| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:45:32 PM | How about just trying to discuss whatever you want and redirect the conversation more to your liking rather than giving them an immediate negative response. If you take it in stride, and loosen up, you can control the type of conversation to have. It is incredibly simple to gain the respect and friendship of many who would have otherwise thought of nothing besides gaining some quick physical satisfaction. When you figure it out, they will look forward to talking with you on the terms you define. I have found that men actually do enjoy stimulating conversation, and will continue coming back for more without trying to get you into cyberbed or whatever. If you had said
you know what this isnt' the type of conversation I like to have when trying to get to know someone but maybe in about 5 hours after we have chatted up a storm and are best buds then maybe I'll let you talk to me that way, well who knows you may have just given them a challenge and got their interest for something further to develop. Just an idea. I'm sorry to be harsh but I feel a cold chill coming from you with your approach, people don't always know how to handle that in a positive way. | |
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marol
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Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 27 | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 7:29:02 PM | | Well, Marol, it's hardly just an assumption. In most venues in the "real world", it's considered rude to completely ignore a polite expression of interest. For some strange reason, many people seem to assume that the normal rules of human decency don't apply on the internet. I doubt that most of the people who practise this rude behaviour here would be so rude in person when they had to look someone in the eye or when there were others around to observe their rudeness. Here, they conveniently overlook the fact that there is an actual human being on the other end. That is rude and inconsiderate. Now, if anyone wants to assume something about me because I have stood up and called a spade a spade, so be it. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 7:48:30 PM | I have the same problem.. in that.. in the 6 months that I have been doing the online dating thing.. 90% of the contacts I have gotten are men requesting sex.. just yesterday I was on here checking email when some Idiot IM's me to ask if we can chat.. and I say sure.. the next thing he types is where are you located cause I need sex..
I called him an A$$ and blocked him.. end of that one.. but seriously I'm not sure why.. guys assume i'm desperate enought to have sex with anyone.. it can be cause we are bbw.. or perhaps its just that many of the men that frequent these dating sites are just looking for sex and nothing more.. I'm not sure but..
needless to say.. I stopped looking for love online.. and anyone who mentions sex or anything sexually related to me on chat or email gets instantly blocked.. no ifs ans or buts.
just block em and call it a day. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:09:48 PM | I feel a cold chill coming from you with your approach, people don't always know how to handle that in a positive way.
Why is it that you feel a cold chill coming from me? Why is it that I'm the bad one because all I'm asking is why men treat me so bad when I've politey declined the way they talk? Why should I have to be the one to try and vear a conversation in a different direction if they are so inclined to talk about things I dont' want to?
My whole point is that once I've been polite and nice, ( I don't know how nice and polite is considered chilling?) and ask not to talk about those things why they turn a 180 on me. I have tried steering the conversation elsewhere. But that wasn't my point of my post. I'm just turned off by men who sweet talk you to get you chatting and once the sexual talk comes about that I'm not comfortable with, and I am polite about it, they turn into a rude, inconsiderate a** and start calling me names. That's the part that really gets me is those that make horrible comments after they had just complimented on my looks previously.
It's almost like, "let me sweet talk her, compliment her, start talking about sex because there is a 50/50 chance she'll be into it. Damn she's not, what a fat cow, she should not eat so much over the holidays".
If that's the chill you are getting,then I'll be the chilly one. I have every right to feel offended at someone treating me rudely and making uncalled for comments after a 5-10 mins conversation where I was the nice person and they are the jeckel and hyde persona. Why is it that you see that as being cold? Arent' I the one being up front and honest? Aren't I the one asking the conversation not to go in that direction? I have tried many times to steer it elsewhere, but when it wasnt' about sex that's when they turned on me. That is the main point I was getting at.
But hey I'm know I'm in the right for standing my ground and wanting to actually have conversations that don't include about sex...Even after 5 hours why would I want to change my mind on that? I'm not on here to meet someone for sex, it's not in my profile stating that or my status doesn't say "other relationship". Trying to get to know someone, to see if you have a connection or things in common, shouldnt' be based on whether you will talk about sex or not with in the first 5-10 mins of 5 hours later.
Sex is a bonus to a relationship, not the thing to base the beginnings of one on.
(steps down from her soapbox) LMAO.
I;m a funny , outgoing gal and was just getting frustrated with men talking to me, giving me compliments and then turning around on me when I rejected them in the most nicest manner.
Shiloh | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:14:45 PM | If a guy says hey there nice picture...its a dumb reply from a visual male.
If a guy says I like your profile.....its a dumb reply from a male whose too blind to notice how nice you presented yourself in a picture...
If someone comes along and says oh baby spank my **s anytime you like that gets attention..how come you think that these words are sincere caring or interesting,,,even so disgusting its worth mentioning? I know your looking for a real relationship. And so most of us are.
I m asking because myself I have only given compliments...and recieved nothing in response to those compliments...I as well have a lack of understanding. I guess if this side of it gets figured out we will be rich LOL...
Best of luck in your search. :) | |
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PA!GE®
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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 32 | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:28:46 PM | Well after reading over all that you had to say, i did not see to much of this mentioned at all....
Is amazing how "quickly" a conversation can be turned to sex after a few polite hello's and how are you doing tonight/today. Can happen in a matter of lines, and like Shiloh states if you decline to go there you are then turned on. Sometimes with amazing spite. I have found most of my encounters with men that turn a conversation quickly to sex are usually still in other relationships or looking for someone new before they leave a current partner. Not all, but most thus far.
am sure i have stepped on a few male toes, sorry but such seems to be the way of these dating sites.
honesty and being truthful still seem to be the best way to keep from getting the wrong impressions, but is doubtful to happen on a dating site.
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:45:56 PM | | I just think that if you could lighten up a bit and have a sense of humor about these things, state your position and what's acceptable it might be different. I don't know. I chat up a storm constantly. I have had many make the cyberpass and look for cybersex but I don't take offense and I find ways to have fun enjoyable conversations that has nothing to do with sex. So what if a guy gets turned on when he's spending time with you. It's harmless really. It's not like you are getting skin to skin in realsville land. It's just not typical for a guy to turn on me when I don't give him what he is looking for. If you can be fun, interesting and intriguing, then they will want more of you even when no sex is involved. Many will of course state their sexual desires but if they really like you for your mind because you knew how to make it a positive experience for them, then sex won't be so important anymore. Gee, something has to be going on between the time you politely tell them no thanks and they start calling you names. Now if a guy were to call me some bad name, I would say, that's too bad for you that you aren't worth my time cuz if you were worth it, it would be a real good time for sure, but your not worth it so too bad. The thing is, I don't have to say that. Guys are sweethearts with me even the ones that are seemingly only looking for sex. And 5 hours later was just an arbritrary number, it was making a point that they would have to catch your interest in them. Also, I'm not asking you to lower your standards, I certainly wouldn't lower mine and my own standards are probably too high for my own good anyway, but to be open and flexible. Try a different approach, it might bring different results for you. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:12:58 PM | | Men are like children, if they don't get what they want they rant and rave and say things to try and hurt a person... the only thing they're doing is acting like the fools they are! Don't even worry about it... the guys worth talking to are the ones who when you say "not interested in sex talk" will turn around and say, "I'm sorry" and actually keep talking to you on a respectful level. Then maybe a friendship can come of it, or something more if ur looking for something deeper! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:03:51 AM | Well, Marol, it's hardly just an assumption. In most venues in the "real world", it's considered rude to completely ignore a polite expression of interest. For some strange reason, many people seem to assume that the normal rules of human decency don't apply on the internet
Hi Artnsoul..
But this thread was about peope who are inapporopriate.She does not want sex chat and that is what they open with in an Im or E.
I used to send.."no thanks, I dont see us as a match " or such as a rude..and get rude replies to that.. If the person obviously took time, I wll reply..but if it's "here's my ad..get back to me".. I see it as the same as someone waved at me..Isn't not waving back enough? Jmo Judy | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:39:18 AM | | Point taken, Judy. Obviously, the louts who start talking about sex immediately are another example of the internet as a place where the normal rules of human decency apparently don't apply. One thing you have to say about it is that it gives you a pretty good clue as to how people really are when they think they're "anonymous". What a sad commentary on the state of humanity today in the Age of Rudeness. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:33:32 AM | You know the Lighten up and have a sense of humor thinking doesn't work.. I have had guys IM meet asking me all sort of sexually related questions when I politely say look i'm not like that.. please be respectful or Sorry I don't sex chat.. I get a barage of insults thrown at me.. I actually had someone on another site.. block me out of the internet for hours becuase I would not sex chat with him..
If someone starts to sex chat with you from the bat.. I seriously doubt they will want to have a fun interesting conversation and later will want a serious relationship with you.. if they are looking for sex.. they are looking for sex.. now/later/whenever they are still looking for it. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:14:13 AM | [/It's not like you are getting skin to skin in realsville land. It's just not typical for a guy to turn on me when I don't give him what he is looking for. If you can be fun, interesting and intriguing, then they will want more of you even when no sex is involved.]
Like wow there motherbear, i had to go look at your profile for i thought this kind of thinking is SOOOO naieve i figured you had to be in your in 60's. Holy cow lady get with the program, people like you are what encourages these guys to continue with the cybersex chat nonsense.
perhaps you draw a different type of guy? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:15:18 AM | [It's not like you are getting skin to skin in realsville land. It's just not typical for a guy to turn on me when I don't give him what he is looking for. If you can be fun, interesting and intriguing, then they will want more of you even when no sex is involved.]
Like wow there motherbear, i had to go look at your profile for i thought this kind of thinking is SOOOO naieve i figured you had to be in your in 60's. Holy cow lady get with the program, people like you are what encourages these guys to continue with the cybersex chat nonsense.
perhaps you draw a different type of guy? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:16:03 AM |
It's not like you are getting skin to skin in realsville land. It's just not typical for a guy to turn on me when I don't give him what he is looking for. If you can be fun, interesting and intriguing, then they will want more of you even when no sex is involved.
Like wow there motherbear, i had to go look at your profile for i thought this kind of thinking is SOOOO naieve i figured you had to be in your in 60's. Holy cow lady get with the program, people like you are what encourages these guys to continue with the cybersex chat nonsense.
perhaps you draw a different type of guy? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:38:36 AM | Woahhh mother bear...
If some second rate d*head choses to try to cyber me from the start, he gets dumped immediately. If your profile makes it clear, that that's not what you're about, why waste precious time trying to steer some idiot in a different direction?
On the subject of rejection, it's pretty hard to do it nicely, however you put it. But if someone has gone to the trouble of reading my profile and writing an intelligent message, I owe them the respect of being polite - and honest. And I have to say, I usually get a polite response back.
Apart from one on POF who thinks ladies above a certain age have no right to be choosy! | |
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PA!GE®
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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 44 | |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 10:17:45 AM | motherbear: Finally found me huh!
Appears on 4 members favorites lists
Suppose your lack of men giving you a hard time has anything to do with that?
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Kyrie_Ally, you can edit posts up to 15 mins after u posted it | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:16:14 PM | | I have the same message in that I am not interested in being a cyber sex object. But I don't discount the person just because they use an approach that I may not like. People usually have many layers to them and if you give them half a chance, there is usually some decency to them. I don't get a hard time cuz I don't give a hard time. I don't understand why there has to be so much anger over this issue. I don't have any influence over how someone behaves initially but I can quickly get them to behave decently if I communicate effectively. I have made some wonderful friends that I never would have made had I not had some tolerance and an open mind about things. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:56:59 PM | | It seems that in the "Age of Rudeness", being lewd, rude and crude is a mark of distinction these days. On behalf of decent guys everywhere, I apologize to all decent ladies for the ignorant louts that give all men a bad name. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:05:13 PM | I have had guys IM meet asking me all sort of sexually related questions when I politely say look i'm not like that.. please be respectful or Sorry I don't sex chat.. I get a barage of insults thrown at me.. I actually had someone on another site.. block me out of the internet
If they have already started that way there is no reason to warn..or apologize..At the first sentence that is off..Cut them off..Close the screen..Do not leave
yourself open to more of those thoughts..I think it's right to want to be polite but to those who merit that. I lked what OP wrote put ZZZZZZZZZ and close it..They'll get the point..and you will be spared the additional thoughts. You're a nce lady you do not deserve to listen to thier angst/anger JMO Judy | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:01:11 PM | You absolutely right Judy.. my point though is that being nice doesn't work.. as Motherbear was suggesting.. I use to do that.. but now.. click block and ignore.. and thats that..
Motherbear.. My thinking is that trying to reason with some idiot that immidiately start in on the sex chat is a waste of time.. as I have experienced.. why would I want someone who is blantley disrespectful to woman as a friend... heck why would anyone.. | |
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