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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/22/2005 11:31:16 PM | Funny..I was just thinking that today...as nice as you are about turning them down...they turn really evil on you...which doubly affirms you're lack of interest in them...lol...i don't really understand this behavior b/ it is so egotistical and irrational...they feel a need to disregard you b/ you're not interested in them...wth...i didn't disregard him b/ i had no interest in him...you're actually nice about it...i dunno...decision confirmed nonetheless... | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 12:23:28 AM | No offence...at least she knows she doesnt want you...lol
kinda wish it could be done friendlier for both sexes...
I like my dates to be interesting people who sometimes like to be non-conformists and who think outside of the box. Actually I prefer my friends to be the same way so let them down any respectable way you can.
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:17:10 AM | You know, I had this vicious dude attack me online yesterday. How WEIRD! I said no, that I wasn't interested, because he said he was in this 'open relationship' and I'm not into being the side dish, y'know? Whew, dude went medieval on me, calling me names and telling me I wasn't good enough for him anyhow.
All rightie then.
Who says only women get PMS? My lord. It's a personal preference -- if a guy's in ANY relationship, I'm not gonna be there, that's all. So, I guess there are some d!cks out there, but for the most part, guys seem pretty cool with straight-up honesty.
There are freaks everywhere, though, so it's bound to happen, right? Oh, well. Here's hoping he tripped on a Midol bottle and found relief. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 1:13:00 PM |
Even though I disagree somewhat with the previous numbers presented...I do agree that we should all give the respect of a reply to anyone who takes the time to write to us.
I receive any where from 30 to 50 emails a day...and I'm a very busy person! Out of those emails maybe only 3 are disrespectful. Now sometimes I may take a day or two to open and read an email, but I respond as soon as I do. My responses are much longer than 10 seconds because they're never standard and when I skip a day or two because I'm in the forums..then I'm really backed up. I reply to all emails though even those who are dispectful, in which case I usually put them in their place, either politely, or in a tactful smartass way depending on what they said to me!
Thanks, Passion, for the thoughtful post. Another vote for courtesy and class.
It's interesting that out of 30 - 50 emails that you receive, only about three will be disrespectful. Judging by what many have posted, one would have thought that number would be much higher. Given that your profile photos are rather on the sexy side (P.S. I'm not complaining!), one might expect that you especially would attract your share of the drooling idiots. I was beginning to get the idea that there were literally hordes of barbaric jerks out there sending rude emails to women everywhere. Is it possible that some people are exaggerating a little to justify their own shortcomings in the courtesy department?
Merry Christmas to you from Canada! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 3:33:26 PM | @artandsoul with many OT statements included : )
Let me try to explain some things and possibly shed a little more light for you, based on my personal experiences of course. (which I can tell you go much farther then POF) It's a little long, and I'm sorry...but I want to answer you as completely as I can.
Most guys are very nice, and genuine to me. Some just write to thank me for making them smile with my pics. They use descriptions like cute, and classy, and notice if I even change one pic, which I often do! Others compliment me in sincere ways either on the profile being well written, or something they can relate to in it. There are actually people who write to me for advice because they like my way of thinking from what they've read in the forums. Of course some do make sexual comments on the pics..but not in a way that I would consider degrading.
The small percentage I get of nasty emails, are usually off the wall disgusting, or way off mark because they're ASS Uming I'm someone other than who I am regardless of what's stated in my profile. They consist of judgemental people, who I always let know in no uncertain terms that it's not wise to think you know anyone, before you actually do. Of course it always cracks me up when I get something nasty from someone I don't even know, as if I were bothering them so much that they felt compelled to let me know how digusted they were by me. I usually write something along the lines of.... "Thanks for taking the time to send me your email. I hope someone shows you an equal amt. of kindness and respect today, as you have shown me. Too bad though, that you never learned that one important rule from your mom. It goes like this: If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything at all! I think it would be most beneficial for you to remember that!"
Here's the thing...many times it's not the first email that's the problem because they're hoping to say something clever, or cute, to get a response back. As I said, I read and reply to all emails with a thanks for the compliment, adding whatever else I choose to on a friendly level. Sometimes when they understand that it isn't going to go beyond a friendship, that's when the rejection kicks in and their mail turns a new leaf. I teach communication skills, so I can usually turn it around to gently make them understand where I'm coming from...and with that, if they have hopes to continue communicating with me, they usual straighten up. Of course I believe that in the back of some of their minds, they're hoping to convince me to go to another level, over time. The main thing is keeping things balanced and happy, so they can get to know me for the type of person I am... at which time they usually accept anything that I can give, even if it's only friendship. I do sincerely care about all people and their feelings, and I love making new friends. Needless to say, there's always that handful that argues with me because they believe we'd be perfect in every way, shape and form, and when they know it's not going to happen, they say something nasty. I never let comments go without a reply though.
With that said, the numbers may be changed a little by the fact that it isn't always the first emails that are the problem! However, in my case...it may be only a few additional ones that take that negative turn once we're communicating. I still have to say that most guys who have written, are sweet!
One more thing I'd like to add that may make the difference. I'm so used to working with people, and talking with people from all walks of life, that many things that would bother other people, or that they'd find insulting, don't hit me the same way. I understand all kinds of humor and the various ways people try to present themselves with opening lines based on their own comfort level and personalities. Therefore, what may have seemed crude to someone else, may have really been a joke by someone who doesn't know how to approach women in any other way. A lot of times I'll reply back with sarcastic wit, which I know they can relate to. Maybe I'm just more tolerant than most.
Is it possible that some people are exaggerating a little to justify their own shortcomings in the courtesy department?
No, I wouldn't necessarily say that, and certainly not on purpose. Perhaps the same way we tell those who have been rejected, that they must understand that all people are individuals and are entitled to their own opinions..and are attracted to many various things....we should also remind those who are doing the rejecting, that all people writing to us, are individuals, and it's a compliment that they find us someone they'd like to get to know. We should also realize that not all people know how to write, or what to say, and maybe if we had a little more tolerance for that, it would allow us to understand things more, and to show them the respect they deserve, by at least replying to them.
Here's an example of my last insult that Ill share with you, and how I turned it around.
Someone wrote to tell me that at first they thought I had a really good profile and was a good person, but I was obviously a hypocrite with my cheap whore slut picture of that woman f cking that man. (the cartoon pic!)
I wrote back and said, "But my friend, it's all in the way you look at things and one should never ASS Ume! Look at that pic again..and this time know that the man is her husband, and father of her children... who had been away in the war for sometime, and missed and was worried about his wife. When he walked in the door however...she eagerly jumped him and passionately looked deeply into his eyes assuring him beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was still totally in love with the man she had been with for many years, and her heart still ached for him as much as she hoped he still desired and ached for her. She then kissed him, and their hearts turned into one again, signifying how deep in love they still were with one another. And that kind of deep, meaningful love is the kind of unzipped passion we'd all like to find! Nothing wrong with that pic now is there??"
He wrote back, confided a lot of things in me, and apologized and asked if I would forgive him and be his friend.
Sometimes it's all the way we talk to someone. Had I blasted him for his judgemental ways, and for calling me names I didn't deserve, the outcome would have been a much less rewarding one! 
Once again, sorry if this was so long... Hope it helped!
Happy Holidays to you too! : ) | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 3:50:07 PM | Getting rejected should not matter. I think people are too spoiled because they are used to getting what they want all the time. When you ask a question the other person has a choice to say yes or no. Their perogative.
If a woman says no to me, I accept it hands down.
I don't whine about it, or try to convince her otherwise, or have a temper tantrum.
That sure is going to help. Perhaps she will down the road think of you and how well you handled the situation and maybe approach you the next time.
Don't even bring up sex at all. If she is interested, she will let you know with body language.
Good things sometimes take time. Even though it is hard for people today because they want instant money, instant looks, so, they expect instant relationship.
Just have couth and you will come out on top. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/23/2005 6:22:17 PM | Who says only women get PMS? My lord. It's a personal preference -- if a guy's in ANY relationship
Scribe...You have never heard of Permanent Male Stubborness???
The ..Poor things are afficted 30 days a month!
Just kidding guys... Judy | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/24/2005 12:45:13 PM |
Sometimes it's all the way we talk to someone. Had I blasted him for his judgemental ways, and for calling me names I didn't deserve, the outcome would have been a much less rewarding one!
Passion, as you can see from my earlier posts in this thread, I wouldn't expect any woman to go so far as to make efforts to "reform" those who write ignorant, "bent out of shape" messages upon receiving a polite rejection. In fact, I'm more inclined to think that those clowns should be immediately blocked and ignored. Evidently, you are a very classy lady who doesn't mind even "going the extra mile" in regard to communicating with your fellow human beings. I have observed myself in the past that it is possible to turn an enemy into a friend if you try. Like most of us though I don't generally have the inclination to try very hard in those circumstances. I do agree though that it can be quite rewarding and I salute your idealism.
If you weren't so far away from me, I would write you a message of interest myself and even if I got a rejection notice, from you it would be "sweet sorrow"! Have a great Christmas! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/15/2006 12:46:01 AM | Hi All
Im someone who does not send little rejection notes to each man haha - so Im rude - Ignorant and shouldnt be on a dating site ?
So let me understand this correctly, you would feel far FAR better to come to your Inbox see 3 emails from women / men youd contacted - get excited and open them to read ..
Email 1 - Sorry not Interested In you - but chin up sure someone out there will be
Email 2 - Sorry I dont find you the slightest bit Physically attractive - but Im sure someone will eventually - have a lovely day
Email 3 - Thanks but no thanks
Would that really make you feel better ??
Well personally Id rather just not hear back - they are a TOTAL stranger after all, I dont think we need to hear the rejection In words - cant we just figure we are not for them and move on ?? They arnt someone we dated or have even seen In real life or ever spoken too after all.
I think It Is FAR less rude to simply let It go then forward sad little thanks but no thanks notes.
Ladies Ladies maybe we should all start sending these rejection notes and see how the men like it then haha cmon guys see the humour because honestly you wouldnt want what you are asking for In these threads!
And as for would I be this rude to people In person - well put It this way when I walk down the street and men give me a come on smile - NO I dont feel obliged to stop and say to each one - " Thanks but no Thanks ". And thats what putting your profile on a site Is - simply placing It there INCASE someone who Is Interested In you - and You them should notice It.
Sorry guys for the brutality but as Ive been reading through the forum I come over this time and time again - and Its NOT AN ISSUE - Its free for you to contact them - and people saying people are rude not to have formally rejected them - well PRICELESS !!
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/15/2006 12:51:30 AM | Oh and Ladies If he tries to speak about sex to you - he has NO Interest In getting to know you - or ANY respect for you... what hes looking for Is a cheap thrill nothing more.
Believe me HE IS NOT viewing you as someone he may want a relationship with  | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/15/2006 1:00:30 AM | | this is the type of thread that causes contraversy. to say that its something that men just do or to insinuate it. is sexist. men and women are more then capable of being beligarent when tney dont get what they want. me if a person says there not intreasted thats fine with me why get mad or act stupid makes no sense, so stop putting all men in this catagory. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/15/2006 1:03:54 AM | Storm,
Well put
If not brutal LOL
Having said that...
One thing that needs to be kept in mind
something that does happen
not all of these online dating sites are
how shall i say
state of the art
meaning
sometimes emails do not get there
i have experienced this a number of times
the nice thing about ANY reply
pro or con
is that you know
she got your email...
just a thought | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 8/13/2007 12:59:28 PM | | People do not like rejection. Some more than others do not handle it well. You tell them you don't want whatever they have to offer and the name calling starts and the angry responses to your polite refusal. Some can be childish and immature. Then you know your first response to them was the right one. Listen to your inner feelings. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:29:43 PM | I agree that rejection sucks. For this reason, if ever I have to 'reject' someone, I do it in as polite a way as I can and sometimes even for reasons other than the REAL one. I know that sound bad, but I have a hard time telling soemone "I am just not interested in you". But hey! To each his own! I guess I try to put myself in someone else's shoes. If I wrote to someone and they werent interested, I would appreciate at least a 'no thank you' note back...but by the same token, if I get NO response, I dont waste my time rewriting that person.
I always try to resond to someone that takes the time to write to me. If I politely turn someone down and then they return with words of fire, I no longer feel the need to respond. After all, shouldn't they be thankful that I at least took the time to nicely 'reject' them??
Sure, there are no rules to this site as far as responses go. But I do have to say that even if I have rejected someone in a nice way, they still appreciate the fact that I took that 30 seconds to respond. I know that I would appreciate the same courtesy... | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 1:40:33 AM | Unfortunately men are trained to think that the way they look doesnt matter and that all women must grovel at their feet if he feeds her the right compliments or has the right amount of money. Sadly a lot of women do do so because of low self esteem or because they are golddiggers and this in return makes the man feel like he can get any woman he wants
it sucks
i wish people would only hit on their own kind. If you are a 3 dont hit on a 10 and expect her to be all over you. Ridiculous. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 1:46:45 AM | "Ok so I was ok to talk sweetly to about sex and compliment me on my looks"
Okay I didnt read your post thoroughly. I think what is going on here is that men are so shallow they figure all overweight women have low self esteem and low standards. And you show that you do seem to have low self esteem when you think that them talking to you about sex is "sweet." its not, its disgusting and shows a lack of respect. These men who are offending you are talking to you because they think you are an easy target. men very rarely message me with a blatantly sexual message and i do get highly offended when they have the balls to do so. when they do that it is because they feel that i am LOW and that i look easy or trashy and so they dont feel any need to show me any respect. because they think you are low they are not hitting on you because they find you attractive, they are hitting you because they think you are an easy lay, and because you are overweight they automatically assume that you're easy to get into bed because a lot of men would rather not sleep with overweight women, or at least that is what society tells us to think(even if they are overweight themselves, the hypocracy!) and some of these men ARE into bbws BUT because society says fat is ugly at the same time they feel theyhave the right to make fun of overweight women who turn them down. they know that THEY may not find it unnattractive but they assume everyone else does and so that makes it an easy insult to dish out. they assume that because you dont look like a supermodel you must not get laid very often and you must be desperate for it, which is a disgusting assumption. just ignore these guys, they are not worth getting to know anyway. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:19:08 AM | Lol well said Nettdates!
I frankly do not want a bunch of polite refusals. Every email I get on here is an expression of interest. I prefer it stayed that way. I must admit I rarely send them either.
Still I guess the self proclaimed paladins will take that as me being rude and classless. They after all, know everything, and are therefore in a grand position to judge everyone else.
Nothing rude about that is there? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:26:15 AM | OP I think you've explained something I experience from women too. People think you should know you're not 'that' attractive and they're doing you a favour by approaching you and 'buttering you up' and so find it a major rejection when you tell them 'well, actually I don't feel that attracted to you'. I've had ladies (in real life) who have tried to tell me I'm wrong when I say I have no attraction to them and then act as though I've done something I shouldn't have done.
I've had female colleagues working in groups (behind my back) try to set me up and then act as though I was somehow stupid for not acting like the 'typical, stupid male' I was supposed to.
I think to an extent folks like to think that because they've got you categorised in their 'not a 10' mindset you're expected to feel grateful for the approach and a rejection challenges their whole belief system in regard to how 'powerful' they are. The truth is they're pursuing someone they don't really think that much of in order to get something (eg sexual release or monetary support) they do think a lot of and get most annoyed when you have the cheek to thwart the plan.
Once they've got the thing they want they turn on you. When they don't get it they become very confused (and quite often turn on you anyway).
I keep an eye out for the signals such as too strong a sexual approach at the beginning too. I think it's like it for both genders. I must say though that on here all the ladies I've 'turned down' have taken it with total grace and acceptance and I hope I've always behaved the same way. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:34:42 AM | One more thing I'll say is I often turn down '10s' even though I'd say looks wise I'm a 4. Most of the 'looker' 10's who approach me are rejected due to their age. My idea of a 10 is based on a different scale to looks - I'd call it my 'Comfort Scale'. Everything has got to feel right before a lady gets a 10 now and a 10 in looks might achieve a 3 on my Comfort scale.
I've told women I would need to know them for 2 years before getting physically involved with them and that causes them to run for the hills. It's a test, you see. Seems to work every time. | |
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