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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:09:36 PM | | I respond to all emails but I often send out ones that get no response. I don't bother to check and see if they are read or not read just figure the person doesn't have manners enough to respond. I am looking for friends, I'm not interested in what a person looks like or statistics about them, just that they are nice people who can hold an intelligent conversation. If they can't respond, I figure they are unable to hold an intelligent conversation or they never learned good manners. JJ aka OliveU | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:30:51 PM | I used to respond to all email's..........until....I started getting angry feedback from my "thanks...but I'm not interested" reply. It's not that I'm being rude by not responding.....but trying to avoid a hostile return.
What's up with that? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:29:57 PM |
Deuce, I answered your question as to how I respond to well thought-out emails. I guess you didn't read my whole post. How unreasonable of you to expect that a guy should read you complete post before responding to part of it.
Occasionally, I'll be nice; right now, I'm in the mood to be a snooty b!tch. Guys don't want to hear, let alone understand, the problems we have in replying to their emails. They are not going to listen because they don't give a hoot.
Guys just want what they want and, regardless of our problems, their wishes should prevail. Guys are disingenuous when they claim they would be satisfied with, “Thanks for your nice message but I’m not feeling a connection here. I wish you well in your search.” Guys want to know “why you are not feeling a connection” because they expect you too feel it. They want to argue, “Give me a chance to know you first.” Regardless of how nice your rejection, their feeling are hurt.
Deuce suggested he would write “you are really going to let the man of your dreams slip between your fingers over a lousy 365 days?! ;-)”. I had to laugh at that. The man of my dreams is 20 to 22, not some older guy at the top of my stated age range and let alone someone even older.
He was also naïve enough to suggest writing a generic email and copy and paste. I had to roll my eyes at that. How do you write a generic email for the many different type of messages. Excluding the lengthy or rude, the following are a few of the first time messages I received:
hi ... you are a very pretty lady
how u doin
I wish you liked older men, if u meet for dinner and if you might want to date me, let me know.
I like that you are a women that knows what she wants and is looking for some thing more.
your beautiful, im david i really like your profile check mine if interested write me
I just wanted to write and say hello and to tell you how beautiful I think you are but I guess you already know that lol . Hope I didnt bother you to much, I just think a pretty girl should be told so every now and then.
i hope i'm not being too forward but i would love to get to know you better
Hey so what kind of movies do you like
I just had to say You seem WAY TOO SWEET to be on a site like this ! This site has some crazies on it ! so you be careful ok?! Always think about your baby first ! and you won't go wrong ! God will send you the perfect young man for you and your baby !
hello there beautiful . i read your profile and you seem like a sweet person . i would love to hear more about you .well hope to hear from you soon
hey gorgeous how are u? well you looked cute and seemd like u were fun so i thought i would say hey, message me back sometime have a good weekend bye babe
good looking mom 
Hi, how are you besides freaking gorgeous and intriguing? e-mail me back sometime if I stand a chance;-)
i like you
Hi! :) My names C---- and I really appreciated your profile. Im amazed your only 20. you talk of a woman much older. how I already know your looking for a younger guy, they still say it never hurts to ask :) I definitely fit all of your qualifications except the age range. If your not interested, i completely understand. But still think it never hurts to try :) Have a great day!
Hi my name is S---***Well I guess obviously I am interested ***best of luck in your search if I'm not the one.
Hi! My name is J----. 6' tall with 1390 SAT. I make around 42k a year and have my own place.
254 744 7--- | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:19:14 AM | Metalvixxn,
That was my bad. I did read it and after you said that I went back and reread and remembered. I replied a few minutes after reading it from memory only, as I clicked on someone else's post to reply. So we've cleared that issue up.
Lyndee,
Suddenly my suggestions are laughable to you. But you did say you were in the mood to be a snooty b!tch so maybe that explains it all. I don't think copying and pasting responses is necessarily a good thing, but if you have a lot of garbage to go through and there are guys giving you the time of day to craft a message you should give them the time of day to write back. All it has to say is "sorry, I'm not interested but thank you" and it'd cover basically every message you get taht you aren't interested it! It's ambiguous and clear, and covers the nice AND the rude. Sure, alot of these ones you posted in your message are weak and lame but realistically they weren't rude. So they fell short of your expectations, I think you give them in return what they gave you upfront; little. If a guy writes "I like you", maybe you write back "no thanks". Hell, if you want to block the guy after that be my guest but at least you responded! And you saying the man of your dreams is 20-22, but how do you know this until you meet him? You say you are more mature than your age (I can't recall how old you are right now) but lets say for hypothetical reasons you are 25 but as mature as a 35 year old mentally and a guy is looking for women who are 30-40. Perhaps you two are a perfect fit but you are just a few years under his range. He's losing out on a great opportunity by removing you from the equation. A year isn't a big deal. Gee, even 5 years isn't a big deal when someone is a few years into adulthood and has some life experience. But we all have our preferences, regardless of how rigid or ridiculous some may be with them. I messaged a girl about a post a few weeks ago and while she misinterpreted my email, which I don't even think she read because it was clear what the intent of it was, she checked my profile and sent me this; "sorry, I only date men who are over 6' with blond hair and that's not you buddy...read my profile". That response made me feel like flaming her for the rudeness but I refrained.
You ladies can say you'd be fine with getting non-response after non-response but I highly doubt that'd be the case. Women tend to take rejection far worse than men do. A lot of women don't send first contact emails for the fear of being rejected! It's online. I don't see how it hurts that badly when someone doesn't respond! For me it's a respect issue. If I respect you enough to not write an email talking dirty or saying you are gorgeous and there's some thought put into it I'd hope you'd respect me enough to write back and at least say "sorry, not interested".
Another thing that peaked my interest about your post Lyndee was your attitude about how guys want only what they want, regardless of women's problems. Why is it that guys deserving of a response, whether you want to date them or befriend them or not, should suffer (in the lightest sense of the word here) because of what a group of azzholes has put you through? Suddenly your problems have been our problems. If you don't like all the attention hide your profile. It's like a celebrity b!tching about not being able to grocery shop! LOL It's really unfortunate that a lot of men are jerks but it's even more unfortunate that the ones who aren't have to pay for their mistakes time and time again.
EDIT: Lyndee, I just checked your profile to see your age again and noticed your filters and had a bit of a chuckle. Are you trying to eliminate ALL men? I don't think ANYONE can email you now, as you've got listed that you live in Dallas, TX but anyone who emails you MUST live both IN Ecuador, and within 75 miles of Dallas. Last time I checked Ecuador was a few more miles away than that. Was that on purpose? The guy must meet all those criteria before he can email you....it can't be one or the other. So you may want to look at that a bit. Just looking out for you! =) | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/5/2008 4:33:47 PM | That's cool Deuce. I know how it is when you read something and don't have it in front of you anymore as you reply.
I have to admit that I don't know how the guys feel when they send out emails and don't get responses. I have gotten a response to every single email I have sent except for one. When I realized I didn't get a response I looked at his profile. Y'see, I had commented on some thing in his profile when I wrote - and he now added something more to his profile. It was something like "Don't write me commenting on something I wrote here, I know you ladies are shallow and couldn't careless about what I have to say"
I was like ok! Nice guy!
Anyway, it sucks not to get a response, but no response is better than a nasty one. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/5/2008 5:55:55 PM |
Want an example?
Hold a door open for someone as you enter/exit a shopping mall (or anywhere else for that matter) and see how many of them actually acknowledge you and say "thank you"!
You'd be suprised but how many don't.....some even just give you a funny look (as if they've just gone senile and lost their mind completely)
I ALWAYS say thank you when somebody holds the door open for me. I don't always respond to messages. My profile has been set at not single/not looking for almost a year. I even changed my profile so I wouldn't attract interest! Yet, I still get the, "You're hot, let's hook up!" messages and occasionally somebody tells me that we have a lot in common. WTH?  Did you EVEN READ my profile? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:09:31 PM | Okay, since I jumped into this old discussion on Feb. 2 (5 days ago) I started a little social experiment on POF. Now, this may start sounding malicious but trust me my intentions were nothing but honourable. I started reading through profiles as they'd pop up on the screen and contacts a lot of the ones I was attracted to both physically and based on what their profile said. I was respectful in each other emails. I used humour and made reference to something in their profile, asked a couple brief non-invasive (conversation starter) questions, and said if they'd like to talk more send me an email and if not good luck with your searches. They were all a few paragraphs and nothing generic. I made sure each had a catchy subject line. So in all I've sent out 46 messages. I've received 2 back. And both of those women. I get a lot of first contact emails myself but I think a LOT of my emails weren't even read even though it says READ/DELETE. I think a lot of the women are merely opening it up and looking it over briefly and delete. So we are damned if we do and damned if we don't here. I don't think I'm a bad looking guy. I think I have a lot of positives on my side. Yes, I've got a strike against me with a pending divorce but I make it very clear in my profile that I'm open and honest about it and yet no one even so much as inquires about it.
There really is no response needed for this. I just figured I'd do some looking and see what I came up with. Anyone that responded I had full intention of continuing to talk to and meet if things worked out. So with that I'll continue NOT emailing women and just let them contact me. And when the rest of the male POF populace does the same I really hope the women don't blame us for that too. It's unfortunate that the douchebags on here have ruined things for the rest of us.
EDIT: Puuka, who are you talking to? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:20:02 PM | | I was like you once and I asked someone and actualy got an answer. There are some here that just copy and past to every attractive woman in their area with the same generic message. Some get tons of mail and they just go through it to see the profile of the guys, and some are just not thier type, even if they did take the time to write a personal message. So it all just gets bundled up and tossed. Don't take it personaly. They just weren't interested in you for some reason or another. Go on and try it with others that might interest you. You'll get a bite eventualy. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:19:56 PM | I started out responding to everyone, and found that most want to argue when you turn them down. I have yet to have one write asking why I'm not interested, but plenty have tried to convince me I should be or worse - responded with vulgar insults. My standard "no thanks" is "Thanks for the interest. I don't think we'd be a good match, but good luck finding someone special. =)" It's not like I'm ripping them a new one for showing interest or something.
I DO still respond to most anyway though. If they email me with "you're hot. wanna chat?" or something similar, I just delete. They didn't even read my profile and they aren't likely to notice in the flood of read/deletes they're getting for their hotchat spam. If they're really graphic or something, I do block them. There's no even salvaging a decent conversation out of someone like that. If the guy took the time to write even a couple lines of earnest interest, he at least gets the form letter "no thanks." If he responds trying to argue with me, that's the end of it though. I don't respond. I either delete or block, depending how aggressive he is.
A point of note though, is that read/delete is not just a girl thing. I send the initial email to anyone I'm interested in...well thought out, asking about something not very personal that's mentioned in his profile (so he doesn't just not know what to say back. always give them a starter, you know?) and the only ones that ever respond are the ones that are interested. If they're not into me, they just read/delete too. Most people, whether male or female, just don't bother with anyone they're not into. | |
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hands
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Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 86 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:32:03 AM | It hasn't seemed to matter if I respond "thanks but I'm not interested" or if I don't respond. Some men will not write again...others will write me back a nasty e-mail saying that I must think I am toooo good for them and others will just keep bugging me until I block them.....lol.
So I now respond if I feel like it and don't if I don't.
You can't please all the people...all the time:)
I try and be respectful to all......I just wish the "all" were as nice to me.
But such is life!! | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:14:18 PM | Hands wrote:
It hasn't seemed to matter if I respond "thanks but I'm not interested" or if I don't respond. Some men will not write again...others will write me back a nasty e-mail saying that I must think I am toooo good for them and others will just keep bugging me until I block them.....lol.
If somebody responds that they are not interested and has a sense they do not want to correspond with the person again, then why not simply block them then? Break out the violins and the crocodile tears, but when, as a result you get nasty responses, how does that make things better than if you had blocked them right away? Believe me, they'll get over it. Rejection is what internet dating is all about, so why not make it fast and quick? What is the point of allowing it to get to the point where things get nasty and then you need to block them anyways. I don't think that blocking somebody means that you think they are a perv, I think it is simply a clear message that you do not want to hear from them again and this is especially true if you send them a nice "thanks, but no thanks" email to their initial contact. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:45:54 PM | Maybe this has already been covered in another post....there has been a similar thread, too.
I try to respond to all emails with a polite "thanks for your interest, good luck, etc" kind of email. Something polite, but that indicates I am not interested him as a potential match. Like many other women here, I have gotten the "backlash" emails......men who are upset that I have declined to correspond with them. But this situation defies all reason.
I got an email from a man that 1) I didn't find attractive and 2) instead of listing his actual height, did one of those greater than/less than things (I object to this because I think it smacks of inherent dishonesty....I think it is a blatent attempt to hide SOMETHING). I apparently let his initial email fall throught the cracks, and failed to respond, because about a month later I was presented with another email that detailed the exact date he emailed and complaining that I had failed to respond. He cut and pasted virtually his entire profile into his email....as if this was the only way he could get someone to READ his profile. I sent him a nice "Thank you for your email, and I apologize for not responding to your previous email. Good luck finding the right woman for you."
He responded with, "I really wish you would talk to me, I think we could be great friends." This I read and deleted. Nearly 3 weeks later he AGAIN sends the full profile email again. At this point, I figure he is sending this to as many people he can on a daily basis, so I blocked him.
THIS is why many women no longer respond. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying thanks, but no thanks.....but there are people out there that apparently think that is unacceptable. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:00:01 PM | | I give them an easy way out. I usually write "If interested please respond." This way, if they don't respond I get the message and it saves them from having to make up a lie because they don't like my looks (I write only to those who express the same interest and have a similar profile) | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:04:58 PM | Two reasons:
There is no way I would have the time to respond to every e-mail I get, and I have also gotten a lot of rude replies to the "no thanks" replies. So, sorry if you didn't get a reply. There are good reasons. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:06:17 PM | | Nothing why dont more people do it IT IS SO RUDE not to respond; I send a nice email and people just ignore you. If y'all dont like to respond dont go on email sites. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:15:59 PM | | Well, no batteries, some other guy has posted the same kind of message on his profile and I sent him an email and he was rude enough not to reply after he said that noone had replied to him. And I get lots of guys who don't reply to my emails. It would be nice to say "thanks for the email" but obviously a lot of guys are rude and the same with women. I always reply to anyone who sends me an email, no matter what age or even If I am not interested. I think it is just the polite, decent thing to do. Like the guy who complained that no one replied to his emails on his profile and couldn't bother to reply to mine, obviously that person is not worth bothering with anyways, so I mark their name down on a piece of paper and I never message them again. Don't know what else to say, I could message 10 guys in a day, and maybe 1 guy will reply to my message, then rest of them just delete it. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:27:47 PM | | I think this question falls in the damned either way category. Some people will take huge offense at not being given any response. Some people will take your polite rebuff and respond with a nasty "you think you're too good for me? HA, you don't know what you're missing, too bad for you, I gotta REAL NICE house and you'd probably bore me on the first date anyway." (Comments not attributable to any one POF'er but a composite of responses I've received). In which case I thank god my instincts served me well and shrug it off. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:29:49 PM |
Posted: 12/12/2005 5  51 PM lococoyote: The ignoring aspect has nothing to do with people writing boring emails…if some one writes to you and shows interest, there is no valid excuse to ignore them….. It’s a dating site, you have a right NOT to want to date everyone who writes to you, but it is still incredibly RUDE to ignore someone who has gone to the effort….. I say that the people doing the ignoring are falsely full of themselves and this is just part of who they are….they assume because it’s internet dating, their actions should not be held against them, but I would disagree….there is no difference if a woman/man walks up to you in public and says ‘hello’ and you just look at her/him and turn and walk away without saying anything, than to reading and deleting an email with no response….rude is rude in any fashion… And maybe if it helps these people to be selfish, than they should realize that friends of friends are on these sites and maybe someday when they go to the trouble to write their email and it’s ignored, it will be because one friend told the other, ”Don’t bother writing him back, he’s a jerk! I wrote to him and he read it, deleted it, and did not have the decency to say “no Thanks”. Their actions might be shooting themselves in the foot….
that, and the reality is that not responding shows such a flawed character that you should be happy that they didn't respond, since they are not someone you would want to know anyway | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:31:22 PM | | I use to respond to every email, but then some men where very persistant. or downright rude. I just had someone email me the other day. saying "great legs", and when i didn't respond back within 2 days, he sent me another email saying, well "ugly legs then", I did respond back then and told him men like him are why woman read and don't answer. then I blocked him | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:33:48 PM | Forgot something ...
At first I wasn't responding for all of the reasons women on here mention - guys wanna argue with you, wanna know WHY (no, you don't!) want you to just give them one chance.
But then I sent a guy an email and he wrote back "Thanks for your note. My hunch is that we're not a match, but I want to wish you all the best in your search.'
I thought - hey, that's really nice. Maybe THAT's what guys want to hear. So I've been responding with that message, word for word, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Same number of polite silences/p*ssed off responses. Hence my previous post - damned either way, so do what feels right to you. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:36:54 PM |
How many times have you seen a profile that interests you...crafted a well thought out e-mail...sent it...
only to see "read/deleted"...
Am I the only person who actually responds to ALL e-mails sent...
I know that the "sour-grapes" thing to do is "they wouldn't be worthwhile because they're so obviously rude"
but I'd really like to get a "thanks but no thanks" response...no explanation needed and none asked for...
just "not interested"...
I always respond to e-mails with a "thank you but I'm not interested" note...am I the odd man out here?
Because that implies people still have manners and common courtesy. Unfortunately....in todays times, those are two commodities no one seems to hold in stock anymore. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:37:11 PM | | nonetheless, if you answer an email and get a stupid response, that clearly demonstrates a true lack of character, and shows that your judgement was right in the beginning | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:56:50 PM | I repsond to all e-mails to whether I am interested or not. And I am opena nd honest with people. I rejected a girl becuase I met someone then we broke up a month later so I started talking to her. I have rejected quite a few women for living too far away. I am not driving crazzy distances gas is expensive. I also won't date someone with kids. I have gotten such and the only thing that bothers me is getting rejected for shallow reasons that have little to do with my attractiveness. such as height. Ok I am short why do I ahve to be 5'10" to be considered. Now if I were really fat or had a nasty face or blemishes then I could understand. But height, eye, and hair color really don;t matter.
what;s important is hygiene and persoanality. And to meet in person ebcuase this profile thing shows very little of what a person looks like in person. i have met many women that hide a bulging Belly or that look 10 tiem better inpersont han their stupid photo that could be either from an awful angle or a great angle. Sp respond, be polite, and put them down gently or go for it and give thema chance meet them and see if they jsut have a good/bad picture. What do you hawve to lose? | |
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