| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 12:06:33 AM | | hello first time posting on a forum , to me it sounds like most of u all are shallow , well anyways i'm the 29 year old that that kitten was talking about , i moved out of my parents house in england when i was 21 , my mum and siter moved to the states 9 years ago , i stayed in england becaus i was happy , in a relationship my own place a job , anyways up until a couple of months ago me and my gf broke up an i had nowhere else to go in england , so i called my mum and aked if i could stay with her , shesaid yes , id rather be living with parents then onthe street or some crap like that , and if you judge me coz of that then theres something seriously wrong , i have a job now i work , saving up for my own place , but as people say the economy of living can be hard and expensive at times , i help outhere , i do laundry , i was dishes , i babysit my niece at times , and help with bills , well thats all i have to say about that....and sorry for the long post | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 12:51:34 AM | I agree with Mac. I think it should be up to that individual person and they should not be judged by it. If people want to move out and live on their own then fine, but if people want to stay at home then fine too. In this day and age not everyone earns a really high wage. Some people do - and if you have the money to live on your own then great - but some people have 9-5 jobs that do not pay great and what is the point of living on your own and not having enough money to even pay all the bills? I would rather live at home and be able to save money to buy a few things I wanted than to live alone and be in debt.
I lived in a house with my folks until a couple of years ago and I liked that I had spare money to be able to fly to USA when I wanted (I saved it hard - I don't waste my money). If I had lived on my own I don't think I could afford to pay rent, all the bills AND eat. I have a friend who has lived on his own and he went bankrupt last year. Now I know which of the two I would rather be! I think it is better to sacrifice the 'coolness' of living alone than to run up debts. When I lived with my parents my dog had diabetes and epilepsy so my dad and I also took turns giving him his insulin injections (I would do the morning ones at 8.30 and he'd do evenings). But basically I think the most important factor is money. If we all earned something like £300 a week then we could all afford to live on our own - but some of us have crap jobs and don't bring home that. Plus, why be lonely and live on your own when you can have company? It is also safer, I would say, to live with parents than live alone.
I think no-one should judge others for who they live with - unless it is an unsafe environment. The original post says more about the people who say it's wrong than anything else. It shows that they judge people without knowing them or their situations. That's not cool. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 1:12:25 AM | | Well said BlackVelvet. You actually have some life experience backing your opinions up, and it shows... Whereas a l ot of the nay-sayers just seem to not like the stigma. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 3:18:32 AM | hi mac u sweet thing. sorry i wrote aobut u but atleast i said something good lol. dont be offended by what previous people have said. most need to be in a situation before they will understand. kiss kiss handsome.  | |
|
| |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 5:25:23 AM | | Dated a 41 year old man who lives at home and only lived away from home for 5 yrs in his 20s. He did it so he could "afford a great SUV and spend $1000s on fly fishing hobby." Never cleaned, cooked, etc. His bro & sis live @ home w/parents & aunt -- found it strange. Great people, but dysfunctionally attached to each other. Found need for great car & expensive fishing stuff over independence immature. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:43:57 AM | | I beg to differ on this point. I have lived at home most of my life, but not to smoch off my parents, rather to take care of them. My father was 55 when he had me and 85 when he passed away (I was 30) and I took care of him with my Mom. Then my Mom (now in her late 70's) developed Alzheimers and I have taken care of her for 3 years at home (she is now in a nursing home). I have no other family (anywhere) and so this has been my mission, particularly since they took care of me when I was a child. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:16:54 PM | | LOL!!! I know women in their 4o's with grown kids of their own living at home with the parents. WTF?????? All I have to say is, if the parents let them all stay there, they will take the lazy a$$ way and advantage. That is definitely a serious serious turn off. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:21:33 PM | | Agree completely. If you don't have the resources to provide for yourself, that's a red flag. If you have no desire to live independently, that's a second red flag. If you are there because you don't want to spend your money, would rather live for free...that is the biggesst red flag of all. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:25:10 PM | If it's more than 2 or 3 months till they get on their feet, then it's a MOOCH.
And an utter turn-off. Some guys use the "i'm looking after my sick mother" and then you get over there and see their mother limping around doing their laundry, pffttt. Loser. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 7:56:28 PM | heck i wish i could move out but I have a mother that wouldn't allow it until I get married. I wonder sometimes who's dependent on whom. Yes I'm home for medical reason that started 3 years ago but i was looking for apartments when these medical problems popped up. Now she wont let me go cause she's scared someone would break in or my medical problem will come back. (it's controled by meds) Man i wish I could move out.  | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 8:01:12 PM | | My situation is different. I am taking care of my parents who are both cancer patients. I also pay rent and the phone bill as well as my other bills. There is no mooching going on here. However, I can understand why people are turned off by people mooching off the folks. It makes me sick as well. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:07:41 PM | heck i wish i could move out but I have a mother that wouldn't allow it until I get married. I wonder sometimes who's dependent on whom. Yes I'm home for medical reason that started 3 years ago but i was looking for apartments when these medical problems popped up. Now she wont let me go cause she's scared someone would break in or my medical problem will come back. (it's controled by meds) Man i wish I could move out.
You're 27. I think you can make your own choices now. Cut the apron strings and grow up. | |
|
| |
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:19:44 AM | I think if someone is still living at home with their parents unless there are very real reasons as to why they are still there. I would be seriously alarmed at their lack of emotional maturation, financial independance, or just a plain old wish to not have mum and dad observing and commenting your every move.
To be honest I wouldnt want my adult children living with me, at a time when they should be making their own way in the world. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:37:38 AM |
Ok,I'm somewhat turned off by grown males who still live at home, .....It doesn't phase me at all. If the guy was in a relationship and it went sour and they had to move out, then of course the parents are the ones who usually take them in. It doesn't mean they sponge off their parents.
Here in Australia our rents have doubled over the past 3 years without a decent wage increase. Trying to secure a rental property is a joke. Rental properties are like hens teeth.
More and more Australian people are moving back home, because to live on your own paying the rents etc is just not feasible.
I totally understand why people live at home with their parents. A turn off? No, not to me.
Disclosure.....No I dont live at home with my parents, their house isn't big enough!  | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:36:33 AM | I can't see why (or how) an independent adult, who's not physically or mentally disabled can live at home w/ their parents.
The lack of privacy and self esteem that would come from that would trump any "financial necessity" or need for "closeness."
If "rent" is too much for you in the area that you live in to afford...then you either need to move...or live more within your means.
Or...and I hate to say this...live w/ another adult roommate.
Unless your parents are living w/ YOU because they are not able to physically care for themselves, you aren't appealing to me as a partner. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:39:28 AM | Personally I usually can't stand to date someone that is still living at home with their parents unless there's a darn good reason, which in my books would include the following:
1) Recently divorced/broken up with a former live-in spouse and you lost your place
2) Severe injury/illness that requires more care than you can manage by yourself, and you don't have anyone else that could take you in
3) Your home burned down and you have no one else to turn to
Aside from that, if you're 25 or older (and I'm being generous here) and still living underneath your mother's skirt there's a problem. People complain about the increasing cost of housing, and how rent is just throwing one's money away but guess what: plenty of people have to live that way and make do, so they're not really complaining about NOT being able to find a place to live, they're complaining about not being able to find a place they want to call home PERMANENTLY. 
I can't stand guys that can't cook/clean for themselves, and I'm equally vexed by the societal double-standards that somehow make it okay for a WOMAN to live at home with her folks 'till she's 30 no questions asked, but if a GUY does it, he's a loser (Note this argument parallels perfectly with the driver's license double standard, where women still get their license later than men on average... Same argument goes for car ownership...  )
I've been on my own since I turned 23, sure I had a student apartment during the last years of my master's degree, but I was earning my OWN wage and living by my OWN means - I haven't borrowed a dime from my folks since I got my first paycheck at 15. Now I'm 28, have been gainfully employed for 3 years and own my own condo, paid by MY efforts, and I didn't have to camp out in Mommy & Daddy's basement for 5 years while employed to do it! 
Financially Responsibility, Sound Fiscal Decision-Making, and Self-Reliance Boys and Girls, it's high time you got on board!   | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:40:19 AM |
Ok,I'm somewhat turned off by grown males who still live at home, it would be different if his parent(s) couldn't provide 4 themselves or the guy was disabled, but when he's just moochin off his folks, that's a turn-off, do u agree?
Without understanding the exact reason why an adult male-female is living at their folks home, IMO you can't judge anything. I know several people that had to move back home during things like divorce and other life-altering situations like loosing their job, etc.
Doesn't change who they were to me. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:57:05 AM | | everyone hits hard times and does what they must to survive including relying on family members for help when it is so needed and in my opinion they should be eager to help without one word ever of paying something back,now that turns my stomach.also if a grown person tells u that they r living with their parent or parents because the parent or parents have to be looked after at all times then could someone pls tell me how the parents or parent maintained a home up until this point and time?If this is the case then why are the parents or parent not moved into the home of the adult child?there r some on here that i have noticed have openly put it in their profiles that they r living at home in their parents home because they need to be looked after at all times,cough bull---- cough,exactly why would a grown adult child of the given age of 30 something and up need to put such private details on his or her profile?the question begs to be asked"r they already beginning a mind game by putting the hook out for the pity takers?"u decide.i don't care if a 20 something is still living at home because alot of them are still growing mentally into adulthood so that isn't even a topic. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:27:06 PM | I'm glad I found this as this is my number one pet peeve about dating! I am a 37 year old white male and I live with my parents. I have been living with them for about ten years now and what get’s me steamed is people automatically without question stereotyping me the looser not to be bothered with. No one even bothers to ask about the situation, it is simply, you’re a looser, click. No one seems to care that I take care of my ailing parents, a large five bedroom house and a computer business while getting my Bachelors degree. Oh no, I’m automatically a no-good immature mooch that needs mommy's constant attention. No one even bothers to scratch the surface and see that I have probably done more with my life, gone more places and done more for my community than most of those that would write me off as a looser.
I know there are some who will always view me as less than, I also know that I am more now then they have probable capacity to be. My question in reading all these blogs is how can we overcome the stereotypes we place on the opposite sex when we surf through here. Social norms have an can be changed and biology can be understood better, but there must be something we are overlooking in places like POF for this and other similar topics to be so large in volume. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:45:05 PM | I am finding this more common in my age bracket with kids going to help Mom or Dad or both as they age and are not able to take care of themselves. We live in a sandwich society as we have had kids later and it means caring for aging parents at the same time.
My Mom is 70 and so far so good. Time is coming sooner or later or those decisions will have to wait.
Another scenario I have seen is men going back home after divorce as we all know they pay more than their share most of the time with child support so it takes a while to get back on their feet.
Situations differ. I would prefer to hear their side of the story before judging. Even then, to each their own. We all live the way we want to right? | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/16/2008 6:16:14 PM | Its not right!
I moved out of my mums house when I was 17 and I have never spent a single night back at her house. Infact a few years ago my mum wouldnt even let me sleep outside her house in my campervan when I split up with my girlfriend at the time. But then again I supposed there are exceptional situations where an adult might be their parents carer etc which I guess is acceptable. | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/16/2008 6:38:18 PM | not everyone living at home with their parent(s) is doing it because they're a moocher. i came back from germany, pregnant, her dad was just sent off to the gulf war.... no word from him ever again. i work, i raised my daughter, i even tried to move out when she was 4.... my dad took all my money and said i should never have more than him, ever! long story short, after a car accident almost 2yrs ago, i realized that i was just being a slave to my parents by continuing to work and give them all my money (dad's house rule). now that i was so rudely woken up (by the blow to my head from the accident) i have given myself 6 months to find a better paying job or a 2nd one they don't know about, save/hide my money and move out for good. hopefully to disappear from them as well. but, i have noticed that no matter how much a person works, or how independant they may be, no matter what their living situation is.... others will just always see people as moochers if they live or move back home. so to all those who consider us "moochers" , just remember.... one day, the shoe could be on the other foot for u! try to be a little more understanding of the situation.  
note: not really feeling all those smileys i posted, but i liked 'em so i posted 'em  | |
|
| Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/16/2008 6:44:16 PM | I once dated a man in his forties who was living in his parents' home.
His mother had become ill, and his father could not look after her on his own. This man quit his job in another city, found one in his parents' city, and moved in to take care of the household.
I had great respect for his sacrifice. His parents took care of him as a child, and now he was returning the favour. | |
|
Home
login 
