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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 3:25:44 AM | There should be more men on here like artandsoul. Manners and politeness costs nothing and like the guy says " gives you a pretty good clue as to how people are when they think they're "anonymous". No excuss or need for rudeness. Good on you artandsoul  | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 4:31:54 AM | Men and boys have a role in social society that exposes them to rejection much more so than women.
Then, IMO they should be experts: meaning - better prepared for it, used to it and should be able to handle it better.
P.S. It's not really "rejection" if it's coming from someone you don't know. It's simply a mismatch of interest, and it's not personal. Letting your ego in the way won't make it any easier to deal with.
If I contact/approach a guy and he's not interested, I move on; it's not about me. What's the big deal? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 12:01:13 PM |
I have no problem when a woman says "no thanks". At least she has the common courtesy to reply. Some response is better than no response.
Amen to that. At least they have the courtesy to reply!
The childish losers that freak out and go crazy about a "no thank you" are the reason many "stopped" sending any reply at all to those that don't freak out!
I have heard and read some of the replies that men have returned after a "no thank you" and it is really sick !
Then again it shows what good judgement some women have! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 12:13:56 PM | Regarding the rejection question, I actually prefer when a woman says No Thanks to just read/deleted.
Understandably some people receive thousands of messages and cannot respond to as many as they would like. I do respond with a 'no thanks' to those I do not feel compatible with though, since I know the read-deleted leaves questions like "Did my tourettes kick in as I was typing, and maybe I sent a page full of euphemisms?" or "Did my alternate personality activate before I sent that, and typed some random stuff I'll never know I typed?"
The BBW stuff I cannot comment on since I haven't insulted one after being rebuffed.
But I wouldnt worry too much about people insulting you after you refuse to meet them for random sex. They are not worth your time, and obviously they were arrogant enough to believe they were guaranteed a lay, or are a gift to you, or something likewise idiotic to think you would go for that after a couple emails. It hurts their little pride that someone they look down on would reject them. Sadly though, there are some people who do go out and have that random encounter thinking this guy is going to be The One because he wants to screw so soon. And the beat goes on.... | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 1:35:20 PM | I'm not defending the men who say rude things when a woman rejects them. But I'm explaining why I think it happens. A man sees a woman's profile. They clearly have some common interests. He clearly matches many of the things she is looking for. This woman is around his "level" in terms of looks, education, income, social status. He emails her and points out their common interests and traits. Then he is rejected. Multiply this scenario by 20, 50, 100, or 200 times. Some men eventually get frustrated.
If a woman does receive a lot of rude emails after rejecting a man, then perhaps in some instances it was the way she rejected the man instead of the actual rejection itself. Maybe she said something that was tactless or flat out rude. Also there are some women who get angry after a man has rejected them. I have called a jerk, shallow, a$$hole etc. These things don't bother me because what some random woman on the internet thinks about me is irrevelant. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:22:39 PM | My first guess is because they've just had their narcissistic parade rained out!  
then they start crying sour grapes...
Some men (and for that matter, some women too) are packing a greater than normal degree of narcissism, such that they have a rather annoying sense of entitlement.
Some truly believe that once they've decided - 'yes, I've decided, we're going to do this' - then the entire world must play along to help make it so. In the case of dating, this attitude completely ignores the 'it takes two to tango' rule, as if the decision to hook up is theirs and theirs alone. In fact this is more the approach of a dictator, not a potential bf/gf.
Nothing tics off a narcissist more than when their universe isn't unfolding according to plan...
In my brief experience on POF a simple 'no thanks' is plenty, usually it's more like 'the line goes dead', so move on... 
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/18/2008 12:49:03 AM | ...
We're implying that women reply with no thanks?
That'd be the day. I've done the entire "Look, I've asked questions relevant to your profile! You can tell I've read it and I actually thought about this message!" with nearly every piece of contact I've made. (Not all have been as involved as others.)
I was completely and utterly honored when I got the one "No thank you" I received, from a different site.
I just don't see a "no thanks" trend here. Perhaps my 30+ messages were just anomalies? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:01:20 AM | | I just chatted with a guy like that. He started asking sexual questions. When I said I didn't want to go there just yet, he got all mad and said I wasn't being straight forward. Well, sometimes things have to go slow. lol I'm sure he was sexually deprived in his last marriage. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:21:36 AM | I completely understand with what you are saying. I was a little heavier in the wintertime... And I had quite a number of men start sexual conversation with me. I changed my profile. Now that I lost a few.. It doesn't quite happen that frequently. I'm not sure what to say in regards to weight. I think all women are beautiful.. though I think some men believe if a girl is a slightly larger, she might be an easy target. Maybe in their minds... It might be a self esteem issue. I don't know. Though, those men are not worth associating with anyways.
I'm not sure what your profile says... I would simply state, "Will only deal with gentlemen." | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:29:14 AM | It all has to do with the lost art of being a gentleman or a lady.
I know when I am approached by someone I am not attracted to or discover that I don't have "that" feeling for the woman it is incredibly difficult to let them know. They always take it personally so I don't believe it is a male issue.
These days the bottom line is... If you cannot handle striking out you shouldn't even try to swing until you handle your insecurities. They'll only end up being a drag on a relationship you do form. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:41:41 AM | | I'm hardly Miss Manners, but I think a reason why you are not interested, if you can avoid being insulting, is nicer to hear than "no thanks." I recently replied simply "sorry but you are outside my dating radius" and the gentleman replied "ok thanks for the answer." | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 10/20/2008 4:38:24 AM | ^^^Eh, for me "no thanks" is plenty. It's clear, direct and to the point. Why doesn't matter...I'll respond, but I don't hold people's hands. If "no thanks" isn't something you want to hear, then don't ask.
These days the bottom line is... If you cannot handle striking out you shouldn't even try to swing until you handle your insecurities. They'll only end up being a drag on a relationship you do form.
Exactly, if you want to date but can't handle rejection, then something has to give - you can't have it both ways. Either learn how to deal with the fact that some won't like you back, or give up dating altogether. | |
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