| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:35:57 PM | smd83 wrote:
****** Let's not put all the blame on the cheater... ummm... in my eyes: if he was happy with me.. he wouldn't neeed to open the door to the cheating... so in my ex marriage i take 50% fault. *******
Hmmm... you are taking half the blame for someone cheating on you rather than leaving you before he cheated? That's unreal.
I would never take the blame for a coward's way of dealing with life. Cheating is wrong.... leaving a bad relationship is the right way to go about it.
You could never convince me that a cheater is justified. I don't care what the other person has done. If you're not happy in a relationship... leave it. Don't humiliate and cause pain to someone else because you haven't the balls to do what you need to instead of going and taking what you want to.
Sharzi | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:48:08 PM | | ONthebus, I think cheating is a totally different situation... you are making it too broad. If these women left their marriages... it could have been for the fact that their husbands cheated... come on. My geek husband cheated on me with another geek. This was her third marriage and his second... so far they are still together. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:26:02 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^ what goes around, comes around and back around... stay tuned the saga will continue and you can that to the bank!
Do not even bother to give them a second thought.. go on with your life... not worth being bitter about... because *THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT* they are just lost souls in the society ... when will it end? does a circle have an end? 
Best of luck to you... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:19:01 AM | I only ever cheated on my first girlfriend.
All the rest I've had, I've been 100% faithful... vowed to myself I'd never cheat again once I lost Amy. And I ain't. Now my relationships end either because they cheated, or I move somewhere else!
Catch 22? :P | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:52:35 AM | Can you? It's a personal will. If you have that "omg, he's not home yet...wonder where he is..." thought, bail.
It's a tough situation...you are faithful, give it all you've got, and still they found someone else? The better question is can you forgive YOURSELF!? It's not an excuse, if he felt neglected or what ever, to run off to someone else, it's cowardice. But don't just blame him/her. What were you doing wrong? I'd take it as a learning experience...and not go back.
People cheat...emotionally and physically. Are you the type that blames yourself? Are you going to spend the rest of that relationship doing every little thing you can to keep him all to yourself? If you have to wonder where he is or watch his every move he just isn't worth it. You shouldn't have to babysit him.
I don't believe that the mistakes a person makes dictates who they are...it's their actions after the mess up that matter. Is he really sorry? Or is he just sorry he got caught?
It's a question only you can answer...you know that person. Taking advice from others because of their past isn't what you need to do...it's about knowing yourself and the other person that matters. No one can tell you how to feel. No one can tell you how to navigate the situation in your life. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:03:27 AM | | no.. there shouldn't be cheating on any part of any concept of what each has committed to as a relationship period.. you don't look at another woman lustfully.. or you have issues with your relationship you better address long before you make your words useless dribble from that moment you say... your committed and that otehr persons says they are committed.. period.. get it through your mind from the get go cause there's no re-record.. try this simple test... say any word outloud... any word... try to suck back the word.. go ahead.. you know you wanta try.. omg... you can't.. simple.. don't say something you don't mean cause.. once the air leaves the windpipe.. your done.. if a leg walking by causes a flash in your eye your a piece a crap an you know it... so.... be honest... make a committed choice, cause.... no.. cheating is.. one's word is meaningless... hey can i borrow 5 bucks.. oh sure, i'm gonna believe you'lll repay me.. your word means so much to me... children... don't do that... ( unless you don't feel you'll get caught ) your word means soooooooooooooooo much to me.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:44:09 AM | | Once a cheater , alway's a cheater..get rid of that bum...or you'll go crazy wondering what he is doing...every time he walk's out the door. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:16:39 AM | I was cheated on, i think in time you can forgive, but you can never forget, i did try again with him, but something happened he never told me about because he changed started treating me like dirt, so i got out of there.
and by the way hes on POF know so look out girls.............. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:31:55 AM | | Well I was with the same girl for 3 years she never changed always was cheating on me and it was my own fault for letting it happen, but one day i woke up and said im not going to take it any more it was the hardested thing i ever had to do because i loved them very much i still miss her and love her but it was killing me i did every thing a guy could do , I supported her for almost a year car sigs , bear house everything i don't know any advice i can give but it sucks trusting someone that dont give it back it is what it it is and people don't change, I just hope someone out there can love me for me..................................................... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:38:12 AM | | look hun if they do it once they will keep doing it hun dont let him hurt u again by just trieing to forget about it as it will always be in the back of your mind and every time he goes out u will b woundering who hes with and wat hes doing i say find some one else hun i no its not easy getting over someone u love but you hafe got to try hun xx | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:40:44 PM |
Cheating- can you forgive?
Again....(Redundantly)...
Yes, I can, and WILL forgive, for it's in my nature.
Forget???
Never. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:57:18 PM | forgive... no... i did take time to understand.. and in my case, yep cheater makes perfect society sense... respect it... not a chance.. forgive it.. already said NO.. a person's word is all one has, an a lie.. or over the years several lies.. just add up to one's word hasn't got an once of measure left to weight...
where does one begin... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:10:39 AM | | If you can't forgive someone then don't expect others to forgive you when you make a mistake. Someone people do change some don't but you won't know if you don't give a person a chance. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:34:32 AM | Nope that is why I am divorced......Couldn't forgive or forget. Trust was broken too bad and never able to get it back. Maybe wrong in the way I think but just too much happen to put it behind me and forgive.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive? Dump Him
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:49:54 AM | The day you can forgive, is the day you bring peace to yourself. It is natural to remember things, you arent dwelling on details, having peace it will be a defence 4 U
If you love someone who cheated on you, it hurts big time, yet you loved them before & still do...it doesnt mean you stay together, but love doesnt disappear instantly. My Ex & I were married young & he was going 'out' somewhere the nite I was throwing him his 22nd B-day party. It continued from there numerous times till we had been married just over 7 years & had 2 children that I felt needed 1 happy parent instead of 2 fighting ones. It was the 3rd split,...I should have known the 1st time but I was determined to make it work and he sounded sooo sincere when it was kiss & make up time. He sure meant it when he said it, however never followed through. I have been engaged 3 times since, bt not married as none were appropriate. All sincere talk, no action. Hes on 3rd marriage..... definitely very selfish....
You are not married & dont have children, GO NOW! | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:59:58 AM | mistakes are easy to forgive an move forwards with.. i'm a professioal, i make mistakes daily... cheating isn't a mistake.. it's a completed with intent action.. a mistake.. oh my... fell into your.. and how did that happen over and over.. nope.. not a mistake... more complicated mistakes.. require more understanding.. forgive no problem... work it out... ok... work back out actions words and deeds of cheating.. not possible... done.. one can repaint a fence... cheating isn't a fence, it's a total jumped over the fence an into someone else's arms... alot of things fall into the can not forgive.. kill someone in my heart for no reason, i will not forgive you ever on the planet, god if there is ( disclaimer for those who need one ) can forgive.. i am not god.. and i wouldn't expect someone to forgive me such indiscretions... my ego's not that big... and yes.. people do change.. good for them.. i do respect someone making changes.. doesn't have a thing to do with forgiving...
edited.. no intent at harm or agression from my responce I repsect anothers view of a possible result from a positive input towardsa a tricky concept.. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:30:11 AM |
forgive... no... i did take time to understand.. and in my case, yep cheater makes perfect society sense... respect it... not a chance.. forgive it.. already said NO.. a person's word is all one has, an a lie.. or over the years several lies.. just add up to one's word hasn't got an once of measure left to weight...
where does one begin...
One begins with the self brother.
I'm Scott, nice to meet ya!
Tell me something wonderful about the one whom you described.
Gimme some posi-traction here......
You seem really kewl, but your stunting your growth based on anger, resentment and repercussion.
Let it go, and hang out with us awhile....
No negativity allowed.
Scott. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:02:33 AM | | I'm sorry but i believe anyone who takes a cheater back deserves everything they get. You will always doubt, and trust well how can u ever possibly. Your self esteem was damaged and staying in a relationship where you were obviously not enough is bound to effect that. So stop winging and get out. It all comes down to self worth, you should believe you are worth more and if you dont ..how can he/she? I may possibly forgive a very drunken one night stand but even then i would never be comfortable letting him out to get slaughtered without me again as i would be afraid it may happen again. So you either dump the offender or just face the facts its unrealistic to expect someone to never be tempted , attracted or vulnerable in their whole life and deal with it. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:53:23 AM | "once a cheater always a cheater "
I would also say, "never a cheater, always a cheater".
Nobody really knows if he might cheat one day, the potential "cheaters" are not only the one who experienced it but also those who never did it (logic,  )
For me, the real question is: what about the RELATIONSHIP?
If the relationship is a quality one, then you just feel you can trust, because why will someone cheat if he's satisfied whith his relationship?
If the partners don't communicate enough, aren't close (in mind and feelings, not glued all the time! lol), and you don't really know what goes on in the other's head, if happy, frustrated, etc., them it is hard to trust. Let say that trust is something that you gain, that you work on, and then you feel it... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:13:25 AM | If you love the cheater...you must forgive. A cheater is not always a bad man,,, he just made a bad choice.
I dont beleive in once a cheater.... always a cheater.
We are human and make mistakes. this doesnt mean we cant think and see it was wrong...we are thinking human beings....we make lots of mistakes and we also should be given the chance to proof we are able to correct and continue.
Remember the one that failed is not you, so be generous, kind and try to heal.....and if you love im and he loves you...retake the journey and trust me...I survived a hefty cheating situation and i can guarantee husband hasnt done it again. And yes I am sure.
Marriage got stronger, no hard feeling and guess what....after 6 years, now its me that im having the problem....and he is forgiving me. We are working thru it.....
Also prayer helped us a lot..God worked on our marriage then.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:27:10 AM |
They may WANT your forgiveness...but if you can't forgive...then you'll probably be the only one affected.
You'll be affected alright - you'll be setting yourself up to get cheated on again. "Forgive and forget" is fine when the other person misses your birthday or something - not so fine when your future could be determined by your choice to forgive. If you want to forgive, do it after you've found someone else and moved on with your life. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:50:09 AM | | I know it's hard. And I've been cheated on in a marriage. And No, I can't move past that. Some people may be able to, but I have to trust him out of my sight. Once he's cheated, I would always wonder when he was late, who he was with, what he was doing. I can't live that way, so No. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:05:33 AM | hiya Scott... one begins at the beginning... i thought about including that what's of value about who... but felt the subject was cheaters.. and so left off any redeeming qualities... and i have to say i'm sorry. there's too much detail you'd need to know that after thinking about this, there are no redeeming qualities... and i don't want to write a never seeming to end list of what's transpired over the past years.. I just use it as a watch out for list.. but even that hasn't a place in this forum... and this was the positive re-write..
so i'll give you a rough geist about why i do at least say yes.. what cheater did does makes perfect society sense... I owned a small local computer company for many years and was successful until the little town got noticed by the large supply chain stores.. slowly over a few years my small local store downsized into out of business.. and I had gotten moved into the Loser's list.. didn't know i'd lost.. thought someone had my back and i did adjust an change the future and was in the beginnings of a new business when I discovered some guy.. he'd been around a few years... so.. why my X divorced me.. I no longer was a rich american she'd married.. I made her lose face in front of her friends... so in societies eyes.. she did the right thing.. she protected herself from the loser an dumped him ( me ) of course through proper planning no one informed me and she took several years to build all the wonderful things she managed to do... i was left with my jaw hanging...
maybe it's easier for you to understand if I say... i don't let what happen focus on my life...it manages to do that for me... and you'd have to be in my shoes to understand...
anyway, i'll be hanging awhile.. like the forums... | |
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