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| | Cheating- can you forgive?Page 5 of 59 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41) | | if the relationship lasts long enough i believe cheating will occur in ever relationship. in saying this its important to remember that you dont have to sleeping with another to officially cheat. when it comes to this i believe it is based on the idividual's tolerance of your significant other's personal freedom. we are human and we have wants especially the ones we cant have so whether its actively or passively we can try to resist but eventually sucumb to pursuit of something outside of our fixated relationship. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:22:08 PM | Yes, and I have before. It's so easy to say no, kick them to the curb, but until it happens
(hopefully it never will) you never "really know" how you will react.
As a previous poster said, forgetting is a helluva lot harder. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:34:26 PM | | I think the more you loved someone the harder it is to forgive....and especially harder to forget but then your only damaging yourself more, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven, your not fogiving for their sake but for your own. It frees you from the drain of holding a grudge, from being bitter and angry, and the inability to open your heart again. Don't let the one that hurt you live rent free in your head. If they hurt you so bad before why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? The deepest resentments are caused from a lot of hurt and pain and sometimes that hurt is just so strong that you must let go or you'll never be happy again. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/7/2006 7:10:12 AM | @ blue ^^^^^
I think from my own experience with my ex that you've pretty well hit the nail on the head there. I don't think I could have expressed it any better. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/8/2006 11:43:39 PM | For me and many other idealogical people that I have spoke with, It seems that it would be better stated from a mind over matter statement, that was first revealed to me in a quote. I continue to use it on so many levels of my life. I know this statement firstly from Henry Ford of the Ford Motor Company. His quote as I remember it is:
" IF you think you can, you're right! If you think you can't you're right"
It has so much to do with what you believe from all the influences in our lives. What we think is acceptable or what we believe to be part of human nature, will often affect our behavior and might become so locked into our belief system, that even if the truth of the situation is contrary to popular public knowledge and opinion, that many of us will not risk becoming ridiculed or risk not fitting in with our cliques, to overcome the misperception or untruth and use our minds to overcome matter long enough to keep our clothes on as it applies in this topic; to not cheat; or not forgive;and are not willing to go against popular belief and keep our sexlife monogamous.
That quote can be applied to just about any thing in life. Our human mind can overcome anything with the truth and the constant ability to keep our mind open enough in our pursuit of what is undeniably good and /or loving in the purist, most honest, sense of the word.
Questions? email me at morefunwithu-the writer of Dare to Care profile reviews and many poems on this site.
All of us have the mindpower to overcome the temptations if we choose to accept that we are intelligent enough to be better than any physical temptation or obstacle and infinitely more.
---Robert | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/8/2006 11:57:28 PM | We all have seen this played out in so many lives and in so many ways.
I have never once heard of it healing to full repair.
And my other question is, forgiving is a process. Find out about it, and then sit and wonder why it is YOU that has to do this work, but most importantly, do you want to?
It is also the shortest word in the entire Bible for a reason.
It's powerful stuff and really rare.
Personally, me? Nope, I'm out, see ya- wouldn't want to be ya....it's too much damn work, and I have a life to live here.... | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:45:21 AM | Went through this one last night......eventually I will forgive him for leaving his damn stinky socks beside my bed, letting his dog crap all over my house and maybe even for having me Nair his back for him just before he went out on a date but......................
for making me believe I can trust him, confide in him and consider him to be a really good friend - then ripping it all apart for a bunch of other women (yes a bunch - from POF too) for what purpose I did everything for this guy plus some.....
for allowing me to introduce him to my kids and have them decide they really like having him around, they enjoy his company and then as easy as getting caught away he goes....
forgive???? NOPE | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:47:07 AM | | One may forgive, but forgetting is something else. You have to remember that when people get into a relationship they are in effect making a contract between themselves. Now, if the man puts words into his side of that contract whch say something like, " ..... and any other woman I want." Then the woman really has no reason to complain. She should have put words in her side of the contract which said "....... and any other man I want." People have to get these things straight between them at the beginning. Say it right out and be honest about how you feel. Personally, I think, what ever freedom you want for yourself, you must be willing to grant me as well. Whatever restrictions you want on me, you must abide by too. Now that's the standard contract I go with. Step outside of that and it's cheating. I might forgive, but I don't forget. | |
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| Reply To #1
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:52:59 AM | First time huh? I think it might have happened before you just didn't know it.
People that are capable of doing this to other people need to be drawn and quartered. They are not normal believe me, it basically takes a person with absolutely no morales to hurt their partner that way.
The answer is NO.......just as the name of this site says POF there is so much more fish waiting to be caught so why waste your time with a person that cheats. Dump them and move on, I mean damn it's that easy I have done it several times. Why can't people get something so basic down yet. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:23:18 PM | | I don't know about this one. I have been cheated on once (that I know of anyway) and once I found out we parted ways. I can't be with someone that has done this to me. If I were married It would take some serious marriange counseling, reflection and prayer to guide me to the next step. I don't take marriage lightly so my response to you would probably be different. But, in the dating world I would kick em to the curb. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:51:51 PM | | Wait a minute. As far as that second degree cheating is concerned. Why are they out getting drunk without you being there ? Why would they go to a party and get drunk without you ? | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:32:19 PM | | Because married couples aren't joined at the hip. They do not HAVE to do every friggin thing together. THats why. They are still individuals. Trust is key. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:58:02 PM | | Well, that's the whole thing. I don't mean to preach but you are still young. One day if your lucky you'll meet someone and in a sense you will be joined at the hip. You won't want to go out getting drunk without them. You won't want to go anywhere without them, nor they without you. You get invited somewhere and the first thought that comes to your mind is " can they come too ? " People in love don't cheat because they don't want to. There isn't anybody else they want to do it with. The whole idea of the other person cheating would actually be funny. You'd actually say, " You thought that person could do you better than me? " , and you'd laugh about it. And it'd be true. People in love are drawn together like gravity, like invisible strings. You wake up at midnight after great sex and it dawns on you that you have spent the whole day in that other persons company, without noticing it until just now. Between people in love. Cheating is totaly beside the point. Almost a rediculous idea. | |
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exvike
| | Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 114 | |
| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:11:30 PM | | well i have been cheated on and i forgave but i never forgot....and the trust was just never there again......i questioned so many things that just didnt seem right and after the marriage fell apart and she came clean with all the lies that she told ...i was right about every thing that i was accusing her of....she was cheating over and over and over again......so trust your instincts.....trust what you believe in....the morals you have.....love doesnt totally fix things it can just make things more complicated.....so listen to your heart of what you know is right for you to do but from my experience the trust is gone and it will take a long long time to get back if ever at all......best of luck | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:13:26 PM | First off I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Now my two cents
My own personal view is that once they cheat they no longer have respect,dignity,trust and love for your partner, I mean how can someone hurt the one they supposedly care for?? that makes no sense to me, So for me personally it that is a break-up point. NO matter how much it hurts to break-up with them its still not as painfull as the cheating and there is no second chances because I would never be able to trust her. When I am not around the thoughts of whether or not she would be cheating would be an endless torture for me | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:25:14 PM | can i forgive someone for cheating on me... HELL NO.. 
if someone cheats on me it shows me that the person does not respect me .. and does not realize what i am worth.. so why waste my time !!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, it makes me wonder if that person has cheated on me : Am I the one for him or is he just keeping me around till he finds someone better..?
so, what a sucky deal that would be.. so cutout the cheating loser from your life .....
and go fishing again ...
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/10/2006 2:15:16 AM | | would you trust somebody who now has the power of doing such a thing over and over again because he knows that there is an x amount of chance that you're gonna take him back no matter how many times he'll do it? believe me, you're better off without him.no excuses. | |
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Thorb
| | Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 120 | |
| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/10/2006 11:47:24 AM | Love these perpetually recurring threads that seem to bind humanity around the world.
Cheating....
in sport you get suspended
at school you get expelled
in poker... you get shot.
Cheaters never prosper is a cleché I prefer over once a cheater always a cheater.
i do think people can reform.
I think if you can't forgive someone you love then you can't forgive and you are in trouble.
You don't forget ... yes ... but if you keep splashing it all over the papers then you really haven't forgiven either.
What is cheating.... maybe you should sit down at the start of a relationship and discuss this.
Personally I think a passionate kiss is cheating more than oral sex is.
If you haven't actually discussed the lines and limits of cheating in your relationship then where do you get off all of a sudden saying the other person cheated... you never layed out the rules of the game... and then hey wait... you don't even want this to be a game so maybe the whole terminology is wrong.
Unfaithful might be the term you are really looking for.
Cheating is rather ambiguous and really relates to rules of a game.
now if you mean the rules of marriage well... were you married or just going out?
now if you mean rules of having a relationship... we used to call it going steady and that was indicated with a ring... no ring ... no going steady ... so no rules.
I just find that pride and trust and faith all play a part in this but we aren't sure how much and where to draw the lines. Life is a grey area... not black and white.
Oh and to throw another wrench into the mix.
Swingers seem to have totally different ideas about cheating than the rest of us.
And who am I to tell them how to live their forgiving lives.
Forgive and forget ... definately makes you have a happier life.
don't forget and I don't believe that you forgave well enough and are placing too much importance on a stupid possibly drunken drug induced mistake.
Oh yea... and you all have to make your own decisssions , I won't do it for you. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:19:59 PM | | No not acceptable! I would not do it, and would expect the same treatment. When your with the one, there is no other. Basically he is saying your not the one. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/20/2006 11:38:03 PM | It is alot harder to create something out of nothing, I have always felt that if two people had the courage, they can do anything, and in truth, any worth while relationship, is not easy.
You dont just become happy, and for those people that do, well your lucky, or stupid, or ignorant, or just u, and im happy for you.
But i think, with love, and understanding, and truth, anything can happen. if you have the courage, but be smart, not stupid, I have given people chances in all things,and i do not regret it, but mainly, i just follow my instincts, so should u. | |
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| Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 1/21/2006 12:51:23 AM | | I think that your boundaries and consequences are your own. I think that you are the best person to judge this. It could work out good and bad. Don't accept an easy answer for fear of the unknown. Or try not to :) | |
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PA!GE®
| | Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 124 | |
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