| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:32:01 AM | My wife cheated on me. When I found out, I was devastated. We tried to work through it, but I wasn't ready to move past it yet and she was tired of me dwelling on it. Also, I was losing the battle with clinical depression, which can take a toll not only on the depressed person, but all those around them as well.
Can I forgive her? I already have. While I don't condone what she did, I believe that I understand why she did it. She felt lonely, invalidated, and unattractive in our marriage (I clearly wasn't doing a good job of conveying to her how I really felt.), and the guys she cheated with made her feel "alive" again. It is my personal belief that she also wanted out of the marriage and she was hoping on some level that I would find out and leave her.
We tried to work it out, but we failed. However, I still forgive her for the cheating.
Can a relationship be saved after cheating? I believe some can, but most can't. Can the cheater be forgiven? If the other person wants to forgive and works at it, I believe that it can be done. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:21:58 PM | I'd never ever ever ever ever ever forgive a cheater, they did it willingly.. there's your answer, have more respect for yourselves and move on.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:28:12 PM | | No I cant forgive a person for not having a basic level of respect for the person they are intending to love. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:22:45 PM | No! you can never forgive and forget! Been there 2 times and once a cheater always a cheater. Its takes a long while to trust again! Never mind dating again! It took me awhile to trust again. Is the grass greener on the other side! Well ask my ex wives!
There still single!
FishermanIV | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:07:16 PM | | I despise a cheater but forgiveness would greatly depend on how long we'd been together and how serious we are. Unfortunately (or fortunately), when I'm in a relationship, I put 100% of myself into it. Sometimes that allows me to forgive in the face of obvious disregard for my feelings. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:10:18 PM | Re the Opost:
Unless she did not make sure there was protection involved, there is nothing to forgive.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:21:25 PM | I forgive most things, but if someone cheats on me and I forgive, there going to do it again and expect to be forgiven again, I'd rather be alone than unhappy.
So in conclusion: if you cheat on my I will go on living my life, but you won't be a part of it.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:26:34 PM | | i'd forgive, when i was able to see past the hurt - it makes me feel sick and all tensed up, when i keep bitterness/anger stewing inside... but i wouldn't forget and i wouldn't give him another chance, because he'd have shattered my trust in him and lost trust is something that is nearly impossible to regain, imo | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:34:27 PM | | You can forgive, but I'm of the opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Kick him to the curb. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:12:15 PM | | nope.... I had a ex said she was not in her right mind and it was a accident!!!! LOL!!!! what did she do, trip and fall on him!!! LOL!!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:39:54 PM | Forgive? Maybe after years have passed.
Forget? Never.
Stay in that relationship? Absolutely not. Never again.
Been there, done that, wrote the book. If one feels it necessary to cheat, then one should get out of the relationship they are in. Plain and simple. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:17:02 AM | | I cannot forgive,after him tellin me it was not another woman and then finding the two of them together one night! OMG,and whats crazy is why she would continue to date or see him,knowing he cheated on me,did it once,twice,he gonna do it again! She and him on this site too! Hahahah,Losers,boozers and Cheaters!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:51:26 PM | | Lets see here with him for 6 yrs, engaged, carried his 2 children cheated once. After 4 months of trying to salvage our relationship, I gave up! Couldn't forgive, nor could I forget.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:44:04 AM | Forgive? Eh, maybe. Forget? Never. I don't believe in carrying a grudge against them, nor do I wish them any harm, because I believe in karma.
Would I break up over it? Yes. Ended relationships before because they cheated, and would do it again...simply because once that level of trust has been violated, it's all but impossible to get it back.
The women who cheated on me are still somewhat involved in my life, but only as distant acquaintances. I won't let them play in my sandbox anymore. lol | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:11:36 PM | Depends upon what your definition of forgiveness is. Too many people believe that "forgiveness" means that they not only will accept the apology / amends, but that they also must keep this person in the same role in their life. People interpret "forgiveness" as letting the violator off the hook, so to speak, not holding them accountable so they no longer have to look at their behavior. I look at things differently. For me, if my committed partner cheats on me (which implies deceit, dishonesty and violation of trust.... a lot more than simple "cheating"), I may eventually be able to forgive that person, but the nature of the relationship has now changed. The trust is gone, the desire to be with that person is gone, the ability to believe in that person is gone.
For me forgiveness is not something I do for the person who has violated my trust, to let him stay in my life or not. Forgiveness is something I do so the violation of my trust doesn't keep poisoning ME. This keeps me from being bitter and suspicious toward other men in future relationships. I can eventually forgive so that I can move on in my life, not to get the cheater off the hook. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:39:08 PM | josie555 you only think it changes once you experience it first hand!! It can be hard to reconcile that a person who says they love you actually betrayed your trust. Sometimes we comfort ourselves by trying to stabilize the relationship and convincing ourselves things can be as they were before. But once it really sinks in, believe me you won't want to be with that person. You'll always wonder where they are and who they are with. And the memory of them cheating will flare up and taunt you. It will come up in arguments. For some things the slate simply cannot be wiped clean.
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/8/2008 5:29:49 AM | I need to ask a guy..Ok are we friends- or more than friends? These things need to be made clear. I tend to be more attracted to a guy that will spend time with me.
-Hello! I like the beefy muscular yet quietly charming and mannerful type. Not guys who are into public displays of affetion. There must be a line drawn. A line that must not be crossed. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:33:20 AM | | I think someone who cheats on another while they are in a relationship lacks integrity....and that is one of the most important traits that I seek in a person. NO !!! I would not forgive and accept him back !!!!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:58:30 AM | Define Forgive?
If you mean ... I forgive you for your nastyness you dirty filthy pig... then throw them out with the rest of the garbage.. then, YES..I am a forgiver   
Once the trust is gone baby... so, is the love ... a relationship can only survive on trust.. once is that is gone so, am I 
I also, believe in this .. what goes around, comes around and then back around!
Any questions?  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:26:59 PM | Define cheating.
To me cheating is having a full blown relationship and sex with someone other then the one your with (supposedly the one you love). In that case, all trust is lost. If the love is gone too, throw them out. If the love is still there, it will take a lot of time before trust can be regained. | |
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PeterC
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 1100 | |
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