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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:15:38 AM | Depends, but in the long run never works. Don't waste your time because cheating hardly ever is the problem.
Therefore my answer is NO | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:35:11 AM | Dave:
if you had a spouse who cheated wasn’t it with someone at the spur of the moment
That's pretty funny. The type of cheating we're discussing never happens on the spur of the moment. I assume we're talking about adult human beings with an IQ higher than your average dog in heat?
No one cheats without being well aware of exactly what they're doing. They make a conscious decision to do something that is wrong. They may try to reason and justify it, but they know the act itself is wrong. And yet they go ahead. So the big thing is..why would anyone want to be with someone who consciously made a decision to do something that is wrong? I mean, it's very unlikely that your pants accidentally slipped off and her skirt accidentally flew up and she slipped and fell on you, is it?
Spur of the moment is just that. And it takes way more than a "spur of the moment" to engage in cheating.
Hell, if someone didn't think it was wrong, they'd bring him/her home and do it in front of the wife/husband and the kids, right? They'd proudly walk down the street holding hands and smooching. They wouldn't hide from people at the office. And they'd bring him/her along to church too. Nope, they know it's wrong and they choose to do it. The only one at fault, to blame in anyway for the act, is the cheater him/herself. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:13:12 AM | NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I am not a cheater and can be pretty sure that I would never be, because is just something stupid, what would you stay with someone that you are not totally happy with?
if you forgive someone now, remember that the dad feeling is gonna still on you and you always going to be thinking that he can cheat on you again even if that doesnt cross his mind again, | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:17:25 AM | Alright, now I'm not going to give you a sob story, just a personal experience.
I once dated a girl very seriously for a year.
It got heavy.
I honestly saw myself spending the rest of my life with her, until one night at a party I heard weird sounds coming from the basement, went downstairs to investigate and found my significant other riding another guy on the couch, when I had no idea she was even at the same party as I was.
Bad as this was, it didn't top the 4 other guys I found out she had been hooking up with on the side.
I'm a very forgiving person, but I personally have never cheated, and think it is the number one absolute worst thing you can ever do to someone.
I have absolutely no time for people who aren't loyal, and I've learned from my mistakes (not saying I'm paranoid now, I just watch who I trust.)
This was many moons ago though, and theres no sense dwelling on it! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:54:56 AM | | The trust to me, that once was there, will never be again, so without trust, their is no relationship | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 12:07:06 PM | | Once a guy cheats thats it Im outta here! (No I cannot forgive the trust is gone)! If you want more then one girlfriend then be single, but be true to yourself dont hurt others along the way. I will never cheat on anyone. I dont see no need of it. If Im not happy with someone I will be honest with them and tell them the relationship is not working out but to go behind your back and cheat that is so wrong!. As for your first time that your boyfriend cheated on you, Im sure you are very devistatated! I could understand your feelings, as for hoping you dont meet a cheater again at least you know what you dont want and are more careful in choosing a better boy friend in your future. You do not deserve some one that cheats no one does! We are better then that! Good Luck to you! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 1:41:32 PM | | to be honest i been cheated on myself twice it feel like a death in the family thats how bad it is i been lied to had mind games played on me ect trust me once a cheater always a cheater the trust u had for the person is gone i dont care if the person came to me on there knees and beg for forgivness i wouldnt take them back i know what your feeling and yes it hurts but u must remain strong and learn from this and the next time u get involved with some one get to know the person realy well .god bless you will be ok | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 5:57:45 PM | | I have had it happen to me. As far as I am concerned, that's treading on sacred ground. Automatic termination of the relationship is my response, without a second thought. There is no excuse. | |
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Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 634 | |
| Cheating always has been and always will be a deal breaker - FOR ME
Posted: 3/22/2007 6:06:55 PM | I don't even care to read the original post or entire thread, bcuz it's moot to me what anyone else has to say.
LOL OK I lied - I read the original post, ONLY.
I have been cheated on, and it hurts but you know what? It just reinforced to me what I already believed i.e. cheating is a no-no, and I can forgive but never forget. I know myself, and would never be fully able to trust my partner again. And if you have no trust, what is the point of continuing on?
Yea yea... some people will say it can be re-built with time. But Rome was not built in a day, and life is much too short to stick it out while 'trust is being rebuilt'. Why stay and try to make things work with a cheater, when there are people out there who WILL love you and be faithful? I'm not afraid of starting over *pops collar*. So I did, and would move on.
Thaz my 2 cents.
But each to his own! I don't knock folx who stay with cheaters, but I just know THAT IS NOT for ME.
K. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:21:39 PM | | No... that's why I am divorced. While I was married, both my ex and I were 100% against cheating on one another. After a year, guess what? She cheated on me with a former high school boyfriend (someone she never seen for 10+ years). When I found out, it was good-bye. I don't put up with that shit. Never in my life have I risked losing a relationship by cheating, so I don't put up if someone else does it. Once that trust is gone, there is no way that I can trust that person again, no matter how sexy they are. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:48:06 PM | forgiving doesnt work, but it depends. if youve spent a lot of time w/ each other enough to understand each other as individuals and not as right of ownership or from force of your marriage contract.
i used to be a very jealous, and possessive person. if a guy so much as looks, i'll go berserk. now im currently friends with a guy who i think i cant "restrain", i'll try, maybe if i dont restrain, he might see my worth. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2007 1:11:05 AM | i think it depends on the relationship and the situation, if you are in a serious relationship and they cheat i would ,and have been heart broken before, its hard to think that the one you love was with someone else, and makes you think of what it is you dont have that would make them want cheat in the first place.....
what do you think of someone who cheated and told you about it right away.......of course you are hurt but is there any chance you can forgive them? they could have lied to you or not have said anything does anyone think they would be able to trust that person and work through it? ( keep in mind this is the first and what you would hope to be the last time it would ever happen) | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2007 1:13:06 AM | Cheating equals Ending. Period. Done. Finished.
Forgiving....that is something that comes with time and distance and a need for self preservation. To hold onto that kind of pain and anger that come with betrayel will eat you up. You can't get past it if you don't forgive. Trust them again?...Hell no. Well maybe after Pigs sprout wings and fly. And with no trust there can be no love. ADIOS AMIGO...VIA CON DIOS. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2007 4:45:57 AM | Ol' perfesser bluiz is in the house again, with his two cents worth.
I've been cheated on before, and the bare truth is that I'll forgive, take that as a given. But I'll also find it in my best interest to move on. There's just no way I can stay with someone who's cheated on me. Her loyalty is questionable, and always will be. | |
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wibbyo
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Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 641 | |
| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:25:04 AM | i guess i am somewhat with nicebluiz.... i could maybe forgive after a long term of bitterness about the situation... sorry but that is me.. call it hasty to be bitter but heh...... i move on fast ... dont need to waste my time on something as usless as cheating.. or the possiablity of was cheating on me.... been threw that WAY to many times.... as a friend tells me... intuiation is only right 100% of the time.. this is something i think i going to adapt should have got out alot sooner in a few cases there are things that just point to a cheater and a liar but i guess the fact that love beats all sometimes and we are just blinded untill the day we just get a kick in the balls for being so stupid.... sorry guess this turned out to be a bit of a rant but aw well.. those are my ideas of it all lol
 friends | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2007 9:05:59 PM | | I could never cheat on my lover or the lady in my life, it is just so wrong...it just shows to me you dont love that person... here is a question for you all..... If you cheat on partner once or many times do you really love your other half? my answer to that is No!!! How could you love your other half..having sex with someone else is just wrong if u are so called in love with your partner you wouldn't be looking to cheat unless something is wrong at home ...to me some people say you can love two people at once ..i dont beleive that i dont think you can love somone in the same way....the ones that say they love there partner after they had an experience with another are just afraid to lose what they had..... kids and there so called better life... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2007 9:24:29 PM |
...to me some people say you can love two people at once ..i dont beleive that i dont think you can love somone in the same way....the ones that say they love there partner after they had an experience with another are just afraid to lose what they had..... kids and there so called better life...
Well, that is a ridiculous statement. You do not have to love them THE SAME to be in love with two people. Humans have an unlimited capacity for love if they allow it. Do not knock it if you have not experienced it. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2007 10:33:57 PM | | its not a ridicious statement im just saying to make a point you cant love two different men or women and have the same feelings and commitments.. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2007 10:46:19 PM | | But you CAN!!!! I can and do love three children, equal but different. I can and do love many friends and family, equal but different. I can and do love two men, equal but different. It is quite possible. If that were the case, once you had been in love and broke up with (divorced, widowed, whatever) you would be incapable of ever loving again. Most people are not willing to explore the possibility you can love more than one person in a sexual and deep emotional way at the same time, that does not mean it is not possible. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2007 10:51:09 PM | | Thats up to you.No advise can help you here.Some do stop some don't.It's can you forgive!!!sorry I know I'm not much help.. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:19:51 AM | | Everyone can forgive if they really wanted too, As for me it all depends on how long has he been doing this and if hes sorry for doing it in the first place. Im a reasonable person and i usely give a 3 strikes and your out kind of thing.All i ask is to have the balls to tell me straight up that you cheated and lets talk about it and save all the drama that usely comes later if you lie about it and then get caught. Your more likely not going to be in the "dog house" if you just tell the truth and get it over with. So to answer the question yes i can forgive. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/26/2007 10:31:37 AM | I can't speak for everyone....But for me the trust is gone and I'm a biggy on trusting my partner/lover! Dump him!  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:00:39 PM | Lonely gemini writes,
(Msg 642) If you cheat on partner once or many times do you really love your other half? my answer to that is No!!! ..................to me some people say you can love two people at once ..i dont beleive that i dont think you can love somone in the same way....the ones that say they love there partner after they had an experience with another are just afraid to lose what they had..... kids and there so called better life..
A_sweet_fishy replies,
(Msg 645) But you CAN!!!! I can and do love three children, equal but different. I can and do love many friends and family, equal but different. I can and do love two men, equal but different. It is quite possible. If that were the case, once you had been in love and broke up with (divorced, widowed, whatever) you would be incapable of ever loving again.
I think the difference has to do with that old saying, "You can not serve two masters." 
On a more serious note it has to do with sharing ones time. For example, let's say you promised partner Number One you would attend a company celebration. Meanwhile, that same afternoon, while getting ready to go to the party, you find out that partner Number Two has been rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. You must choose which "situation" requires your time.
I think when one declares their love for another, in a romantic sense, it means they come first, before any other individual with the exception of, perhaps, children . In other words both parents would not attend the company party while their son/daughter was hospitalized undergoing an operation.
Again, using the example of children, we may love them all but each one realizes their specific wants/needs do not come before the other children. Having more than one lover means each lover must realize their wants/needs are continually balanced with those of the other.
While having two lovers may look appealing "on paper" the reality is usually quite different.
Perhaps one should listen to the song, “Kiss and Say Goodbye” by The Manhattans. "This has got to be the saddest day of my life
I called you here today for a bit of bad news
I won't be able to see you anymore
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have.."
(http://www.lyricsdownload.com/manhattans-kiss-and-say-goodbye-lyrics.html)
As for
.the ones that say they love there partner after they had an experience with another are just afraid to lose what they had..... kids and there so called better life... I believe in many cases the person does still love their partner.
As the foregoing song shows it is anything but a good time deciding between two people whom one loves. Unless one is in an open relationship they must be diligent so as to avoid the heartbreak. | |
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