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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:24:35 PM |
...it takes about 2 seconds to respond and may mean the world to someone else's day...why not err on the side of COMPASSION???
...please realize that we are all human beings... emphasis added by this poster.
 tears of joy. Someone understands!
Surfdancer - My response was not sarcastic at all. Love what you had to say! | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:23:22 PM | Momarks:
The definition of insanity is to continue to do something the same way, repeatedly & expect to get a different result.
WEll said. it's probably been said thousands of years ago but is still valid today. I think that I have been quoting you for some time now. I couldn't find the passage where it was originally written but I think it was you. For that I thank you.
I can't take personal credit for that quote. It was said to me at a very opportune moment a long time ago. I have no idea what the origin of it is; but it is a good one that I use to remind myself of often. LOL Glad you liked it. It seemed applicable here. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:04:31 PM | | well i reply to all email sent to me if im not interested will tell them strait up if they ask me for sex i reel them to behave and if they want to talk to me dont ask me for sex im not into phone sex or email for sex i like the real thing shaz | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:10:25 AM | | Its not just the read/deleted that gets me its when someone has shown an interest in you, reads messages but doesnt reply for days even tho they are online. Then when they do reply its always "yes im still interested" Is this person just stringing me on? or only interested in playing games? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:24:53 AM | I don't know, Maybe it's the part of the country i live it. I live in the south. "EVERY" woman i speak to on the street or anywhere else for that matter speaks back. They always answer even if it's nothing but "hello", Hi, They always say something. I guess that's why i feel like it's rude not to answer someone when they message me. It's just manners to me. Just the way i was brought up. I speak to women on the street because it's manners. Maybe i shouldn't expect other people on the net or in other parts of the country to have the manners i have? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:43:27 AM | | because ther are alot of very rude women on this site, they all say they are looking for an honest, caring relationship but always seem to go for the loser types, their profile state on thing but they do another, yet they always complain about there being no good ones out here..all it takes is a little honesty and decentcy..guess there is none of that left anyplace either | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:26:31 AM | Eddie:
First off, thank you for mentioning the "south". Thank you for praising Southern women. Guess what? I"m a southern woman born and raised there and I DO NOT answer all emails. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:10:40 AM | Surfdancer:
I find that very rich indeed, given the fact you've been
one of the biggest participants in this forum and your posts are
hardly short...in short, seems this forum thing is your life
(simple observation) you could have responded to about
40 messages in that time and say "thanks but no thanks"...
I can turn this around and state that you indeed need to get a life
as well due to the fact of being so obsessed with tracking my
replies. Yes, I could have responded to approximately 40 messages
in the time I have participated on this thread, but I choose not
to, reason why? I don't have to. I am utilizing my free will
and right to not do so. Therefore, I have a life, I think it's time
you gained one and stop obsessing over "one" person on the forum.
actually, I do respect your right to not respond, but
here's one thing I've found:
when you don't respond, you leave room for doubt...if you respond
with a "thanks, but I dont see a fit between us", you remove room
for doubt...yes, you'll get the occassional guy who rants, but
you simply block him immediately....no big deal!
I respect your right to reply to all emails as well. The point
here is that I will not allow men in general to dictate my
events on this website. I do not allow men to dictate my life
outside of this website, why would I act differently on here?
As I stated earlier, people are griping at women on here for not
answering emails, or even replying, men need to gripe at men, for
most of us did in the beginning reply to all emails even if only
to say "thanks but no thanks", but due to the horrible behavior
of the majority of men after sending them the said email, I choose
not to and I know it does not make me a bad person, it makes me
someone who is not wanting to deal with the crap as well as immaturity
presented by most men who can not handle rejection.
Most of the time, the response I always get from men is
"thanks SO much for your honesty!!!" (it takes about 2 seconds to
respond and may mean the world to someone else's day...why not
err on the side of COMPASSION???)
Now you are trying to state it's a compassionate thing to do? Are
these men dying? Give me a break lol
honesty and integrity are not always easy...its MUCH easier to hide, avoid, beat around the bush.....I see it as mature communication to be able to be direct and
forthright even on the internet...
Not replying to an email or acknowledging an email is not something
that dictates honesty and integrity. You can sugarcoat this all
you want, I will not and do not answer all emails anymore, I refuse
to, it's my right and the men on this website need to put their
big boy pants on and get over it.
please realize that we are all human beings...connected to each other one way or another....get over yourselves...PS...wont be writing on this subject further...
time to go dancing!!!!
Ok, thanks for humanizing the idiots on here who write abusive letters,
thanks for your attempt to make me see reason lol
My reasoning is this.
If a woman does not answer your email, get over YOURSELVES. Myself
or any woman who does not reply to an email is not demonstrating
a huge ego, we are demonstrating our right to not reply to you,
stop the whining and grow up. We do not care what men obviously
think of us for not replying to their ill written or sexually suggestive
email, men who throw little pissy fits on here are the same men
who more than likely in clubs upon being rejected by women after
asking them to dance more than likely call them "****" etc...we do
not have to respond to men out in public, we do not have to respond
to them on the internet. Get over it already. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:06:08 AM | We are NOT going to change women's mind about this, especially after they received a nasty email, when all they did is say "Thanks, not interested".
But we are not here for that. I am not here for that. I am just speaking for guys who aren't liked that, who can take a rejection. Some could say, pratice makes perfect.LOL
I think Momark said it all. However, as I said before, guys getting angry mails back too,
but it hasn't stopped me.
I will gladly accept an award for that, but I would have to share it with a few guys.
Now Nona37..
Maybe I do not get many mails, OR I am a genuinely nice guy..Thanks for at least adding that last part. It's both true. But, I would answer if I had 20 mails in my inbox.
However, what Surfdancer was saying, that you seem to have time to write pages in a forum,and it's not becasue anyone obsessed with it, but your picture appears about 3 times on each page,and your posts are quite long, it's hard to miss.
So, to me it's seems like you have some times in your hand. Or you can type really fast.
Before you get on me, I understand, it's not the time that's prevents you from answering all your mails, it's simple because you don't want to, and that's fine.
I read your message (# 301), that was well said.
I think this post kind of got out of hand. Some people do,some don't.Some people thinks it's polite,some don't. To each of his/her own.
What I would like to know, how do you put someone elses saying in a box???
Now my post is long... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:03:09 AM | Even if I sat within these forums all day long every day of my life, that still does not mean that I have to reply to a man's emails, whether it was nice or not.
I"m obviously in the forums alot because I enjoy the threads, obviously I have a job and can not be on the threads 24 hours a day.
What is truly sad due to the emails I receive, some good, most bad...I would rather be on the forums as compared to writing and sending emails, this can be blamed on the clientele, not me.
Now....as far as placing what someone says on here in a quote. I will try to show you.
place the literal word quote in brackets [ ] then copy and paste what you want to highlight and at the end of it place the literal word quote in between the following. [/ ]
Hope that helps.
Men who are nice and men who interest me and men I might have something in common with get replies from me.
Some men I have gained as friends on here get replies from me. I always reply to women, because more times to none, we are talking about men, call it "female bonding" if you will, I do reply to nice emails, but not because I feel obligated, I reply because I want to, and that is my only point I"m making here :) | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:27:43 AM | Its just when on the net ppl dont have to reject others to their face, so manners go out the window as there are no repercussions.
although i do see the point sumone else made about replying with a thanks but no thanks, then the sender gets all uppity and annoyed about it, so I guess you can't win whatever you do! | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 338 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:34:22 AM | It used to bug me at first now I just laugh. It's the same thing as seeing a woman you find attractive somewhere, give her a wink/smile/ whatever and she just turns her head. Would anyone actually go up to her and call her names or accuse her of anything nasty?
If they don't like my email/my pic, whatever, so what? I now put in my emails "...if your'e not intereseted I'll just look for that infamous read/delete action on your part".
Some guys (and ladies too) are not very confident or have self esteem issues and I'll bet those are the ones with the angry repsonses. Look at this way, there is always someone else. I know I'm not the most handsome hunk on the planet but I'm not dog meat either. One woman actually told me that she found me "...boderline attractive"...lol! I can hang with that. Others say I'm very handsome!....what's a guy to think?
All I know is if they don't like the way I look they won't repsond. And that's ok. Personally, I always send back a polite reply, or try to unless they get real nasty! 
I've come to realize tho that "read/delete" is ok and why I include it in all first contact emails..... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:43:12 AM | its kind of sad actually.
Are we all ( some ,few many, most : sfmm) so despondent and so close to breaking out in tears that a simply "thanks but no thanks" from a complete stranger makes us feel better about ourselves?
Are we ( SFMM) so sad and lonely that this sort of thing picks us up for however fleeting a moment it is?
If this is true, and those people who are truly sad, lonely and depressed and whose spirits are lifted by a response from another human being, then I will take back my comment. Yet only as it applies SPECIFICALLY you people who are so miserable that this response is needed for those specific reasons.
I do understand and can appreciate the effects a kind word, at the right time, juction in life, can have a profound impact on a person's day. When they haven't heard a kind word in eons from anyone.
However, the people complaining about not receiving a reply or unread/delete are NOT COMPLAINING about how receiving a note back would have picked up their spirits. THey are not writing here that they are sad and any comment from a person of interest to them would pick them up.
They are saying that it is rude beyond belief and it doesn't sit well with them at all. not at all.
The comment about " We are all human " doesn't quite wash as this is true about everyone ( well,, almost everyone ) and applies to every person who has committed any atrocity or extended kindness to anyone . ever.
That specific comment adds nothing to the conversation .
Same hold true for "my momma raised me right!"
This brings about "my momma didn't raise me to be fool!" or someone's doormat. or whatever .
Same hold true for " god gave me a heart to use compassionately " or whatever.
This prompts the comment : " Well, you must have been absent that day she/he was passing out brains!"
I understand how it could seem to the person sending the polite " i read your message, thanks for your interest but I see that we have nothing in common and even if we do, I am still not interested but good luck in your search" could prompt the sender to think that she/he is being kind. It's like giving yourself reputation points or credit points for doing a kind deed. People do this to make themselves feel better. It is a very simple thing and if you are the type of person who is not easily riled by any backlash- it's the least a person can do to get brownie points in the kindness department.
I am sure that these kind souls devote their endless energy to serving the starving homeless down at the food shelter and take the SPCA dogs out for walks each SAturday morning.
Someone inevitably posts that they in fact do just that, that they look after their dying father who has Alzheimer's disease, they do volunteer at the hospital or SPCA , that they used to tutor poor family's children for free and walk the neighbours dog's for the old couple across the street.
That's great. good for you.
I am not about to set in stone, a law(rule, idea whatever) that automatically turns MY desires into HER obligations.
I may want every woman whom I consider to be the hottest thing on the planet to send me email telling me how much she aches for my body ( :snickers: ) but that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.. not on this planet.
I certainly don't it that no one says hello to me or responds to my entreaties.
What I get is somewhere in between and closer to the latter than the former.
It's the way it is.
So i will ask again to the people who complain:
DO you complain this loud, this long,this often in real life when you don't get what you wanted or expected?
Were you so successful in the real world that you thought it would be the same in here?
or
Were you unsuccessful in the real would and you thought it would somehow change on the internet.
TheEAGLE summed it up quite well.
nicely done | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 340 | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:34:14 AM | I think some guys kinda get "fed up" and on the 50th email rejection, they might feel free to send a quip of some sort to the lady, though, the "unloading with both guns" is a bit extreme.
But sometimes, I guess to not sound like a total "ass", saying, "Hey, you're loss, not mine" remark is neutral enough
Hey, have to give him credit for being tonque in cheek after 50 emails, right?  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:48:22 PM | | Before i hid my profile and started letting them come to me i had more than one woman that i would message that would just read/delete. But the weird thing is somewhere along the way those same women that just deleted my message would come back later and message me. All the women that have done that way with me i send them a thanks but no thanks. They have already turned me off by showing there bad manners to start with. Every one has a gauge that they gauge other people by. I guess for me it's there manners. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, that's OK, No problem. I am not going to send anyone a nasty message for not wanting to. But at the same time a few nice words go a lot farther with me. The more i read these forums about this subject the more i understand how men and women alike that get read/delete feel. It has been said over and over that no answer is a answer. That doesn't wash with me because the more i read about this subject the more clear becomes that it's more of a slap in the face than it is a answer. And that is for men and women alike. One more thing, I messaged one the other day just for the hell of it. She had it in her profile how it bothered her when men just read/delete. So, I sent her a nice message about her profile. I did all the things that women say they like for a guy to do when they message them. You know what i got? Unread/delete. Now, Ain't that calling the kettle black? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:55:43 PM |
Before i hid my profile and started letting them come to me i had more than one woman that i would message that would just read/delete. But the weird thing is somewhere along the way those same women that just deleted my message would come back later and message me.
In a possible defense to those women, it could have been that you contacted them when they first joined. When one first joins, you get a ton of emails and it eventually peters out to none! It's like some sort of weird thing like everyone hones in on the new meat.....lol | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:30:35 PM | [ quote]It has been said over and over that no answer is a answer. That doesn't wash with me because the more i read about this subject the more clear becomes that it's more of a slap in the face than it is a answer. [/ quote]
It has been said over and over that no answer is a answer. That doesn't wash with me because the more i read about this subject the more clear becomes that it's more of a slap in the face than it is a answer.
HOW TO POST A QUOTE.
the first one has a space prior to the word quote. This should nullify the quote function so you should be able to see the brackets and the word 'quote'.
The last [/ quote] has a space after the forward slash. Take these spaces out and you will be able to highlight your quote. Put the sentence you wish to highlight between these two bracketed words. you Just cut and paste the paragraph/sentence that you wish to highlight.
Now,
A slap in the face doesn't give you an answer?
What part of " slap in the face" do you not understand? lol..
AT first, she didn't want to respond to you. or deleted it unread.
The assumptions could be :
1. she's a btcih.
2. rude,
3. busy,
4. lacks manners. is inconsiderate, has no compassion, kills puppies and bunnies, has no personal integrity, causing the demise of human culture/society as we speak, unravelling the fabric of society, contributes to global warming, loves greenhouse gases, thinks OJ is innocent and is out searching for the real killers right now..
5. doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings so she doesn't send the "thanks but no thanks letter"
6. doesn't believe it is necessary to tell a person whom she doesn't know that she is not interested. thus the non-response.
7. any number of other reasons known only to her.
Both people carry on with their life.
Later, she may have changed her mind.
She finds your profile or somehow kept your profile address or you email her again.
YOu already came to the conclusion that she doesn't have the right manners so you have excluded her. She did you a favor by not responding in the first place as it showed you that she wasn't all that.
Then she contacts you some time down the road.
YOu think she is unworthy due to her first devastatingly rude non response. the slap in the face thingy.
You write her a note saying thanks but no thanks.
YOu carry on with your life.
or
1.you delete her message unread.
2. you delete her message after reading it.
you carry on with your life.
you can start a thread about it.
or you can post your disastrous experience with this woman on this thread.
This certainly highlights the fact that the woman must have been rude or an idiot or both.
You made a good call on curbing that woman.
Why are people complaining when the women don't respond or whatever they do to hurt the guy as the women are proving themselves to be not worth the effort
change hurt the guy to whatever it is doing to you.
If you believe the woman is not polite, then why do you want her? She is indirectly telling you that she wouldn't care if you lived or died and that she wouldn't cross the street to p.is.s on you if you were on fire.
There are so many people on POF who are having some degree of success by whatever measure. These guys, for the most part, are not even viewing the threads. People have a vested interest in posting.
There are only a few men who are griping about this sort of thing.
And that is only a small percentage of the people who post in the forum.
And this is a small percentage of the entire membership. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:07:01 PM | Wild Heart, I will give you that to a point. I know at least 10 maybe even more had been here for at least 3 years. The one i messaged the other day just for the fun of it has been here close to a year. But i tell you what, There are times i wonder about this site. Sometimes i wonder if some of the people here are real. I know this is a free site just like yahoo. But yahoo lets you know right from the start that they collect information. Sometimes i wonder if this site is doing the same thing but not letting the people know. This seems like a VERY wide spread problem on this site. There are millions of men and women here but very few seem to get together. I have read page after page of people who have been here 3 years and longer and have never gotten anywhere. I have read post after post where people leave because of this read/delete thing. Men and women. I don't know, maybe i am being naive here. It just seems odd to me. Then again, Maybe folks are just being to picky and not willing to bend there ideas enough to allow someone a chance to get to know them.
Momarks, What you say about it being a small percent of people having this problem. I am not to sure about that. I have found post after post about this going as far back as 2003. Page after page. So many i can't even read them all. All by different people. Thousands and more with this same problem. Just seems weird. Just makes me wonder what's wrong. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:02:38 AM | Sometimes i wonder if this site is doing the same thing but not letting the people know. This seems like a VERY wide spread problem on this site. There are millions of men and women here but very few seem to get together.
Actually, I have two friends who are engaged who met through this site. I know of another couple and there are about 10 other couples who have hooked up.
All except one met through a POF event. If people really want to meet someone they will use all resources available to them. The basic idea was that they GOT out there. Unfortunately for me, the age range of those that regularly attend is not within the range that I am looking for or if they are they are not active at the level I am and am looking for. But at least I am getting out there, having fun and trying something different. Until you have used all resources available to you, I can't see how one can complain.
As for bending - I can expect what I can offer. Everyone can. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:46:03 AM | If you believe the woman is not polite, then why do you want her? She is indirectly telling you that she wouldn't care if you lived or died and that she wouldn't cross the street to p.is.s on you if you were on fire.
..Did I do got it right?
LOL..I did it...Thanks Nona37, and Momarks
OK, now I wouldn't got that far..Just because she doesn't answer her mail to you, doesn't mean she wouldn't save your life. Come on now...It's getting out of hand. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:27:31 AM | Zuglo,
this is twice you have said that something is getting out of hand...
NOthing is getting out of hand...lol... For some reason, there is always someone who thinks that a thread or conversation between two people within a thread is going to hell in a handbasket.
This happened with *a* and myself a week ago where neither of us were upset with the other: just 2 guys having a go. The entire thread was deleted because it was Done 2 Death ( D2D )but the complaint that initiated it was that he and I were " going at it hard "- not a good mental picture mind you but the point was taken.
So I will go not with Sarcasm but with the fact that something is being lost in translation by the internet or language. Even if you aren't being sarcastic, it is fun for me to respond to a person who i believe to be sincere in the manner in which you appear to be.
That 'wouldn't cross the street to p. i .ss on you if you were on fire" and " doesn't care if you live or die" is exaggeration for effect. THe idea of peeing on someone in order for something GOOD to come from it- to save a person who is on fire, even though you don't like the person and perhaps wouldn't mind such a thing happening to a person - is FARCE.-
you understood that the 'p on you if you were on fire " was not meant to be taken serious but you took the first comment as being utterly serious: not caring if you live or die.
It isn't terrible or portray someone in a negative light to believe that a completely unknown person ( stranger A ) simply doesn't concern himself with thinking about another completely unknown person Stranger B.
So in that sense, A doesn't care if B lives or dies as it doesn't impact upon his/her life.
NOw if A discovers B to be in a perilous situation and can offer help to him, then she cares if he lives or dies.
Ones a general statement and the other pertains to a specific situation.
AS for the men complaining and the millions and millions of people on the board and the thousands and thousands of men who suffer the heartbreak of 'sore eye ass is !"
There has ALWAYS BEEN MEN and women WHO NATTER ON AND ON TO EVERYONE EVERY CHANCE THEY GET about how they are great fellas who are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to relationships.
The internet is a great equalizer in this regard as it gives a chance for these men to showcase their particular platform. These men ( and a few women ) are essentially a SPECIAL INTEREST GROUP within the male category.
People who post on these boards are similar in effect if not mind to those people who always take time to give their opinions to poll-takers or who appear on very polarizing shows as either viewers or guests. THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY AND THEY WANT THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY IT.
The internet is immediately available to them for such a purpose and they use it with lusty abandon.
Too bad they didn't use that same passion energy they use to complain about their plight to better use in improving themselves so that they would have nothing about which to complain.
This complaint reaches back farther into the past than 2006 or 2003.
There has always been some men who seem to be able to attract more than their fair share ( who said anything about life being fair?) of women/ money/ friends/ goodies.
The other guys can't figure it out. And are left on the sidelines, scratching their ass, muttering nonsense to themselves, picking their nose in full view of everyone and wondering what is wrong with them.
Those could be literal events or figurative events . in any event, they are doing something wrong that is obvious to everyone (who is more successful )but themselves.
The threads about this sort of thing ALWAYS have several thousand views but only a few hits. we are at 360 or so posts, and several thousand views.
The people viewing are a mish mash of the complainers who don't want to appear for what they are, and a mix of people who either enjoy the threads for the FREAK SHOW FACTOR or have a vested interest but don't want to post for whatever reason. | |
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