| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:42:10 AM | At first I wasn't too sure how I felt about this... since at one point I lived with my mom and stepdad after my divorce... but I worked, paid rent, bought groceries, did things around the house, took care of my child and eventually saved enough money to get back out on my own.
However... I recently dated someone who lives with his mother. He's 37, has a great job and a new truck... but has absolutely no motivation to move out. His mom sends him on a guilt trip every time he starts looking for his own place... and he really does have no reason to move out. He lives there for practically nothing, she cooks and cleans for him and does his laundry.
Why did we break up? Not that anyone cares, but... I just couldn't be involved with someone who depends on his mother to take care of him. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 12:25:07 PM | After my youngest graduates from high school in 2 years my plan is to sell my place in the country and relocate back in the city. I plan to share a house with my mother. I just hope her health holds out for the next 2 years. As time goes by she needs more and more help with things, 2 can live cheaper than 1 while I do what I can to help my girls thru college, and I'm supposed to inherit it all some day anyway. So... as long as we can stand each other... why not?
I said all that to say there are various reasons why some adult children live with their parent(s). I don't think such an arrangement is an absolute deal-breaker depending on the circumstances. I'm not looking for a man to settle down with so what do I care if he lives with his parent(s). If his living arrangement is due to some character defect, that will become evident eventually. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 12:45:20 PM | | This is an add-on for thread posted 3/7/07 "living with parents" look it up also more threads and insights, for your review!! | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:01:00 PM | This doesn't really add to the conversation but it is on topic :-)
Back in the summer I broke up with my GF, the apartment was in her name so I had to move.
I was so strapped for cash trying to keep the bills up on that apartment while she kept losing job after job, that when I did break up with her I had no savings and ended up moving back in with my Dad for about 3 months.
During that time I met a woman from POF. This chic was like smokin.
End the end she said she didn't want to date me because I lived with my father. Funny thing is, she was living in her grandmothers house that her parents paying the mortgage on while the grandmother was put in a home. In my eyes, the same as living at home, minus the lack of privacy.
Double standards are interesting. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:14:28 PM | I think it's a real sign of dysfunction when an adult child gets along with their parents like that. Who do they think they are, putting us to shame by showing off about how they didn't rebel over their parents running their lives for them and managed to maintain such a pleasant relationship both parties decided they'd live together.
Sad, sad, sad. They should be like me and should not have seen their father since 7 years old and had an alcoholic mother that assaulted them, threw tables through windows and brought stranger after stranger back home night after night for shagging purposes right under their children's noses so the child can't stand their parent and leaves home with no other home to go to at 18 while the mother tries to bully the child into acting as an additional source of income with screams of 'look what I did for you!'.
Now that's normal.
I have a 17 year old son living with me at the moment, has been for 3 years. A 23 year old son left recently because I wouldn't accept his aggressive behaviour and he hasn't spoken to me for almost a year.
If my 17 year old is still living with me when he's 30 or so as long as he's got a girlfriend etc I'll be very pleased - there are too many separated families around. He doesn't sponge off me and when I pop my clogs I'll be glad to leave him the house. He likes his dad and to me with my life experiences that's a bl**dy miracle.
Every situation is different so maybe generalising about maturity levels on the basis of parents and children sharing homes is a bit pointless? | |
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isam26
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Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 156 | |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:17:41 PM | I can relate deeply with this post because I too am living at home with my parents. TRUST ME it is not a choice it is a neccesity. Until 4 months ago I couldn't afford my own place because of my low-paying job. But with my new job I'll have enough money saved up in the next month to make the move. Does this mean I'm dependent, no. I manage my money well, I work, I buy my own groceries, I wake myself up in the mornings and everything you're expected to do as adults and yes I pay bills. I hate the stigma we get for living at home with our parents like we're lazy asses or something, and I'm sure some of us are, but for the most part getting on one's feet takes a lot.
I may lose some interest in my profile by putting this out there, but this is the truth. Don't judge someone because their living situations are what you think they should be. Get to know a person and you'll see that they are more than their address and zip code.
Just my opinon.
Sam~ | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:24:34 PM | I for one admit I live with my mom. But I have very good reason behind it. I also do not "mooch." I pay rent, half the utility bills, do my own grocery shopping, and pay all my own bills while taking care of my son alone. These are reasons why I am having to live with her.
I was living with my fiance at the time and I got pregnant. He freaked and kicked me out knowing I couldnt do it on my own. With complications of pregnancy and childbirth I had to go back home. I am just NOW catching up on my debts and starting to save. Thats wrong though? I think if it's for good reasons, its ok. If you're doing it to have a free ride, then yeah BIG TURN OFF!
Just wanted to put my 2 cents in  | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:02:00 PM | | well not in all cases . it reallly depends on why he is living with them . for instance i have met a really wonderful person not in person jsut online. he is living at home with parents becuase he jsut moved here from england and needed a place to stay. so sometimes its ok as long as it dont turn into a lifelong thing. this guy is 29. it does not bother me that he is living iwth parents. he isnt gonna be there forever. so it really depends on the situation. never judge without the knowledge of why they are lliving with parents. there is usually a reason. most people cant wiat to move out away from parents lol so always ask why before u make a decision. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:19:20 PM | | I'm currently renting a room at my stepfather's house.. The reason for this is simply that it's cheap and is all I can afford at the moment. I moved back to England after my divorce and am having trouble getting back on my feet, since things have changed (especially the cost of living which has risen alarmingly) since I moved away. The job I'm doing doesn't pay great money and the cost to rent even a small flat over here now is insane, I don't see how anyone manages it. I'm working my hardest to improve things for myself by retraining (just passed my first round of exams) so that I can get a better job, more money, and hopefully be on the way to better things. I would feel pretty upset if a woman was to be turned off by my current living situation, given the circumstances. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:32:36 PM | lol - TOTALLY AGREE!!! Running far FAR away from guys who can't get their cr*p together enough to get an apartment in the very least!! If they ARE still at home I give them the courtesy to tell me WHY first (it could be that they are taking care of an ailing parent - but boy they'd better be dying for that!!) ... other than that, unless it is schooling (and even then it is the rare exception) they gotta be OUTTA there before 20 or it's a no go ... and that's stretching it.
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:09:10 PM | Im 20yr old, working full time, earning a pitance of a wage £6 an hour working in a local airport, its my first full year out of education since i started school, i pay to run my own car, insure it, tax it, fuel it, i pay my parents £40 a week board, and i pay for the internet in the house, i feel i don't milk of my parents, its just with the current situation with house prices being so high in the UK at the moment i can't afford to move out especialy with my small income.
I would die to move out into somewhere of my own, i have even considered moving to spain, as its cheaper over there, but again untill i can get a cheaper car, and untill my car insurance is cheaper then i don't have the money. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:11:44 PM | As a guy... I think a guy living at home as an adult (apart from some temporary extraordinary event or to look after an ill parent) is bizarre and would have to believe this person has something majorly and emotionally wrong with them. If I met a lady who was living at home... the same thing applies. I'd have to ask why... just in case there is a valid reason... but seriously... my bias would be this person is emotionally stunted and I would not ... WOULD NOT be having a relationship with this person.... (unless of course I wanted to inherit some instant parents  ) | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:23:43 PM | I know of a guy who moved back home with his parents after he finished university. He paid of his massive student loans, paid off his car, and saved for a down payment on his house. In today's economy, I think what he did was smart.
I think there are valid and very good reasons why somebody would be living at home and there are very weird reasons. If it is for economical or health of one of the parents, I would have no problem with it. But, if they lack the social skills or ability to cut away those apron strings, I am not sure I would want any part of it. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:46:02 PM | | chances are if he's living at home his mommy is still doing everything for him...not the kind of guy you want to end up with...you would just be taking over where the mother left off...stay far far away from those types...unless of course one of the parents is very ill and not able to care for themselves..then it's a whole different situation. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:47:38 PM | it goes both ways when I see the mother daughter living together ,,mother just helping out a needy child .?.or cant and doesn't stay away .its a turn off ..and doesn't indicate any Independence ..when mother's hang out and try to be best friends I stay clear of those apron strings.. some empty nesters will plan on being around full time ,its there life .
another worry is women looking for a place to jump ,,.. if it doesn't work out ,, run back home .. many have made the mistake of rushing into something just to get out of the house .. i am ok with temporary arrangements .. home is home ..
chances are if he's living at home his mommy is still doing everything for him or her ,,you can bet on it . | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:50:29 PM | | That doesnt mean we arent independent. I am barely home anyways because I do have my own life. Being a single parent full time with NO support is rough. Yes it is my choice to make but I have intentions to move out soon because I was able to save my money and pay my debts off being at home. I've lived on my own before and bought a house but LIFE happens. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:16:53 PM | | you have a good reason for living at home but some just do it because they are too lazy to move out like in that movie failure to launch. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:46:28 PM | | If an adult male lives at home with his parents, he usually has a good reason, if he is "just moochin' of his folks" that's an entirely different debate though... | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:28:13 PM | I've gone out on dates with two men who lived at home with their parents. The first one did it for economical reasons. He had his own space and his relationship with his parents was a mature, adult relationship. They really were more like room-mates and it was helping his parents pay off a mortgage on a family home before his dad retired. It was awesome to see them interact with one another. They were a great family!
The second guy I dated who lived at home slept on the couch (or in someone elses room if one was available) and his relationship with his parents was a wreck. I didn't stick around long to see too much of the interaction but I saw enough. His relationship with his parents was immature. His mom treated him like a kid and he acted like a 16 year old brat around her.
I would certainly not judge a person based on if they live at home or not.... I would want more information. If they can live at home and be an adult at the same time, and if the benefits of living at home contribute to one or more of the parties then I don't see anything wrong with it. I know that in the future I will either have to live with my mom or she will have to live with me because she's not going to be able to survive on her own forever and I don't want her going to a nursing home.
Joanna | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:46:11 PM | Everyone has different reasons for living at home. For some it's laziness and wanting a free ride. For some it is because of divorce or for money reasons to get back on their feet and for some it's to take care of an elderly or sick parent so you don't have to put them in a nursing home.
For me, I have done it a few times. Once when I had just finished college and was saving up money to move to the big city, second time was when I got divorced and was saving up to get back on my feet. This time is because I wouldn't give up the opportunity to spend quality time being there for a parent who is sick and was always there for me when I needed her.
I would never judge a person's situation until I really knew the reason why...all you have to do is ask the person why they do it and you will know.
I'm going off tropic a bit so here it goes " I wish both my parents were alive too move home to!
Take Care
Ralph8119
Very well said Ralph, people need to appreciate things (and people) while they are still around. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:45:03 PM | The living situation says a lot about a person, to me it shows their level of responsibility to a degree, did most of our parents live at home because it was the easier method of accomplishing their goals, probably not, I know my folks didnt, they hunkered down and bit the bullet and sacrificed
If youre a adult and want a higher level of education then more power to you, why not make the neccessary sacrifices and do it own your own.
The exception to the rule are those how move back home to take care of aging parents, to that I say God bless them and their devotion to their families, or loss of home due to natural disasters or things beyond ones control, Yes there will be those who stay home with the folks because they are afraid to live on their own,or mooching or what ever to that I say grow up. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:00:44 PM |
The living situation says a lot about a person, to me it shows their level of responsibility to a degree, did most of our parents live at home because it was the easier method of accomplishing their goals, probably not, I know my folks didnt, they hunkered down and bit the bullet and sacrificed
If youre a adult and want a higher level of education then more power to you, why not make the neccessary sacrifices and do it own your own.
The exception to the rule are those how move back home to take care of aging parents, to that I say God bless them and their devotion to their families, or loss of home due to natural disasters or things beyond ones control, Yes there will be those who stay home with the folks because they are afraid to live on their own,or mooching or what ever to that I say grow up.
You do realize the differences in economy then and now right? When my Grandparents were my age, my grandfather could work and my grandmother could stay home and my gramps job paid sufficiently for them to have a comfortable living.
When my Parents were my age, they both worked because it made for a better life, at times when my mother couldn't work because of us boys, she could leave her job and Dad's wages could still float them.
In todays economy, if both parents aren't working, your pretty well ****ed. Assuming your not from a wealthy family or making over 75 Grand a year. Which the majority aren't. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:53:08 PM | I'm 25. For two or more months of the year, on any year I can manage, I return home and live at my parents' house so I can help my 70 year old Papa do the heavier side of the yearly farm work. In the city my Nana lives in, I could either live on my own, live with my elder brother, or live with my 79 year old grandma, help her with cooking, around her yard, and with little odds and ends she needs help with around the house (she's had several health issues that making regular activities hard for her). When I am not encumbered with either a person I really, really want to be with, or a job that wouldn't swing it, I live with her (as I'm doing now) to help her.
You're honestly going to tell me that my taking it upon myself to help my elders is a turn off for most of you women? Seriously, shouldn't you be happy that a fellow can show that much care for someone that he's willing to give up the really quite pleasant freedom of living on his own for his family's benefit? If that's the case, good luck with whatever self centered jerk you end up with. | |
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| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:41:19 PM | | i live at home i pay rent but the question i want to ask is who moves out to live by themselves? most ppl move out if they get married or if they have a g/f....i have none...why would i want to leave my family so i can live alone? im saving money im setting up a good finacial future for myself if i play my cards right ill be retiring when im 40.....why would i give that up just so some shallow b itch doesnt think im a loser? | |
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