| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/12/2005 11:49:56 PM | I don’t have to justify anything to anyone…….but let me clarify something, before ppl think that I’m some sort of ex wife B****
I don’t believe in playing game with peoples lives, especially when it comes to my kids………..The only reasons I withheld visitations was because of his new girlfriend………she’s unstable to say the least…….she has 2 kids that have been taken by CFS, Trashed his house destroying everything in site……did time for stabbing her friend while drunk……went after my ex’s brother with a knife………I can go on but I think you get the pic………… and the funny thing is, He told me all of this…..So for the safety of our young daughter, she was not to go there every second weekend while his girlfriend was living there…. But that he could see her anytime he wanted……………………….It was almost a year before he saw her again…….. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 11:23:17 AM | NightHawk,
You are worried about taking away from your son's childhood. Hun only way you could do that is to stop being a parent and to let this come between your time with him. Your son will remember the good times He has had with you. Make each day special in some small way build up his good memories so the bad ones fade away.
Children are alot strongerthen Us Parents give them credit for. Childhood is precious and gets shorter as each day goes bye. Just make the best of the time you have.
as the saying goes..... " Keep your friends close and your enemies closer " Be nice to her extremely nice even tho this crude is eating you up inside .
I am not going to defend her acitons but I am going to say this. At times when someone has a child they do lose touch with reality and become someone completely different. It is something that needs medical attention. Trying to understand what has happened will only drain you of your energy. Just remember even tho she has changed you have a wonderful son one who will be part of your life forever.
Wiggles
 | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 11:55:40 AM | Cheeky.....ABSOLUTELY...if there is good reason, definately. Funny, my ex tried to come up with all those reasons and more, claiming everything she could. But the girl I was seeing was pure gold, still she accused her of being anything she could think of including molesting my son. Sick, sick, sick,....I don't even want to go back there.
And Wiggles...yes, true I'm guessing about after having a child...I've heard stories that the chemicals in the brain can change, a friend of mine's siister-in-law actually became schizophrenic (spelling?) and had to go on medication. I don't know I do believe for sure there is a chemical imbalance and a mental health condition there. It's just how to force her into getting help for the sake of my child.
And yes....keep my enemies closer. Right from day one I've had to deal with her that way, luckily for me I've had to take some courses which allow me the knowledge in how to deal with people who are abusive one on one. And just not allowing myself to get drawn into her drama....ie. completely cutting off communication sometimes works. But difficult when you have to talk about things to do with our kid. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 2:09:10 PM | I'm sorry "nighthawk648"...........but I seriously would love to talk to your so called vindictive EX!!!.....
Your stories so far,..... are way too much like mine, but of course the FACTS are distorted and twisted.
So like they say...............THERE ARE 3 SIDES TO THE STORY..............HIS SIDE, HER SIDE, THEN THE TRUTH...........
So nighthawk648's EX.............I'm with you babe................I'm sure you had very good reason to do everything you did............and I absolutely don't believe you have some damn chemical imbalance..............that's what my EX likes to think I have.............NOT............you see, most men seem to fall back on that shit when they can't COPE WITH THEIR WIFES FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH THEM...........cuz they didn't know how to treat them.......
SO .................EX...................i'm with you..............and I don't believe a word he says....... 
  
You gooooooooooooooo girl.................stand strong............and stand high....... | |
|
| |
| |
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 5:57:44 PM | Hehehehehehehehehehehehe
We can only control ourselves.............. Our problems arise when we try to control the thoughts and actions of another..............
Your child is going to get hurt................. and I am truelly sorry for that...........
But................. I am sorry that children do get hurt, at no fault of there own. As in being molested, beated, insulted.......falling down and skinning their knee.........etc..........
My words of ???? to you, would be to help your son.......... and he will grow and strengthen from this............ and he will be all the wiser in his adult life........... I am truely sorry that he has to learn these lessons, at such an early age, but ............
Mommy does not mean to hurt her child, no mother would do this intentionally, and Mommy does truely Love him.
I am sorry but I try to see the good in everything............ and though, I know what this is very bad, very bad indeed, it isn't all that bad................ It can be worse. And if you both learn and grow from this............ then it has served it purpose........
I hear your frustration. I know you are doing your best. The best for yourself and your child. I hear the love. I hear the saddness. I hear the Pain.
Just a Grasshopper | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 5:58:33 PM | 
nighthawk648 Everyone is going to have their opinion of the events and your question.
Just remember your son He is the main reason for your concern not those thoughts of others. the GirlFriend who was adult enough and had a huge heart knew what needed to be done. Now it is time to remember her strength and trudge forwards.
The only ones who know the truth are those involved with it. nighthawk648 came here to ask for opinions and advice let those comments that are hurtful roll off your back like water off a ducks back..
| |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 6:00:15 PM | SO .................EX...................i'm with you..............and I don't believe a word he says.......WOW.... I think that was a bit uncalled for... Here is a parent asking for advice from others on tough situation... I don't beleive he was asking anyone to take sides, so to bascailly call him a liar, based on what you may be going through in your own life, I think is being very unfair to him.
I'm very fortunate to have a good co-parenting situation with my ex (50/50 custody).. and although we may not always agree on everything,.. we do jointly make the decisions for the kids, have open communication with them, and always try to show respect to the other parent...
Nighthawk, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Its always sad to hear that these things still take place...Keep fighting for the what you believe to be in the best interest of your son. After all, the only ones that are really important in a divorce are the children. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:46:17 PM | | Sessie...Wiggles...Happy. Thanks for all of that. Off to snuggle with my son tonight, I think it's one of those nights where I need to hear his heart beat and the sound of him breathing, knowing he's content. Good night all. Catch up with you soon. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 12:55:28 AM | The key to the whole situation is communication. Both parents need to put down their gloves and stop behaving...like children.
You need to start communicating for the sake of your kids!! End of situation. If the mother or father is not abusive/ substance abusing/ or seriously mentally ill as in hospitalization . There are no grounds for this rediculous behaviour.
Children need both Parents.
If parents become involved with other parties...Children should not be exposed to other parties for as long as possible..not mths but yrs even! Keep your adult life to yourself!
Please take the course "For the Sake of the Children"!!
Hurting your ex's only hurts your children!!
stop the fight...its over... time to move on and preserve the sanity of the angel involved!
You need to find Peace...and find it before something serious happens to the child! | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:14:02 AM | YES!!! RIGHT ON SMARTIE!!
I wish I could scream that out to spouses like Serpent dippidy do. THE KIDS ARE THE ONES LEFT WITH THE EMOTIONAL SCARS!! Let your ego go. And don't stick your head in the sand and in DENIAL..."chemical" imbalance or not...when you see that you are destroying people around you go get help...THAT IS NOT NORMAL. Maybe you can afford to create and ignore that negative energy within you that will eventually eat you from your insides out
( you wonder why our society has such a prevalence of stress related diseases)
but think of your kids !!! Do you want to create that negativity in them...and related illnesses?? YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE whether you want to deny it or not. GET HELP!! I pray to God before its too late. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:19:11 AM | Hey MR. BACK OFF!!!!...............Read it again...............what I was trying to say is that Nighthawk is just like my Ex...........trying to make excuses for him screwing around with the g/f infront of the kids and bad mouthing me in front of the kids...........THAT'S WRONG!!!
I totally agree with Smartie.............and I have had to fight every dumb hurdle my Ex throws at me..............for the last 3 years...............I am still standing..........
So before you attack me............get the facts straight........!!! OK!!!!
That nighthawk sounds like my ex.........the story is tooooooooo much the same........so it my Ex screwing with me........or his family, or his friends...........
Now, I know for a fact that my Ex lies and so does all his family.............I have the proof!!!! He says this crap about me and I can assure you.........none of it is true!!!
I have been a stay home mom for 10yrs and since our separation, I have kept the status quoe, I have never tried to keep the kids from him.........it was my idea of 50/50............I totally believe that kids need both parents...........
So don't come on her attacking ME!!!!!!................Until you know all the facts!!!!! | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:27:21 AM | Oh and Smartie...........you and I both know.............that "For the Sake of the Kids".......it's a joke.........My ex took it twice!!! Doesn't follow the rules.............and........continutes to hurt me and try to take the kids away.........He is still at it for god sake!!!!!!!.........
REMEMBER...............WHEN YOU HURT MOM........YOU HURT THE KIDS!!!!! | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 9:02:47 AM | So nighthawk648's EX.............I'm with you babe................I'm sure you had very good reason to do everything you did
You find what my ex did acceptable???? And your story is similiar, you did those things? And become her cheerleader. You have problems girl! I'm sorry for your situation but don't take it out on me.
Many of us on here, divorced with children have the same story and it sickens me. I don't know how people like you can live with yourself. You are hurting your kid, not your ex. What my kid went through was devistating.
I am here to discuss this situation with people who have love in their hearts and similar experiences and want the best for their children. We all want to move on with our lives and will have new partners involved with our children. And want to accomplish this with the best intentions and the easist transition for our kids. Obviously our seriously committed partners and our children are going to be involved with each other. Those of us who have the best interests of our children are going to chose the best partners, not someone who is going to trash their house, or stab their friends or be involved in drugs or whatever. Our children are only going to be richer for it, with more love in their lives, as I am certain those who have ex's that are civil and have new partners can attest to. There is a whole lot of love to go around to those kids. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 9:32:56 AM | Oh no Mr.!!! I didn't do any of that shit..........what I'm saying is my Ex is saying I did that shit......he lies!!!...........And I'm just wondering if your him.........or his family or his friend.....
I'm a descent mom...........don't care what any of you say......
Look Nighthawk............if your not my ex or his friend or family and your story just happens to be the same as mine.........then sorry for that.........cuz I know what it is like to have to deal with an un-cooperative ass who is not willing to work with you and always trying to make out that your a bad guy.....
But like I said before...............your story seems a little to coincidental to be a coincident..... | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 9:38:07 AM | WOW !! You sound just like his ex would sound...."poor me" I am such a victim" "I can slam Nighthawk and make hime sound like HE is the all to blame but don't point a finger at me" " I am not responsible for any of the harm "
TYPICAL !!!
DENY! DENY! DENY! DENY! DENY!.....if you tell a lie long enough, people are bound to believe it true
I do not have to know the facts...You have the typical...even predictable response to people who suggest that you need help
Don't get me wrong....Nighthawk ...you are in severe need of help too...you are what would be called the ENABLER!! | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 9:42:34 AM | I have to interject here...Serendiptycdn ..I will stand beside you that you are a wonderful MOM..I've seen your kids with you . There is certainly a bond. They've played with my kids and been in my home. You keep a beautiful and clean home for them. You show nothing but love and concern for their happiness. You are a normal Mother you get upset when things happen to your children.....no foul there....
The kids want a bond with both parents.
Nighthawk ,...if your really who you say you are...great.but if your someone who knows Serendiptycdh story and are using this forum to hurt her or make her react. Then sadly this shows that perhaps it is truly you whom is vindictive and uncooperative.
We all have a story ..there are the 3 sides....try and open your eyes to the fact you need to not win !! There is no winner in a divorce where kids are used as pawns!!
Those who know me...can attest to this...sometimes..one parent has to bow out and stop trying to be the winner! ....this is a person of great character...who stops fighting and who does what is best for the kids....
...If the ex is truly a bad parent ..ie drugs and alcohol abuse,violent..fine fight for your childs safety and for careful access. But try and keep both parents love there for the child.
I hope you both....find peace and can work this out with your ex's someday | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 10:18:56 AM | Look, this is a serious problem and I'm certain other people on here have encountered the same scenerio. We all want the best for our kids, they are number 1 priority, they are vulnerable. Can we get back on topic.
I am sorry Serendippity for your problems. I wish you all the best and hopefully from this forum if we can keep it going and get some input from others with similar situations you can learn too. So everyone just calm down and focus. | |
|
| |
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 2:22:43 PM |  WHOA...Ok, a woman DOES undergo major hormonal and chemical changes while pregnant...generally become more forgetful, etc and (I hate to say it) but there have been studies that prove the brain actually shrinks A BIT during pregnancy but regains it natural size within a year of birth...hence 'Baby brain...'
Schizophrenia is a chemical imbalance of the brain...BUT...pregnancy DOES NOT cause Schizophrenia...your sister in law had it, but it hadn't developed...she probably had some 'signs' prior to her pregnancy, and things became unmanageable for her due to stress, hormones, etc. Or perhaps she was bi-polar or even had a severe case of post-partum depression. Whatever the case, you have to be more careful with the way you word things.
I have researched schizophrenia...I'm a counselor, and studying psychology...and I also have a family member with the disease...I am familiar with it.
Be careful when you hypothesise as you may unwittingly cause concern where there should be none. A little research would have made that clear for you. | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 3:38:11 PM | What I said was:
"And Wiggles...yes, true I'm guessing about after having a child...I've heard stories that the chemicals in the brain can change, a friend of mine's siister-in-law actually became schizophrenic (spelling?) and had to go on medication. I don't know "
I just don't know.
When people do things that are irrational, go beyond the boundaries of acceptable behaviour one has to think that there must be more going on. I can't imagine at our age, we don't know right from wrong......and her having a restraining order put against her. That is borderline criminal behaviour. I don't know. I believe now it is called criminal harrassment.
Everyone when I was going through it speculated on everything...everyone had an opinion on her actions. My head was in a blender. All I wanted was for it to stop for the sake of my son. And all I want now is to know how to handle the future.
You are studying psychology....wouldn't this make an interesting paper? | |
|
| Serious Question: Need Answers. How to deal with a vindictive ex?
Posted: 12/14/2005 3:56:23 PM |
When people do things that are irrational, go beyond the boundaries of acceptable behaviour
Like an Alcoholic? Like Alcoholic's irrational behaviour? Drinking to get drunk? Unaceeptable behaviour? IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP AN ALCOHOLIC FROM DRINKING? So why do you think you can change or control this women's behaviour?.............
We can't control other people, and I see your frustration. In Al anon they teach us to let go.... Befor you are in the insanity ............ of it all.
Take the focus off this women!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!! and bring the focus back to yourself, and your child! Where it should be.
Go to an Al anon meeting and subsitute the word Alcoholic for your ex wife's name? | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
