| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:08:12 AM | As most people have said. There is a large difference between living with mommy because you are to lazy or don't want to do it on your own; and living with them out of necessity. I'll admit..i don't want to date a man who lives with his parents, but i have. However in the cases where I did so, the mother moved in with him so he could take care of her. In another case the guy lost his job, foreclosed on his house and was facing the street for him and his child. He went home to save himself from that and a year and a half later had a new job, new house and was out of there.
Especially now, I think there is going to be more people living with family then not. My cousin just moved in with his sister because he can't find a job after losing his. He's a good man, but there is no work out there. Rather he live on the street? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/29/2009 10:14:43 AM | I'm 40 and our house sold in March and I don't get my new place until June 1st and am staying at my parents place... should I hide that from others? No, cause it's just a temporary situation, but it still is a bit embarassing....lol
There are always circumstances why a person would live at their parents house past a certain age. If it's because they are afraid of the world or too lazy to provide from themselves...I'd look else where as I'm looking for someone that meets life head on! | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/29/2009 11:27:01 AM | I like this topic and it is one I have been struggling with lately.
Generally, there is a double standard. Women view men lowly if they live with their parents. Most women want a guy who can provide for them, take them to expensive dinners, and give them expensive gifts. A man living with parents with no job or a minor low paying job are a turn off. No one looks down on a woman for labeling the poor guy a loser and not dating him.
Now flip the coin. Woman in exact same scenario and suddenly it is not seen as bad. Men do not hold a "Failure to Launch" stereotype like women in the same situation. If a woman needs to be taken care of (and they happen to be attractive and fun), then a guy will often gladly take care of her. Despite the fact that said woman has trouble taking care of herself. Personally I have been rethinking this paradigm. I've been burned too much recently on it. Yes, there are exceptions where a person is taking care of their parents, but I don't think it matters anymore.
Think about this for a second.
(Scenario 1) A woman lives at home in her mid-20s and possibly has a child -- maybe not. Parents tend to RUN THEIR CHILD'S LIFE!!! Even after a child has reached the age of accountability. Even more so if the woman had said child outside of a marital relationship (plus the father is a deadbeat and not paying child support), doesn't have a strong career, and generally made poor choices in her life. (She is a loser and slept with losers and doomed to a loser life.) Parents tend to revert to the parent-child relationship that existed in the teenage years. This is different when the woman is paying rent and has a career. Different is not paying rent and mooching off mom & dad. This situation is never conducive to a dating relationship. Suddenly as a late 20 or early 30 something guy, you are dating like you are teenager. Suddenly, you have to win over mom and dad's approval and kiss some serious ass. Bring flowers for your woman??? Better bring some for the mom as well. Possible issues of curfew and checking in. Awkwardness if you are sleeping together and parents do not approve. Or worse they simply do not like you so they sabotage the relationship. I would say for guys dating a woman living at home, take a very deep breath and get ready for a very long and rough ride. Yes, a woman could have her boundaries and tell her parents that it is her life, but she has no leg to stand on since they are supporting her, she lives under their roof rent free, and for all purposes she is a teenager again. There are exceptions, but generally it is a warning sign. Plus again return to the "Failure to Launch" issues. Does a guy who has their act together really want to get take on another child that does not have their act together. Just some food for thought.
(Scenario 2) Woman living at home to take care of mom & dad. This can sometimes be akin to a woman having a special needs child. Unlike scenario 1, the woman has a parenting relationship with the parents. Have you taken your meds? Are you mentally okay, today -- do we need to talk? The relationship is of the woman taking care of her parents. This is a totally different scenario. It can be better if the woman has her own head on straight. She plans ahead and keeps her boundaries. This would mean if mom or dad needed to be watched, then she would plan appropriate parent-sitter.
(Scenario 3) Combine the facts of 1 and 2. Worse possible scenario. Woman has made poor life choices. No real career or skill set. Mom or dad have health or mental issues (or both) and the woman is taking care of them. Her "job" is not to be a 24/7 nurse, cook, and maid. The other parent is the one providing for the family because they have a nice job. Now suddenly you have a mixture of both and in some ways the worse of both. She is limited on dating because she her job is to care for mom 24/7 and be at her becking call. Thus dates are canceled last minute due to "drama" at home. Or the worse, which is the refusal to let the relationship develop into a marriage (i.e. she moves out and dad hires a nurse for mom) because she feels obligated to remain there indefinately. This means the relationship might have no future.
Now consider (Scenario 4), where this one has a degree or skill set, she has her own career, her own apartment/house, and only lives with herself and her kids. This woman is stable. She has a good head on her shoulders. She has no future-mother-in-law drama instantly from the beginning. For a guy, which would you choose??? All things being equal, I would want the 4th woman. A close second would be scenario 1 or 2, where there are clear boundaries and the woman is paying rent and has own space. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/29/2009 11:30:55 AM | Hey-- I totally agree. I've dated these lkes and they are immature and irresponsible. If I am 39, can care for myself why can a man my age or older?
What's wrong with them? They mooched off of me too, even wanted my car! Never helped out with anything. Freeloaders. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/29/2009 1:36:55 PM | | OP, you have to decide each case on its own merits and not judge it as a whole. There are many reasons adults have to move in with their parents and rarely is it to take advantage of ones parents. Who in their right mind would want to live with their parents anyway unless there was a reason behind it or they've had a run of bad luck financially or for health reasons...I've seen people go through some terrrible things after divorce and most people will do what they have to in order for the right to have custody of their children, or even as a bare minimum ,visitation rights. Divorce turns normal human beings into ego driven monsters...just an observation. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 6:17:21 AM | Well, in this economy, I think you have to look at it with a fresh perspective. If my son lost his job, I certainly wouldn't want him to be homeless. The family may need to pitch in to pay the mortgage, or may have lost their retirement savings in the market - many have. I think in lots of cultures this is normal and fine, and probably means better morality too - hard to sleep around with Mom and Dad in the next room! So if they're not moochers or slackers, I would be a little more tolerant. Now if they are - RUN the other way! | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 7:26:29 AM | | OP: Is it ok for men to be turned off, or even disgusted by grown females who still live at home in the same scenario you describe? Or for females to still have their parents paying significant portions of their bills so that the females can live a lifestyle far beyond what they could afford otherwise? Or for females to be receiving payments from ex-husbands (alimony, not child support) because they were once married to the men? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 11:21:36 AM | | It would really make more sense if several generations did live together, that is if all are working or in some way contributing to the household(some older members would be retired and getting a retirement income). All members involved could live a better life style than they could on their own, and children would not grow up to be so selfish and self centered. Children would learn from the life experience of several generations. There would always be people to watch the children. Not strangers but people that love them. Older members would get care from people that loved them. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 12:45:48 PM | LOL...this is my Achilles Heel. I lived at home during college to save money. Got a job 6 months after college but I worked out of town for 50-60% of the time for several years, so again, I didnt feel the need to move out. It'd be foolish and stupid to do so. Now...whats my excuse? LOL. I could easy live on my own so I'm not mooching money off my parents. I pay most of the bills and pay for about half the rent but to me its something I feel I have to do. I make considerably more than my dad does and oftentimes wonder and worry if they can make it financially when I move out. Financially its been VERY BENEFICIAL to me living at home...Ive managed to pay off my school loans, two car loans, and helped buy my parents and sister buy their cars, even manage to keep a little college nest egg for my little sister (my parents aren't able to do it). Socially, however, it sucks but I have a strong bond and love my family dearly so I'm okay doing this for them right now. I'm quickly approaching the point of no return as dad has had a few health stuff pop up recently (nothing major thank God) but yeah. I've been riddled with guilt knowing that sometime soon it'll be time that I move out and I won't be able to help them as much. I don't want to feel like I "abandon" them BUT I have to make a life of my own and I can't do that living at home. Recently, life has dealt me a "theres no other way than to move out" scenario in the form of my office moving outside of proper commuting distances; I definitely have to move.
I may have valid reasons for living at home but hell...lets be honest..it just doesn't look good. I don't actively pursue a relationship because of the social stigma it presents. It's somewhat embarrassing and you do feel like a loser. LOL. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 2:14:45 PM | | I am 42 years old living on Disability. I have no choice but to live at home with my mom. It works out because she is getting up in years and I help out as much as I can. I am in college to better myself in hopes of being able to find a job and be able to afford to live on my own. I still get locked down upon by women because I live with my mother. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 5:36:12 PM | | Question - Is this an American thing or something? because I live in the UK and most of my mates and myself still live at home in our late 20s/early 30s and pretty much no one cares either way. I just think it's becoming so normal here to live at home til a later age, so the amount of judgmental pricks will be less on the whole. As for whether or not it's a turn off to the opposite sex... I really couldn't care less lol. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 5:51:05 PM | well tis hard to have proper sex at the parents place isnt it. i was lviing in LA until a violent situation forced me out of there. So yeah I had to come back home for a bit. But I made a promise to my parents by January I'm back out. So... its only temporary.
i'm also dealing with a health issue that doesn't allow me to work full time.
I am hardly thought of as lazy. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 10:46:09 PM | I'm 20 (almost 21) and live with my parents because I am on unemployment and I'm joining the Army. I want to spend as much time with em as possible because I won't see them for a while once I'm gone, thats my story and I'm stickin to it. Also my dad has diabetes and sometimes relies on me to get him some food or surag tablets because he gets to weak to get up and I'm the only one that's at home
I have my reasons to stay, and I can't find a full time job ANYWHERE!
(damn you south carolina!) | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 11:05:03 PM | | I am not proud to live at home but, I am also not ashamed as I shouldn't be. I know people who run to move out and end up making some dumb decisions like getting married and then divorced, becoming alcoholics, drug addicts. I am not in some competition to prove I am an adult. When I finish college I will get a job if I can find one in this economy and if I have to move to another city or state I will get an apartment if I am in the same city I will stay at home unless I get married. I can provide for my parents and save my cash for my mansion..hehe. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/1/2009 11:33:53 PM |
Stogz ... yep if this is the way you think .... Now go and cut your parents yard little boy.
Trashing or flaming other guys does not make you look better to the ladies. 
I do think there is a double standard on stereotypes. Does anyone deny the stereotype exists? But you are making an ASSumption that the stereotype actually has anything to do with me. If you actually read my profile or knew me, you'd know that it is quite the opposite. Lived on my own since I was 18. Never took a dime from my parents. First to graduate from college from my family. Plus two graduate degrees. Attorney. Single dad with a daughter. Yeah, that is quite an ASSumption. I am also glad to know, Onmyown4, that you just flamed me like you flamed many other's posts without reading or understanding what they say. Again, trolling does not make you look better but only shows your true nature. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:19:16 AM | | This is a very good topic. I'm going to be moving down to Florida to stay with my mom. She's by herself and she's struggling with the mortgage and it's affecting her health. She called me asking for help and I did not hesitate. She's always been there for me so to me it's not an issue. I have a good job in healthcare that allows me to work in any part of the country even in these horrible economic times. Some may have a problem with what I'm doing, but I don't let it bother me. Yeah I'll be cutting the grass , cleaning the pool, and helping with the bills, so it's not like I'm going on vacation!! lol!! Can't wait to get down there... I'm so done with this Michigan cold weather!! | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/2/2009 8:02:26 AM | Seniors who can stay in their homes in our medical care system live on average five years longer than those who go into old age homes.
Lets hear it from all those who happily put their moms and dads to death five years early.
Besides, taking care of an elderly parent can be a real financial benefit. Old age homes can wipe out a life time of savings that could be a legacy for the children instead of for the homes lawyers and medical staff.
Lets hear from all those who blew their inheritances by letting mom and pop go into the system that regularly makes paupers of its victims before putting them in their graves five years early.
I am in the estate planning business, and I have literally sat with couples in tears who let mom and dad go into homes only to find out that their inheritances were wiped out in short order along with their plans for sending their kids to college. Heartbreaking stuff. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 5/2/2009 8:25:26 AM | Living with their parents ..omg no thanks that is not an option..
If your parents are being looked after by you in your home thats different.
Not them looking after you in their home.
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:26:05 PM | | It seems that the alot of people here who live on their own need to put down the people who still live at home to feed there weak ego. They care more about what people think that if they live on there own people we think they are not losers. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:38:26 PM | | I have a trust fund and if decided too move in with parents--just live in their guest house or stay at one of their other houses. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:13:46 PM | | I am 24 and live at home...but i am also a full time student. I plan to move out when I start working after school and have a little money saved up. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:57:31 PM | Only way it would be a turn off for me is if just mooching off the parents... like reather spend there money on anything but own place.. Doesn't want to take on the responsibility, etc bad reasons like that....
As long as have a good reason for still living at home with parents for example can't afford to move out on own, parents aren't able to take care of themselves or the bills by themselves, disabled, in school etc.
I know the only reason i still live with my parents is cause i can't afford to move out right now. | |
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