hurt this way in moving on with their lives. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/31/2006 2:17:36 PM | Women hardly ever know what they are looking for. Like my most recent, not the first and most likely not the last, adventure with the female gender. I have been, for the last eight months, growing closer to a person that I had thought a friend.. Her and I have shared some rather intimate times.. quite a few actually.. Recently she and I went throught the "familial introductions" ritual. You know what I mean I am sure.. Anyway.. this last week, an old flame of hers has come into town and, while reassuring me that they were friends and that she both liked, and wanted to be with me, she comes back with this.. "I have old feelings" thing that, if I recall correctly, caused her no end of grief last time. Now, I don't know abou the rest f the foolish men in the world but me, when some one give me the "I want to be friends line" its more then rejection.. its like they are saying that they no longer want to be associated with you but lack the "gonads" to actually out and out say it. Basically, Over the years I have learned that women know nothing of what they want, though men know less in reality. Still... Why is it that people in general, wmen especially, are so "all over" with thier desires? I hear lots of them say that they want loving, compassionate guys.. but then when they find the rare good guy, which I hear there are very few of.. they reject or string them along.. My vote.. women suck, let em be and use them for what you need.. the rest is a waste of time, or so it would appear to me.
-Jaded; with cause- AllusiveFall | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 5/31/2006 7:00:55 PM | | I agree 100%^^^^^They claim they want a nice guy,But when the nice guy appears in their lives....Then they want to play the friend card until mr.Jerk (Ex-con,abuser,drug addict,no job/car/drivers license)comes along....Then she worship the ground he walks on.....And about you and your friendship...Forget that..It is all a joke to them...They could careless about your feelings...She is too busy changing Mr. Jerk(EX-con,abuser,drug addict,bum,no car/license)...She will drop you like a hot potatoe from the oven......Personally i gave up 10 years ago..Best decision i made in my life...Too many games/lies...If they would just come out and say they want a jerk to start with,Then it would save alot of time and agravation(SP)....Hell you have some men on the forums that think there is no woman ever look for a jerk....All i can say you must live in the land of OZ or on drugs.....I know better...Sorry seen it to many times not to know better...It is called drama...It is a requirment in women...Personally i careless...I got better things to do with my time.... | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 4:02:30 AM | I had a similar experience so I truely know how you feel. I had a lady do almost the same to me, we talked all the time on phone email and messenger, we got pretty close and then one day nothing, days went by and finally she answered me and told me no thanks an old boyfriend contacted her and thats it. She wants to be friends
So I feel your pain too, all we can do is move on, it's their loss.
Dave | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 7:51:44 PM | | You look like a young good looking guy and like this site says, there are plenty of fish.You've got looks to die for, so lots of women will be interested in you if you stop wasting your time on this one.Just play the field and don't get serious until you know she feels the same way. Don't start out so hot and heavy. Call her once a week and message her once a week at first. If there is something there with your new girlfriend(that you haven't met yet) you will know. don't be so easy. Take it slow and you will know if something is there before you get too emotionally involved. Do a girl a favor sometimes, do a girl a favor a lot of times if you enjoy helping people and want to be just friends, if you want just a friend to talk to, tell your problems to her, get advise, etc, if thats all you want from a person. But don't confuse romance with friendship. If she wants friendship and you want romance, it won't work. Leave that girl alone. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 7:51:50 PM | | You look like a young good looking guy and like this site says, there are plenty of fish.You've got looks to die for, so lots of women will be interested in you if you stop wasting your time on this one.Just play the field and don't get serious until you know she feels the same way. Don't start out so hot and heavy. Call her once a week and message her once a week at first. If there is something there with your new girlfriend(that you haven't met yet) you will know. don't be so easy. Take it slow and you will know if something is there before you get too emotionally involved. Do a girl a favor sometimes, do a girl a favor a lot of times if you enjoy helping people and want to be just friends, if you want just a friend to talk to, tell your problems to her, get advise, etc, if thats all you want from a person. But don't confuse romance with friendship. If she wants friendship and you want romance, it won't work. Leave that girl alone. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 8:00:40 PM | | Also, I have had your same experience7 years ago. The guy talks me in to having sex and then says he just wants to be friends. So although I played the fool, the other person also has a responsibility in this. Especially if he started the sexual encounter. IF SOMEONE WANTS TO BE JUST FRIENDS IT IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL THE PERSON BEFORE THE SEX, NOT AFTER. If I was king of the world, that's what would happen. Hear that users, where ever you are! I'm not talking about you because you seem like a really nice guy, but I'm too old for you. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 9:01:44 PM | hey guys
i have had many a date. and yes we can be just like men. i agree with that. my last date we had agreed on boundaries. i liked the last fellow he was decent, a gentleman. same interests lots in common. and guess what he played games , said he would call me and he did not. i have moved on and believe there is someone out there for me.
so in actual fact the woman has played a man's game. so move on do not be friends with her as she only will break your heart. remember she might have had the same thing done to her. you will find the right partner , if your as honest as you say you are. then tell your date what your looking for, that is what a meeting is all about getting aquainted.
so mr tarheelman i am so glad i have not met up with you your careless about a woman's feelings and your so wrong about alot of things. i do not look for drama i look for common interests, companionship. and no games.
really i am glad i read this tour. it has given me insight into how a men react to women who play games. or why they do not call you back after a date with them. or have been in a relationship for a time.   | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/6/2006 10:15:40 PM | omg i can totally relate to what youa re saying!
similar situation happened to me (i posted on it tonite)and man it hurts sooo much to not be loved byt the person you love!! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 12:10:29 AM | Everyone, at some point in time, falls victim to the "it's not you, it's me" syndrome, where the woman does not want a relationship with a certain individual. To be honest, it's the story of my life. Ever since my separation from my ex-wife almost 3 years ago, most--if not all--of the women that I have tried to have a relationship with in that time has made the comment that we would be better off as friends instead of trying to pursue a romantic involvement (for me, this constitutes six different women--at last count). Granted, there is nothing wrong with being friends--but if you invest time and energy to make a potential, and I do stress the word "potential", relationship, one would like to at least see some form of pay-off of that time and energy. Interestingly enough, the realm of physics has a law regarding this very thing. It's called the Law of Negative Returns. If the energy required to perform an action exceeds the intended result (in this case, a relationship), then the results are labeled as a negative return and it is advised to cease any further attempts as the end result is not worth the continued energy output required to maintain the cycle. Good advice, regardless of the source.
If the woman wants nothing more than just friendship, accept it for face value and do not try to force the issue (this is what spawns stalkers). Personally, if I am faced with such a situation, I tend to move on. I may not like the fact that I have to do so, but, in order to maintain balance, it is better to do that than to work myself up into such a state that I would not be able to see what is on the other side of that failed relationship--namely the possibility of one that will work out. Everyone knows the saying about opinions and this is mine. Take it for what it's worth. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 8:42:40 AM | I statred a similar topic a few months ago. The majority of post advised me to JUST FORGET HER!
I loved my "friend" more than life it's self. But I had to look at the fact that she wasnt giving back. she calls, and calls, but most of the time I wont answer. I'm not a doormat.
Last I heard, there is no men in her life, and she just sits at home. Hummmm...............
where she works is downsizing........ and now there is not enough money to go out much....since i'm not around...oh well! poor Girl! maybe she should have treated me with a little respect.
And she also tends to set herself up for the "jerk" types. I think she does that, because she knows the relationshipl fail. I do know that she is deeply afraid of commitment.
But Karma is a beatifull thing!
MY Late Father had a saying, that is so true'
"People who are for themselves, are usually left to themselves"
TombstoneTom | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 12:04:40 PM | Just Friends? Ummmm lets see.
I’ve been in this situation, and it sucks. I do love the little amazon, always will, but I’ve come to the realization it won’t work.
In my case, I do think she cares deeply for me, but is absolutely terrified of commitment. She always goes out with the “Jerk” types, just so the relationship will fail. Then she can say, ‘well I tried”
MY personal journal is full of information about my “friend” I’ve also written a couple of kick-ass songs about her, of witch everyone hears them will exclaim “wow dude, you need to record that”
But hell, what can you do? My girl…. (Term used loosely) seems to be ”splitting” moral benefits between myself, and whomever she dates. Him for the sex and affection, and me for the moral support. Sound familiar?
What you MUST do is to take away the moral support, and make her realize that you are a human being with dreams and needs. Draw the line, and stick to it. Will it hurt? HELL YES! The problem with a Gal-Pal is that while your only friends, She is still a woman, and even without realizing it, expects some things “automatically” from you. Like pick up the tab, mow her yard, and other “honey-do” jobs. Next thing you know, you’re in a relationship, that has no affection returned.
I even bought a ring last year, and “popped the question” she returned the gesture by telling me all about a guy she was interested in THAT VERY NIGHT! Talk about heartless! Now he’s long gone, about I think you get the point. IT took her two weeks to return that ring, and that was the longest two weeks of my life.
I may also add she has never approved of any of my girlfriends.
I have a theory that someone who gives you the “friend” label, is not mentally healthy, Someone who has intimantcy issues, who has very low self esteem..
So the statement of “its not you it’s me” is rooted in a spark of truth. You told her how you feel. She, like mine knows. Now if they don’t do anything with it, simply withdraw. Life is too short for being around someone like that.
Friends like that demands that you respect boundaries. So set some yourself, and demand that SHE give you the same respect. Chances are, She won’t.
So Tell her..........
GAME OVER!!
Tom | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 12:17:23 PM | | Why do you let someone use you who is not attracted to you. Do you really think that little of yourself. She had sex with you and didnt like it obviously thats why you are her friend. Stop wasting your time hoping that one day she will care for your more cause it aint gonna happen.. sad for you to waste your life chasing someone. She must get some ego boost from you | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 12:23:29 PM | | I disagree with you kimmie I wouldnt want to waste my time being someones friend if they have no interest in me as more. I dont think most people do. Its either there or it isnt from the begining.It its not there move on life is to short to waste. You really like being friends with a guy and then having to reject him cause the sex is bad. That can hurt a person worse and lead them on.If i guy dont want to have sex with you by the third date ( unless he is gay) he never will. Its pathetic for anyone to wait for sex mail or female.. Just my opinion. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/12/2006 12:25:04 PM | Kimmie
you wrote:
You are so very wrong, You have to be friends and get to know each other to mean any thing else, You can't just jump in to a relastionship before knowing each other attentions and being truefull.
Intelligent statement, but totally unuseable in the real dating world. I've seen it happen too many times.
There is an extreme difference in 'The way is ought to be" than the way it is"
Men are driven by logic, and being practical.99% of Women are driven by emotion. and often times, cannot Honestly explain their own actions!
Cheers
Tom | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:58:37 PM | | The most important part of any relationship is whether there is attraction or not. If you know how to create attraction, you can have almost any woman you want. DO NOT ever ask a woman what she wants in a relationship, because they usually say one thing and yet respond to another. Don't do what a woman says, but watch what she does. Women are driven by feelings and if you know how to make a woman feel good, you can be very successful. I actually experienced a situation where a woman on another site left a doctor with a 6 figure income who offered to buy her a new house, to be with me. I had only a studio apartment and didn't even own a car. You caqn use this knowledge for good or bad. You can learn to be a player and continually break women's hearts (which some men do unfortunately) or you can use it to attract the one woman you really like and keep her for life if you want. Or you can just have fun enjoying the dating scene as long as you're clear about what you are looking for. I sometimes have the problem of not knowing how to turn off the attraction "mechanism". Women who I have no interest in keep coming on to me. It's a good problem to have considering all of the failures I used to have. Good luck to everyone in this thread. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/19/2006 4:26:31 PM | | Hey boi i feel you, u are doing what i called assistant boifriend. u take care of the emotoins and someone else gets the afftection and sex, whao that hurts. the deal is u bail out, u are still in love with her cos u don't have anyone, go out there and find someone, but make sure u go whit open mind. and i bet there is a girl that want u to notice her but ur concentration is somewhere else, so pls clear ur mind and meet someone new. even if she comes back to u, say no to her and move one. don't be her friend anymore although u can say hi sometimes when she call. don't do anything for her anymore. do a total deleting of her files in ur brian | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/19/2006 10:17:13 PM | I hate to say this...but welcome to the club! Now u know just how us women feel!! Sometimes the sexual chemistry is just not there, but u are really attracted to the personality. This was probably the issue. U could meet someone that was good looking, great to spend time with etc.. but for some reason u are just not physically attracted to them. When this happens i always feel badly for the other person, but I try to let them know up front, then if they want to continue spending time with me its their choice, but I don't want to lead them on and give false hope. Better luck next time ! And i hope u learned not to do this to anyone, because the experience is painful, as u have found out. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:19:29 AM | This "Just friends" line is totaly bullstool.
I stomp out and never come back,
if she calls, I slam the phone down.
Immature?
Dang straight, get used to it. | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:34:43 AM | Dude!
I understand u hanging in there just for one particular reason........"When will she snap out and actually see the truth and what all u're doing for her to get her out"
I doesnt happen trust me. High time u put a lid on this friendship for sometime just to let her have her way and find out the hard way what's going on. Since u ain't got a problem with her sleeping with someone else and yet accept her well u can do that at some other point in time when she would really be hurt and would really realize your worth.
I agree... Too much availability is a major prob dude. So stepback and take your hands off for a while. Difficult but choice is yours either do it or accept the fact and live with the pathetic situation that u're in and don't complain about it.
Trust me just step back. Hybernate out of sight!!!!! | |
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| When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS
Posted: 6/22/2006 5:37:44 AM | | Never fall for that friends nonsense with a woman- she will only lead you on more and more and you end up fixing cars, moving furniture, cutting grass etc. with maybe only a vague promise of anything further- as a guy I can find friends anywhere- I don't have to resort to the dating scene etc. for friends- when a woman says friends, it means she hasn't the slightest interest in you as a lover and that even in time that won't likely ever happen anyway-she has likely done her testing of you as a mate and already made up her mind- I have never yet succeeded in getting a lover out of a situation that started as friends and I would be real surprised if it happened to anybody else- there has to be the flirting scene, the magnetic attraction, the primping, the pheremones and endorphines all interacting to make love happen otherwise a guy ends up becoming a poorly paid houseboy- I don't beleive there is such a thing as "friends" between men and women- I might be wrong but I think it can only be really lovers or acquaintances and nothing really in between! Am I wrong- guys? | |
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