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| | Adults living at home with Mom and DadPage 42 of 44 (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44) | Hi
It is not quite as simple as you think.
A healthy spiritual person is some one who has had healthy spiritual nurturing growing up.
Then before adult hood the parents help the child meets his own wants and needs in every way.
If an adult is not able to fulfill his own wants and needs due to immaturity or he is not willing or able to.
Then that is where men seek a lady who is a replacement mother which is not healthy.
One can say that often ladies seek vulnerable males so they can be codependant partners which is not healthy.
Ideally both persons should be able to fulfill they own wants and needs and also help each other become more successful.
Do people seek a healthy relationship where both people are independant in their own right.
Are both people spiritually healthy and ready for long term commitments.
Love
Dave | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:55:04 PM | I am just trying to finish college first so that I can get a good job and live on my own in a house and not a double wide.
ps. I figured it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpFG2sMvkd8 | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/13/2013 9:03:41 PM | | Never jump to conclusions and label the guy a loser. Could be because he's saving money to buy his own place or he's paying off some serious student loan debt. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:00:37 AM | | I agree with you its bs all the way,to me there is no excuse for it unless the person is disabled or something like that. I have walked into that situation your talking about a few times and walked right back out. Thanks but no thanks. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:15:00 AM | If this question is in terms of dating, I would not date someone living at home. This does not mean I "look down" on someone who is helping out parents in financial need or who are sick..this happens. But when it comes to establishing an intimate relationship with someone, I would prefer someone who is living independently. I dont think there is anything wrong with this. I live on my own and am employed. I also have a car. I prefer a man to have a car as well. Yet even these basic requirements cause an uproar sometimes with men who think I am "asking for too much."
Well, I dont know what to say. I dont think any of us are required to happily accept everything about everyone we meet. It's amazing how there is no respect for personal preferences, we're all labeled intolerant or mean or whatever because we don't love and enjoy everything about everyone. Not sure why things are like that today.
I'm not going to have sex with someone in their 40's with mom and dad around. I'm not a teenager anymore. I left those days behind long ago when I set out into the world. I totally get why some people choose to or have to live at home, but again, at this age I am looking for someone established and able to pay rent/mortgage, etc. and who live independently.
Funny how today that is so insulting to people, I'm the selfish one. Weird! | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/14/2013 1:11:49 PM | I'm 31 and live at home, I can live on my own if I wanted but whats the point if I live in an area where 1 check would basically be rent to live in a decent area lol. Honestly I don't care what people think and if a lady has a problem with it I can move on to the next one. Why get roommates I would have to adjust to when I can just take care of things at home and make sure my dad can rest since he is in his late 60s rather then him cutting the grass, taking out the trash, walking the dog, cleaning the gutter, same for my mom, I do a lot of the cooking so they can relax and just be happy together. they took care of me for so long its my turn to do the same for them. I did move out when I was 20 got married had my own place got divorced. I moved back in after my divorce and its been a great healing process for me too. its been a little over 1 and half yrs and there are times I think I should move out but I enjoy my convos I have with my pop and my mom. People are so quick to judge but are also quick to look past the moments in life we will never get back once our parents or whoever you look up to pass away. There is more to life than just how much you have you in your acct, how nice your car is, how much money you make and OHHHH if you can live on your own. I will move out eventually, maybe before I meet someone maybe not, but my point is, living at home doesn't mean you are a moocher, atleast in my case. I am far from a moocher, I do a lot for my folks and do it because I see what it means to them. money wise they are well off so they don't take rent from me, they refuse but I take care of everything else like I stated before. Sometimes my pop and I work on projects together so he doesn't feel to "old", but sometimes there are jobs I know its better if I do on my own. They respect my privacy and I respect theirs, its like having 2 really cool roommates that already know everything about me.
I don't agree with living at home if all you do is live for free and never help out with anything, use your parents as a babysitter and go out all weekend. Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:13:20 PM | In the indian culture it's a 'norm' for kids to stay at home and take care of their parents.
I'm 34 and I live at home with my brother and my parents. My parents are not disabled, in fact my mom still works.
I don't mooch off my parents by any means and neither does my brother. We live at home, cuz it's part of our culture to live with our parents and to take care of them when they are old.
Its a different story altogether if a grown aSS man is living at home and living off his parents daily income. Which I find a disgusting quality in a man and I would never date him. If he can't take care of himself to go out and earn an income and live off his parents, it goes to show me that he will never do it.
One of my ex's who was a grown adult, he lived at home and he didn't work at all. He did mooch off his parents. He was married so he would mooch off his wife. Not to mention he was a big time coke head. Also a brown guy, but it's his own parents fault for not kicking him to the curb and let him be a deadweight. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:22:37 PM | I think it is the norm today to live at home when your older. I think it is acceptable if your a college student and your finishing up school. My last girlfriend was 30 and finishing her grad degree and lived with her mother. She was beautiful, intelligent, and had tons of friends. She was not a "loser". I live at home and i'm 27 finishing up my degree. I work and go to school. I think it is acceptable as long as you have a solid plan and timetable to move out. If your the 30 year old loser with a wrestling tee shirt and pizza stains on their sweat pants and no prospect of moving out then there is a problem with that. People in their 40s moved back home because of the economy.
It only becomes a problem when you think its a viable long term living situation.
I talked with my therpist about this very issue. I thought i should put my dating on hold for a year or two until i finish school and i get my own place. She said there is no reason not to date and my situation is acceptable. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 2:39:45 PM | Personally, I wish I didn't move out when I did.
I was one of the first of my friends to move out (not counting college). And what do I have to show for it? Half the money I make every month goes to rent. The other half goes to gas to get to work. I eat easy-mac and ramen for dinner. But I have my own name on that lease.
Meanwhile my friends who stayed home until they were really financially ready, run their own businesses, they have great jobs, they're doing really good.
And what's the point of moving out anyway? So some random girl might actually have sex with you? Is throwing all your money away to rent to live alone in an empty house, or with random roommates who most of the time SUCK, really worth it? Why would you purposely want to struggle? Why would you purposely want to spend all your time at home being alone with no human contact? Is the off-chance that some girl will want to come over really enough that you'd go through that?
I'm a single guy who lives on his own, and honestly, this SUCKS. I wish I could live back with my mom, and any girl that wouldn't date me because of that, just isn't worth it. I'd rather split a house with my mom than spend most nights just sitting home alone. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:32:24 PM | I'm 22, studying, working and living with my mum :)
We are very close and I enjoy coming home, cooking a meal together, chatting etc
I have savings, money under the mattress (saving for driving lessons) and I live in a nice big apartment with a lovely big bedroom, something I couldn't afford on my own.
I have dated guys late 20's early 30's who have a mediocre office job and a small flat sneering at me for living with my mum
And yet I have more money than them, working towards a career I love, whilst they moan about their job (yet doing nothing about it) and sit at home alone eating micro meals for one.
I've had my own place and it sucked
I had no money as it all went on rent and I lived in a dump as it was all I could afford :/
I think you should leave home when you have established yourself and can go somewhere nice with money in your pocket
As long as you aren't mooching and you have plans in place I think it's sad for people to judge
Did I think I would be back home at 22?
Hell no!
But then the reality of wages, hourly pay, rent, council tax, water rates etc etc kick in and you soon realise its not as easy as it looks | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:45:25 PM | | I don,t see a thing wrong with it at all.As long as the son/daughter are helping the parent out around the house and helping out with some money.I think it is very sad to judge someone for living at home with their parents,unless they are sitting in their parents basement playing video games. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:56:25 PM | Well geography plays into it too. There's actually a HUGE trend of canadian women having the view that guys living home is inexcusable and that they're basically a loser for doing so, but then in NJ you pretty much assume that if they're single, they live at home.
Local economy and stuff like that is going to matter. In Canada around the Ontario area, the minimum wage is what you'd consider high pay in NJ (I know that because of another one of these threads), but then in NJ, if you have a minimum wage job, you make under what rent costs. And we all know how common the minimum wage jobs are, especially for college graduates.
So while I still think it's wrong to judge people without looking into WHY they're living home, I can see where some people's first instinct is going to be that the guy must be a loser. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:07:58 PM | | I think alot of people want to assume that if you live at home=loser and i that isn't true. I live at home because i am a college student and i am helping my family with my brother who just got out of the hospital. I feel like if you have a solid plan to move out and be on your own than you have a right to be dating. If your a 34 year old with pizza stained sweat pants, calloused hands from your xbox controller, and your a huge loser, then you have no business dating anyone. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:13:15 PM | I used to be an italian cook, so I managed to fit your description just by going to work every night. Except for the loser part... But still, had to brag about that one. That I had the sauce stains all over my clothes, and the calloused hands, and at the time, I did like playing video games in my free time, and ofc since it was italian food that I was cooking all day, my hair would trap a ton of oil because of cooking with it all day.
Do I win the internet? | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:21:59 PM | If you have a job and you aren't planning on going to college then you should move out on your own. I can understand if your saving up scratch or you have some other long term plan. Obviously, i wasn't calling you a loser and your taking my words and taking them to the extreme. Someone with a winning plan and ambition= winner. Someone with no plan who is content with never going anything in their life=loser. Real talk.
I agree you should get to know someone and ask questions before you condemn them for their situation. If someone is trying to better their situation they are moving in the right direction, in my opinion. Ideally, you should be out on your own, but life never goes as planned and sometimes living with your family is the best option. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/28/2013 10:07:08 PM | | Let's also realize that it's a lot harder to find a job nowadays. I have a Bachelor's Degree and cant find a job to save my life. I'm 45 thousand in debt, and live in Michigan. Now, I'm not going to just go get some minimum wage job just to be paying off my student loans for the rest of my life. That being said I DO have income...and pay rent. It's just different times nowadays. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 12:03:45 AM | I would prefer a man who has his own home, dont care if it is a rental or owned property, small or large.
I put a lot of effort into maintaining a nice home for myself & children to live independantly & managing my household, and am so used to being "queen of the domain" and fiercely independant and would prefer someone who is on the same level and mindset. I would be afraid that I would have to train him in such matters such as if you dont pay the electric or water bill, you have no electric or water,. nobody else is going to pay it,. or if you dont stop and pick up toilet paper, you are SOL (literally, ha), when you have to wipe your ass, how to budget groceries, how to clean & maintain a property, etc.
When you live at home, you can flake off on bills and someone lse will still cover them, not so much when you have your own place. I have nothing against anyone who lives at home, just dont want to train them how to live independantly if we end up married or living together.
Someone who lives at home for cultural reasons, or in a set-up where it is mutually beneficial to house-share with parents (i.e living in expensive cost of living area, and better to room with family than strangers)......I might go for if the situation presented itself,. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:59:01 AM | I have a apartment with a roommate. If a female is going to dump me because of that, saves me the hell of dealing with it if I was going to be in a relationship with her. Some people cannot afford a house and for me buying a house is just NOT HAPPENING.
And besides I have trust issues of bringing guests over to the apartment because of bad experiences in the past. If I'm going to bring someone home. I would really like to get to know them and trust them first. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 5:52:06 AM | "If this question is in terms of dating, I would not date someone living at home. This does not mean I "look down" on someone who is helping out parents in financial need or who are sick..this happens. But when it comes to establishing an intimate relationship with someone, I would prefer someone who is living independently. I dont think there is anything wrong with this. I live on my own and am employed. I also have a car. I prefer a man to have a car as well. Yet even these basic requirements cause an uproar sometimes with men who think I am "asking for too much."
Well, I dont know what to say. I dont think any of us are required to happily accept everything about everyone we meet. It's amazing how there is no respect for personal preferences, we're all labeled intolerant or mean or whatever because we don't love and enjoy everything about everyone. Not sure why things are like that today.
I'm not going to have sex with someone in their 40's with mom and dad around. I'm not a teenager anymore. I left those days behind long ago when I set out into the world. I totally get why some people choose to or have to live at home, but again, at this age I am looking for someone established and able to pay rent/mortgage, etc. and who live independently.
Funny how today that is so insulting to people, I'm the selfish one. Weird!"
You have your own place, so what is stoping you from inviting the man you are dating to your place if you genuinely like him? This is probably why you are considered selfish by some people.
I don't look down a woman that doesn't have her own place though. I can invite her to my place and it isn't a big deal. Women seemingly having their own place, and insisting on a man having his own place as well seems like a double standard. :)
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:03:29 AM | It has been awhile since I have posted to this thread. My adult sons are still contributing to the household finances, although the oldest is now staying at his ailing father's house as he has better transportation for his two jobs. He is saving for his own truck or car and has plans of going to the community college as soon as he can. My youngest son works out of town two weeks out of each month and has found a woman to take up his time the other two weeks. He is kindly letting me use his truck to get his sister to work and giving us rides when he is here in town. My car is on the blitz and I have repeatedly paid so much to fix it that fixing it again seems futile.
My younger daughter and her daughter are still living with me. She is still contributing to the finances and doing her share of the housework. Her daughter's father and her are working on getting their finances in order and getting a car so that they can eventually move in together as a family. She is doing such a wonderful job where she works that hopefully she can apply for a supervisory position soon. Right now she is training new hires continuously.
My outcome is looking better as my health has been slowly getting better and some commercial land, that I own a little of, is finally starting to sell. So hopefully when everyone gets situated in new lives I will be okay as well.
I made the decision to allow my children to live with me for all of our sakes. Hoping for the kinds of outcomes that I'm now starting to see materialize. This economy has been unforgiving to young and old alike, so in times like these family is more of an asset than a fleeting moment with a date or two is. If the date becomes more there are always solutions, if you really have a mind to make the best of your life, so I still see nothing wrong with families continuing to live together.
I was just reading an article earlier about how we have become a nation that is allowing children to become homeless and how before the 1980's homelessness was very rare. Not so today. Today one out of every 45 kids are homeless.
People need to be more aware of the world we are living in today and think rationally of ways that provide solutions to problems. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:20:43 AM | | There is nothing wrong with adults still living with there parent,s.If they are helping out with finances and other things around the house.Only in north america is it taboo that an adult still live with mommy and daddy. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:53:44 AM | | Latest studies showing more and more males under 30 are living with their parents. Since the age of the so called nuclear family is going bye , bye , men are no longer shackled to it. Thinking the feminist movement did men a very big favor by being the ones responsible for the demise of the traditional family (nuclear family) .No fault divorce was their brainchild and now we are starting to see the long term effects of that. Over 70% of divorces are initiated by women for merely not being 100% satisfied with their husband . Allot of the younger men know some one that has been dragged over the coals in divorce court and lost every thing . Not much incentive for them to commit to much as far as relationships goes . Hence they are still home because most of the employment (women are now making 8% more than men) and education (women get all the educational breaks) opportunities have vanished for them. Unfortunately the western society is based on the traditional family .Once the family unit is gone then ...... We are now becoming a matriarchy and history shows that matriarchies don't tend to last very long . | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 8:13:38 AM | | Most of my friends from Europe live at home. I don't think it's weird, especially if you're doing upgrading so you can get a better job. I wouldn't date someone that was lazy no matter where they lived. I know people that have their own places and they collect welfare and drink beer and smoke cigarettes all day. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 1/29/2013 8:39:29 AM | Living at home with parents after your 20's is acceptable if you're going to school, and/or working steady to pay off debt and save for a down payment on a home. At the same time, while living at home you should be contributing at least $200-$300 a month towards your room and board and helping with all the chores. I have helped all 3 of my kids, as long as I saw them being productive, saving money, and had a good respectful attitude.
Presently I have my neice and her husband living with us. They came back to Canada last year and stayed at my daughter's home for 10 months and will now be with me. They're closing on a nice townhouse they bought in July. We didn't let them rent for the simple reason that they'd never be able to save for a minimum downpayment on a home if they started their life renting. A small 500 sq ft., 1 bedroom apartment in the GTA rents for $1300-$1600 plus utilities! A basement apartment, in the suburbs costs $1000 on average! In 18 months they'll have built their credit rating, and saved enough for a minimum downpayment 5% and their closing costs.
There's a difference in giving a "Hand-up" as opposed to a "Hand-out". My fiance and I have 7 kids between us, and we wouldn't hesitate to help anyone of them, simply because they're all hardworking, independant individuals with goals and aspirations.
My 22 year old is our youngest. He finished his schooling last April and had a job working on his apprenticeship within a month. He's making just abit above minimum wage, but decided to live with his girlfriend who's away in college to help her out, even though his commute is 2x longer! She's in school, on the Dean's List, and works part-time on week-ends. They're 2 young people really trying to succeed! When she finishes school in 3 years and starts working full-time , and he's finished his apprenticeship as well, how can I not help them save for a downpayment? As long as I can see them helping themselves, I do whatever I can! That's what family means to us! | |
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