| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:55:00 AM |
and so left off any redeeming qualities...
That speaks volumes in itself...
Understood, and empathy is just.
Yeah, the forums can be a great place.....I've learned a lot here.
MY PEEPS!!! 
Have a wonderful day, and walk in light!!
God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:18:52 PM | Yeah i know what you've been through that sucks, ive been cheated on and the worse thing about it is that your have time find out on your own, but even if he told you that he cheated and was honest, i would say you should not take him back, becuase it will most likely happen again once he's broken the ice.
if you do not wish you get hurt anymore, move on and find someone better. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:42:08 PM | | Well mine cheated and I gave him another chance and guess what he cheated again. I think you can forgive, but you'll never forget. I think if they get away with it the first go around they just assume they'll always be forgiven. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:47:16 PM | no cheating is unforgiveable if you dont love the person enough to be faithful to them then you should leave the relationship......leave the relationship before you turn to sleeping others.....  I HATE CHEATERS but unfortunately its becoming wayyyyyyy to common in todays society...man cheaters need to learn some morals  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:10:32 PM | | Hey MJ, I was with you,and felt for your Mom,you ,and family,until I read " We're Quick To Remind Him " I know you Love your Mom,But your Parents Relationship Is between Your PARENTS , not anyone else . It's mean reminding your Dad of his ,and your Moms past. I am not agreeing with your Dads old life style, but it is your parents that are in the relationship,no one else.Hope you , and your Mom finds peace in your hearts . | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:11:14 PM | josie, i am so naive!
that said,
i truly believe that we are humans who by nature are prone to drift.
and this is not me advocating on behalf of cheating. i just wonder... when did we become so guilty about those things that come natural to us?
if it's too much for you, cut out. but remember, instincts are hard to resist. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:15:56 PM |
If you are w/ somebody...and they cheat...odds are it's not a surprise to you.
If it is ..you're either in self-denial..or you weren't paying attention to what's going on in your relationship.
Sorry bub, but it's not always that cut and dried. Most people who cheat know how to do it without getting caught, and they KNOW what the signs are that their mate will be looking for. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:55:12 PM | Ummm...Forgive, yep!
Forget?, Nope!
Those who allow others to cheat on them and continue in the relationship are desperate in more ways than one, and have no Love or self-respect.
Blessings Abundant!!
Scott. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:19:53 PM | You are right "once a cheater, always a cheater", so if you decide to stay in the relationship keep that in mind.
Also keep in mind that it does not matter what he does from now on the trust has been lost, and you are always going to find yourself looking for signs of illicit behaviors, and ironically, he is always going to resent that you treat him "as if " he has done something wrong, thus becoming the "victim" again and again.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:30:07 PM | Im completely with you ... If someone cheats they will always be capable of cheating again... I know it sounds harsh but I can forgive but I can never forget ..
So trust your gut instinct on this one .. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:31:24 PM | NO WAY!!! WHY WILL I FORGIVE IF I CAN'T FORGET...
MY 1 LINER - "NO LOOKIN' AND TURNIN BACK"  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:46:09 AM | | Cheaters are cheaters, but everyone should be forgiven....that way when you see them again (years later) there is no reason for hostility :) | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:09:26 AM |
NO WAY!!! WHY WILL I FORGIVE IF I CAN'T FORGET...
MY 1 LINER - "NO LOOKIN' AND TURNIN BACK"
There-in lies the lesson in spiritual growth my dear...
Cheaters are cheaters, but everyone should be forgiven....that way when you see them again (years later) there is no reason for hostility :)
What happened to "Turn the other Cheek"?
We MUST forgive, always, and for anything and everything; otherwise, our soul carries with it poisons. We cannot grow as spirits by keeping grudges or resentment.
Whosoever hurts us must be forgiven, no matter what it takes. Look within yourself and find forgiveness as if you did the deed, and only you know how pure you are.
God awaits such an act, and then we can grow.
Seek not logic in forgiveness, but enlightenment, and then let it go...
God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:34:40 AM |
I would never be able to forgive my partner for this. Not acceptable!
NEVER???
Even on your death bed??
C'mon....
I've never cheated, nor have I been cheated on, for I can see the warning sings and I'll end the relationship beforehand....But; I can forgive anything....
It's my nature...Jesus says so.
P.S. No one says we have to accept it; this is about forgiveness. Doesn't mean we have to remain in said relationship either.
I don't think you folks are reading deeply enough into the actual question.
If I were cheated on, I'd never associate with her again, EVER!!
But I'd forgive her eventually, when the anger and resentment and feelings of betrayal subsided.
What about what Peter did to Jesus??? | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:45:00 AM | | No way. If they don't respect you enough to keep their pants on around other people, they certainly don't deserve another chance. You make your bed, lie in it. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:04:25 AM | | You know what'd be RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME?!!! If all the cheaters in this world are allowed to only DATE EACH OTHER. That'd be freaking hilarious. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:25:20 AM | Nope. I offer no such forgiveness for such a hurtful thing to do. I figure if my mate can't keep her pants up and legs closed while away from me, then she doesn't need me and I sure as hell don't need her. Most of my relationships were lost that way and I never looked back. Of course, there were probably times when I didn't even know about it. If there's something wrong with the relationship, that is the farthest most unproductive way to attempt fixing things. Yeah, I know 'there is more than one person everyone fancies due to natural laws of attraction', but gee whiz... use some control. Just because you have to take a leak doesn't mean you have to wet the bed for example.
Buy a sex toy or something, it is worth throwing away a good thing over a half an hour or less of lustful pleasure? Don't be sharing someone else's disease or bodily fluids with me. I would like to think I'm worth more than that.  | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:12:02 AM | This is an interesting site: http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/quizzes/public/infidelity_statistics.html
I've never really bought into the "once a cheater always a cheater" mentality, because in my first relationship I did forgive someone and they didn't cheat again. However, according to the above site, it does seem that some people are more likely to cheat than others. I tried to copy text from the above site but couldn't so you'll need to read it yourself.
Of interest:
Between 30% and 60% of married people cheat. They figure those numbers are low because most people never admit to the infidelity.
Certain people are more likely to cheat: those who are attractive, those with the opportunity, those who are risk takers, those who have a high sexual desire, those who have problems with their relationship.
Anyway, the more I read, the more I'm now becoming convinced that if someone cheats it's either sign that there are major problems in their relationship (=perhaps the relationship should end) or they fall into one of the other categories (=high probability of recurrence and therefore the relationship should end).
However, forgiving is important. As one other poster said, if you don't forgive after you've separated, you carry around a poison that affects you and not the partner. Also, if someone cheats on us because the relationship is in decline, we tend to focus on the cheating and not the problems in the relationship. If we want to learn for our future relationships, I think perhaps it's important to ask what went wrong in the first place.
Apparently monogamy is not natural to our species so a lot of us might have to learn to forgive unless we want to be angry the rest of our lives | |
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| Cheating- yes, i forgave...
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:19:43 AM | Absolutely. A true love would not consider another....
but...it took 2 years to re establish beginnings of trust and intimacy.
But for the children....i would not.
And 17 years later..she fell in love with him. 5 years later...the hurt of that betrayal...probably will always fleetingly haunt...some of the musty recesses of this ole heart...
but so much better now than ever without that in my life.
Strange as it sounds ...the capacity to love, undimmed, the appreciation of the true issues...stronger. More capable of giving..and receiving love now than ever.
...truly a paradox...
Once, mebbe, for a physical fling. Twice, NO WAY.And especially not when there were entangled hearts... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:51:56 AM | | Having been recently cheated on, I forgave her and wanted to work things out because I genuinely cared about her. Unfortunately she didn't care that much about me. I later found out she did it so that I would break up with her, make a big scene out of it and look worse than her for my reaction. I guess it depends on the person and how close you feel to the person who cheated on you. I know people who have made it work and have gone on to have a very happy and fulfilling relationship afterward, but I know people who have had things go the opposite direction, myself included there. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:00:46 AM | Once a cheater, always a cheater. I will never date someone who was known to cheat and if anyone cheats on me, they're gone for good.
Better off just breaking up beforehand if you want to have sex with someone else.
Cheating on a spouse is the worst non-violent crime somebody can commit. | |
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