| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:49:23 AM | | Well speaking only for myself as a guy I honestly prefer if a lady isn't interested that she take the brief moment to say so. I don't mind being told thanks, but, no thanks. Thats fine. I hate taking the time to write, and all my letters are original to the person I am writing and simply being ignored. Thats what makes me hot under the collar. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:20:19 AM | Oh I get this all the time. Men messaging me...they haven't read my profile. Most are real about wanting to talk to me (not just about sex) But when I tell them "thank you but i'm not interested" they do get mean.
I've had men call me racist names, tell me I'm ugly (when 10 minutes before they were saying how beautiful I was) or tell me I'm always going to be alone.
I found that the older the man 35+ , the worst the rant is.
I know no one likes rejection and that it's a lot easier to say those types of things over the internet. I know that they would never behave that way if we were face to face.
They are just sad. I feel sorry for them, especially after I stop laughing. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:05:07 AM | older and wiser woman here.... if a man takes it badly that you have siad/sent a polite thanks but no thanks.. and proceeds to berate you.. Well Honey..Tell Him to Go Get Bent! LOL.. men in my generation know that means go to blue blazes... as for them wanting to talk dirty sex with you .. sweetheart that is called verbal rape... never feel you must justify talking or not talking about sex just because a man wants too.... he's getting off on the discussion just by your protest on where the conversation is going.. without your consent to open the subject... and if a man keeps harping on you this and you that... count your lucky stars he's not a permanenet fixture in your life... he's a potentially dangerous man who is always pointing his finger out and blaming the victim... being the victim to verbal assault.. a harangue... insults is not why we and any decent person has joined this site.... and the best defense is to report an abuser to the moderators... then put the SOB on BLOCK!
No matter a persons..anything description we all have the right to be treated with respect.... and I applaud you for telling a man he's not right for you.. and yes some people don't have that courtesy.. but it's not in the manner we are rejected it is how we take the rejection...
Take it like a man... or a woman... but accept that not all of us are someone's elses cup of tea.
Girlflower | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:32:29 AM | rejected by a bbw ~ now thats a way to start your evening of fun and adventure!
I use the term ~ because ~you did.
No one likes rejection ~ no one
there are many way to decline, as well
some people can tell you to "go to hell"
and you are looking forward to the trip.
Myself ~ I "ask " very little ~ perhaps your name.
attempt to stay away from trite ~ yes and no questions.
It " let's dance" ~ never been one, to ask for permission
some girls don't like guys like me
but some do. ~
go with the river ~ I am the river ~dar | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:45:52 AM | For crying out loud.....it's a dating site.
You are sitting in front of a computer screen......you know jacksh*t about anyone here.
A woman you sent an email to .....rejects you.
So what.....I will never understand why blokes get some miffed when a woman rejects them....everyone are strangers here.
Guys are just gonna have to accept the rejection....quit there whining and stop sending abusive replys back to the ladies.....and move on.
Same applies to whiney women who get rejected by guys.....although they seem to be in the minority as their egoes aren't as fragile as ours. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:49:39 AM | | guys call me ugly sometimes when i say no thanks but they never call me fat, so i think its usually based on some truth, even though its often exagerated (like she might only be a little fat but he acts like she is morbidly obese) | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:23:59 AM | Shiloh25, as one woman in her 50s said to me recently "When I was young I used to reject men who would talk about sex on a first date. Now I wish I could find a man like that"
Maybe one day men will stop doing this and all you women who complain about anything and everything that men do will wish you never complained to start with | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:33:24 AM |
To the ones who don't have the decency to even do that, well, I'm sorry I even bothered. You aren't worthy.
I agree to some extent, but not entirely. Yes, to me it seems rude and inconsiderate, but not everyone sees things the same way. The thing with internet dating is that you're going to see a LOT of this. Sometimes he/she does it because he/she is self-centred, or just a jerk, but others see it simply as an effortless way of saying no thanks. The nice thing about this site is that you can check your sent messages and see any that have been deleted by the recipient. If it's deleted and you didn't get a response, it's fairly safe to say that you won't be getting one, so there's no point getting worked up about it. For me (and I guess for you too), this also says that the person is more different to me than the profile indicated.
Personally, I think if someone has made the effort to send a polite message, it's worth the effort to respond even if it's to say you're not interested. If the original message was rude or inappropriate on the other hand, that's a little different. But, just because someone ignores your message doesn't necessarily make that person "unworthy" or ****y. They may just have a different view of how online dating should work. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:39:03 AM | Girlfriend, You have every right to be annoyed by this!
You don't need to lighten up at all these idiots need to GROW UP!
I have had it happen to me a couple of times.
I was shocked (not sure why at this point) and dismayed!
Oh your so beautiful, and sexy and I want to know more and blah blah blah and then..... oh, you don't want me then Fuk you ugly fat biatch!
That isn't rude people that is Vicious!
It doesn't matter if I am all of the above, I wasn't five seconds ago when you wanted me.
Of course they got deleted and blocked. And the first time after the shock and dismay wore off then it was actually pretty funny and pathetic.
I think proper manners and politeness have been disappearing in general but especially on the internet.
TC
Deb | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:42:17 AM | There are so many different types of personalities on here (and out there ...) that it's hard to control who gets 'bent' over 'what' and even harder to comprehend why. The only thing we are in control of is ourselves, and our reactions.
Don't sweat it because, if you try to analyze every single person's demeanor in this world - online or off, well, there wouldn't be much time left to worry about what's important.
good luck with everything OP | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:47:49 AM | Can i get an amen on that..i have the same problem..and let me tell ya, i dont think its cause were full-figured women...i think its cause men can hide behind this screen and think they have the right to talk like that. I dont care if your ex wasnt interested and u feel u need to make sure the next one is..its no way to start a relationship...im with ya on this one shiloh
Jen | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:52:14 AM | OP -
Sorry if this has been said, read most of the already 5 pages here...lol... I am not sure if your question is why men get bent out of shape or if you really feel they do so as you are a bigger gal and they think you should be pleased to get interest of any kind (I felt you touched on this in your OP).
I get these types, not on here, but I do receive IM's from ppl I don't know occassionally that jump right into the sex talk.
I'm sure a lot of woman do, no matter what their size or circumstance. Some just use the internet as a way to 'get off', like phone sex (I do believe that was mentioned already).
I usually just ignore them and they go away, if not, I block them. No biggee.
People who are sincere won't get pissed off if you politely say no thanks. Well, at least well adjusted people anyway.
So, please don't fall into that bs that men think you are 'desperate' or whatnot because of your size. If they do think that, then they are silly, but trust me, some do that to any woman no matter what. Again, not sure if that was a part of your point, but it seemed to be.
As to the issue of how people who have sent a message (and yes, that does take guts) and are 'rejected' ( I really don't like that word, reminds me of the 'bad egg' scene on Willy Wonka) handle that, well I have taken the time to reply to many and have not received one nasty response.
I also have not replied to some due to time constraints (in the beginning, as we all know, this site garners many emails right off and it sometimes makes it hard to get to everyone).
I've many friends I know in person who I chat with via the internet, we don't always respond if we are on and busy (or just forgot to log off or put up an away message)... yes, in the 'real' world this would be rude, but folks, it's the internet. I don't get offended if a real life friend I've known in person for years doesn't reply, or doesn't say good bye when chatting, why would I get offended if I sent an unsolicited message to someone who doesn't reply?
Actually, if I send out a message to someone and they don't reply, I don't usually even notice.
IF they reply to a question I asked (I usually try to ask a question or make a comment they may find relevant to respond to) and the reply ends in 'take care' or 'best of luck in your search'.. with no attempt to run with the conversation, I can take a hint. No harm, no foul.
Some people are not comfortable in flat out rejecting someone as they don't like to hurt others' feelings or they fear what the OP has said she received. I see no rudeness in not replying or in not stating 'Thanks, but I am not interested.'
It's the internet.. yes, people have feelings and yes it takes a lot for some to send that first contact, but please realize that some people don't give the internet the same merit as real life.
I say this as I used to be a member of a site where people would actually get so upset with differing opions (this was not a dating site) that one would actually have a 'cyber' fight and call the other out. The overall thought on these 'fights' was ..'It's the internet for crying out loud!'
I'll allow for this regarding my opinion on that, yes, it's different as it is a dating site and people may actually meet in person. But, if the one you 'like' gives you no reply, why get upset, just move on to someone who will.
That's all my opinion of course. | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:22:26 AM | | I think some women exaggerate the amount of rude emails they get after rejection. For example, one woman ( on another thread about the same topic ) stated that 80%-90% of men are rude to her after she rejects them. I know some women on dating sites and they told me the percentage of rude emails they get isn't anywhere close to 80-90%. The reason why some men are rude is this. They send a bunch of nice emails to women that they think would be a good match with. Nearly all of them are "read /deleted" or have "No thanks" response. After a while, people get frustated. No one likes being constantly rejected. Whether it's for a dating, a job or anything else. I don't necessary think it has anything to do with the OP being a BBW because a lot of women ( regardless of age, race, body type ) get some rude emails. BTW some women can be just as rude when a man rejects them. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:36:07 AM | When this happens then I just pat myself on the back for being CORRECT that they weren't my type (or were dumb@sses). Then I block. I don't take it personal though... those kinds will react that way to any women saying anything that sounds like rejection, no matter how polite. I don't jump through hoops for anyone, and it isn't my problem to bolster or coddle a grown man's ego. I know I am polite and respectful, and I don't need to give a "reason" to say, "No, but thank you, and good luck!"... that's all I need to know or care about.
There are much nicer guys here anyway.. and more secure. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:42:33 AM | | I've only had it happen once where someone sounded bitter after a "thanks but no thanks". I just look at it as validation for following my instincts. Nice to know there is a "block" feature though if I ever get one of the creepy ones, though. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:47:04 AM | OP:
You said “Do men think BBW's are easy?? Do you figure that because we are BBW's and single that we dont' have sex and it's your duty to provide it or something? LMAO.”
Sadly I have heard that said many, many times in conversations and on tv shows! “If a woman is BBW or even very curvy or a overweight at all, there is an ASUMPTION by a minority of men that not only can we not get dates, we’d be so inclined to sleep with the first man who would ask us… “
And I too have had guys go nuts and start name calling etc, but that has nothing to do with you. They get their feelings hurt and so they try to get back at you. They realize that you are not made like a Barbie, and they are pinning their hopes on the fact that you may have been called fat as a child and it really hurt you, so they are trying to hurt you the in the most brutal way just because they are still little children themselves… | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:52:44 AM | There are other ways to decline sexual talk so that you don't get the reaction: quoted:
I was ok to talk sweetly to about sex and compliment me on my looks, but once I say I'm not into talking about sex as a way to get to know someone or that I'm not interested, you turn on me and call me the opposite of the pretty, sexy woman that you just told me I was 5 mins before that??? The "sexy one minute ~ not the next" bash happens to all body types btw.
By completely ignoring the sexual innuendo and redirecting the conversation every time that he/she brings up the topic or spews out a line Don't even acknowledge that you heard/read it.... eventually they get the hint that you're not going there with them. The worst I ever got by not responding to sexual talk with someone I was not interested in talking to that way by using the ignore option was: "well, I'm outta here, you're too much like my mom" lmao. You can then be content knowing that, sex or getting off verbally was all he/she was after.... and you're ego AND their's remains in a good place. :o) | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:06:37 AM | These are little boys and not men who behave this way....thank them for exposing themselves in their temper tamtrum and saving you from conversation or meeting emotionally and mentally challenged males who obviously did not pass through the puberty stage yet. Could you imagine them in bed??? They would be totally selfish and probably unable to please you! Hence they are sexually frustrated and their ego gets all out of shape when no one wants to simply talk about sex with them since that is all they can do!
Tell them to quit being so cheap and get a credit card to call a sex operator! | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:26:16 AM | Shiloh,
I think your question is well asked, and worth discussion, but the only ones that can answer it are the kinds of guys that respond that way. It seems unlikely that you will be getting answers from them in this forum.
It seems to be pretty common by the things I hear from my lady friends. My jaw drops when I hear their stories. I certainly cannot enlighten you on their motives or thinking.
Since I cannot add to your understanding of this phenomenom, go off-topic too...
Here is a man's perspective on all this. I know that I speak for the many men who have some class and believe in treating a woman like a lady. -artandsoul
Arty,
PLEASE, do not speak for me.
I am a nice guy. I may not be classy, but I do believe in courtesy and treating women with respect.
It would seem that you are trying to define the rules by saying over and over and over the same thing. If we hear it enough it must be true?
This is not real life so the rules are not the same as real life. Even in real life there are venues where the rules are different.
At a friends dinner party you might be required by rules of courtesy to politely accept all offers of conversation. You might even be expected to tolerate the boorish guest's stories. Courtesy expects you to be courteous to your friend's guests.
On the street you should be polite to the stranger that approaches you for directions. I don't think you are expected to be polite to the stranger that approaches you for sex, evn in real life.
I do not write a 'thanks but no thanks' letter to all the Viagra email I get. They are real people, too. And the email is long and thoughtful. It is not RUDE to not respond.
The internet is is filled with so many different kinds of people with so many different purposes. If you want to talk about courtesy then get on your soapbox about people who are actually rude when they are rejected. The behavior that OP writes about is real, common, and rude.
You seem to be a Johnny-one-note on this issue. You did not respond to OP's question, you simply used her thread as an opportunity to get on your soapbox and preach. That seems rude to me.
I don't think the rules of courtesy have been all that defined that you can say that I am rude for not following YOUR rule.
I would like to put my vote in with netdates4humanshit, and Jester1977 that the question of courtesy in this venue are not yet defined as you would like for us to believe.
I think It Is FAR less rude to simply let It go then forward sad little thanks but no thanks notes. =netdates4humanshit
I frankly do not want a bunch of polite refusals. Every email I get on here is an expression of interest. I prefer it stayed that way. I must admit I rarely send them either.
-Jester1977
I don't think there is any difference between a nice 'Thanks but I'm not interested' note and no response. It's really the same thing. I would prefer to have my inbox empty than filled with rejection notices. I think most of us decent people know when a reply note is proper, unless we start to believe Atry's rule.
I say that when you don't respond it is NOT rude. Let's not add more rules to our lives.
So for those that are thinking that perhaps Arty is right about courtesy, consider the source:
But Ambar, considering that you look like a real dog, wouldn't he have a chance with you even though he's old? Sorry, I was looking at your profile pics and couldn't resist that one. Are you the one on the right or the real brunette on the left? JUST KIDDING ... Don't shoot me! -artandsoul
Ok, Arty, you DO know rude. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:40:19 AM | | Those of us that were raised to be 'good sports' don't. When you get rejected it's sorta like losing...it sucks, but you move on. I know I'm not everyones dream guy, oh well. But I have to admit it does get old to write email after email only to get read/deleted. A nice no thanks note once in awhile doesn't hurt. One final note...I have see nthe reserved first hand...getting called shallow and vain for saying I'm not into them. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:59:01 AM | OP: You hit a whole bunch of topics in your initial post. I didn't bother to read the entire thread, but here's my take on it:
1) Some women need to be willing to steer the conversation in another direction if the guy's focusing on sex too much. Many guys apparently talk sex-talk too much (I do not), and if you keep answering the sex questions, they'll assume that that's what you want to talk about, too. Just cut right in and ask about his job or some of his non-sexual hobbies.
2) As for guys cussing women out after getting rejected: Why do women even read any more emails from those guys after you've made the decision not to continue talking? Why not just delete future emails? It's not like you're gonna change your mind, right? Again, I don't personally lash out when I get a "no", but I can understand dudes being pissed about that. Women need to avoid opening that last email after the decision and just move on. Take responsibility for your experience here. | |
|
Home
login 
