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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/13/2006 5:05:21 AM | Yesterday....
He: "Let me know if your interested in talking sometime"
Me: "Thanks, but I'm not interested. Sigi"
He: "I believe proper internet etiquette is to just not respond!"
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/13/2006 9:26:32 PM | | OhShea - yep, I hear that...tried that route of either asking people to re-read my profile, and adjust expectations, or the "hey thanks for the note, but no thanks"...wow, some pretty abusive responses when you take the high road. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:40:49 PM | | I try to always respond to all emails, even if I'm not interested. I do this to be polite and to let the other person know where I stand. What I don't understand is sometimes, more than once, I've received an email back that is beyond hateful. The guy will say things like 'well **** you then whore'. I feel that if you can't handle rejection, then you shouldn't be dating at all, much less internet dating. It definitely makes me not want to respond at all. | |
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OhShea
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Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/15/2006 1:06:49 AM | Totally agree julesk75!!!
I can handle the barbs about my body type... I put it out there, I'm not hiding it by any means. It's the Jekyll/Hyde that throws me for a loop. An email so over the top complimentary and then when they find out you aren't interested in them... abuse unleashed. It only confirms my first instincts were correct and I shouldn't have been interested in the first place.
Is anyone else finding that these types of responses are making it difficult to trust any of the responses you might receive from men though? It's difficult not to think that all men might be feeding you lines when they are complimentary, especially when some turn so nasty after being so seemingly nice initially. | |
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LoLo36
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Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/15/2006 5:23:58 AM | We are not in pre-school here and we know how things work. If we don't "get" a response or "send" a response no biggie.
Some people do get busy and have lives outside of the box, so it may be a bit before they reply.
I have replied to some when there is no interest and yes it's like opening a can of worms, so I feel it's better to just leave it alone.
We are grown ups right ???
There are plenty of fish in the sea.  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:19:56 AM | I usually respond to all emails, interested or not.
After responding nicely to a 23-yr-old (I am 37) , telling him, "thanks for the compliments and the interest, but you are a bit too young for me", I received a 2nd email from him telling me that I was being unfair not getting to know him, after all, age is just a number....I would not be interested in him even if he was older, but I thought it would be rude to say that, so I just didn't respond to his 2nd email.
I also responded to a53-yr old in the same manner, only he was too old for me, and he responded "you are not so young yourself"...lmao!
I have sent out emails, just commenting on a profile, or a pic, not asking for a meeting or saying I was interested in dating, some have responded with a comment back, others not. To each his/her own. I don't take it personally.
Sunnie  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:39:21 PM | This is a really old post, but I have to blog it, only because I have 2 recent instances that plague my POF thoughts. Both involve responding to someone who simply doesn't meet my...that sledge hammer thing at the county fair for measuring a hit or a misss--mabye the guy is...too...just not what I want to spend time with....and I can sense it.
I've been on enough meet-n-greets to know about not-going-to-get-"there"....and by this, I mean a meeting of the minds, a melding of values, a 9 on each other's Richter scale...and a passable grade in the realm of forever after.
So what do you tell this person whose "stuff" is just not your stuff? Silence? Delete emails? Meet and THEN delete emails? I figure we are all affecting and influencing each others' development (or reclusion), and so, the opportunity to provide feedback (even if it's negative) is going to offer growth to both the sender and receiver. Is this an over-exuberant expectation? I think not. But I DO think it will go over the heads of quite a few.
I mean nobody to feel rejection; I think we are all seeking...companionship in a realm of universal living.
I've taken the effort to explain why I don't want to exchange further communication with a POF (or two). I've also been deleted, and I've been passed off for various reasons (one being someone couldn't provide a weekly phone call that shows interest in my health and well-being). Sooo...it takes all kinds. However, we all have room to grow, and I think even the most delicatly crafted "thanks but no thanks" can be seen as offensive rather than an opportunity for wisdom.
We all want companionship. A few of us want wisdom. And even fewer want to understand life for themselves as well as for others they come into contact with.
God bless the pioneers.
wit | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 8:51:17 AM | I personally think there is nothing wrong with this.. I recently had this expirience myself but on another site.
After ignoring a few of his messages, (he had emailed me 2 mos before and I had responded politely with a no thank you, and got abuse) I decided to ignore him when he emailed me again. After 5 messages.. It became apparent that he didnt remember me and I again.. sent out a politely worded no thanks.
He then told me, "Sorry, I should have looked at your profile closely becuz I prefer women who are trim and fit like me...(I have a few extra pounds). I just replied that he was closer in age to my mother!!! and that I wasnt interested in his age range, good luck out there. He came back with.. "Your fat and Thats Gross".
.... THIS message came from a man who described himself as a nice christian man that was respectful and caring of women!!!!
I ended up telling him that I'm sure God was proud of a nice Christian man like himself....
Never heard from this Jerk again...
So I have had it both ways...
I try and be polite....thrown in my face..... I have done the read deleted thing.. MUCH safer....lol
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 6:16:49 PM | nothing wrong with it. to those who dont say "no thanks", i dont think its about not having manners (like you think).
when i started online dating and wasnt interested in someone, id just reply to their email with something like "thanks for the email, but i dont think we're a match. good luck in your search" or something along those lines. the results?... either id get emails back asking "why" i thought we werent a good match, "why" i wasnt interested, a "dont judge a book by its cover" or they were just simply nasty to me and called me all sort of names. after a few of those, i just stopped trying to be polite and/or acknowledge their existence.
not to say everyone here in the online dating world has gone through this type of experience but im quite sure im not the only one in the world getting crap emails after politely"rejecting" someone.
needless to say... i do a lot of "read/delete"'s  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 6:20:00 PM |
After you get a few nasty responses to your 'Thanks, but I'm not interested and I wish you luck finding the the girl you're looking for' letters, you start getting a little leery of responding at all. Yep. I used to respond politely to every email, but got tired of the retaliation emails.
One guy got very angry, accusing me of "wasting his time"-- he'd written a single 3-line email LOL | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 6:33:56 PM | | I always answer my emails....ALL OF THEM! They might not like what I have to say, but I try to always be polite and truthful.....Oh, occasionally in writting back and forth there will be one like, "ok then, have a nice day too" which I've already finished my message and wished them a nice day, so I don't feel the need to send a response, nor do I believe they expect one....kinda like when ending a phone call...ya just know when the chatting is over. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 7:01:39 PM |
I always respond to e-mails with a "thank you but I'm not interested" note...am I the odd man out here?
How disingenuous. You never receive emails and certainly you don’t receive 20 to 30 each day from women that don’t appeal to you. Even if you did, you would not reply with, "Thank you but I'm not interested" after you discovered from follow up email how offended they were from such a terse reply. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:07:54 PM | I just delete my copy of the sent message. Then I don't care what happens to it. They read/unread-delete? I don't have to know about that.
They answer? Okay, cool.
.. and if they're just writing me a 'thanks but no thanks', it doesn't matter any more.
Saves me a ton of stress. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:28:14 PM | UGH to those who have nasty things to say about those who are too "rude" to reply, maybe you need to evaluate just how self involved and judging you are to jump to conclusions about strangers you know nothing about.
If 90% take a rejection response as:
1. an insult that requires an explanation
2. an open door because ANY response is an opportunity
3. you have lots of time to "chat"
That makes a mere 10% who will accept your rejection without either retaliating or going for a second shot. Just because YOU are not that person doesn't mean a person should change their behavior which is actually appropriate for the rest of the 90% who message them.
Don't call me rude when you are being high maintenance. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 5:27:36 AM | 90% take a rejection response as:
1. an insult that requires an explanation
2. an open door because ANY response is an opportunity
3. you have lots of time to "chat"
That makes a mere 10% who will accept your rejection without either retaliating or going for a second shot.
LBP is 100 percent correct. Guys will not take "No" for an answer. Not the first time, nor the second. The following is an example from a guy age 40 messaging me:
Guy-Email #1: "How are you doing this morning?"
Me-Reply to let the 40 year old guy know that I’m not interested:
"I probably should be in bed but am doing fine thank you. My profile states that I wish to meet a single guy from 19 to 25. I have decided to stick to that age range.
"Unless you are a night owl, be sure and get your sleep.
Lyndee"
Guy-Email #2-He responded anyway: "Thanks for responding. I realize I'm older, but I have a good job and could really treat you like you should be treated. The younger guys won't now how."
Me-Polite 2nd rejection: "I bet I can teach them. And they will probably grow up soon enough."
Guy-Email #3 (He responded anyway): "How about you let me buy you dinner and see how it goes?"
Me-After giving him my second rejection, I did not reply. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:34:14 AM | | Okay I agree with you. However, I have tried to be courteous and I get the 10,000 messages asking me to explain why I said I wasn't interested. I totally appreciate it when some one just says "Not Interested" and I move on. Plenty Of Fish in the Sea. Don't go looking to get beat up worrying about why some one is not interested. To each his own. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:39:40 AM | | I totally agree that if you get a message you should send a reply, it only takes a couple of minutes, you dont have to be offensive. Looks are not the most important thing people tend to forget that, but if you can see that some really is not your type it is easy to just wish them luck and that way you have not hurt their feelings. Manners are important. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:33:43 AM | Raven,
An extension of your public example, my personal favourite is when you are entering a mall or dept store with two sets of doors and you hold the door open for someone and they either walk through not acknowledging you and then open the next door for themselves and not hold it or even give it so much as a shove so to let you through, OR they stand and wait for you to grab the next door too! LOL This happened to me at christmas time. I had a handful of bags and was nice enough to open the door for this girl and she stood there holding her purse in front of the next one waiting for me to reach for the door. I gave her a smug look of disgust and said "you gotta be fcuking kidding me, right?!" and I went through the far doors and kept walking! I had no intention of hitting on her to begin with but that just sealed the deal for me!
I reply to everythign I get to. Sometimes I'll read something and get distracted with work or my kids and not respond right away but I'll come back to it a day or two later and look at what hasn't been replied to and do so then. I think it's so rude to not reply with any response. And if you get the azzholes who want to hound you there is a block button. It's as simple as a mouseclick! As long as you aren't stupid enough to put your email, real name, or phone number on your profile like some I've seen you'll be fine! I don't need an explanation from someone. But it's unfair to expect men to write a solid, thoughtful email only for the woman to just delete it based on either the email or the profile or neither in many cases! I've heard some girls say they skim through the subject lines and pick out interesting ones and delete the rest! | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 6:26:27 PM | Anonymity is the reason for no response to a well crafted and thoughtful initial email. Sorry, I don't buy the "well they get nasty if you reject them" excuses. Respond saying "thanks, but no thanks" or whatever, since you do not want to hear from them again then block them--end of story. You poor, poor women who cannot seem to deal with the nasty replies from the big, bad men out there in POF land that you reject--I shed the tears of a crocodile for you as well as playing the world's smallest violin. Such problems you have. How do you bear up under such stress? (Now, now, have a sense of humor.)
The art of conversation is lost here and people no longer seem willing to get to know others this way. It's all serious and if you do not match up--delete. Believe it or not, back in the day when I had a well written profile up here along with a good picture I got a good number of responses from women, most of whom were simply too far away. A woman from another country sent me an email that simply said "Wow!" Since she paid me what I thought was a nice compliment, even though she was too far away and I was not interested in her personally I still thanked her for her email and also responded with something I had read on her profile. I always wrote a nice response to any of my emails. It's a pretty simple concept--I treat others as I would like to be treated and it was really no bother to let somebody else feel good about themself. | |
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but that makes me laff when you say a well crafted thought out email.. most times i have thought .. oh a masterpiece! it get's deleated 