| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:25:30 AM |
...but I can understand dudes being pissed about that. Women need to avoid opening that last email after the decision and just move on. Take responsibility for your experience here.
Really? You can understand dudes getting pissed?
You might be someone that can really shed some light on this question.
I can understand dudes getting disappointed. I don't understand them getting pissed. And there is no excuse for getting rude, even if you're pissed. A rude email response is bad form for any guy. Children can't control their tempers. Men are supposed to.
You seem to make the responsibility for reading a rude email the fault of the woman. How can she know that the response isn't kindly and understanding? As it ought to be. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:35:13 AM | Everyone gets a few perv messages etc. If a man who you just start talking to even says the word "sexy" even in a nice way, you know where he is going, and just stop talking to him period, no , no thanks, no , nothing. That just feeds the fire.
These pervs just get off at home talking dirty to women to get a reaction -It`s kind of like their porn. So as soon as sex comes up, cut off or block right away. They just surf until they find another woman to get creepy with. If a man has any respect, he isn`t going to start talking sex right away. Don`t give them the chance to insult you. It`s not like they are real valid people, who would matter anyways. They are just creeps and pervs---human refuse. Who has time for it. They are using your communication and image to get themselves off----ewwwwwwww! Don`t let them. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:52:13 AM | | I can only speak for myself. These are all scattered and seperate ideas. I know what is in me is worthy. I put my heart out. I want, I need to be open and free. My soul is hungry to share. I am open into God. And when rejected into my core, into God I cannot have your response as sacred, I cannot honor your response as justified against me. I know my heart is true, you must be false, and so must not be accepted. When I find someone at my level, we will both know, and there will be no conflict. I know this is my maleness being forcefull and driven, and you are needing a security for part of your life that is not in me to supply. When you are open and truly have freedom in your heart, please think of me. | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:08:58 PM | | I started a thread "The Rejected Email and Why Some Men Get Nasty" that had some very good insight into why a man sometimes will retort back harshly after getting a email rejection. For some reason I can't find the thread in a search so I can't post the link... but it was quite informative... coming from a guy's point of view. Some actually posted that have indeed given a rude comeback and why they felt compelled to do it. I still don't condone those that are rude... but it did make me a little more aware and empathetic towards their reasons. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:14:06 PM |
Really? You can understand dudes getting pissed?
You might be someone that can really shed some light on this question.
No healthy, competitive guy likes rejection. It's normal to be angry/disappointed when you get rejected. A mature guy will deal with that feeling without lashing out. The mature guy moves on, and doesn't respond back in an ugly way. The immature guy sends that last, ugly email to lash out. I'm not excusing the response, but any competitive, alpha male understands the feeling behind the response.
With all due respect, any guy who can be rejected without any anger whatsoever is a nutless eunuch. That guy isn't a very competitive, alpha-type guy. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:17:39 PM | | The problem is, spitfire...that guys who "lash out" after a polite "no thanks" just confirm for us that we were right in saying no. Especially when so many guys moan about getting no response. We're damned if we do, damned if we don't. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:35:58 PM | Omg! You are SOOOOOO correct on this!!! But... I will add something; this doesn't just happen to BBW's. It happens to all of us. EXACTLY how you've stated. What gets me, is that they call me a fat cow, or they call me Gay, because I'm not interested in Them....
It isn't that I don't like sex, I just feel that it isn't appropriate to talk about to strangers, or in public. I always thought the subject was more of an Intimate nature.
Then there are a few that just won't leave you alone. I have one from here that I've said "Thank you, but I'm not interested" about 8 times now, and then he decides to come to MY town to see if I might change my mind. He interrupts a conversation I was having with a male friend who's married, watches me all night, follows me around, and just won't leave me alone...
As far as finding the answer to this question, OP, I think its a million-dollar question. So, if you ever get an answer, you'll be rich before you know it! lol
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:29:22 PM | | Actually if I get a thanks but no thanks mail back I don't get upset, maybe a little disappointed. But at most I then take the time to write a last mail to the individual thanking THEM for for taking the time to at least write and say No thanks. After that I won't bother that person ever again. There are way too many people around to spend time annoying people that have told you no. Heck I don't even ever write a second time if I get no response. I simply take that as a no. But I do appreciate the time being taken to tell me so. And I never, ever, have even thought about sending a nasty mail for any reason at all. Its not me. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:57:28 PM | You are not alone Shiloh! I am having the same trouble with a lot of the guys I've had contact with! They talk nice & sweetly one minute, then start on about sex 2 minutes later, when I say that I would rather get to know them first as a person & leave the sex stuff until much later, the minute after that they start the nasty tirade of insults! I've even been called a whore & even been sms in a threatening abusive way, nearly to the point of calling the police! And he was a teacher! OMG....makes me think twice now! All because I said no to coffee! Well, I feel these immature men need to grow up & either stay off the sites & go to a brothel or do the right thing & seek professional mental health! Because they definitely don't realise that women are people, not just objects or toys. Shiloh, you & I need REAL men, and don't give up as I've spoken to some really lovely guys that are genuine and know how to treat a lady. In the end, these are the guys that will meet us decent ladies! They will end up happy & so will we!  | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:03:24 PM |
With all due respect, any guy who can be rejected without any anger whatsoever is a nutless eunuch. That guy isn't a very competitive, alpha-type guy. -spitfire6844
If I understand you correctly you are suggesting that it is NORMAL for a real man to get angry at being turned down? A mature real man holds his anger and doesn't lash out, he takes it like a man, but an immature real man can't help himself and gives in to his normal anger. We won't condone it, but we'll accept it as normal behavior.
Interesting. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:04:24 PM | | Lifes too short and ther are too many fish to get bent out of shape by a woman saying no thanks. Just because I maight dig someone doesnt mean they will dig me. If they cant get past who I am in my profile, I wouldnt want them anyway. I may be easy going but not that easy going. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:12:31 PM |
We won't condone it, but we'll accept it as normal behavior.
I said that the feeling of anger is normal. An angry reaction (such as sending a rude email) is unacceptable. There's a huge difference between the two. Any guy who has no anger at all when he doesn't get the job; or loses a contest; or doesn't get the girl--is a phlegmatic, beta male. It's OK to be like that, I guess; but I don't think it's really a virtue to be nonchalant or unaffected by a setback in life.
The best way to be is to acknowledge your anger/disappointment; process it; quickly recover; and move on to another interest. Being a classy person who doesn't lash out is important; but feeling no anger at all shows a lack of drive. | |
|
| |
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:36:40 PM | Well I dont get angry, dissapointed sure, but not angry.
I'm sure as hell not a beta, phlegmatic male either. It's not like we are talking about people we have met and developed an emotional connection with and THEN missed out. We are talking about complete strangers on the internet that are at the point of sending an email no more than a blog and a pic.
Personally I think its weird to get angry over that. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:37:48 PM | Perhaps I am a phlegmatic nutless eunuch, can't really be sure. But if alpha males can't handle rejections from strangers and get angry over small disappointments, then I guess I'm lucky.
I'm not going to say he's wrong. I know that it is not uncommon for women to get the nasty lash-back messages. Spitfire may be the only alpha male out there to help us understand the mindset of the guys that lash back.
I know I have no idea why they do that.
I, frankly, have a hard time thinking of this as competition. I don't think of it as competing for a lady. I'm simply letting her know I'm interested in case she might be interested in me. It's between her and me, not me and thousands of other guys. The idea of competition brings up the idea of a woman as an object, or trophy, to snatch from the other guys. Is that really how alpha males see this? | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 12:27:16 AM | The only way you won't care at all about a "No" is if you're lowballing your criteria to include women you're not all that attracted to in the first place, or if you have zero testosterone like I mentioned earlier.
It's natural (if you're sending well-thought out intros to girls rather than two-line paste-its) to have a brief feeling of anger if you get a "No". Obviously, you shouldn't send an ugly reply to her. You shouldn't call her names, etc. You get over your disappointment in a few seconds, and move on to the next prospect.  | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:04:07 AM | It isnt natural. Its stupid.
I have plenty of testosterone, it just doesnt affect the functioning of my brain as it clearly does yours.
There are, as they say, plenty of fish. Anger is an emotion. Getting emotional over someone you have never met or had any contact with is just plain ridiculous. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:24:24 AM | It's ridiculous if you're a bottom-feeder who doesn't expect much out of life--that's for sure. If anyone is going to say they don't have even a moment of anger/frustration when they haven't made a successful contact they wanted--they're either lying or they lack drive. Period.
I, personally, rarely have reason to get angry, because I've had many successful contacts on this site. However, the reality is that NORMAL people (when you don't get what you're looking for) have a moment of anger, and then you get over it and move on. Unfortunately, many guys fail to move on without being rude--hence the motivation for this thread. Normal people in life do have a moment of anger when their efforts don't meet with success. Being PC and lying about that is pathetic. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:43:11 AM | Pride and Ego,my Las,Pride and Ego it's what makes the world rotate. 
Ha just kidding,nobody set's their sights on being rejected.
Some can walk away scratching their heads and move on,
others have to ask 1,000 questions of what they did wrong.
Maybe it was'nt them at all!Who knows? | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:26:56 AM | I'm not being PC or lying. I do not get angry about it.
I certainly do get disappointed when I am turned down by someone that I liked enough to write to, but as has been said, I don't really know her and she didn't owe me anything, so I have no right to expect anything. I write to her with that in mind.
TO me, as a phlematic nutless eunich bottom feeder, it seems inapporpriate to get angry, even for a moment. I find that, for myself, I expect myself to stop with the root emotion - disappointment, pain, sorrow, saddness, etc. and not move on to the next level that many seem to feel the need to - anger.
It is enlightening to hear a real man explain that it is natural and actually expected that you get angry if you get hurt. It would seem that you would feel like less of a man if you didn't get angry.
Gratefully you are not only a real man, but a mature one. It is good that you have control of your anger and don't lash out at the women that turn you down. You are an example to all those immature real men that haven't learned it yet. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:42:34 AM | ^^Thanks for the compliment, but I detect a tinge of sarcasm in there.
The OP wanted to know why guys get "bent out of shape". I don't think it's a "bent out of shape" feeling--it's just a momentary annoyance. The answer is because it's human. Period. I'm sure most girls have a twinge of anger too if they make a first contact and the guy says "No thanks". The solution is always to be mature and move on. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:30:03 PM | No spitfire is isnt normal.
You are not normal.
Normal people dont even use words and phrases like 'bottom feeder' and 'alpha male'. Those are terms reserved for those with issues, such as really small genetalia.
People who get angry over an email rejection from a complete stranger are overly emotional freaks.
I never said anything about frustration my friend. There is a difference between frustration and anger. One contains emotion, the other does not. | |
|
Home
login 
