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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:30:31 PM | | Yep, I can forgive her after the Divorce, and the Judge denies Alimony (this is in the Theoretical Utopian America). | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:34:15 PM | once a cheater... always a cheater
SO, I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT EVER FORGIVE!!!! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:32:18 PM | | No I was cheated on also for the 1st time that I am aware of last summer. I found out after we broke up but it still hurt the same. He wanted to get back together later and I couldn't. Usually once a cheater always a cheater. From watching my friends go thru it all the time with guys, once the guy cheated he kept on cheating. No 2nd chances with me. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:36:01 PM | | Yes sometimes.......or at least give another try but lies are so much harder to forgive and they do have a habit of repeating.....bit like an onion sandwich. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:17:42 PM | ^^^^Onions leave you with bad breath... either cut out the onions or use better mouth wash  or do both ... you need a little something more with the onion sandwich mmmm perhaps a little grilled chicken and bacon   
What were we talking about... got a little carried away there hee hee  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:30:33 PM | There's another thread almost identical to this one and it seems that after pages and pages of responses, the resounding concensus of opinion if NOT to trust a cheater. There were only a few on that thread that said they would forgive it... most will not.
I think once that trust is broken you can never repair it. I mean, think about this... yoiu give your heart to someone for safe keeping and they completely shatter it. If there were problems within the relationship, the two of you should work it out or break up.... not bring another person into the mix. The humiliation and pain stay with you forever.... at least for me it will.
I'm not sure if once a cheater, always a cheater... but if you did it once, you may be more prone to do it again if you haven't seriously beat yourself up about it, stop laying blame on the other person, and realize no one makes you cheat... it's something you choose to do. Even if the cheater does work on himself... I still don't know that I'd trust that person never to do it again. Who wants to get hurt like that a second time?
Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.
Sharzi | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:59:25 PM | | No I cant, will not never. I have had that done to me. If they cheated on you once they will always do it you, no matter what they say. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:07:56 PM | Sharzi
You're right. There is page after page of I would never forgive or I was cheated on once and it didn't work out so I would never forgive again.
This tells me two things:
1. Infidelity is rampant. Look how many posters say they have been cheated on, and this is only a singles site; I would assume most married people don't even come here and so we're not hearing from them. I would also assume that non-single people who want to protect their significant other from public humiliation would never indicate in a public forum that their current partner cheated on them and that they successfully got through it.
2. Most people who have never been cheated on envision that they could never forgive such an indiscretion; that they would immediately throw the perpetrator to the curb, but I put forth that they would at least try to make amends if their significant other wanted to be forgiven. Why do I say this? Because I've seen it repeated multiple times over the last decade of my life. I'm not sure whether I'm just privy to people's personal lives or whether it's my age, but I can't tell you how many married women I know have discovered their husbands are cheating on them and have made the decision to stay. Perhaps it's the Hillary Clinton phenomenon, where the monetary and societal benefits a marriage provides outweigh the emotional hurt resulting from an affair. I did read somewhere (it might have been written by Dr. Laura actually) that women who have been married many years to a man will want to retain their control of the empire in the face of an affair, meaning they will not cede that position of matriarch. Of course the other reason I believe people faced with the situation will forgive is because it happened to me when I was dating a guy; he wanted to be forgiven and I did forgive him, and we did move forward with the relationship. I must say, though, that before it happened, I always believed that I could never forgive infidelity. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:13:57 PM | Cheating?--- is it your boyfriend? in an exclusive relationship?--- then I would say NO....
Is it your fiance? then I would say NO....
Is it your husband?...give a WARNING, get HELP....TALK....do all the right thing...if ONE more time cheating....NO.
That is just ME not you. And circumstances can be different. People can fall into temptation and make mistakes too. It's really up to you my friend!:) | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:20:13 PM | novascotialass wrote:
******I did read somewhere (it might have been written by Dr. Laura actually) that women who have been married many years to a man will want to retain their control of the empire in the face of an affair, meaning they will not cede that position of matriarch. ******
I was married a very long time and a week after I found out he'd been cheating, I filed for divorce... leaving money (lots of it) and comfort behind. I could have stayed, had everything I ever wanted, but what I wanted most in life, and still do.... is real love.
I know there are a lot of women who hold fast to their lives because they fear what's "out there" for them. Truthfully, after what I've encountered on the dating scene, they are right... this is no picnic. Cheats run rampant... lying is second nature... and those of us who are honest, are dinosaurs it seems. My married friends who have considered divorce have decided to stay and work things out based solely on what I've been through.
I've broken up with two men I loved because they were cheating and knew I deserved better than that. If (and that's a huge if) I were to forgive someone and take them back, they would have to make a full time job out of working on themselves and on us in order for me to ever believe them capable of riding themselves of their cheating mentality... mainly that it's okay to cheat if there are problems in the relationship.
I've only known one man in my entire life who was so sorry he cheated that he never did it again. His wife, even though she forgave him and they've been together for years... still doesn't trust him. Unfortunately, most people do cheat again. That's why it's so hard to trust that if someone did it once, they would do it again. Just look at the pages and pages of people who have been cheated on.
Very sad!
Sharzi | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:31:32 PM | | No and thats why I am here looking. My ex husband cheated on me for 4 1/2 years of my marriage and I had no idea. When I found out I left. I knew I would never be able to trust him again. I didn't want it in the back of my mind every time he was late from work or he got a phone call. I just knew I deserved better and if he truly loved me he would have never done it. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:45:08 PM | | can you forgive the dishonesty. can you look past the selfish and self centerdness......there is more to cheating then just the act of it. If you can work through the issues and dysfuntion...personally, I dont have time for all that....I say be on your merry way , get your *hit together and good luck. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:49:30 PM | People who cheat are usually people with very looooow self esteem and self confidence.. you can take that to the bank deposit it and collect interest....I feel sorry for them... confident people do need to... they usually stand on solid ground 
That is why you should try to hook up with confident happy people without the confident issues their issues usually come and bite you on the ass (painful if you ask me) ouchhhhhhhhh!!! No time for people like that.. take your time, explore and access the situation like good scientists | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:19:24 AM | | Yes I can forgive! Many people are confusing forgiving with forgeting. When you really look at yourself and your relationships, you find that you really have no choice than to forgive. Sure, you can say that you wont forgive someone for something they have done to you, or someone you love but come on...really, do you want to carry that burden around with you for the rest of your life? What I don't understand are those who are stubborn, angry, or not willing to let go of something they "feel" has hurt them. Listen people, we all will have trials in our life and some of them really bad but we need to forgive people for their injustice and move on with our lives. Im not saying it was right or that we shouldnt forget where we once were in that situation but we can resolve our tensions, move on with our life and vow to use better judgement next time and never enter into that place ever again. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:51:16 PM |
(Msg 1108) Most people who have never been cheated on envision that they could never forgive such an indiscretion; that they would immediately throw the perpetrator to the curb, but I put forth that they would at least try to make amends if their significant other wanted to be forgiven.........................I believe people faced with the situation will forgive is because it happened to me when I was dating a guy; he wanted to be forgiven and I did forgive him, and we did move forward with the relationship. I must say, though, that before it happened, I always believed that I could never forgive infidelity.
I agree. When a person is faced with terminating a relationship with someone they truly love they will think twice. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:27:23 PM | | no way. even if you think that person could change, most likely they wont. if they do, you wont be able to trust them anyway. it also ruins your confidence. love makes you want to forgive but in reality, they didnt love you in the first place, FACT. when they were cheating, do you think they thought about you for one second? no, if they did, they knew it was wrong but did it anyway which shows that person doesnt care about you. its a game to them, its a thrill, they dont take peoples feelings into consideration. theyre not serious either, to me, cheaters are very selfish and are just out for themselves. stay away. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:41:00 PM | | There are alot of factors that I would have to consider...I've never been married and the cheating question is a big part of it. Realistically, I don't know what I would do but I see me leaning towards forgiving if I'm married and if I'm in it for the long haul. But I know its my decision to live with. I would however consider who is involved in the transgression. Are there any children to consider? Do you love the cheater? Can you live without them (of course you can, but do you want to?). I have never cheated while actually in a relationship...but I have been with someone else while in my heart I loved someone else...follow me? (Even that's hard for me to understand) Who's to say you will never cheat... Everybody is imperfect and will make mistakes....remember that for what's it worth. You may do something to hurt someone you love and may want forgiveness.... The decision is still yours.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:38:10 PM | | I've never been cheated on but I also know how strong my character is and I would never tolerate it. It's not a matter of once a cheat always a cheat, it's the principal that he wasn't sure enough to not want to be with someone else. By cheating, it shows that he wasn't mature in handling his feelings nor was he honest enough to let things go before going with someone else. It's all about RESPECT and how much of it you have for yourself to deal with it. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:48:29 AM | I used to think I could forgive that, but I can't. I tried to work through it with my ex-husband and I do beleive that he stopped, but in the end, it just drove me crazy. It's not about the cheating, it's about losing the trust. If you don't trust someone, there isn't a point in staying in the relationship.
It was like, I couldn't trust that what he said he was doing was actually what he was doing. Every time we tried to have relations all I thought about was the cow that he shoved his stuff into. Actually, I think that made it worse was knowing that she wasn't even pretty. I mean, like, honestly here....she was just not an attractive person. She waasn't even a hygenical person. Which, he blamed it on booze and pot...but still.
So, if by chance I'm ever cheated on again...out the door he goes. No questions asked. I don't want to hear excuses or I'm sorry's....it's to late to apologize...
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:12:04 AM | | let me tell you, if this person who cheated on you really cared, they would have never cheated. dont go back. it would never work due to the fact that you wouldnt be able to trust him again. i did take someone back once and they did it again. give yourself to someone who deserves it, not someone who broke your trust! good luck. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:20:22 AM | | but let me say that not all men are cheaters, women cheat to but its not acceptable. i never take out what one man did in my past relationships out on the next relationship. i have been with faithful men but unfortanitly some people cant be faithful. but if you do take it out on the next person you get with, you arent giving them a fair chance. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:18:24 AM | | Well, I would forgive. If I want to be forgiven, then I need to forgive. Plain and simple. | |
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