ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:05:59 PM | For those who are in their early 20's, I don't see it being an issue as long as the parents have some ground rules. Its up to the parents to let their kiddos know how long they can live at their house, the parents should give the kiddos their chores to do, as well as let them know what is acceptable and not acceptable under their roof. The ol saying goes "he who has the gold, rules". The kiddos should be responsible for making their own car payments, buying their own clothes and other incidentals.
Those who are older than their 20's, it is one thing to move in with an aging parent or to financially help a parent out; an illness/disease such as cancer forces one to move back home with the folks; however anything outside of that, if you're in your 30's; 40's and older, you should be able to be out on your own.
Grown kids mooch off their parents because unfortunately, the parents allow it to happen. Sometimes parents have to exercise "tough love" and say "I'm doing raising you, go find someplace else to live". When parents do that, you'd be surprised how resourceful kids become. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:13:10 PM | Ok does this count ?
I live in the basement suite of my parents house. I pay rent, $450 a month, I pay all my own food and bills. I work 2 jobs, I come and go as I please. Basically live alone BUT in the basement of my parents home.
Would that be considered a loser ? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:04:54 AM |
And there are a few - admittedly rare - cases where the adult lives with his/her parents because everyone likes it that way.
Which is my situation. I'm 47, and I live with my parents. I could afford my own place, I give my parents about $1000 a month to cover my room and board, but this way works for us. I do things to help them out, I get advantages like better meals than I could make on my own, etc. And there's no big source of conflict; I don't drink or smoke or like parties, and my dating is minor and non-sexual, so there's nothing really that I'd want to do on my own that I couldn't do at home. | |
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Tayven
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Joined: 11/11/2004
Msg: 29 | |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:45:47 AM | It seems some people have the assumetion that all parents are well off finacially and any sibling living with them are freeloaders. This is not always the case. I'm a single sibling of a single parent. About 3 or so years ago my ex girlfriend and I broke up. We had a choice. She moves back in with her mother, brother, sister, her sisters husband, and the 3 kids. Or, I move to my mothers. Well, obvious answer there was to let her have the place. Now my mother wasn't finacially defunct, but she was in debt at the time.
I pay the rent, the electricity, and the cable. She pays the gas, for food, and for household needs. It's worked out fine for us so far. Granted we were used to it being just us our whole life for the most part. And I work almost 75 hours a week, so I do get some sort of reprieve..Lol
I don't plan on staying here forever. My lovelife has been hindered a bit because of it. Most women don't want to hear the reasons for my living here. If I was to find the right one and we were ready to move on in the relationship I'd move out in a heartbeat. But for this moment, it is a win win.
Either way, I can't stay here too much longer. I love her dearly, but dam... a Mom is a Mom, if you know what I mean
I have the money to move out, and have had the money. But I feel a slight guilt everytime I think about it. She does depend on me to help with the bills and around the house. It's not easy for a 50 plus to go shovel snow in New England. I do pay most of the bills. I know she can handle it on her own, but haven't you ever fealt in debt to you parents in one way or another... I think we all should.
Maybe I'll move out and still give her some money to help with the bills.
Tayven, | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:51:57 AM | | Immediately the first post was about MALES living at home. Now, I don't, I moved back home when I was in college, because it was easier. And yeah, people looked down on me for it. I have lived on my own pretty much since i was 18. But apparently it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to live at home till she is married? That seems like a double standard to me. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:54:57 AM | | it all depends on a persons situation. i dont think there is anything with someone living home and they actually have a job. if they are living home just because they dont have a job and are depending on their parents, i think its wrong. but i have moved away a few times but currently living with my parents. i do have a job. so they help me out when i am in a bind and i help them out when they are. if people wanna look down on that then so be it. doesnt change who i am. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:00:03 AM | | Maybe he’s still living at home so he can save enough money to buy his future wife an engagement ring and still have a few dollars left over to maybe place a downpayment on their future home ... or he’s a lazy mooch. Either is plausible. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:02:18 AM | | Lest we forget, it wasn't too many years ago that having 3 or 4 generations within one household was normal. This was done for economic and cultural reasons, and seemed to work(think the Waltons) Why would the views change on this just because society now has alot more divorce? Personally, I would rather have red hot pokers inserted into my eyes than live with my mother, but I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with it. | |
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Tayven
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Joined: 11/11/2004
Msg: 35 | |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:06:14 AM | Awww... Thanks Shangrilah Like the name.
Lost Horizon by James Hilton was a great book BTW.
Yam, it's great to see you keep a wide range of thought to judge from.
Lol, Jk =)
Tayven, | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:07:18 AM | My mom and i would kill each other within a couple of weeks!
But it does vary from person to person as to why they're living at home and should be evaluated on an idividual basis...
For those helping mom/dad I say kudos...
They took care of you for a very long time didn't they? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:11:00 AM | There are many different reasons people may end up living back with family. I do... and I'm 35. I lost my house in my divorce, my child support is enough that I cannot get an apartment without risking the budget not allowing me to see my children. I don't have enough saved to buy a house in a market where housing costs have become ungodly.
I save my money, I clean, I pay any of my expenses... sure I could say I help out.. but it is more so my step father has company from time to time. I've debated getting a small apartment, but would still end up back at home whenever my children came down because anyplace I can afford right now would be two small to have my children any length of time.
I think before people start talking about freeloaders, and what-not.. think about the reasons and the situations that the people, and family is in. That is the difference. | |
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Tayven
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Joined: 11/11/2004
Msg: 38 | |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:16:54 AM | | In the US anyways... Over 2 million people went out of mid-range and into poverty last year alone. This has been an ongoing and increasing rate. With the unemployment rate still at 5%, one would have to assume it's the cost of living going up faster than the payrate... Which is the case and has been for some 20 years. But more on a grand scale as of late. I think the future will be more accepting on families living together to fit financial needs. Did someone bring up the Waltons in a past post? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:21:29 AM |
I think the future will be more accepting on families living to gether to fit financial needs. Did someone bring up the Waltons in a past post?
This isn't all that common when I was growing up in the mid-west. Even if the kids did move out, there were many times they bought a piece of land from the parent and lived there.
Good points Tayven, I never really cared much bout the Unemployment rates and the economic downshifts (so long as I was not part of that statistic)
But you are right, I think that trend is starting to return in some areas of the country. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:13:16 PM | | I think it depends on the situation. Mine for example involves my daughter. Her mom dropped her off one day and said that I could have her. I think it was easier for her than going through a custody battle. I moved back home as my mom suggested to avoid unecessary child care costs. It also gives my daughter that much needed "mother/daughter" relationship that she would have been lacking. My daughter only sees her mom when mom feels like being one. Which is only a few hours every blue moon. I help with bills, work and attend school So I don't consider myself to be a "moocher" as some so delicately put it. The problem is so many people men and women are to quick to judge or they think their $#!+ doesn't stink. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:18:35 PM | oh come now.... i was going to use that as my next tag line
"i live at home in my mother's basement but am willing to relocate for the ONE"
edited for comic relief -- sorry no offense laughwithme | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:40:24 PM |
Did someone bring up the Waltons in a past post?
I brought up the Waltons...really don't know what came over me
<----slinking away | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:50:15 PM | Many assume that if an adult is living with his/her parents....they are "mooching" off of them. This is not always the case. I lived with my parents for a four month period, last year. This does not mean they were paying my way. We split all the bills evenly...my sons included.
Many live with their parents, in order to prevent their parents from having to live in a seniors home, for the rest of their lives. But, when someone finds out where they live, they are judged, almost immediantly..no questions asked.  | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:13:15 PM | me personally i am 20 years old and i still live with my mom... i could support my self living on my own...i do it to help my mother she has my 16 year old brother to raise and she works 60+ hours a week trying to make ends meet... and is gone from 330 pm to 430 am.. she would never be able to make sure he was behaving and work at the same time.. that and i work alot to.. i work a night shift sitting with mentally handicapped people... and i am getting married in april so it would be stupid of me to get an apartment and in 4 months have to turn around and move.. because he is in the military... and it would also be stupid because i work 60+ hours a week too iam never home between working and spending time with my brother with his athletic etc...
yes i have lived on my own until i noticed my mom struggling...and i moved home.. i also see no problem with people intheir mid 20s living at home my sister lived at home until she got married at 24... and i know that if i would my mom would let us stay there forever...
and sometimes adults just cant make it own their own wether it be financial or emotional .. some people dont have the ability to live on their own in fear of always being alone.... so i think you should just get over judging someone because they live at home.. there is nothing wrong with it... | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:19:52 PM | I don't blame you. I've known a large number of men who have remained living with their parents way into their 30's. The reasons range from "I was going to school" to "Well, it was a good way to save money." Duh!
Yep, it's just plain mooching when it is done without the stay-at-home-party contributing an appropriate share of the household expenses. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:40:16 AM | | It does depend on the situation..I moved home to take care of my mother rather than to put her into a nursing home. I too am a basement dweller lol! I want her to be at home where she is confortable while she is ill. I pay all of the bills for her as well. Everyone's situation is different but I might have a problem dating someone who lives at homes, has the means but still doesn't contribute to the household bills. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 2:10:27 PM | I think it all depends on the person. I am 28 and I moved out when I was 18 and back when I was 26 because of some unforeseen events that are no ones business until I see fit. I think it all depends on the person and the situation. If you are my age and have never worked and waiting for a sugar daddy, ok, thats a RUN!!! My parents thought I would be married by now and so did I. They wanted me to stay home until I got married. I like living on my own don't get me wrong. I like having roommates better. I don't like the sound of an empty home. That is a scary thing for me. I know with some people its a matter of income and student loans. Mine are outragous and one day I will finish, but until then I pay when I can and what I can. Never judge someone by where they live or who they live with unless they are married and well... need I say more?  | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 2:12:41 PM | Well, let me put it this way....my ex husband is living at home with his mommy at the age of 39....with no good excuse except that he is a freakin' bum that can't get his head outta his lazy ass. Sorry....I guess that is kind of a sore spot with me.
Ummmm, yeah, it is a turnoff usually, but there can be certain situations where it is perfectly understandable. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 3:08:12 PM | | I'm sypathetic to a degree. A friend of mine moved out right after high school, went to another city for a year. Long story short, he ruined his life financially. Crashed and burned, got kicked out his apartment, you name it. He crashed with his parents short term while he got a job locally and rebuild his life. Moved out as quickly as he could becuase he was miserable there (he wasn't mooching, they were more like a safety net in this case while he got back on his feet). Friends and family do that for one another, help out when they're down. Of course, staying too long means mooching and I'm not cool with that. My sister would do that if she had the chance, she would mooch off my parents as long as she could just because she could get away with it! Also, I'm totally sypathetic to single mothers, its hard to live on your own with kids and try to balance out a job and everything. I know a gal my age that I work with that lives with her mom. Two kids, divorced this past year, again, picking up the peices of a bad situation. So, before you judge someone, make sure you know the circumstances first. Me, I have my own home, so don't think I'm defending this just because I'm one of them. I'm financially stable and only a major unforseen disaster could ruin my situation. But should worse come to worse, I know I can rely on my family and friends to help me out in bad times. I would do the same for them. Sadly, I'm the most stable person in my family, so I tend to be the guy helping people back onto their feet then the other way around. I don't stand for moochers, but I'm also sypathetic to people down on their luck. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 3:14:21 PM | Carol, I see u got my point, I met a guy who "LIED" about living on his own & lied about having a job, and when I asked y he lied, his response was " I figured u wouldn't talk me if u knew that I lived at home and that I wasn't workin", he was RIGHT! he's a 47yr.old mooch who doesn't wanna work, because his parents allow him 2 live at home, and I have 0 interest in dating someone like that. | |
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