| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:40:02 PM | Anger is part of life. It does happen. It's frequent. And it's normal. The difference between mature guys and immature guys (and idiotic tools who deny it altogether) is that mature people stay focused on why they are here. You move on and look for other prospects.
You do it your way, denying whatever you want to deny. There's no point in discussing it further. By the way, you're not supposed to direct your insults directly to other members, so try following the forum rules, Jester. See if you can stay "not angry" enough to do that. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:58:56 PM | Anger is most certainty part of life, I agree. To be angry at certain things is also perfectly normal.
Being angry at not receiving an email from a complete stranger however, is most certainly not normal. Frustration, sure. Disapoinment hell yea. Angry? Nope. Not unless you have an issue.
I am not denying anything. You are simply missing the point. As for insults, I was undert the impression I was following your example of making snide immature inferences. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:51:03 PM | autumngent said"They probably get all bent outa shape for the same reasons women do. Nobody likes rejection."
I didnt even reject one guy. I just spoke my opinion in a forum about not liking the look of the gray haired beareded long haired, pot bellied biker dude type, aka the hells angels look, man,,,,,,,,, some guy just went off. couldnt stand the fact that i didnt think he was cute. he got all nasty, calling me names. It only reinforced my opinion to stay away from those guys. I gues he took it as a rejection by association. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/21/2008 10:36:20 PM | I'm with Mrfreemo and Jester on this one. Sorry spitfire, but I think your arguments are flawed (for reasons already discussed by others). Yes, anger is a normal and healthy part of life, and we all experience it from time to time. But to feel that it is normal and justifiable to be angry about a stranger not feeling an attraction to you? - does not speak of a stable mind.
Going off on a tangent a little : I'm curious, what other things anger you in general day to day life? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:02:10 AM | ^^Reeceonline & Jester:
This is where we need to emphasize keeping your eye on the ball. Nowhere was I talking about myself when I discussed the anger of guys when they get rejected online. Go back and read what I wrote earlier. Why did you two think I was referring to my particular experience? Also, Jester made the mistake of coming after me directly--what a waste of print. Again, no one attacked you directly, unless you're a phlegmatic, bottom-feeding beta male. Those epithets weren't directed at any specific poster.
Here's the deal: the OP wants to know why many guys get "bent out of shape" when they get a "No". That presupposes that many guys DO get bent out of shape--call it "angry", "frustrated", "annoyed", "pissed off"....whatever. Lots of guys get amped up enough to send rude replies to a rejection. You two can say that guys SHOULDN'T get angry, or that they're wrong or unstable for getting worked up.....but that wasn't the OP's question. Many guys do get angry. It's a fact. The immature ones among them send ugly replies to women. It's a fact. My posts gave some reasons why: 1) Many guys are alpha-males with high testosterone levels who can't handle emotion. 2)It's generally human to have brief moments of anger (in no way justifying rudeness) 3) Some guys are immature and can't process their anger 4) Dating is a competitive activity, and it does bring out the worst in immature people.
That's the answer to the OP's question, not some B.S. about how wrong all these guys are for getting angry. Saying it's wrong is obvious and is just a PC sound bite. Do you see what I'm saying? That might be the subject of another thread. Are there any other reasons you can think of why the rude replies are happening? If not, then we're done here. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:43:28 AM | "With all due respect, any guy who can be rejected without any anger whatsoever is a nutless eunuch. That guy isn't a very competitive, alpha-type guy".
You insulted any guy who doesn't get angry upon a rejection email. So either you do get angry, in which case you are a sad freak with a touch more self control then all the other sad freaks who actually do send the emails, and you were talking about yourself, or according to your own statement, you're a nutless eunuch.
So which is it? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:58:29 AM | As expected, Jester, you took that quote out of context. I would also say you seem like a liar about getting angry. Your posts have broken the forum rules on a number of occasions, and you still haven't answered the original thread question posted at all. It shows anger or frustration of some kind. It also shows a lack of intelligence and a lack of focus.
If you can do better than you have so far, then the above doesn't apply to you, Jester.
Yes, I would definitely say that if a normal guy has his heart set on something, and he doesn't get the result he wanted--he will have a momentary flash of anger. If you're a freak, then you act like life is one long monotony of calmness. Anger doesn't justify rudeness or lack of class, but normal people feel it. I haven't felt anger, because I've been successful on the site. Anyone who doesn't understand the difference between a feeling and an action probably shouldn't be posting here. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:01:18 AM | Anger is a somewhat juvenile emotion don't you think?
Getting angry because someone doesn't find one attractive is kind of sad - it's ok to be disappointed perhaps, even peeved, but angry? And why on earth would any woman want to be with someone with "anger issues".
With specific regard to the people who don't reply to a contact, even with a polite "no thanks", do any of these possibilities have any validity?
1: They are rude, arrogant, selfish people with no consideration of other people's feelings. In which case, at least you know it now. So aren't you lucky not to be getting involved with someone like that. Move on.
2: They just don't know how to gently say "no" - in which case that doesn't make them nasty, bad people, just someone who finds it hard to say "no" in a nice way. Move on.
Mike. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:03:35 AM | As has already been said to you, anger is normal. It is the context of that anger that you incorrectly consider normal, and then go beyond that by insulting everyone who doesn’t experience anger in situations as ridiculous as you do.
By all means feel free to explain how your comments were taken out of context. They seem perfectly clear to me. Perhaps you need to work on your erudition.
It is perfectly clear where the lack of intelligence and honesty is being displayed, and it is not my end my friend. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:18:37 AM | ^^You need to read posts in their entirety and not cherry-pick the statements that bolster your weak argument. You're still off-topic on the thread question. Dudes get mad sometimes when facing a rejection. Many guys react negatively to an email rejection. Right or wrong: that's what often happens in real life (not Jester's fantasyland). As to WHY it happens, I discussed it above.
People should treat each other with respect and not be rude, but anger will inevitably be present sometimes in the dating world. A good bit of advice to women who want to cut down on the chance of seeing an ugly rejection-response is to not open any more emails from a guy you've said "No thanks" to. If getting a negative response concerns you, don't open the last reply. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:00:46 AM | You know it takes a special kind of person to continually miss a point as often as you do.
I read your post in its entirety, as tedious as that task was. This would be the point where you explain how your words were taken out of context. They appear clear to me and seemingly to others as well.
You want me to get on topic? Hey no problem.
Yes people do indeed get angry, this is perfectly normal. Some do indeed get angry over rejection emails. This is not normal at all. Those individuals are sad and immature. Thankfully most of us aren't that pathetic and possess perspective and maturity which precludes us from doing do. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:26:26 AM | I think I hear Sptifire backpedalling a bit here.
I am with Jester in thinking it was pretty clear that sptifire was insulting and name-calling directly to anyone that wasn't the type of 'alpha male' that spitfire considers himself to be.
I am with Jester in thinking that it was pretty clear that spitfire did admit to getting angry when he received turn downs, (and of course he was quick to point out that he doesn't get them very often becasue he is VERY SUCCESSFUL with the ladies) and suggested that if you didn't get angry at being turned down then there is something wrong with you (and me).
Own it Spitfire.
I would like to point out that spitfire is the ONLY direct response to OP that has any validity. He is the only one that actually has gotten angry about being turned down. Although he is mature enough not to write a lash-back email, he actually understands it and has generously explained that anger.
If I can sum up what I think he said;
Real alpha males normally and naturally and correctly get angry when disappointed. IF he doesn't get angry then he is less of a man (nutless eunich bottom feeding beta), and it shows that he didn't really care in the first place. If he cares enough to write to a lady then he cares enough to get angry when he doesn't get a positive response.
Dating is a competition. Real alpha males take competition seriously, or why play at all? He hasn't made it clear to me if he's competing against other guys, or against the ladies, but I'm going to assume he is compteting with the other guys. When a lady turns him down, he is angry because another guy might win where he lost.
I'll let you guys work out the rightness or wrongness of getting angry. We all agree, including spitfire, that writing a lash-back email is wrong.
I don't consider myself an alpha male, so it is enlightening to hear what alpha males are like. I wondered myself about why men would act this way.
It would seem that Jester does consider himself an alpha male and disagrees that all alpha males get angry at small disappointments. I would like to think he is right.
OP- When you get a nasty lash back email it is from an immature alpha male that simply acted inappropriately to a 'natural' anger. If you want an immature alpha male, then you can try to smooth his feathers and try to work things out. If not, then don't take it seriously, it's not your fault, be grateful he cleared up any second thoughts you might have had and move on. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:10:23 AM | I willl stand with DRMMERGY on his reply to this posting... Some of you females out there become so FREAKING POSTAL when a male rejects your offer...whether this being your offer to give or ask for phone numbers,dates or just straight out sexual desire. Us males have this option just like you females out there to actually say NO,NOT INTERESTED...but yet I have experienced personally as well as by sight females just going off on a guy since he said NO or rejected her. Some of these females out here REALLY need to work on their issues as well as a few females out there seem to be forgetting to be taking their prozac before leaving their house.
Remember ...YOU females out there have YOUR preference as well as attraction to certain males just as us males have our preference and attraction to you females...YES, attraction DOES and WILL always play a major part of life as this has always taken place throughout history!
SO for all the men out here that have had their own share/experience with those WAKCED out females.... here's your beer.... Some days are just better than others....just like females....LOL.... | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:15:24 AM | I think in the romantic sphere, people's emotional involvements can be very intense and rejection in this sphere also brings out the strongest emotional responses. I don't know the empirical psychological evidence but from my reading of philosophers like Spinoza and Freud, it is clear that the greatest emotional hatred (and other emotions like envy and jealousy) and also suffering occur when an object of our desire (person or something else) is made unavailable in some way. If the case is such that a person who one loves and is strongly drawn to rejects that love with the same degree to that love is given, the hurt to the person rejected is proportionate to the extent in which they desire or love, and the response is swift anger, hate, envy and jealousy, and hence the unpleasant emotional reactions/comments.
I think these situations can be avoided or mitigated if you are compassionate and assertive without being nasty or excessively hostile and aggressive when you inform someone you don't want their friendship or can't reciprocate their feelings. I think everyone has experienced rejection from someone they wanted at some point and it is very hard to let go, but also that experience makes it easier to emphathise when it comes to us to reject someone. I also think everyone has felt feelings of anger and rage in the face of rejection, and this is perfectly normal as well. The key is to give a decent response to someone who we reject or are rejected by, controlled by rationality rather than succumbing to blind emotion with no rational control. I think if you have to let someone go or reject them for some reason, one has to let them down very gently and carefully. However I think the best response to someone who is being overly nasty or rude is simply to respond with silence and block them. There is no need to waste time on someone who behaves like a child with a tantrum. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:56:52 AM | I for one think it's weird for someone to get that upset about someone they don't know not being "madly in love" with them or want to know them right away. I think sometimes the online world makes people live in a bit of a fantasy world about things. I wrote a guy the other day and he wasn't interested in knowing me. Didn't burst my bubble.lol
M | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:30:02 PM |
On the contrary, we would respect the woman who was honest and classy enough to at least briefly reply to our letter and let us know in a polite way that we are not what they are looking for -- no reasons needed, no long explanations, just a "thanks for your interest but I don't feel we would be a match. Best of luck to you in your search".
This is how I respond to men that I am not interested in.....for whatever reason. Unfortunately, I frequently get a reply back that is ticked off, or downright insulting. Most of them who respond try to talk me out of being disinterested in them. I don't like the non-response option....I feel that is rude, but men and women both need to learn to take a "thanks, but no thanks" response with grace and class.....and then just move on. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:38:48 PM | To the OP, it sucks if men can't take rejection, especially when you're kind enough to at least reply and let them know.
I respect women much more when they actually respond, even if it's to tell me that they're just not interested. I'd never bash them for it, and I'd have no hard feelings.
edit: "I don't like the non-response option....I feel that is rude,"
Oh God, I love you. Too bad more women don't have your manners. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 11:27:17 AM |
Unfortunately, I frequently get a reply back that is ticked off, or downright insulting.
I think if we were to hear from more of the women on the forum, we would find that rude responses to a "No thanks" are very common. The rude responses are because of anger. That refutes the claim of certain posters on here that such anger is not normal (meaning "regular" or "frequent"). The anger is normal. The rude responses are unacceptable. It's also probable that the number of guys who get briefly angry and do not send a rude reply is much higher than the number of guys who actually lash out. A brief moment of anger is common and normal.
Again, anyone trying to single someone out for telling the truth is missing the point. I've said again and again that my experience on POF has been very positive. I haven't had a reason to have any anger because of the site.
What we don't need on here is a bunch of guys popping up and saying "Not me! That's only the weird guys who do that!" every time a woman brings up a valid concern. (And some of the guys are flat-out lying). It's an attempt to minimize what's apparently really happening on the site. So, you dudes who never feel any anger over dating challenges and don't have any answers for the OP---why don't you take a break and let the women themselves confirm or deny how common these responses are? | |
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