| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:08:06 PM | I dont even know why there is even an argument about this subject. The site itself says dont be disapointed if you get a read/deleted because of blah blah blah.
Everyone is right and correct to themselves.
I like to reply but if I was to start getting emails that are abusive because of my response then I would no doubt stop replying. Its simple, if you get burnt doing something eventually you will stop doing it.
However, for those that think its rude thats fine to, simply acknowledge you find that rude and that person is someone you wouldnt want to talk to.
Im on here for chat only because of my own reasons and it gets annoying when Im continuously asked out for a date and I continuously be polite and say no and they dont take NO for an answer, this is a good example of using the BLOCK button. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:48:57 AM | I try to respond to all messages with a short "Thanks but no thanks" message just to be polite because that's how I would like to be treated. I agree with all who have said that the rules and etiquette for online communication should be no different than verbal communication. Imagine saying "hello, how are you?" to someone and having them just ignore you and walk away? Its just easier to be rude online because you don't have to face the person but that's not an excuse.
Yes, it is a pet peeve of mine how rude people can be nowadays, online or in person. Being polite and courteous really doesn't take much of an effort if you think about it. And to all those who say they are much too busy to respond to the mountain of emails they get daily, I'm sorry, but I doubt you get so many that you can't take 15 mins out of your day to respond politely. A short, courteous response takes no more than 30 -45 seconds to send so 15 mins is all it would take to respond to upwards of 30 emails. You were going to read the profile and message and delete anyway weren't you? All you didn't do was respond.
I have also received angry and confrontational repsonses from my "No thanks" messages and for a while I stopped responding because it was just so ridiculous to have to defend my choices. But I realized that I was letting idiots dictate my actions. Now I just send my quick response and if he takes offense and sends a nasty email back I ignore it and block him. No problem.
Having said all that I dont waste my time responding to overtly sexual or suggestive emails (nice eyes...would love to see them looking up at me while you're sucking my d*ck) unless I'm in a nasty mood and want to just tell them off for the gall of sending something that's rude and offensive. Or to those quick little "Hi" emails (what's up with that?) or to people who ignore what I'm looking for (Thought I'd take a chance...so is 62 just a "few years" close to your age? Ummmm....NO!) | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:55:00 AM | I take the time to be polite.
I've been called a wimp because of it but that is like rain. It just rolls of my back.
If someone responds to me, "Thanks but no thanks.", I do not take it personally. There are people I find attractive and there are people I do not. Because I find someone attractive does not mean they find me attractive or for any other reason does not want to deal with me. It's not my problem. It is their problem.
When someone takes the time and effort, physically and mentally, to contact me I do feel special. Someone is thinking of me. I may say 'Thanks but no thanks.' or I may pursue the opportunity. That choice is mine. This person has taken the time, emotional effort and physical effort to contact me. I believe they deserve a polite reply, whether it's 'Lets Rock on!' or 'Thanks but no thanks.'
This person has honoured me and I feel that needs to be accepted or at least acknowledged.
George | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/15/2008 12:08:12 PM | | Agreed.....it is the only polite thing to do. My philosphy has been 'always write the last email', at least the last one with a purpose. But if I see no potential or need to talk further...... I like to let my thoughts be clear about it and wish them the best. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/15/2008 2:36:30 PM | For sure, nothing wrong with thanks for the compliment but I don't think we're a match and let it go at that.
Something IS wrong with "yes, I'd like to get to know you better" to which you respond with a well constructed email outlining in 3-4 paragraphs, some of the highlights of who you are - a recent book you read, a recent hike you did, you know some of the things you have in common in your profile? And THEN you get, read-deleted. That's ignorant. But, the silver lining is, you didn't waste $3 at Starbucks to find out what a jerk they were. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/17/2008 9:28:31 AM | when I posted last time on this subject, I said I had stopped responding to emails that I was not interested in because of some of the nasty responses I hae gotten back.
A gentlemen changed my mind the other day. He had sent me a couple of emails, and when I had the chance I did respond back that I was not interested, but thank you. He responded back politely well thank you for answering me.
The reason I chose him to respond back to after not responding for so long, was simply because we did have a lot in common, but that I was just going through some family things right now and a date was not on my top priority.
I wish I could tell you his name cause I think alot of women are missing out with him. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/17/2008 9:42:10 AM | I entirely support this one. I have received a response for about 5% of the amount of emails I've sent out. I mean I know people are busy, but just letting me know through email rather than letting the site and my common sense tell me? I respond to all of the emails I get because I know what it's like to not get a response.
I understand that it's your choice, but it's considered a polite gesture, ya know? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/17/2008 10:32:09 AM | The READ/DELETE thing is a major pet peev of mine, but I have learned to live with it though. If someone said Hello and was polite in the real world you would most likely say Hi back and give some indication if you were interested or not. If that person was rude, I'm sure you would just ignore them. To me the same should apply online. If you have a well written, polite email. A simple, No thanks would be a civil answer. But, if it's a cut/paste or rude one...then a READ/DELETE is the proper response. Personally, I am at the point of almost not writing anyone any longer. Despite my best efforts to email only the women that are local and seems that we both have alot in common, I get only about a 5% return rate. Not dates...just a response. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, so it's not that. And the amount of women completely flooded with email can't be that high.
Oh..and if you are no longer looking...change your 'status' then...the 'taking a break' and 'found someone' is a little weak too. That's my rant! | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:05:56 PM | OK, I HAVE to comment on this. I don't think it's a huge deal if strangers write to you and you choose to delete. You owe a stranger nothing. It becomes a different story if some of relationship )or facsimile thereof) is involved.
My "rules" are this:
Go out with someone once or twice, a stranger sends Email, or something else along those limited parameters: nothing is owed (although it's nice ---- but not necessary)
Go out out with someone or talk for more than a a few weeks (depending on the level of contact) or so, you owe them the civility of a nice and honest "thanks, but no thanks"
Go out with someone for longer (to the point where real feelings become involved), you owe them a heavy duty explanation (an honest one) | |
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MNM08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 110 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:43:42 AM | | You are considerate, that is all. I got quite a few of those read/deleted, but just figured it is their loss and more likely will end up with no one or with a loser. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:37:29 AM | | Simplymeeee, I'd hope if we went out a few weeks you'd have the decency to send me an email saying thanks but no thanks! LOL Actually I'd be severely offended if you sent me an email saying that even after a handful of dates. Pick up the phone at the very least or meet me for coffee and tell me like a real person. If you go out with someone just once you owe it to them to say thanks but no thanks. I think you could ever get away with an email or text for that first meeting but after that it's poor dating etiquette. Even though people who send you first contacts are strangers and are owed nothing it's still common courtesy to thank them for the interest and decline. If you were walking through a grocery store and the lady at the display counter offered you to sample some new bruschetta they were selling would you just turn your nose and keep walking? I'd hope not. Most would say no thank you or stop and give it a taste! So why is it any different on here?! If you are at a bar and people approach you do you turn and walk away if you aren't interested or looking or do you say something, however brief? I hate the fact the people use internet sites like these to be larger than life. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:27:52 AM | Not responding to the initial email isn't necessary rude. It depends on the reasons. I would respond to a man who wrote me a nice thoughtful email even if I wasn't interested in him. I wouldn't respond to an email that was poorly written or an email from a man who clearly didn't read my profile. Some women also get a lot of emails. Therefore they wouldn't have time to respond to all their emails. However there are some women who have the "I'm too good to respond to you" attitude. That is wrong.
Some women won't respond they won't respond they claim that they get a lot of rude emails after rejection someone. I don't think this is a valid excuse because
A) some women will get rude emails because they ignored a man
B) why should a woman get upset about what some random stranger thinks about her
C) she could always block a man to prevent any rude emails | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:01:17 AM | Go out with someone once or twice, a stranger sends Email, or something else along those limited parameters: nothing is owed (although it's nice ---- but not necessary)
I don't completely agree with this. If you had some email/phone conversations or go out with a person at least once, then there must have been at least some initial interest. Therefore I think it would be rude to stop talking to a person without any notice. A simple text/email message stating that "We aren't a match or compatible" is a polite, but firm way to state your non-interest. Even just a "Sorry, not interested" message is better than ignoring someone. It takes 2 seconds to say that. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:14:31 PM | "You owe a stranger nothing"
This statement only typifies the sort of shallowness seen on this site. There is never an excuse to be rude - NEVER
Rudeness defines who you are as do acts of kindness. If someone has the courage to contact you - " A no thank you" is appropriate | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:31:17 PM | | the world has created an army of enablers. there is someone ready everywhere to make an excuse for someone else's behaviour. and for those that say they are scared of the response back at them if they say thanks but no thanks. that's a cop out. everyday we are faced with decisions that arent easy, its how you deal with them that makes you who you are. no one likes to be rejected, and most people dont enjoying do the rejection. but seriously people the other person made an effort to say hello, would it really kill you to say to respond. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:01:20 AM | Would you believe that I haven't once been sent an IM since I joined POF? I haven't been here very long, but I'd hope that my dashing personality and linguistic skills would get me at least one message, even if it happened to be a poorly thought-out and crude one. But I digress.
Given the opportunity, I would be more then happy to respond to any message, even if it is merely a 'no thank you.' | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:54:50 AM | How about when someone says, "so tell me a bit more about yourself " and then reads and deletes your reply?.... Rudeness is one of my pet peeves, and goddamm*t I get plenty of ammunition here! I also respond when I receive an e-mail, whether it's thanks or no thanks....If someone were to speak to me in person, would I just walk away and not acknowledge the fact that someone spoke to me?? This is what the world has come to basically ... Someday, we'll all wake up and be old and alone, cause some of us thought that that someone prettier/thinner would come along and sweep us off our feet!
Their loss.... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:05:26 PM | | It all boils down to manners...and while I imagine an attractive person may get a mailbox-choking amount of unsolicited mail (I get dozens a decade!), at least a courteous rejection reply should be sent to the more-polite messages. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:18:20 PM |
I explain my policy about in replying right in my profile: NO PIC = NO REPLY AND NO INTEREST ALSO = NO REPLY
You also mentioned that if someone writes you a nice email, you'll reply back just to say thank you.
Wow, thats so considerate of you. I guess most people should worship the ground you walk on before they message you.  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:31:50 PM | | nothing wrong with it....problem is, a polite 'no thank you' is often misconstrued as an invitation to continue correspondance...ultimately making a dent in ones customarily considerate nature.. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:41:15 PM | Those 'rejection letters' are very difficult to write.
One of the last ladies I wrote to, seemed like a very nice person, so it was even more difficult. I could have said things like, "I only date local women", or "We come from different cultures, and it would be difficult for me to adjust", or that she was too short, or I could have picked all kinds of reasons.
For this lady, I did not feel it was appropriate to make 'an excuse'. I responded pleasantly, then signed off by saying "I wish you well in your continuing search."
awwwwwwwwwwkward. lol
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