|
|
|
|
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/16/2009 3:01:26 PM | | Forums001, I feel the same way about women living at home and mooching off Mom and Dad as I do about women doing so. In both cases they need to grow up and take care of their own business. Now, some people have legitimate reasons. I have a very good friend who helped take care of an ill parent and moved in. No problem with that. However, if you are living at home, 30+ years old and pursuing you "music career" r "acting career", grow up, get out, and support yourself. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:33:26 PM | I've read several pages of this thread and it astounds me that I haven't run across one post that makes the point about the effect it has on Mom & Dad to have their adult child lingering on with them, long after they should be out on their own or, moving back in with them to be able to save their own money.
How is it that no one stops to consider that at some point before they're old and grey, parents are supposed to be able to turn back into the loving attentive couple they were before they had children? Whatever happened to the idea that parents give their children the best they have to offer for a set period of time and from then on, they are able to preserve their own hard-earned money to enjoy their privacy and some perks for themselves?
It's one thing for an adult child to temporarily need help and it's quite another to drag another bunch of babies home for the grandparents to take responsibility for. These people have already raised their children. Since when do adult children have the right to extend the parenting years for their parents?
While moving back home may be a "good deal" for the adult child, the cost to the parents of that adult child can be the last few years that are intended for them to enjoy the last few years of their lives. I think that very few adult children even stop to think that they may be the reason that their parents finally give up on ever being a couple by themselves again and I think in most cases, it's "mom/grandma" who allows and even, encourages it.
If I was to meet a man who had no reason to be living with his parents other than that he just couldn't be bothered to move out or he thinks that they owe him the rest of their lives, I'd think him lacking in basic consideration. If his parents or one of his parents needed help, that's a whole other subject but for any other reason, it's purely immature and inconsiderate.
And this goes for young women who see no reason to move out or even worse, drag their kids in the door because they don't care that Mom has already raised her kids and deserves some time to enjoy her life. GRRR!!!
| |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 1:46:06 PM | | I think it's very irresponsible and shows there's something else going on with this person like financially irresponsible bad habits gambling drugs alcohol sex addictions Where is their money going when they can't afford to live on their own? That's the question. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:58:16 PM | | In some countries that are more family oriented it's common to see a big family living in a single home. Sometimes the kids never move out at all. There is nothing wrong with it. The error is in thinking that everyone is like you. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:28:25 PM | Why is it that it is always assumed that men are mooching off thier parents when they live at home? Yet is it wrong to financially help out your parent(s)? I have known friends who moved back in with thier parent(s) because thier mom/dad got laid off from thier job and so the person wanted to help them out financially as it was needed.
But I guess that would be wrong to do in most women's eyes?
One thing that is sad is how alot of men will abide by what a woman tells them what she agrees and disagrees when it comes to this topic.
Alot of women feel that mothers interfere with thier sons' lives.
If my mom fell on hard times, which I know no one on here has ever done nor will because they are all financially stable, I sure would not hesitate to help her out financially. But hey that is me and my mother would come first before any women's opinion.
I'm sure of a woman's mom needed help, she would be there in an instant and if some guy told her otherwise she would tell him where to go. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:35:41 PM | | I don't really buy the argument that a person living at home robs their parents of spending their latter years alone together. If a person is living at home, they're probably persuing post-secondary education, working a part-time job, spending time with friends/significant other, going to the gym or engaging in other hobbies, etc. I know many people that aren't well off and did this before they earned their degree and landed a good paying job. So how much time are they really spending at home? Probably barely any at all. If a person is too lazy to work, attend school, leave the house, etc, ya then there's a problem. But it's also a problem if a person like that lives on their own and pays the rent with welfare and eats a handfull of cereal every day to get by. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:52:45 PM | It's easy to be judgemental towards people who are living at home with their parents.
In our society it does show some sort of failure to thrive or serious problems of some sort.
Often the parents appreciate having the adult child living with them to help them out.
It is a practical solution for all involved with no real downside except for the perception of others that the person is a loser. There is also the lack of privacy
to bring members of the opposite sex over for sleepovers.
Someone without financial or mental problems usually will not be living with their parents as an adult. But it's best to not judge people for it. While I am aware of the limitations of my two male friends who live with their parents I still enjoy them as people and accept their decision to live with parents as wise ones under the cimcumstances. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:03:38 PM | | There is guy on here who is 44 yrs old man who lives with his mom and dad and wants to meet me, he lives in the Amana colonies. I talk to him on line, the more I talk to him the more i get turned off. He uses the family van and never puts any gas in it, he does not own his own cell phone. He does not buy any groceries. He wanted to drive 135 miles to see me on his birthday and he told me I can make something for him to eat. He will not take me out for dinner. He is a smoocher and a tight wod! I told him move out of his parents' house, pay his own bills, and get his own place and act like a grown man and I would be interested in you! This guy had a college degree. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:30:23 PM | joybrown-
in a situation like that he robbing his parents and not helping them, I can understand where your coming from. I don't have respect for people like that who do not bring anything to the table to help out there parents, even if you do move out at least give back to the people that raised you. That man's just plain ungrateful . | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:42:45 AM | | I would be so bold as to say the people like the one described 2 posts above are the minority. Some of us would much rather be in our own apartment or house, but circumstances necessitate otherwise. What I think people fail to do and fail to teach thier children is to "judge not lest ye be judged". No one wants to be judged or sterotyped, yet we all do it. I don't tolerate it, judge a person for who they are, not thier circumstances. Understandly thier circumstances are a byproduct of the type of person they are. In some instances an uncaring, selfish adult is the one who didn't move back with mom and dad, and in other instances the opposite is true. Irregardless of the reason one lives with mom the impact on both lives are profound. Privacy is gone, independence is gone, relationships are strained, roles are confusing. Before declaring a blanket statement "all people living at home are ________" step back and think about the person behind the circumstance. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:41:14 AM | | Some people arn't ****ing yuppies. They may have lost thier jobs ,and homes in this hell hole of economy. It is a good thing to have family that understands that you are trying. Shit happens . If more people would be more understanding, instead of a bunch of happy go lucky snobs . They could really build a life together ,and know what life really is about. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:57:35 AM | In North America we all want to show everyone what we have and hope for acceptance by all. People criticize others for petty things. But people take those petty things to heart.
Think it this way. Would you turn your back on your parents just because a woman/man told you she/he didn't like the fact you were living with your mom/dad or both, yet you were because they needed help either financially, temporarily?
If you would turn your back, then either you are selfish, do not care about your parents or maybe you have a bad relationship with them.
I know some who have not talked to thier parents in years, got the news that one parent passed away and he never cared.
Others I know have been there for thier parents, put thier lovelife on hold to help them out.
Known others where the bf/gf was totally understanding and commended he/she for being supportive to thier mom and dad.
Overall, if someone or people are putting you down for what you feel is doing the right thing, then you do not need those type of people in your life, plain and simple.
Alot of Women will always immediately think a guy who is living in his parents place is a loser and mooch. Even if you explain it to her, she will still think you shouldn't be there or that you are lying. It is a stereotype and you can't make those people think otherwise...Sad. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:32:05 PM | It depends, but I'd be a bit hesitant to give the benefit of the doubt here.
You've gotta look at how he lives:
If he's looking after them, it's praise-worthy [though mind the baggage...]
If he's in school, it's OK.
If he's working part time and spending all his money on hip-hop gear and his street-racer car, it's less than OK. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:26:32 AM | Post above me: Your post pin points the problem. Assuming there is inherent baggage issues solely because someone lives at home is sterotypical and ignorant. Why is the fact that someone lives at home mean there is baggage? Mom doesn't go on date with the other person and in most cases the person can still go out without mom, maybe not for an extended period of time, but for an evening or two. I don't see how this is any different then a working person. A person can't just take off for a week without arranging things at work. So is working also baggage? Clearly I am exaggerating a bit, but am doing so on purpose to illustrate my point more clearly.
2 posts above: I pretty much agree with you wholly. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:54:35 AM |
Alot of Women will always immediately think a guy who is living in his parents place is a loser and mooch. Even if you explain it to her, she will still think you shouldn't be there or that you are lying. It is a stereotype and you can't make those people think otherwise...Sad.
Why is it sad for an adult to not want to date another adult who lives with his/her parents?
Damn "those people" who insist on being independant and making their own way, instead of reverting to their childhood position.
In this horrible, terrible economy, there are still 90% employed persons. Some of the other 10% never were employed, and never wanted to be. Others work under the table. I've been down to my last $40.00, yet I never moved in with my parents. I expect the same from a partner.
The adult children living at their parent's home need to seek out others who also live with their parents, and quit ****ing about how people who are self sufficient refuse to date them. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:04:10 AM |
Forums001, I feel the same way about women living at home and mooching off Mom and Dad as I do about women doing so. In both cases they need to grow up and take care of their own business. Now, some people have legitimate reasons. I have a very good friend who helped take care of an ill parent and moved in. No problem with that. However, if you are living at home, 30+ years old and pursuing you "music career" r "acting career", grow up, get out, and support yourself
I have to agree you have to take responsibility for your own life... but again, it differs when it comes to other cultures... I came from an asian culture, I do see my cousins still living with their folks back home in the Philippines... I see in some cultures that they do value their parents, and won't see them living in the retirement/nursing homes! | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:49:06 AM | Where is their money going when they can't afford to live on their own? That's the question. What a stupid narrow minded post. Adults don't choose to move back in with their parents, more often than not it happens through job loss. I don't see the problem with adults living back with their parents until they get themselves sorted. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:08:00 PM |
Why is it sad for an adult to not want to date another adult who lives with his/her parents?
Damn "those people" who insist on being independant and making their own way, instead of reverting to their childhood position.
In this horrible, terrible economy, there are still 90% employed persons. Some of the other 10% never were employed, and never wanted to be. Others work under the table. I've been down to my last $40.00, yet I never moved in with my parents. I expect the same from a partner.
The adult children living at their parent's home need to seek out others who also live with their parents, and quit ****ing about how people who are self sufficient refuse to date them.
I never **** at people who are self sufficient. But if my mom needs me to help her out somehow, and it meant she had to move in with me or vice versa, I wouldn't say no because someone who is self sufficient thinks I shouldn't. It wouldn't be permanent, just temporary. What I have said is that so many women think men shouldn't be living with any parents regardless of the situation. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:19:38 PM | | I think the bottom line is, who cares what other people think about you? You don't want to date a shallow person anyway. Some people live at home for valid reasons, it's usually not by choice. Not all of them are moochers, etc. And some people live on their own, don't clean up after themselves, they have roommates that smoke weed all day, can't afford a car, etc. Some people live in a situation where they've on their own but they only rent one room. I don't think any of it matters as long as the person is willing to start a new life with the man/woman he meets. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:04:32 AM | I am in my mid-twenties, and I live at home. I work full-time, I make my own car payments, pay for my cell phone, insurance, gym membership, food, gas, clothes, etc. I do my own laundry, clean my room, do the dishes, and give my parents money when needed.
The reason I live at home, is because I am going to night school while working full-time. I am trying to get financial aid, in the meantime, I pay for my own tuition and books. My parents never encouraged higher education, and never put money away for my college tuition. I figure, the least they can do now that i'm an adult struggling to pay for school, while taking care of all of my other expenses, is to provide housing without making me pay rent.
I am hardly home. I work 8-6, and then go to school after work. On days I do not have school I study, write papers, work out, or hang out with my boyfriend.
I do have a plan, I am saving for some furniture and a deposit to move to a studio, because realistically, that's all I can afford at the moment. I know the time will come when I will be fully autonomous, right now, i'm fine with living at home with my parents. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:12:12 AM |
I never **** at people who are self sufficient. But if my mom needs me to help her out somehow, and it meant she had to move in with me or vice versa, I wouldn't say no because someone who is self sufficient thinks I shouldn't. It wouldn't be permanent, just temporary. What I have said is that so many women think men shouldn't be living with any parents regardless of the situation.
Then do it. If you want to live at home with your parents for whatever length of time, that's your choice. Not wanting to date an adult from 40-50 who is living with his parents is mine. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:09:58 PM | | You have to evaluate the whole situation. You have to remember what this economic crisis has done to people. Some people are forced to live at home because they can't find a job, and that's not entirely their fault at this juncture. Or, if you're sure they're just 'moochers', then you're right in assuming they're not worth getting to know better. What I'm saying is that you have to think about the big picture before you make a judgment. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:30:37 PM | When I decided to go back to university full time in Jan 2009, mom and I sat down and she said, "Move home with me. I want you to get your degree and 4 years will go by before we know it." I gave away or sold most of my belongings to move back home. I'm in my second year and work 20 hours a week to pay my bills, tuition and rent to my mom.
As for dating, it's something that rarely happens for me, as besides being busy with work and classes/homework, a lot of guys that contact me are themselves co-habitating with someone else and when I tell them I live at home with mom, I rarely hear from them again ... lol
I believe from what she tells me that my mom feels comforted having me with her. I keep to myself and try to give her as much space and privacy as possible, and more than likely, when I move out after the degree is done, my mom will probably want me to have an in-law suite on my home. Not too sure at this point if it's the right thing for her, but if it's what she wants, I will do that for her ... she's my mom. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:54:07 PM | I know a 33 year old man who lives with his divorced mother. She does his laundry and all shopping. He doesn't even know what brand of shampoo he uses, just whatever she puts in the bathroom for him. She buys all his clothes and underwear.
He does a lot of repair work around the house and makes himself useful and is employed full time as an auto mechanic. He makes about $30,000 a year.
He is irresponsible financially and blows all his money on internet porn and
buying car parts for old cars that he has around the yard that usually don't run.
He is a virgin and is slightly bipolar. He has never had a real girlfriend in spite of
being attractive and intelligent.
I also know a man who moved back in with his parents after his marriage at the age of 50. He has severe chronic depression and is very anal retentive, and obsessive-compulsive. He is dirt cheap and carries a little notebook in his pocket at all times to record every penny he spends. He makes about $45,000 a year in his own business.
He keeps a padlock on his bedroom door so his parents can't go into his room.
He has a girlfriend he spends most nights with but she complains about how cheap he is and is trying to break up with him.
So from what I have seen, there are certain signs of dysfunction and inability to cope
in both of these men. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:37:27 PM | Well, considering what the economy is like its easier to BUYING your own home, then it is to renting one, so if you can't afford to buy, then you are screwed.
I live at home with my parents for 2 reasons:
1: Its cheaper
2: She is registered disabled with MS and try to help out where i can
If thats a turn off for most women, then they obviously don't care about nice guys then. their loss. :) | |
|
|
| Page 18 of 21
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 |
|
Home
login 
