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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:21:31 AM | Forgive somebody is your problem.
They may WANT your forgiveness...but if you can't forgive...then you'll probably be the only one affected.
If you are w/ somebody...and they cheat...odds are it's not a surprise to you.
If it is ..you're either in self-denial..or you weren't paying attention to what's going on in your relationship.
So...your forgiving is up to you.
If you don't....it might hurt the other person in the short run...
But only YOU will be affected in the long run. | |
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smd83
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 1002 | |
| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:36:34 AM | Op,
Yes you can forgive... Lets not forget that any relationship is a two way street... Let's not put all the blame on the cheater... ummm... in my eyes: if he was happy with me.. he wouldn't neeed to open the door to the cheating... so in my ex marriage i take 50% fault.
As for Could i Have stayed with him and made it work after he cheated?
NO...
It's not adultery , that i can't forgive because i did... What the issue is here is inability to have an open communication, trustworthy, loyal relationship... ITS his DECEPTION that pushed me away... If I can't trust my own spouse then there is no working things out...
He begged and pleaded... but at the end of the day... when I would ask him what did you eat today : him saying eggs and bacon... I'm thinking liar he had soup, and sandwich.... You see what i mean... HIS WORDS MEANT EVERYTHING... His action TORE THOSE WORDS to pieces... NO RECOVERY...I just couldn't believe a single word that was coming out of his mouth.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:03:43 AM | Forgive a Cheater???? that's the same as forgiving a Liar!!!! Will you ever be able to truly believe a Liar??? NO, right??? Same goes for a CHEATER*******cheats, liars, abusers,thieves, etc,etc., etc..,******* ALWAYS RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST,,,,,,,,,,,,never let anyone treat you with anything less than the TOTAL RESPECT you deserve. Obviously, Mr. Cheater was not thinking about how he was disrespecting you while he was doing her!!!!!
Move on baby....if you let him get away with it once.....he'll never take you seriously and he WILL CHEAT again!!!!
You got burnt once that should be enough!!
I've always told my man: "If you decide to cheat on me better' BE SURE ' she's worth it because you've lost me forever! It happened to me once.....he became Instant history because I love me the most!!!  
It's hard sometimes but...be true to you!!! even if he's not! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:24:46 AM | | Yes, I forgave him (but never forgot about it), and politely told him that it was over. We are still friends, though...he may have cheated on me, but he's always there with a shoulder for me to cry on. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:27:01 AM | | Yes, I forgave him (but never forgot about it), and politely told him that it was over. We are still friends, though...he may have cheated on me, but he's always there with a shoulder for me to cry on. He's sorry for it now that he's grown up more! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:29:44 AM |
Forgive a Cheater???? that's the same as forgiving a Liar!!!! Will you ever be able to truly believe a Liar??? NO, right??? Same goes for a CHEATER*******cheats, liars, abusers,thieves, etc,etc., etc..,******* ALWAYS RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST,,,,,,,,,,,,never let anyone treat you with anything less than the TOTAL RESPECT you deserve. Obviously, Mr. Cheater was not thinking about how he was disrespecting you while he was doing her!!!!!
Move on baby....if you let him get away with it once.....he'll never take you seriously and he WILL CHEAT again!!!!
You got burnt once that should be enough!!
I've always told my man: "If you decide to cheat on me better' BE SURE ' she's worth it because you've lost me forever! It happened to me once.....he became Instant history because I love me the most!!!
It's hard sometimes but...be true to you!!! even if he's not!
Wow...did you read this after you wrote to see all of the bitterness that's in it?
I seriously doubt that only one man ever cheated on you...
Unless you only dated one man...
Or you followed the others everywhere they ever went....
And all of the icons...that was a little bit of overkill,don't you think?
OP....if you like the ways things are going or went...then by all means forgive.
Or don't.
But, again. forgiveness is up to you...
If you don't forgive...then you'll be the only loser.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:57:55 AM | | In my opinion, the foundation of every quality relationship is built on trust. If a girl was to cheat on me, that foundation would fall apart and the entire relationship would come down like a house of cards. If this person did it once, why do you not think they would do it again? Leopards don't change their spots. I know it would be hard, but if a girl cheated on me, that relationship would end the moment I found out. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:53:19 AM | | once a cheat always a cheat - its true! once its happened to you thats it theres no trust you will always wonder where he is, who he's with and if you let them get away with it once it wont be long before they do it again, its only very few that dont do it again the way i see it is if your with someone and they love you then they dont cheat no excuses!!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:55:46 AM | Cocytus...... I am not bitter....I was married for most of my life since age 18 and have been a widow now for almost 18 years....I know in my heart and soul that "My Husband" never cheated on me!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!
yes, one man,,,,,,cheated on me...that was someone from last year! He is the loser...not me!
And, these icons are here to use.......
Bitter???? Me?????? I am in no way bitter....just wiser!!!
I have a lot of self-respect and I expect "respect" from others because I deserve it!!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:08:36 AM |
Cocytus...... I am not bitter....I was married for most of my life since age 18 and have been a widow now for almost 18 years....I know in my heart and soul that "My Husband" never cheated on me!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!
yes, one man,,,,,,cheated on me...that was someone from last year! He is the loser...not me!
And, these icons are here to use.......
Bitter???? Me?????? I am in no way bitter....just wiser!!!
I have a lot of self-respect and I expect "respect" from others because I deserve it!!!
Umm...so you "know" for a fact that your late husband NEVER cheated on you?
How, exactly would you be able to "know" this?
Wouldn't a more accurate statement be that you "believe that he didn't?"
And I guess that the "relationship" w/ the man from last year wasn't too important.
If he cheated on you and that fact ended the relationship...then things weren't that significant I guess.
Why is he a "loser?"
Apparently you were unable to meet all of his needs...and he went looking elsewhere.
You caught him...or he confessed...and then the two of you parted ways.
And this makes him a "loser".....how,again?
Finally...yes the icons are here to use.
But are you unable to to clearly and concisely make your points w/o using so many of them? | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:19:05 AM | NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, i made that mistake n the c**t did it 2 me again anutha 3 time hes lost not only his wife but his daughter as well, i want 2 slap the mare who he did it with as she knew he had a family but i also want 2 shake her hand 4 doin me a favor, im with a terrific guy now. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:40:27 PM |
Apparently you were unable to meet all of his needs...and he went looking elsewhere.
Its an excuse a cheater uses to condone their cheating, trying to place the blame on whom they cheated on.
Some people will cheat on you no matter what you do.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:30:31 PM | "If you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 6:14,15)
We must base our relationships with others on the same standard on which God bases His relationship with us: love, acceptance and forgiveness (see Matthew 18:21-35) | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:05:46 PM | | I could, but I'm sure it would alter the nature of the relationship. I've never experienced this, but it's hard to imagine how it wouldn't at least loosen the interpersonal bonds anyway. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:52:28 PM | | To me, cheating may possibly be forgiven, but it is never forgotten. It is always a crushing blow in a relationship, and for me to even consider the slight possibility of staying with a person who has cheated on me once, I would have to be die-hard, 500%, complete, unbelievably in love with that woman. I've been cheated on by several women, mostly because I like taking my time in a relationship and not rushing straight into the bedroom a few days after meeting, and everytime, it hurt. A few, I have forgiven, but I could never forget. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:13:11 PM | | My only girlfriend cheated on me, and although I was very angry at her, time has passed, and we didn't see each other for a long time, but now we're talking again, and she's a great friend to have, and I have totally forgiven her. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:57:01 PM | | Cheating is the ultimate betrayal between a man and a woman. Can you forgive? Can you forget? If you ever experience that feeling of betrayal, the one person you trusted most in the world, cheating on you, you realize, you are the only one you can count on. Maybe forgive them and stay with them, and give them the opportunity to do it again. Never forget it though, everytime they are late, or you get that odd feeling, or they wont look you in the eye, you will wonder. odds are, if they got by with it once, they will try it again. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:03:21 PM | "forgive ... to be .. forgive" (paraphrased)
It all depends upon what you mean by "forgive". My spiritual guide teaches that the word "forgive" simply means "to release from the need for retribution" .... it is something I do for me, for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Lack of foregivenss eats like a cancer of the spirit and mind.
However, foregiveness does not mean to condone or give the person an opportunity to repeat the behavior with you. It doesn't mean to forget. Actually, I have a whole list of things it doesn't mean.
If a person is not getting their needs met with me, leave. Then when they start something up they aren't a cheater. There are appropriate ways to end relationships ... cheating isn't one of them. It is deceptive and manipulative and cruel and self centered. It willfully hurts another human being for self-serving purposes. Yes, leaving also hurts, but it is honest and not manipulative.
Cheaters tend to rationalize, justify and excuse their behavior with blaming ... which is the lowest of the low behaviors. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:06:10 PM | | I may be able to forgive someone for cheating on me but I would never forget, which means the relationship is over. No matter what you will always have that thought in the back of your mind that they possibly could be cheating and there will be no trust. There is no relationship if there is no trust | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:37:17 AM | | define the word cheating...... you can cheat on some emotionally as well as in the body. both are just as bad if you love someone then you shouldnt be looking at anyone or showing those kinda of emotions towards anyone while your with that person. cheating comes in many forms and can it be forgiven playing with someones feeling NO | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:30:04 PM | | I tried forgiving... and never completely did... then she did it again. So, I have the once a cheater, always a cheater mentality. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:34:46 PM | | This is the line in the sand that you don't cross. And if you do...it's over. OVAH! | |
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