| Thank you
Posted: 12/14/2005 5:39:20 AM | photius
I sent it to you, let me know if you got it properly because it doesn't appear in my sent message box. I copied it though, so it's no trouble if you need me to try and send it again. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2005 6:42:25 AM | | shellybelly, I'd also welcome your opinion. Thanks. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2005 7:06:07 AM | Martyn-D
"What are your passions? I am passionate about new enthusiasms and believe that with a caring rapport between two people, fresh possibilities can emerge. I admit though, that it would be difficult to entice me into watching sports. If I had to choose to be anyone other than myself, I would pick: Peter Cook, Paul Merton or Jeremy Hardy. An idea of the type of woman that I admire is Linda Smith. I appreciate obscure knowledge; as an example of what tickles me, did you know this: Male chimpanzees will face each other hanging by their arms from branches. They will then ‘fence’ (as naturalists call it). I believe that things are not as they seem – they are as we make them. I want a relationship that nurtures wider friendships."
Deleted "I am widely liked"...it's only your opinion and if you say it of yourself, sounds like bragging. I rephrased "I wish I was", woman like men who like themselves. I rephrased "Linda Smith", no woman wants to be negatively compared to an ideal. I suggest elaborating on wanting a "relationship that nutures wider friendships"...it isn't clear...is it a euphemism for something?
"If you're only after a longterm relationship, then it'd be wiser to move on to someone else. I'll only know I want a longterm relationship when its already become one.
Have a hug on account."
I would rephrase the last paragraph or delete it completely. Anyone interested in a long term relationship won't give you the time of day. Better to rephrase it so that you have them as an option as well. Deleted "open-minded"...being open minded assumes you have no stipulations but in the next sentence, you stipulate something.
Other Stuff
1. Fill in all the categories. People hate the "prefer not to say" comment and would rather have any answer filled in. Also, fill in your profession.
2. Fill out the interests section. Some people only read this section. Also, when doing a search if you have common interests, they come up highlighted, so it is always wise to fill it out. At least 5, if possible.
3. The first date section is not necessary to fill out, although, the more complete your profile, the more time and thought it looks like you put into it.
4. A general rule is to have at least 3 pics. If that isn't possible, you need at least one frontal view, preferably with a smile for your main photo. The one you have on now, isn't the greatest, it's in profile and has no smile.
Hope this helps. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2005 7:15:57 AM | | Thanks, that's food for thought. | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:29:02 AM | The_Good_Fight
"I would think the best description of me is that I am a country boy that somehow grew up in a big city. I am laid back, a little shy at first until I warm up to you. I fit a little of the Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck if..." material. I have a great sense of humor and am extremely loyal. I love Science Fiction (reading or movies). I feel that good, honest communication makes for the foundation of a solid relationship. I am also very mature and independant and am looking for someone who shares these strengths.
I see that women want honesty and I am extremely honest and appreciate that quality in others. With that said, I will lay it on the line: I have been fighting a panic/anxiety disorder since I was around 9 years old. I graduated from K-State with a BS degree in Engineering and was able to have a successful career for 16 years before I was laid off due to my disorder. Because of my unique circumstances, I have reached a crossroads in my life where self-discovery has been and is presently, occurring.
Life is an adventure. Let's explore it's possibilities together."
I switched the order of your paragraphs. I thought that the description of YOU should come before the description of the disorder. I touched up some minor typos. I took out the "irony" part because I wasn't sure how you meant it. I removed the "I'm not a goldigger" bit because if they haven't thought of it on their own, why put the idea into their heads? Normally I would suggest you not write about your disorder in a profile, but in this case it pertains directly to your profession and is a major part of your life at present. I just rephrased the last sentence to be more of a closer...and moved the "mature" sentence to the description paragraph, where it is more appropriate.
First Date
"Let's meet up for lunch or maybe dinner to talk, get to know each other and to see if we generate any chemistry together."
I removed the "date must be short" bit, because if your date is going well, you won't want to be forced to end it early. I deleted all the stuff about it being planned by you...sure you may be the one to do it, but if you write it in the profile, it makes you sound bossy.
Other Stuff
1. You have a good selection of interests.
2. Your pics are good, though one more wouldn't hurt.
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Posted: 12/14/2005 8:38:07 AM | I would like my profile critiqued please I know grammer is bad lol I can usually fix other ppls grammer etc but when it comes to my own im lousy hahaha I opened up a new thread and 2 guys gave me some helpfull advice if you wouldn't mind reading what they put.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2709282.aspx | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/14/2005 10:36:05 AM | bc_rivergirl
"I'm pretty easy going, and somewhat shy if you don't know me. I like strong, knowledgable men who occasionally feel the protective instinct towards the women they are with. I am a little old fashioned that way. I appreciate a guy who's blunt but not tactless...someone who would never be afraid to tell me what they think. I enjoy simply chilling out, cuddling and watching movies and hope that you will too. I also like to go out and have a good time! I am generous, trustworthy and confident and am looking for the same qualities in any man with whom I spend my time. He and I would both be caring, good listeners who treat people with the respect that we would like to be treated with. I believe that honesty and friendship are the keystones to a successful relationship. If you'd like any more details, just ask!"
I deleted the "quarter" comment, it sounds slightly antagonistic. Rather than putting dislikes in, it is always better to put likes. I changed any slange, "ya" etc. I rephrased any statements that seemed negative..."***hole blunt" with "not tactless", etc. It is always better to say what you mean in a positive way. I removed the "last dollar" bit, because it is covered by saying "generous". Other than that, I just rephrased a few things, with the intent of staying as close as possible to your original content.
First Date
"I would do something different, depending on the person I'm talking to and what our mutual interests are. Likely something informal, just hanging out to see what develops from there."
I just rephrased it and put the "old-fashioned" bit in the profile itself.
Other Stuff
1. Your pics are nice but usually it is best to have the main one be a closeup of your face, with a smile on it...a smile always seems more welcoming.
2. I would suggest that you set some limitations on who can email you, otherwise you will be bombarded by people way outside your age range and looking for other types of encounters that you may not be interested in.
3. In the profession section, I would specify what "work" means. It could potentially be something you could talk about in an email, etc.
Good luck! | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/14/2005 10:49:18 AM | Frenchfrie
Much better. I got a chuckle out of it a few times, so your sense of humour really shines through in it.
I would suggest dividing the first paragraph into more than one sentence though and maybe the third one as well. And in the First Date section there is a typo "loss"="lost".
I really like this one. | |
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supper
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 41 | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/14/2005 11:14:54 AM | SHELLEY
lol
I've rewritten it and changed what you said I should change. I think it sounds much better and sais just the right thing:)
Not scary anymore lol
Can you tell me if there are still something I should change? (love having a women approach on this, thanks)
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:41:23 AM | photius
Much better! I didn't feel like running away and hiding once! 
Nit picky stuff: in the first date section, the first sentence has the word "good" in it twice...
That's it, good job! | |
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Smythe
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 46 | |
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leo210
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Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| Thank you
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:19:33 PM | | appreciate your input if you will | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:42:53 PM | Smythe
"I'm a 4th year college student with many extracurricular activities, including: sports and music. I play guitar and even sing, from time to time. I play hockey during the winter and if I can, I try to play in the summer as well. I may seem very shy and not very outgoing at first, but if there is something between us, it won't take me very long to warm up.
My sense of humour is all over the place, from the very dry to the very black. I do have a small confession...I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan..sorry Leaf fans. I can't help it! I grew up in Montreal and spent almost half my life there, so it's drilled into me. But I do hate those d*mn Sens!
I really don't know what I'm looking for right now, mainly a friend and someone to hang out with. If something happens it happens right? That would be great!
So if you're interested..."
Deleted the name of your college and your name...boys can be stalked too. If you wanted to add more info., you could put in the subject that you are studying. I deleted the "I like to think I'm good" mainly because most people don't like self-deprecation. Touched up a bit of the phrasing...One thing, if you say that you are a Canadiens fan right after you say your sense of humour is out of whack, it kind of implies the hockey comment is a joke. I left it alone because...well... Go Sens!
First Date
"We could do dinner and a movie or possibly go skating in downtown Kitchener, all depending on the weather.
When we're really comfortable with one another, cuddling while watching a movie sounds good."
Just some minor touch ups.
Other Stuff
1. A couple more interests wouldn't hurt.
2. A couple of details added about the kind of person you are looking for.
3. If you're looking for a friend and a hang out partner...I would suggest you categorize it as "friend", most people assume "hang out" to be one step removed from "intimate encounter."
4. You may want to change the pic with you and the female in it, generally if you're in a pic with a woman near your age, people will assume it's a girlfriend or ex. | |
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| Thank you
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:58:51 PM | | Thanks for the hep Shelly. It's greatly appreciated. One question. Why take out my real name? Just curious. | |
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| Thank you
Posted: 12/14/2005 5:01:05 PM | leo210
"I used song lyrics to have some fun:
I'm not a rock singer,
Got no gold on my fingers,
And I'd love everyone to know,
I'm not just about beauty.
I'm all about truth,
And I'm not gonna put on a show.
Don't need to take pills,
Life's got all kinds of thrills;
But the thrill I wanna know,
Is the thrill that'll get me,
When chemistry hits me,
From the woman I can feel in my soul."
I just rearranged it to make it easier to read. If you are quoting from a song, I would suggest also saying who the songwriter is...also, if you open with this type of quote, and you play some kind of instrument, maybe you could add it to your list of interests. Normally I wouldn't recommend using lyrics/poetry/fiction in lieu of a profile, but this one does have a few important points in it and as long as you cover everything else in the categories given elsewhere and elaborate on your interests, I think it's fine.
First Date
"I think it's important that we both feel comfortable, so ideally it would be in a public place for breakfast or brunch and great conversation, while we decide whether or not we "click"."
Just rephrased it.
Other Stuff
1. While your pics are fine, I don't see any where you are smiling. People respond better to smiles, so I suggest your primary pic be a happier looking one.
2. Other than music, your interests are mainly solo. I suggest adding a few more that would be ones you intend to share with people or take part in with others.
3. You reminded me of my university courses so I had to look up where I saw part of those lyrics before...
"'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know"
From Ode to a Grecian Urn - John Keats | |
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