| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/2/2009 3:10:40 PM | Oh my god, these are HYSTERICAL! 
I have this problem, too, but for some reason can't think of any good examples. Keep them coming guys! And I'll try to remember some of my own. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/2/2009 3:30:02 PM | | These are absolutely hysterical! I'm trying to think of times when I have put my foot in it, but I'm not having much luck! There have been tons of times, I will add some when I think of some! | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:20:09 PM | I've certainly done it myself, but the best that comes to mind reading these is...
A friend's partner at work had dated a cute, sweet, sexy, dumb girl for a few months. After they broke up, she'd still call the office every now and then to say hello to everyone there. They didn't really understand why, but would've felt bad not talking to her, so, my friend said "hi" as usual when she got transferred to him. She excitedly told him, "Guess what, I'm getting married!" He replied, "When's the baby due?"
Then realized he'd said it OUT LOUD...
She replied, "September," and started chattering happily about her upcoming baby shower.
Luckiest break ever in the history of social foot-in-mouth disease! | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:39:50 PM | | This one time my six year old (at the time)brother came up to me, staring at me real weird, and without even thinking I just asked "Why are you looking at me as if you just $hat yourself?" . He had indeed $hat himself... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/4/2009 7:59:37 PM |
"When's the baby due?"
OMG, I so did that!
I ran into a girl I graduated high school with a few years ago and she'd obviously put on some baby weight. I had no idea when she'd been pregnant so I said "So, you about ready to pop?" She got all upset and told me her son was 4mnths old! I just smiled dumbly and politely excused myself. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:06:37 PM | Mine's kind of lame, but it was definitely a foot-in-mouth moment.
My center closes for 1 week at the end of august and christmas...so one day right before, I was saying goodbye to parent who had a HUGE struggle finding alternate care for the closure. She said to me as she was leaving "Have a great holiday" and what was my automatic response? "You too" as she walks away...she isn't getting a holiday...she still has to go to work...durh! *smacks forehead* | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:11:47 AM | Oh, the good old involuntary "You too"...
We've all done it.
Girl: "Well happy birthday man. Have fun at Sea World tomorrow."
Guy: "Thanks, you too."
Movie theater attendant: "You're gonna be in theater 6, 3rd one to the right. Enjoy the show!"
Movie attender: "Thanks, you too!"
The above examples courtesy of urbandictionary; doubtless we all have our own!
I tend to do this when buying coffee on my way to work. In my defense, I am really not awake at this time.
Coffee server: "Thanks for coming to [coffee shop]!"
Me: "Thanks, you too."
Uh...  | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:57:05 PM | Okay, this is REALLY embarrassing for me;
I help out at a religious festival and one year we were doing a mystery play that involved the use of a type of handmade flogger. The director handed mine to me, and I put it in my belt saying "I feel better now, now I can beat men off." His mother was right there, and oh man, I didn't realize what I had said until she commented. BUT! What I meant to say was beat men off like "Get away, stop bugging me!" as there were a few men there at the festival that were bugging me and my friend there that year.
Yeah......... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:47:51 PM | ok, this one doesnt have anything to do with me, but it just happend to my brother recently.
Sitting in the hospital emergeny room with my bro (he had just fallen off a 22 foot tall building, breaking his ankel, both elbows, and his wrist) when the nurse walks in and tells him they are going to transfer him to a diffrent hospital, but first, and this is too stupid to make up, he has to sign a release for so that they can move him.
The look my bro gave her was priceless, and before I could say anything, he quips up "You want me to do what now?" He had to ask her that question three times before she realized that both his arms were broken. Needless to say, his wife had to sign for him. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:19:05 PM | Yikes, rockstarjy, hope he healed up pretty well...
I had another one today that I'm sure is universal, albeit with different words in each instance. You know how sometimes your mind is still deciding between one word and another while your mouth runs on ahead?
I hadn't chosen yet whether I was saying "honey" or "baby," and...
Yep, you guessed it...
I said "Bunny."
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/9/2009 1:39:43 PM | My SO is the master griller in our house - once early on in our relationship, he'd grilled up some burgers. My 11 yr old daughter says 'Wow, you're the meat man! No wonder mom keeps you around, she loves your meat!' We just looked at each other across the dinner table and I said 'Yes, yes I do.'
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:03:02 PM | OK, here are some goodies fortunatly not all mine:
I attended a Catholic Highschool where religion was madatory for the four years we were there.
In one class the teacher was explaining how oral sex is a sin, a girl in the class blurted out "Is that because it's so salty?" SHOCK and AWE ensued.
In another class the Priest was trying to tell us about the life giving of God stating that "All orgasms are a gift from God" before he recalled what he said I retorted (I'm not making this up folks), "You bet your ass they are!" wrong on so many fronts... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:33:17 PM | I used to date a black woman who was very picky about all the food she ate.
One day we were at the Cheesecake Factory and she was (as usual) questioning the waitress about the ingredients of the various entrees. So she says to the waitress "Does this have mayonnaise in it? Because I don't like anything white!" | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:10:09 PM | Dont usually post on here so hope I've done it right......
'Hey, I've never seen jugs like those before!' I think were my exact words at a bar with a large breasted friend. I was just trying to break the ice as we were served a jug of water.
It was a bit of a rough pub, and I think the guy next to us said loudly ' you can say that again mate!'
The girl was my mates girlfriend, it was pretty funny.... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:12:31 PM | just a universal on that I was guilty of today. Why is it whenever we hear of someone going to the hospital, we all ask the stupid question first?
"Are they ok?" or "Is everything ok?" | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:44:03 PM | ^^ OMG, yes. Totally universal.
"Come quick, George got hit by a car, we're at the hospital!"
"Is he okay?"
Sorry to hear you're having to go there again!
Reminiscent of a far less serious situation... I'd forgotten all about this. But it does come to mind every now and then, when something reminds me of it:
Some 18 years ago (yep, and I still remember), I took the commuter rail to visit a girlfriend; we'd arranged that she'd pick me up when it arrived. There was a mild blizzard that night and it was about -10°F outside, with very smart gusts of wind, maybe about 35-40 mph. So I was less than pleased to arrive and see no one waiting for me. I struggled through the storm to a nearby gas station and, with face and ears hurting, eyes and nose streaming, and feet scarily numb, used the pay phone and called her at her house.
When she picked up, I said, "Where are you?"
She felt so bad - she'd thought I was taking the next train after that one - neither of us even noticed what I'd said 'til I realized it later. Boy, did I feel stupid, but we had a good laugh! | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:45:26 AM | Funny thread.
My mother was once watching a television show in which one character was continuously insulting the other. She commented on how one guy kept "busting down" the other guy every chance he got. (I don't know about the rest of the country, but in Chicago "bust down" refers to a sexual act or one who is sort of a sexual doormat.) Everyone else in the room was biting our tongues to keep from laughing, until someone finally explained it to her.
My first girlfriend ever and I were watching a movie, and one of the characters was a guy named Otto. So of course being a smart azz teenager, I quickly began to make fun of the name Otto. This is how I found out that her grandfather was named Otto.
I can't count the number of times in my life I've made a gay joke and found out there was a gay person in my presence.
A few years ago, I once half-jokingly told a subordinate at work that he needed to get professional help. (The guy was being an idiot at the time.) I was later called into the office by a higher-ranking manager. Turns out the guy had had to seek professional help before, and went crying to the boss because his feelings were hurt. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:15:42 AM | "Because I don't like anything white"
I feel like that when a black lady at Popeye's or KFC asks me whether I prefer white or dark meat. If she is big enough, I usually say that I don't have a preference - just a survival technique... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:52:52 AM | I mentioned to a hairdresser how I liked hair wraps .... on teens, and they were daft on try-hard adults... Yup- she flicked her hair back annnnnnnnd bingo!!
Talking with my SO about girls names we liked. He said he liked Roxanne. I said I really didnt. His daughter's middle name is...???
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:26:52 PM | So when I was a cashier at a museum I helped out a guy that had came in with some friends and his wife. During the transaction he kept asking me questions that were preventing me to close the transaction faster. His wife told him to stop and she apologized cuz he was being so annoying to which I said its ok I have a little brother that buggs me all the time so I'm use to it. She and his friends couldn't stop laughing. She told him that his mother was going to get a kick out of it when she heard abouit it. I immediatley apologized to him. At first he didn't know what to say cuz it caught him off guard but he laughed and said some customer service! Its ok it was cute and funny. Thankfuly he didn't ask for my maniger...
This one wasn't me but one of my friends. My brother brought his gf who happen to be asian and a little overweight to my grandmas funeral service. She didn't know anyone so she stayed towards the back of the chapel. My friend happen to be standing next to her and struck a conversation after seeing that my brother had walked away for a while. Mind you, they had met once but she couldn't remember she was my brother's gf. During their small talk my friend asked her how far along in her pregnancy was she to which she ofcourse replied I'm not pregnant. She apologized and after an awkward silence tried to continue the conversation just for the sake of it. In the next chapel another service was being let out for an asian lady and my friend without thinking said look they are kicking out all the asians. My brother's gf just staired at her and realizing what she had just said profusely apologized again. She became even more embarassed annd apoligetic when my brother came back and introduced her as his gf. Double wammy! | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:25:49 PM | While this didn't happen to me, I was there to witness it, and it was quite funny :)
A co-worker and I were standing behind a counter when this nice looking woman came walking up, carrying a dachshund under her arm. My coworker begins chatting her up, and the topic of her dog comes up. My coworker said "You know, I've got a dog just like that at home. Cutest little thing ever. " to which the lady replied "Oh really? You've got a weiner too?"
I had turned just in time to catch the woman turning bright red in embarassment as she realized what she had just said. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:05:45 PM | Just remembered another one...
On a first date this guy and I went to a baseball game. Before getting to our seats we got some food. We had ordered hot dogs and when the cashier handed me mine it was was bigger than the normal hot dogs I had seen before so I said, " woa its huge!" My date and the cashier started to laugh while my face turned red with embarissment. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:23:01 PM | Forgot about this one but probably my worse...
When I was younger I use to go to a church where the services were conducted all in spanish. It was my turn to make the church announcements. I wanted to say are you all warmed up yet in spanish but couldn't remember how to translate that properly so I tried as best as I could. It really backfired on me because I said estan ya calentados? Which in spanish does mean are u warmed up but it also has a double meaning that means are you aroused yet. I got a few nervous laughs out of some in the congregation and stern looks from the elderly ladies. I tried to correct my mistake by repeating it in english but the damage was done. Needless to say I never got asked again to deliver the announcements, lol. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:58:54 PM | There was two pretty bad situations I was in.
1) Highschool...it was the next day after a date I had with a girl. The date went rally wel land we decided to go out again the following night. I was at her house waiting in the foyer while she doing the last minute getting ready stuff. When she came down the stairs I reached out, pulled her close and hugged while giving her ass a little squeez. That's when she looked at me and said..."I'm the other sister and she will be down in a minute"....Lesson learned...never date a women who has an identical twin
2) Again highschool...My date and I went out to the local pub. During the night after a few drinks she excused herself and went to the bathroom. While there some random guy turned to me and said "dude, you are one lucky guy to be dating her" I thought nothing of it because she was a beasutiful lady. I replied "dam nstraight and tonight I'll be one really lucky guy, if ya know what I mean".
When my date returned and with a surprised look on her face, she turns to me and says "Dave meet my older brother Matt"....lesson learned...make sure you meet the entire family before making comments about having sex with the younger sister. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:53:50 PM | | The other day as I was leaving the office. I decided to chit chat with the secretary that I hadn't seen for awhile. She has been missing a lot of work latley due to an illness. So after a few mins of this, I say .....................well I better get out of your hair. (she has no hair due to chemo-therapy). I felt really bad and apologized and left with a red face and my foot firmly lodged in my mouth. | |
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