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this goes out for Shiloh25 and other people concerned.
Posted: 12/18/2005 12:35:19 AM | hi don't get frustrated with the moronic people out there. This website is such that all kinds of people create profile and start to talk nonsense. I completely agree with you and that;s why women cannot trust men these days. I don't know why, but all my friends are like, "I had sex yesterday with so and so girl. She was my former GF's friend. It was fun..." All they think about is sex. What ever your experience has been only adds fuel to the fire. I mean, more and more honest guys don't get good girls because of this atttitude of few guys. Sex is something that can be enjoyed only when u have a steady relationship and you could not be more correct in pointing this out. But sometimes, I have seen that girls write about seeking honest men, but do not stand upto their desired requirements in a man if he advances even normally. For example, I was told by this girl that she would meet up with me. The next thing I know is that she does not reply to any of my messages although I can see that she reads all my messages. Since she wanted honesty, I wanted to sincerely give it to her. But, later on, she broke the news to me that she is seeing another guy. So much so for honesty!!!! As you have found out, guys cannot see anything but sex, but I also feel that if girls are somewhat responsible for it too.
As far as the personal comments on your appearance, f*** them. Appearance is god gifted and if someone tries to hurt others by lambasting their appearance, they are the one s who are really insecure about their own appearance. From what I see of your photo, though you are not drop dead gorgeous, you are quite, quite beautiful. The stupid kids (not guys or men) who have criticised your appearance needs to look in the mirror themselves. All they want is bikinis and thongs. They will realize it later that it doesn't take long to be kicked because a man is known by the company he keeps.
The reason i have come out in your support is the description of what you have faced. This is frustrating because guys like these affect the attitude toward the whole sex per se. If I were you, I would take advantage of the service "report so and so" provided by this site. Atleast their membership will be cancelled, if not anything else.
So much for my take on your issue | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:02:56 AM |
but better to have the person learn to become a respectful chap because someone gave them a second chance.
If there in there 20's 30's 40's etc.. and haven't learned how to become respectful.. honestly I doubt they ever will..
That is something their parents should have taught them.. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/18/2005 1:37:37 PM | I can't believe that people are actually telling the original girl that SHE needs to lighten up. What's wrong with you people?
Getting insulted for turning a guy down isn't acceptable, those of you that think it is, well you're the problem.
There's NO reason to attack a person for not being interested in you. | |
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Tinkle
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Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/18/2005 2:32:55 PM | They are what you call STUPID.
After coming to this site, my interest in UFOs and intelligent life elsewhere in the universe has shrank. I used to wonder if there was intelligent life elsewhere, now I wonder if there is intelligent life here on Earth, seriously. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/18/2005 2:58:26 PM | I Totally Agree with Lux! The goldren rule is so simple... you want to be treated well, you try to do that for others- polite, blunt, angry? whatever that looks like to you...
The original poster is doing simply that and is being told her attitude is wrong? wow!
If she wants to take offense, that is up to her. If she wants to fix it then I suppose some writers have indicated some reasonable solutions, but most seem ready to cast blame her way. messed up! The jerk who has disrespected well-stated boundaries seems a little more at fault, IMO.
One thing seems true to me: Not much will really change unless that is enforced (for lack of a better word) by those who think this is not right. If you want to be treated well, you explain what that looks like and try to do the same for/to others. If you are disrespected- you vent or try to fix it then Move On with new defences in place to make things better next time? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 2:36:03 AM | The golden rule is so simple
Isn't it though, Independently? Unfortunately, it seems to be a forgotten concept these days. If it was practised, people wouldn't write ignorant emails because they wouldn't like to receive them. People would answer polite emails because they themselves would like to be answered if they took the time to write someone. People wouldn't get bent out of shape on receiving a polite rejection because they themselves would not wish to deal with that.
Confucius is reported to have said "If everyone in the world was just polite to each other for one day only, the world would never be the same."
Too bad that so many have forgotten the simple things they learned in kindergarten. Or do they even teach that in kindergarten anymore? Maybe that's the problem.
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:12:05 AM | I recently got messaged by a guy through one of those networking sites that isn't really a dating site, asking me out on a date. I very politely declined, citing age differences although I was disinterested in his profile in general and wouldn't have dated him regardless.
Mind you, I don't actually know what he claims as his age: He had chosen the option on that site to hide his age in his profile. I couldn't tell his age from the generally attractive but somewhat blurry main photo either. However, his profile had pictures of little kids and text indicating they were his grandkids.
Grandkids?!?!? I'm 28. Single dads I can handle. Single grandpas, NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!
Now he's all bent out of shape, alternately saying I shouldn't assume things because he didn't actually list his age in his profile and that I should give him a chance regardless of his age because it's just a number. He's trying to guilt trip me for snap judgements against him and age-ism. But meanwhile he's still not producing a number on the age issue. 
Quite frankly, if you're an older guy messaging far younger women, you really ought not to delude yourself into thinking you're going to be acceptable dating material for the majority of them. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:46:07 AM | But Ambar, considering that you look like a real dog, wouldn't he have a chance with you even though he's old? Sorry, I was looking at your profile pics and couldn't resist that one. Are you the one on the right or the real brunette on the left? JUST KIDDING ... Don't shoot me!  | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 4:57:32 PM | You absolutely right Judy.. my point though is that being nice doesn't work.. as Motherbear was suggesting.. I use to do that.. but now.. click block and ignore.. and thats that
I think on seinfeld film they said .. "It's nice to be nice...............to the nice" heheh..
While I know mother bear is well meaning,, I do not think an online conversation is going to teach someone to be a respectful chap..You learn that years earlier..or you don't. I doubt this type would even hang around for a decent conversation..This type w Most just turn reallly nasty,,they get to vent and then they move on to the next person trying to discuss %%$%$ and **^%&.. I do not waste my time. I would like to meet someone .and that's not who I consider dating..The *&^$^^&* does not interest me.ZZZZZZZZZZZ em : } J . | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:57:53 PM | Here is a man's perspective on all this. I know that I speak for the many men who have some class and believe in treating a woman like a lady.
None of us would ever get "bent out of shape" if we received a polite rejection. On the contrary, we would respect the woman who was honest and classy enough to at least briefly reply to our letter and let us know in a polite way that we are not what they are looking for -- no reasons needed, no long explanations, just a "thanks for your interest but I don't feel we would be a match. Best of luck to you in your search". Don't offer to be our "friend" -- unless you truly feel you'd like to be for some good reason. That doesn't really make the brief stinging sensation that any rejection entails feel any better and could possibly be interpreted as a "mixed message". Most of us aren't looking for more friends anyway. Just a short and sweet reply politely declining our offer would make most of us feel a whole lot better about you, about women in general and about having taken the time to express our interest in you -- and we would be satisfied with that and move on. If you are afraid of getting a nasty follow-up from the idiots who can't take a polite "no" for an answer, you can always block the sender after you send your reply -- problem solved.
The decent men I speak for would also breathe a huge sigh of relief if all women would immediately block the ignorant louts who send nasty or vulgar emails or IMs to them. This is exactly what these clowns deserve and the only thing that they understand. Perhaps in time they will learn a lesson from it. Perhaps they will never learn. Such "men" -- and I use the term loosely -- are a disgrace to the entire male gender and make life difficult for all of us. Ladies, please know that it isn't only women who are disgusted by this kind of thing.
I appreciate the idealism of the lady who thinks that she might be able to change the ways of these louts by appealing to their "better selves". Unfortunately, in most cases, they don't HAVE a better self. What you see is what you get. Trying to persuade them to act with some class is like "casting your pearls before swine." They will trample them underfoot and then turn on you. Bar the door at the first sign of this behaviour. Save yourself some grief; trust me, decent men everywhere will applaud you for it. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:02:51 PM |
Time and time again I get men who will do a complete 180 on me when I say "thanks but I'll politely decline" or "sorry thanks for your message but I'm not interested"???
Are men that egotisticle that they can't take rejection? The worse part is when they talk to me all sweetly and I politely thank them for their compliments. Then 80% of the men continue to talk about sex, what kind of sex, positions, do you like to spank men?, can I do you? etc etc? Do you guys out there really think that is the best way to begin finding out about someone?
First off men are not the only ones to act inappropriately in these situations. A fact most men on here can confidently say. In some cases men will get fired up because they just do not like rejection. In other cases it is the (sarcasm) oh so delicate way some women deliver said rejection.
Do men think BBW's are easy?? Do you figure that because we are BBW's and single that we dont' have sex and it's your duty to provide it or something? LMAO.
Some men probably do think BBW's are easy. Some probably think they are desparate. And if these sad, pathetic people are the ones you are attracting perhaps a glimpse into yourself is in order. It seems we attract the ones we desire most, or most resemble. If you are drawing shallow individuals maybe there is an underlying reason.
I just dont' understand alot of men these days. I know who I am, I know that I'm pretty, outgoing and a great person to be around. Yes and I also know that I'm a full figured woman. Not to say I'm not working on it, and trying to get more healthy for myself, but if you dont' talk to me about these types of things, and keep talking about sex, how does anyone get to know anyone anymore?
You don't understand men? Well ain't that a hoot...we don't understand women. It is the way of things, never will change. The most we can hope for is to gain some small insight into the sexes.
Ok, done my venting. LMAO
Feel better? 
Now let me rant for a moment. You are a lovely women, as shown in your profile. You do deserve better than some drooling idiot who probably would not know what to do with a women if he had one. All I can say is don't judge all men by the actions of some and keep hope alive. Someday you will meet that special someone who is the perfect 'fit' for you.
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/21/2005 8:40:10 PM | Artn soul
...Thanks for the suggestion of declining..and then blocking..I had given up on sending "no thanks" cause of the why's and nastiness..but I hadn't thought to block after so now i will send them again..So simple, but i just didn't occur to me.
Also about the vent
, I think you are assuming you get this Because you are a BBW..
but Every woman gets them!! I think they sit, do a who's online search and fire away!
If they start out with or mention anti BBW comments ZZZZZZZ em for that too.. but I can assure you that I have been insulted by them in the past..Filthy language without provocation. They say whatever they think will hurt most.
People who do what you describe are not even looking to find someone..this is a free site that gives them access to alot of women...They didnt read your profile n see you arenot into this because all they want to is gratify themselves while online...and that's it!!!..As I said before they are too cheap to call a phone sex line..or thier gf would see the phone bill..That's all it is.!!..People sit behind keyboards anonymous, safe..maybe drunk,high..in thier undies .(uuuugh shiver)
That's the type they are.. Don't let em get you down..there are decent guys here!
JMO J | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/22/2005 2:07:58 AM |
Artn soul
...Thanks for the suggestion of declining..and then blocking..I had given up on sending "no thanks" cause of the why's and nastiness..but I hadn't thought to block after so now i will send them again..So simple, but i just didn't occur to me.
You're welcome, Judy. Most decent guys aren't going to write back after receiving a polite rejection anyway. Thanks to you too. Evidently you are one of the classier ladies around here that still believe in a little common courtesy. | |
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zendy
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Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 72 | |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/22/2005 6:36:34 PM | I read so many notes about how "with the amount of email I get I do not have time to respond to all of them and say no thanks, I think my deleting their message should be enough"
Now granted I don't get the massive amounts of email that everyone else seems to get, but if I cannot take a few minutes to respond with a thanks but no thanks then how am I going to find the time to actually go on a real date with any of these people if I decided to? If someone proves themself to be an utter jerk then yes I can see not reading or responding. I hear so much about the male ego being so damn fragile they can't handle a little rejection, well I hate to say it but the ego that is so large they can't take two seconds to say sorry but no, how is that any better? So what if you get a whine in return, just delete it. | |
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zendy
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Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 73 | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/22/2005 7:05:15 PM | I read so many notes about how "with the amount of email I get I do not have time to respond to all of them and say no thanks, I think my deleting their message should be enough"
Now granted I don't get the massive amounts of email that everyone else seems to get, but if I cannot take a few minutes to respond with a thanks but no thanks then how am I going to find the time to actually go on a real date with any of these people if I decided to? If someone proves themself to be an utter jerk then yes I can see not reading or responding. I hear so much about the male ego being so damn fragile they can't handle a little rejection, well I hate to say it but the ego that is so large they can't take two seconds to say sorry but no, how is that any better? So what if you get a whine in return, just delete it.
Ahh, Zendy... a fellow "crusader for courtesy" ... someone else with the guts to come out and say what we all know -- but so many won't admit -- is true ... Thanks, we gotta stick together!
Re the "massive amount of email" that some of these prodigiously popular persons claim to receive: I did some calculations. Let's say that most of them are not in the one hundredth of one percent that receive (according to POF sources) up to one hundred new emails each day. Let's say some of them get around three dozen emails a day from lovestruck but uninteresting (to them) potential suitors who are entranced by their dazzling profiles. Eliminate from that the dozen or so that send ignorant or rude letters that don't deserve an answer. That leaves 24 left to answer and politely reject. It takes about ten seconds to rip off a brief, polite rejection notice. That's 240 seconds or 4 minutes out of their lives. What a horrendous price to pay for extending a little courtesy to their fellow human beings! Why don't they just come right out and admit that they're lazy and inconsiderate? At least then we could have some respect for their honesty.
Merry Christmas to you, Zendy! And, what the hell, I'm feeling generous -- Merry Christmas to all of you who can't be bothered to answer emails. P.S. It's not too late to enter the ranks of the courteous and classy. New Year's resolution time is almost here! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/22/2005 8:15:11 PM | Even though I disagree somewhat with the previous numbers presented...I do agree that we should all give the respect of a reply to anyone who takes the time to write to us.
I receive any where from 30 to 50 emails a day...and I'm a very busy person! Out of those emails maybe only 3 are disrespectful. Now sometimes I may take a day or two to open and read an email, but I respond as soon as I do. My responses are much longer than 10 seconds because they're never standard and when I skip a day or two because I'm in the forums..then I'm really backed up. I reply to all emails though even those who are dispectful, in which case I usually put them in their place, either politely, or in a tactful smartass way depending on what they said to me!
I think people get bent out of shape because rejection hurts, and too many people fail to realize that not everyone is going to be attracted to us, just because we're attracted to them. We're all individuals with individual tastes. I think maybe if things weren't taken so personally, almost as if it were a personal failure if someone doesn't feel the same way back, then we'd all get along much better and live mentally healthier lives.
Remembering that just because the person we're attracted to, has different taste, or is looking for someone with qualities other than what we have to offer, doesn't mean we weren't good enough, only that we weren't what they were searching for. Respecting others tastes, opinions, desires, and individuality is all a part of what makes us a better, well adjusted person and definitely more enjoyable to be around. : ) | |
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